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Quotes for
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald (Character)
from "Cracker" (1993)

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"Cracker: To Be a Somebody: Part 1 (#2.1)" (1994)
Fitz: Albie's law: the penalty for assumin' things is DEATH!

[Fitz is in hospital after drinking too much]
Doctor: How much do you drink?
Fitz: 5, maybe 6, a week
Doctor: Pints?
Fitz: Bottles.
Doctor: Of beer?
Fitz: Of whisky.
Doctor: And do you smoke?
Fitz: 50, 60.
Doctor: Please say in a week.
Judith Fitzgerald: A day.

Judith Fitzgerald: You're in a casino
Fitz: Pure accident, I thought it was a theme park

Fitz: Are you racist, Panhandle?
Penhaligon: No.
Fitz: You're lying.
Penhaligon: I'm not. I despise all things Scottish, of course, but there's a reason for that.
Fitz: Your language is white, your culture is white, job's white, and it's got no effect on you whatsoever. You're totally impervious to all that, is that what you're saying, Panhandle?
Penhaligon: Yes.
Fitz: You're lying.

Fitz: Albie's law: the penalty for assuming things is death.
Albie Kinsella: That depends on what you assume!

Fitz: You know what I think? Your Dad dies, and something inside you snaps. You kill a Pakistani shopkeeper, but you have to rationalise it. You apply some twisted logic and try to tie it in with Hillsborough. But you have to stick to that logic. You have to go on killing, otherwise that first murder means nothing. Just another stupid racist killing.
Albie Kinsella: I'm not racist.
Fitz: [Standing up] Your cat had kittens.
Albie Kinsella: Yeah?
Fitz: Why didn't you drown them? You can kill human beings, why not kill a few kittens?
Albie Kinsella: They hadn't done me any harm.
Fitz: Neither had Shahid Ali.
Albie Kinsella: He was robbing me.
Fitz: Neither had the psychologist.
Albie Kinsella: He assumed things.
Fitz: Albie's law: the penalty for assuming things is death!
Albie Kinsella: That depends on what you assume! People assuming things led to Hillsborough, so it depends on what you assume! Right?
Fitz: Explain.
Albie Kinsella: I shouldn't need to explain. A smart-ass like you ought to know.
Fitz: You couldn't kill a few little fluffy kittens.
[sarcastically]
Fitz: Ah! What does that prove? That deep down you're a good man? We'll dig deep and find sensitivity? No! Dig deep and we'll find *sentimentality*! Found it in every bloody killer I've ever met! Sickening sentimentality!
Albie Kinsella: [long pause] He's buried on my father's allotment.
[Wise leaves for the allotment]
Albie Kinsella: And mind his runner beans when you're diggin'!

1st Skinhead: You looking for a broken nose, pal?
Fitz: Yeah! You know someone who could do it, PAL?
[Cut to Fitz nursing a bloody nose in the mirror]

Albie Kinsella: You see, people need to believe. People need to congregate but there's nothing left to believe in, nothing left to congregate for, only football. And they know that...
Fitz: Who's 'they'?
Albie Kinsella: The bizzies. The politicians. We go to the match. They march us along. They slam us against walls, they treat us like scum. We look for help. We're Socialists, we're trade unionists and we look to the Labour Party for help. But we're not queers, we're not black, we're not Paki. There's no brownie points for speaking up for us so the Labour Party turns its back. We're not getting treated like scum any more. We're getting treated like wild animals. And, yeah, one or two of us start acting like wild animals and the cages go up and ninety-six people die. The bizzies, the bourgeois lefties... they caused Hillsborough. And they're going to pay.

Fitz: You're Britain's most wanted and you turn up at a football game. Coppers everywhere. Why?
Albie Kinsella: Because I had a ticket.

Albie Kinsella: L-I-V, E-R-P, double-O, L, Liverpool, F.C.!
Fitz: Celtiiiccc!
Albie Kinsella: L-I-V, E-R-P, double-O, L, Liverpool, F.C.!
Fitz: Celtiiiccc!
Albie Kinsella: L-I-V, E-R-P, double-O, L, Liverpool, F.C.!
Fitz: Celtiiiccc!
[Albie finally stops]

Fitz: Can I come in?
Penhaligon: I'd let in Oliver Reed before you, Fitz!

