Steve Wozniak
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Quotes for
Steve Wozniak (Character)
from Steve Jobs (2015)

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Pirates of Silicon Valley (1999) (TV)
Steve Jobs: Those guys think they're revolutionaries. They're not revolutionaries, we are.
Steve Wozniak: We are?

Mike Markkula: Steve Wozniak's employee number one, you're number two.
Steve Jobs: Wait a minute. I'm employee number one. Woz?
Steve Wozniak: Doesn't matter to me.
Steve Jobs: I'm employee number one around here.
Mike Markkula: I'm not saying anything. I wasn't implying anything.
Steve Jobs: All right, then I'll be zero. Woz, you can be number one. I'll be zero. Okay?

Steve Jobs: You are putting poison into your body.
Steve Wozniak: That's french fries, man. You know, all-American food?
Steve Jobs: That's what I'm talking about.
Steve Wozniak: Come on, I can't eat like you do. Eatin' fruit all the time? That's weird.
Steve Jobs: It's not weird. It's pure.

Steve Wozniak: Where's your beard?
Steve Jobs: In the bathroom sink. I shaved it off.
Steve Wozniak: Well, how come?
Steve Jobs: 'Cause banks don't like beards.

Steve Jobs: What, like I have to have a moustache?
Steve Wozniak: A suit! You actually bought a suit!

Steve Jobs: Are you sure this thing is even gonna work?
Steve Wozniak: If it doesn't catch fire.
Steve Jobs: Don't even joke.

Steve Wozniak: Microsoft? Nobody I knew ever heard of Microsoft. Or Bill Gates. I mean, they were nobodies. But then we were all nobodies, which was perfect for us. Because all the respectable, straight-arrow guys were busy doing what they always do, which is be respectable. Which meant the rest of us could run around acting like crazies, which is what we did best. I miss those days.

Steve Wozniak: I've always wondered what it was like for Steve. Ever since we were kids, everything he ever did was somewhere between a religious experience and some sort of crusade, like with this
[Macintosh]
Steve Wozniak: commercial...

Steve Wozniak: Steve... you demolished that guy.

Steve Wozniak: Sometimes not knowing how crazy something is, is a good thing.

Steve Wozniak: [to Jobs] All I'm doing now is being a brake pedal for you as you're heading for the wall.

Steve Wozniak: [about their first prototype] They hated it.
Steve Jobs: Woo hoo!
[hugging him, dancing about]


Steve Jobs (2015)
Steve Wozniak: It's not binary. You can be decent and gifted at the same time.

[from trailer]
Steve Wozniak: What do you do? You're not an engineer. You're not a designer. You can't put a hammer to a nail. I built the circuit board! The graphical interface was stolen! So how come ten times in a day I read Steve Jobs is a genius? What do you do?
Steve Jobs: Musicians play their instruments. I play the orchestra.

Steve Wozniak: I was angry. You were saying things about the Apple II, and the way you were treating the team...
Steve Jobs: Woz, you get a free pass for life. I gotta get back on stage; we got like, two minutes of rehearsal time left.
Steve Wozniak: Do you understand how condescending that just was? Maybe you don't...
Steve Jobs: I don't wanna see you get dragged off...
Steve Wozniak: I get a free pass for life from you? You give out the passes? You give them to me?
Steve Jobs: You're gonna have a stroke, little buddy.
Steve Wozniak: What did you do? What did you do? Why has Lisa not heard of me?
Steve Jobs: How many fourth graders have heard of you?
Steve Wozniak: You can't write code... you're not an engineer... you're not a designer... you can't put a hammer to a nail. I built the circuit board. The graphical interface was stolen from Xerox Parc. Jef Raskin was the leader of the Mac team before you threw him off his own project! Someone else designed the box! So how come ten times in a day, I read Steve Jobs is a genius? What do you do?
Steve Jobs: I play the orchestra, and you're a good musician. You sit right there and you're the best in your row.
Steve Wozniak: I came here to clear the air. Do you know why I came here?
Steve Jobs: Didn't you just answer that?
Steve Wozniak: I came here 'cause you're gonna get killed. Your computer's gonna fail. You got a college and university advisory board telling you they need a powerful work station for two to three thousand. You priced NeXT at sixty-five hundred, and that doesn't include the optional three thousand dollar hardrive which people will discover isn't optional, because the optical disk is too weak to do anything, and the twenty-five hundred dollar laser printer brings the total to twelve thousand dollars, and in the entire world you are the only person that cares that it's housed in a perfect cube. You're gonna get killed. And I came here to stand next to you while that happens 'cause that's what friends do... that's what men do. I don't need your pass. We go back, so don't talk to me like I'm other people. I'm the only one that knows that this guy here is someone you invented. I'm standing by you because that perfect cube - that does nothing - is about to be the single biggest failure in the history of personal computing.
Steve Jobs: Tell me something else I don't know.

