Donald Trump
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Quotes for
Donald Trump (Character)
from "Saturday Night Live" (1975)

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Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal: The Movie (2016) (TV)
[yelling at Merv Griffin over the phone]

Donald J. Trump: That, my friend, is what we call The Art of the Deal.

Donald J. Trump: Hi folks, it's me, Donald Trump. You're welcome. Look: If you are not a moronic loser you probably picked on the movie's hidden message which is that life is a series of deals: Big deals, little deals, really, really big deals and the keys of any deals is what? To win. It doesn't even matter what you win as long is you're winning. You just have to fuck the other party in the face as hard as you can. Because the only thing that matters is you. And by you I mean me. So fuck you, fuck foreigners, fuck dogs, fuck cats, fuck those transforming robots or whatever they turn into cars, by the way, I came up with the idea first, OK? I called them "Changey-Bots". And let me prehandenbly give another finger to the critics who are gonna hate this movie because they didn't have the balls to make it and because they are not me and because I am the best. And I really, really don't wanna die. But you know what? That's the thing: Cause I wont. Ever.
[to the side]
Donald J. Trump: Cut.

Alf Voice: I love you, Donald Trump.
Donald J. Trump: You know what? You too, Alf. You are the only illegal alien I truly love.

Donald J. Trump: Mr. Gorbatchev, tear down this wall. I can build you a much nicer one.

Donald J. Trump: [to the boy, about his own book] Did you know that this is the second best selling book of all time? After the Bible which took 12 guys to write and you know what? It is boring, very boring.

Donald J. Trump: I want the Taj Mahal. And this is not just a deal for a casino, Merv. This is a deal for my soul.
Merv Griffin: Sounds like this is your "Rosebud".
Donald J. Trump: What?
Merv Griffin: Rosebud. From "Citizen Kane". It's a classic movie about a megalomaniac who runs for office and ends up destroying everyone around him just to regain a piece of his soul that was taken away from him in childhood.
Donald J. Trump: Why are you saying this? This is like a snooze I'm gonna fall asleep!

Donald J. Trump: Busy people are always on the phone, even if there is no one on the other end.

Donald J. Trump: I'm a winner.

"Saturday Night Live: Tina Fey & Amy Poehler/Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band (#41.9)" (2015)
Wolf Blitzer: Okay, well, it looks like Jeb's got his courage back up. He's ready to take another run at Trump. Mr. Bush, go ahead and say out loud what you've been quietly muttering to yourself.
Gov. Jeb Bush: Trump? I mean, this guy is the chaos candidate. Am I right? Chaos. Is he for real? No, man.
Donald Trump: Jeb, you're a very nice man, but you're basically a little girl. Folks, this is true, I got hold of Jeb's birth certificate at full disclosure. His real name is Jeborah.
Gov. Jeb Bush: That is not true!
Donald Trump: [in a mocking sing-song voice] Jeborah! Jeborah!

Wolf Blitzer: All right, before we go to commercial, we'll give Jeb one last chance to make an impression.
Gov. Jeb Bush: [waving his hands desperately to the other candidates at their podiums] All right, guys, listen. If we work together, we can stop Donald Trump. If you combine my numbers with yours, yours, and yours, we'd almost win!
Donald Trump: Hey, Jeborah, shut your pie-hole.
Gov. Jeb Bush: Okay, you know what, you're a jerk. You're never gonna be President, Donald.
Donald Trump: Yeah, no kidding. None of us are, genius. And I'll tell you something else: Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!

Donald Trump: Debates are stupid, you should be paying me, and Wolf Blitzer looks like Papa Smurf.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
Kevin McCallister: Excuse me, where's the lobby?
Donald Trump: Down the hall and to the left.
Kevin McCallister: Thanks.

Kevin McCallister: Excuse me, sir?
Donald Trump: Yes?
Kevin McCallister: Where is the lobby?
Donald Trump: Down the hall, to the left.
Kevin McCallister: Thanks.

Celebrity (1998)
Donald Trump: Well, I'm working on buying St. Patrick's Cathedral, maybe doing a little rip-down job and putting up a very very tall and beautiful building.

"Saturday Night Live: Margot Robbie/The Weeknd (#42.1)" (2016)
Hillary Clinton: Alicia Machado was Miss Universe in 1996...
Donald Trump: Where'dya find that?
Hillary Clinton: And Donald Trump called her Miss Piggy...
Donald Trump: How'dya know that?
Hillary Clinton: ...and Miss Housekeeping.
Donald Trump: That's pretty funny.

Ghosts Can't Do It (1989)
Donald Trump: Be assured, Mrs. Scott, that in this room there are knives sharp enough to cut you to the bone and hearts cold enough to eat yours as hors-d'oeuvres.
Katie O'Dare Scott: You're too pretty to be bad!
Donald Trump: You noticed.