Judith Fitzgerald: [Noticing Fitz is drinking] Whiskey?
Fitz: Yeah.
Judith Fitzgerald: [Sarcastically] Are you starting early or finishing late?

Fitz: What's a scotch?
Bartender: [Sarcastically] It's a well-known alcoholic drink.
Fitz: Don't give up your day job.

Fitz: [to his daughter Katie in bed] When I was your age I'd get depressed. I'd think I didn't ask to be born, but now that I am born, I'm going to die - that's not really fair. Does someone else think like that?

DCI David Bilborough: Is there anything you need, Fitz?
Fitz: Yes. A promise. We seek truth and justice, not a result. Good old-fashioned British justice where a man is innocent until proven Irish.

Fitz: Do you think you're intelligent, Albie? I asked because you look so think, and act thick. I mean, murdering a Pakistani shopkeeper, that is thick.
Albie Kinsella: You've never lived on social security, walked into a Paki shop and been robbed! Try that and then come up with this kind of crap!

[Fitz and Albie meet, face to face, for the first time]
Albie Kinsella: Who are you?
Fitz: My name's Fitz. I'm a psychologist.
[Albie scoffs]
Fitz: You don't need a psychologist?
Albie Kinsella: Nope.
Fitz: Killing people's normal?
Albie Kinsella: [pause] So what's normal?
Fitz: [Sitting down] Putting yourself at risk, now that's definitely abnormal. You're Britain's most wanted and you turn up at a football game. Coppers everywhere. Why?
Albie Kinsella: Because I had a ticket.
Fitz: [laughs] That's good. "Because I had a ticket." You'll go down in folklore. In fifty years time. Not now. Not while the widows and children are still crying.
Albie Kinsella: [Continuously] Come on, you Reds!

Fitz: Peter Sutcliffe gets letters from women. Lots of women. He sends them signed photographs with little kisses on the bottom. He's a somebody.
Albie Kinsella: Don't.
Fitz: Don't compare you with him?
Albie Kinsella: Yeah.
Fitz: Why not? You want to be a somebody, Albie, don't you? There's two ways to do it. You can either achieve something, which requires hard work and stamina, and you don't have any. You've never achieved anything.
Albie Kinsella: You talk crap!
Fitz: Or there's the other route. The easy route. You kill, you destroy. You're doing this for yourself, Albie! Nobody else! No altruistic motive! No mission!

Fitz: Someone goes into the store, buys a copy of the Guardian and a packet of teabags, and walks out without them. Why? A trauma. An argument.
DS Jimmy Beck: Bollocks.
DCI David Bilborough: We're looking for a skinhead.
Fitz: Whoever bought those items has not come forward.
DCI David Bilborough: That row was witnessed. He was an ordinary bloke, ordinary clothes, ordinary haircut. He's got nothing to do with the killing.
DS Jimmy Beck: Bollocks.
DCI David Bilborough: Jimmy, will you shut up?
DS Jimmy Beck: It's a load of bollocks!
Fitz: The shopkeeper didn't pick up the 4p. Why? Because he was dead.
DCI David Bilborough: He probably had a bad back! Fitz, we've got a description of the killer! He was a bloody skinhead, for God's sake, a bloody skinhead.
Fitz: There's a row. He goes home, broods a bit, shaves his head, comes back, throws the four pence at him, and stabs him, right?
DS Jimmy Beck: Bollocks!
Fitz: [to Beck] You need a Thesaurus.

[Fitz is paying for a mountain of groseries in the eight items queue]
Irate Customer: Uh, eight items.
Fitz: I've got eight items!
Irate Customer: No, you haven't.
Fitz: Three bottles of whiskey constitute one item.
Irate Customer: THREE items.
Fitz: ONE item! Two loaves of bread constitute one item. Two dozen eggs constitute one item.
Irate Customer: Two and two!
Fitz: Six frozen lasagnes constitute one item.
Irate Customer: Six!
Fitz: Four cornish pasties constitute one item.
Irate Customer: [to the cashier] Could you call the supervisor, please?
Fitz: And three steak and kidney bastard pies also constitute one bloody item!
[the alarm goes off]
Fitz: Oh, God's sake!

Fitz: [to Albie] The good news: the bomb went off. The bad news: no one got hurt.
[Long pause. Albie suddenly flies into a rage and tries to attack Fitz, who pins him against the wall]

Fitz: We're looking for a Liverpool supporter, who's recently shaved his head. He lives alone, separated from his wife and child, maybe children. He's got to kill 96 people in revenge for Hillsborough, and if there's any justice in this world, most of them will be coppers.