Steve Wozniak: We will know soon enough if you are Leonardo da Vinci or just think you are.

Steve Wozniak: They want ports!
Steve Jobs: They don't get a vote. When Dylan wrote "Shelter from the Storm" he didn't ask people to contribute to the lyrics. Plays don't stop so the playwright can ask the audience what scene they'd like to see next.

Steve Jobs: There are people 'round here, man, including a member of the press.
Steve Wozniak: I see him.
Steve Jobs: Woz...
Steve Wozniak: The top guys, the ones who are getting laid off.
Steve Jobs: Listen, okay? Last year Apple lost one billion dollars. I don't even know how that's possible. You were less than 90 days from being insolvent. I had three different accountants try to explain it to me. The whole place has to be streamlined.
Steve Wozniak: Start with two of the accountants.
Steve Jobs: I started with the Apple...
Andrea Cunningham: [to the member of the press] Joel, could you come off stage? We're gonna go backstage for a moment...
Steve Jobs: Leave him right there.
Steve Jobs: [to Woz] I started with the Apple II team because we don't, you know, make that anymore.
Steve Wozniak: Just acknowledge the top guys.
Steve Jobs: Have a Mimosa and relax.
Steve Wozniak: You will not blow me off right now, Steve! The tops guys are...
Steve Jobs: There are no top guys, alright? In the Apple II team, there are no top guys. They're B players, and B players discourage the A players, and I want A players at Apple.
Steve Wozniak: They are not B players, and I'm a better judge at that!
Steve Jobs: Less than 90 days from insolvency, and part because somebody thought the Newton wasn't a box of garbage.
Andrea Cunningham: Joel, could you come off...
Steve Jobs: Leave him!
Steve Wozniak: I'm talking about...
Steve Jobs: You guys designed and shipped a little box of garbage while I was gone.
Steve Wozniak: I'm talking about the Apple II! Which is not just a crucial part of this company's history; it is a crucial part of the history of personal computing!
Steve Jobs: For a time!
Steve Wozniak: The least you could do if you're going to downsize these people...
Steve Jobs: They're gonna live in the biggest houses of anyone on the unemployment list.
Steve Wozniak: ...is to acknowledge them! Acknowledge them and the Apple II during this launch!