Albie Kinsella: God, you'll use anything! Even the death of your own father to prove how smart you are!
Fitz: Don't lecture me in morality!
Albie Kinsella: Is it her?
[Motioning towards Panhandle]
Albie Kinsella: Eh? Is it her you're trying to impress?
Fitz: You're a bloody killer! Don't lecture me in morality!
Albie Kinsella: You've never felt anything in your life! Have ya?

Razia Ali: We've been attacked dozens of times by skinheads, you've never lifted a finger. Once our people attack them, you swamp the area with police.
Penhaligon: For your own protection.
Razia Ali: I don't believe you!
[Razia and her mother briefly converse in Urdu]
Penhaligon: Your mother wants you to help us.
Razia Ali: You speak Urdu?
Penhaligon: No.
Razia Ali: [to Fitz] You?
Fitz: No.
Razia Ali: She wants me to throw you out.
Fitz: You're lying.
Razia Ali: I'd like you to go, please.
Fitz: I understand why you're lying.
Razia Ali: I'd like you to go, please.
Fitz: I understand your anger and your grief.
Razia Ali: I'd like you to go, please!
Fitz: Shall I tell you a secret?
Razia Ali: I'd prefer you to leave.
Fitz: I'm a racist.
Razia Ali: [Sarcastically] Pause for effect?

Fitz: All white people are inherently racist, yes?
Razia Ali: Yes. Am I supposed to be impressed?
Fitz: You're supposed to say, "I'll help you catch the man who killed my father".
Razia Ali: We'll catch him! We'll get justice for my father!

Penhaligon: What happened to your nose?
Fitz: Skinhead gave me a piece of his mind.

Fitz: [to Panhandle] Do you know what a normal psychologist will say? Possibly, he'll say that the killer is white, unskilled, a fascist, a football supporter and who lives local. Then, you will realise he's a prick!
[Later, at Shahid Ali's murder scene]
Professor Nolan: Doesn't appear that anything's been stolen. I guess you were right to consider a racist motive. It's a classic disorganised murder. And I suppose he's white, unskilled, possibly part of a far-right extremist group...
Penhaligon: ...a football supporter and he lives local.
Professor Nolan: [Smiling, as if surprised] Yes.


"Cracker: The Mad Woman in the Attic: Part 1 (#1.1)" (1993)
Taxi Driver: I'd prefer it if you didn't smoke
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Tough

Ticket Inspector: Where did you get on?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Through that door.

Head of Psychology: [in a packed lecture theatre] OK everyone,
[audience begins to stop talking]
Head of Psychology: Dr. Fitzgerald is now ready to give us his lecture.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [Fitz approaches the lectern and puts on his glasses; total silence in lecture theatre; he picks up a book] Spinoza...
[Fitz throws the book into the audience and picks up another book]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: ... Descartes...
[throws the book into the audience and picks up another book]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: ... Hobbes...
[throws the book into the audience and picks up another book]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: ... Locke...
[he now throws the books in quicker succession]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Freud, Adler, Jung, Mehler, Pavlov...
[stops throwing books and looks directly at the audience]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: End of lecture!
[he walks off the stage]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: .

[Fitz is in the car with Kelly going back to the monastery]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Why are you going back?
Thomas Kelly: I had doubts about my vocation. I left the monastery to see the world outside. I've seen it now - and you can keep it.

Pathologist: [Remarking about the body on the autopsy table] She's beautiful!
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Was.
Pathologist: Is.

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Nobody ever loses their memory. It gets locked away like a mad woman in the attic. Occasionally you hear her scream, but you don't unlock the door and have a look. Right?
Thomas Kelly: There's a great sadness in your life.

Thomas Kelly: Why do you drink so much ?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: I like it.
Thomas Kelly: And smoke so much?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: I like it.
Thomas Kelly: And gamble as well?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Yes, I like it.

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Look, homicide and amnesia are heavy. You need to know what you're doin'.
DCI David Bilborough: Thank you.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Right. I've forgotten more about amnesia than they'll ever know.

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: You've got me for one week.
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: I had pleurisy once - for two.


"Cracker: The Big Crunch: Part 1 (#2.4)" (1994)
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Safe sex is breast worship.

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [talking to his father-in-law on the phone] A case for patricide in a nutshell!

DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: You can spot a guilty cop in a football crowd and not notice World War 3 in your living room.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [Sarcastically] Oh, you've seen my living room.

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: You're kind of like a doctor, aren't you?
DS Jimmy Beck: You've lost me.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: You tend to bury your mistakes.

D.C.I. Charlie Wise: Are you infallible?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Yes, the other guy's an impostor.

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: You're not a good man, Michael; you're not a bad man. You're somewhere in between just like the rest of us. Go on. Admit it! Admit to that chocolate bar underneath your pillow.

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [about Wise] Wise by name, thick by nature.

D.C.I. Charlie Wise: Fitz, are they your own teeth?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Yeah.
D.C.I. Charlie Wise: Well, look after them, floss them and clean them, and don't ever call me "thick" again.

[Mark walks in on Fitz and a naked Penhaligon in Fitz's bedroom]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: We never did have that little chat, did we?
[Mark throws a paper at Fitz and storms into a bathroom. Fitz follows him]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Look, I'm sorry.
Mark Fitzgerald: Does Mum know?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: No, not yet. Your mother left me, if you don't remember.
Mark Fitzgerald: Eh? No, she didn't! She didn't leave! You drove her away 'cuz you're... cuz you're a dickhead!
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Well, that's a fair summary of the facts, probably.
Mark Fitzgerald: And I'm older than her!
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Hardly! What do you expect me to do? Spend the rest of my life like Cliff bloody Richards?


"Cracker: One Day a Lemming Will Fly: Part 2 (#1.7)" (1993)
Fitz: Now, why did you try to kill yourself?
Nigel Cassidy: I'd had a few drinks. I was just depressed.
Fitz: What about?
Nigel Cassidy: The exchange rate mechanism.

Fitz: Do you remember those Hamlet cigar ads? I had a great one: The guy tried to gas himself, right, singularly unsuccessful because it's natural gas, right? So he decides to console himself by lighting a Hamlet cigar. He lights it up, boom the whole house blows up. Then as the dust settles the camera goes in, finds the packet, and it says, "Smoking can seriously damage your health."

DS Jimmy Beck: Shall I tell you why I can't stand lesbians?
Fitz: Please.
DS Jimmy Beck: Queers are okay. As long as I don't turn my back on them, they're okay. Two queers doing it, that's two women gone spare. But two lesbians doing it, that's two men gone short.
Fitz: You can tell he reads the Guardian, can't you?

Fitz: I know you want to confess. You've killed a child, Nigel, that's a terrible, terrible burden. You want to share it. I'm here, Nigel, I'm willing to share your burden.

DS Jimmy Beck: Explain the fibres on your watch.
Nigel Cassidy: I've no need to explain anything.
DS Jimmy Beck: They prove that sometime between five o'clock and the time of his death. You touched him! Did more than touch him! Oh, for a commoner garden rapist, them I can understand! But sick bastards like you shoving bits of metal into young kids! What kind of hobby is that, huh?
Fitz: You're going too far. Homophobia. It's got more than two syllables, so you won't understand.
DS Jimmy Beck: What kind of possible pleasure can you get out of that?
Fitz: Homophobia, a morbid fear of homosexuality.
DS Jimmy Beck: [to Fitz] Look, I know what "Fiztophobia" is, a morbid fear who talk through their ass! Just stay out of this!
Fitz: You were about fourteen when you came here, right?
DS Jimmy Beck: [Pointing to Cassidy] That's the suspect!
Fitz: New boy in school. Difficult age to make friends. The girls would talk to you. A new face, girls like that, but the boys...
DS Jimmy Beck: [to Cassidy] We've got clout. When we bang you up, you're gonna be begging for section 43. A bit of protection.
Nigel Cassidy: I don't want protection.
Fitz: The boys ignored you, didn't they, Beck?
DS Jimmy Beck: [Ignoring Fitz] You think the screws are gonna give you protection? Are they shite!
Nigel Cassidy: I don't want it.
Fitz: [to Beck] One boy in particular. You wanted to be near him, you wanted to hold him, and touch him. It bothered you.
DS Jimmy Beck: [Still ignoring Fitz] Those screws have got kids of their own. They're gonna leave your cell door open, they're gonna turn their back, then the lads'll be in, and they won't be there to shake your hand. Do you know what I'm saying?
Fitz: [to Beck] You thought you were gay.
DS Jimmy Beck: [to Fitz] Will you shut it?
Fitz: You loved that boy.
DS Jimmy Beck: You are talking crap!
Fitz: It kept you awake at night. "Am I queer? Am I queer? The girls talk to me, they must see it in me. The boys ignore me. I'll prove I'm not queer." How do you prove you're not queer? You pick a fight. Who do you fight? Whose face do you smash to a pulp? The boy you loved.
DS Jimmy Beck: Bollocks!
[to Cassidy]
DS Jimmy Beck: He's done this before. He looks in there...
[Points to Fitz's chest]
DS Jimmy Beck: and in there...
[Points to Fitz's head]
DS Jimmy Beck: something sick, something twisted. And because HE'S felt it, because HE'S thought it, he thinks we all have. But we haven't. Some of us are normal!
Fitz: [Sarcastically] Ha!