Steve Wozniak: This whole place was built by the Apple II... you were built by the Apple II!
Steve Jobs: As a matter of fact I was destroyed by the Apple II and its open systems so that hackers and hobbyists could build ham radios or something! And then it nearly destroyed Apple when you spent all your money on it and developed a grand total of no new products.
Steve Wozniak: The Newton...
Steve Jobs: The little box of garbage. You guys came up with the Newton, it's like you want people to know that. This is a product launch not a luncheon, and the last thing I want to do is connect the iMac to the...
Steve Wozniak: ...to the only successful product that this company has ever made. I'm sorry to be blunt, but that happens to be the truth. The Lisa was a failure, the Macintosh was a failure. I don't like talking like this, but I am tired of being Ringo when I know I was John.
Steve Jobs: Everybody loves Ringo.
Steve Wozniak: And I am tired of being patronized by you!
Steve Jobs: You think John became John by winning a raffle, Woz? You think he tricked somebody or hit George Harrison over the head? He was John because he was John.
Steve Wozniak: He was John 'cause he wrote 'Ticket to Ride', and I wrote the Apple II.
Andrea Cunningham: [to the people in the auditorium watching this] Everybody, I want to...
Steve Jobs: Nobody moves!
Steve Jobs: [to Woz] You made a beautiful board, which by the way you were willing to give out for free, so don't tell me how you built Apple. If it weren't for me, you'd be the easiest 'A' at Homestead High School.
Steve Wozniak: [gesturing around the auditorium] These people live or die by your praise, so here's your chance: acknowledge that something good happened that you weren't in the room for!
Steve Jobs: [after a long pause] No.
Steve Wozniak: Steve... do it! It's right, it's... it's right.
Steve Jobs: Sorry, but no.
Steve Wozniak: Then let me put it another way. I don't think there's a man who's done more to advance the democratization that comes with personal computing than I have, but you've never had any respect for me... now why is that?
Steve Jobs: I'd at least consider the possibility that it's because you've never had any for me.
Joanna Hoffman: [suddenly walking into the auditorium] What the hell is going on here?
Steve Wozniak: [as he walks away] Nothing. Thank you for your time.

Steve Jobs: [to Steve Wozniak] You came a half inch from putting this company out of business. Now who do I see about that? I'm letting you keep your job. You get a pass.
Steve Wozniak: You know, when people used to ask me what the difference was between me and Steve Jobs, I would say Steve is the big picture guy and I like the solid workbench. When people ask the difference now, I say Steve is an asshole. Your products are better than you are, brother.
Steve Jobs: That's the idea, "brother", and knowing that... that's the difference!


Jobs (2013)
Steve Wozniak: Nobody wants to buy a computer. Nobody!
Steve Jobs: How can somebody know what they want if they've never even seen it?
Steve Wozniak: Huh?
Steve Jobs: We're going to Homebrew...

Steve Wozniak: How about "Enterprise Computers"?
Steve Jobs: No! No Star Trek names, or I swear, I will drive this car right off a cliff.

Steve Wozniak: We can't afford to pay three people right now.
Steve Jobs: We can't afford to pay *ourselves* unless we deliver. And don't worry about Chris, he's just a kid. So he just wants to help.
Steve Wozniak: You're just a kid.

Steve Wozniak: I just wanted to be one of the guys. And of all the guys I knew, you were the coolest. You were smart, quick-witted. This was my chance to do what I loved. And to do it for fun. That's all I ever wanted. I thought that's what you wanted to. Something's happening to you, Steve.
[begins walking away]
Steve Jobs: I'm growing up, Woz.
Steve Wozniak: No. No you're not.

Paul Terrell: All right, Steve. I'll try to sell. But if I don't, I'm not making another order.
Steve Jobs: Okay, that's fine... But I think you might be really interested in our second model.
Paul Terrell: What's the second model?
Steve Wozniak: What are you talking about?
Steve Jobs: [in an undertone] All-in-one.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification (#4.2)" (2010)
Sheldon Cooper: You're my 15th favorite technological visionary.
Steve Wozniak: Only 15th?
Sheldon Cooper: It's still 6 spots above Steve Jobs. I care neither for turtlenecks nor showmanship.
Steve Wozniak: Yeah, I never got that turtleneck thing.
Sheldon Cooper: One of my proudest possessions is a vintage 1977 Apple II. Despite the file system limitations of Apple DOS 3.3, it was a pretty nifty little achievement.
Steve Wozniak: Thanks. We were shooting for nifty. You know if you had it here, I'd autograph it for you.
Sheldon Cooper: Don't move for 15 to 30 minutes depending on how the buses are running.
Steve Wozniak: Nerds.