[Fitz and Bilborough are arguing about charging Cassidy]
DS Jimmy Beck: Look, Fitz, why don't you just piss of, eh? Just piss off and give us a rest. I've had to put up with you all bloody night and the novelty is wearing a bit thin! D'you know what I mean?
Fitz: Why don't you just button your baldy lip?

Fitz: [about Beck] That man couldn't get Edward the Confessor to cough.


"Cracker: True Romance: Part 1 (#3.6)" (1995)
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Love may come; love may go. But to have someone really understand you - that's something nobody can take away.

DCI Charlie Wise: You been drinking?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Strangely, no.

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [Speaking about Pengaligon] She gets the guilt... I get the blame.

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Every cripple finds his own way of walking.

Judith Fitzgerald: [Talking about Penhagilon] Have you seen her tonight?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: No.
Judith Fitzgerald: That's why you're crying?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: No.

[Showing Janice pictures of her dead victims]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: If that's the way my boy ends up, I will see you dead, you murdering bitch!

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: You want my advice?
DCI Charlie Wise: Well I'm not asking you as a married man, am I?


"Cracker: Brotherly Love: Part 1 (#3.1)" (1995)
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [to Father Michael] I drink too much; I smoke too much; I gamble too much. I am too much!

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [Talking about his newborn son] Seven pounds, twelve ounces. That's the whole body, not just the willie.

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [to Danny] Why do you always look at me like I just farted?

DCI Charlie Wise: [Following an argument with the Chief Super] We're letting David Harvey go.
[They all groan]
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: He's not the first one to get off Scot free, Jimmy.
DS Jimmy Beck: Do you want him punished?
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: You bloody hypocrite!
DS Jimmy Beck: Do you want him punished? He's guilty, so you MUST want him punished!
D.C. Alan Temple: For God's sake, let her go!
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: Just piss off, Jimmy!
DS Jimmy Beck: I just want to hear whether or not you want him punished!
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [In Scouse accent] Hey, calm down, calm down.
DS Jimmy Beck: And you just stay out of this and all, right?
D.C. Alan Temple: [Getting Jimmy by the arm] What is wrong with you?
DS Jimmy Beck: Get off!
[to Penhaligon]
DS Jimmy Beck: He's guilty, right? And I'll do it. I'll do it. I just want to hear you say "Yes" or bloody "No"!
DCI Charlie Wise: Aye aye!
DS Jimmy Beck: Look, I just want her to answer the question!
DCI Charlie Wise: Who the hell do you think you are? Jeremy bloody Paxman?
[Jimmy storms out]

Maggie Harvey: [Confessing] I killed a woman called Joyce. I killed a woman called Paula. I killed Jean McIlvanney.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: I know that's a lie.
Maggie Harvey: I killed Jean McIlvanney. I killed a woman called...
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Your husband killed Jean McIlvanney. You killed Joyce, you killed Paula.
Maggie Harvey: I killed them all.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: You're worried about the kids.
Maggie Harvey: I followed him, I saw him pick up Jean McIlvanney, I saw them try to get money from the cash point. Everything happened exactly as you said, except I killed Jean McIlvanney.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: It's a bit daft, both of you going down. You don't stand a chance, you were caught red-handed. Confess to all three, he'll get out, look after the children, is that it?
Maggie Harvey: I'm telling you the truth.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Two victims, three victims, it doesn't make much difference, hm? It does, Maggie, it will. Ten, fifteen years time, trust me. A parole board likes a good motive. Here's a woman. She killed twice, so her husband could get out of prison. I can understand that. But three times out of spite, out of hatred? They'll let you rot.
Maggie Harvey: I killed Jean McIlvanney.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Do you believe in Heaven, Maggie?
Maggie Harvey: Yes.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: And Hell?
Maggie Harvey: Yes, and I'd burn in Hell for eternity to protect my children. I killed Jean McIlvanney. I killed a woman called Joyce. I killed a woman called Paula. My husband is innocent. Please, let him go home and look after my children.

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: I've seen your case notes. Nervous breakdown sixteen weeks ago.
DS Jimmy Beck: I'm over it.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Stressed, depressed, prone to anxiety attacks. Guilt does that to a man.
DS Jimmy Beck: Guilt over Bilborough's death.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Guilt over the rape of Jane Penhaligon.
DS Jimmy Beck: Guilt over the death of a much-loved colleague.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Is that what you've been telling them for sixteen weeks?
DS Jimmy Beck: Why should I rape her? I've screwed her. I got sick of screwing her, so why should I rape her?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Convince me.
DS Jimmy Beck: The little tattoo on the inside of her thigh.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Now I know you raped her.
DS Jimmy Beck: A rapist is gonna see that, is he? Rip'em off, stick it in, dark corner, and a rapist is gonna see a little thing like that? You've kissed that little tattoo, haven't you, Fitz? You've felt the hair tickle your cheek as you kissed it.
[laughs]
DS Jimmy Beck: For God's sake, you've been there. If a fat piss artist like you can screw her, anyone can.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: I believe she said something similar.
DS Jimmy Beck: Well, there you go, then.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [Pouring Jimmy more whisky] You've been dipping into your Guardian again, haven't you?
DS Jimmy Beck: Bilborough screwed her. But he's dead. You think I'd lie about something like that? You think I'd lie about that?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: I think you're capable of anything.

DS Jimmy Beck: Bilborough died because I showed a villain a bit of compassion. That's all I wanted in return, a bit of compassion, a bit of understanding, from her. But I got none. She despised me for it.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: She loved him.
DS Jimmy Beck: I did too. She can turn compassion on and off like a tap. They all can.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Women?
DS Jimmy Beck: I was fourteen when I came over here. I took a lot of stick, you know? Paddy. Mick. "Get back to the bog". And I knew what I had to do to earn a bit of respect. Throw a few punches, take a few punches. But I didn't. I hung around with the girls. Because they showed a bit of compassion, see? And I fell for it. Then a month passed and I wasn't a fresh face anymore, so they dumped me, and I had to take the punches, but it was worse now, because they were harder, because I'd been hanging around with the girls.
[pause]
DS Jimmy Beck: Women need rape.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: I'm listening.
DS Jimmy Beck: It's their weapon. A woman goes up to Mike Tyson, the heavyweight champion of the world, a hotel bedroom, early hours of the morning, he gives her one, he gets done for rape, ends up in the nick. Mike Tyson. The heavyweight champion. One of the bravest men. If it can happen to him, it can happen to any of us. That's what they want. It's their weapon. They want to keep us on our toes. Penhaligon needs rape.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Needs raping?
DS Jimmy Beck: Needs rape. It's her department, her little empire. She thinks she can treat me like muck, when it's rape, because she's a woman and we don't understand. Well that's bollocks. She knew nothing about rape.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: So you thought you'd teach her something about it, did you?
DS Jimmy Beck: This is in confidence?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Yeah.
DS Jimmy Beck: Strict confidence?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Yeah, doctor-patient.
DS Jimmy Beck: I don't believe you.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Strict confidence, Jimmy.
DS Jimmy Beck: Swear.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Bloody, bloody, bloody.
DS Jimmy Beck: Swear on the life of your wife and children.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: I swear on the life of my wife and children that I will not repeat anything you tell me.
DS Jimmy Beck: Swear on the life of your newborn baby.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: You're sick.
DS Jimmy Beck: I am sick.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: I swear on the life of my newborn baby that I will not repeat anything you tell me.
DS Jimmy Beck: [Hesitating] I never intended to rape her. As God is my judge, I never intended it. I just wanted to frighten her. I was gonna pull the mask off at the last minute and laugh in her face, but something happened and she looked so... vulnerable. Weak. Frightened. And I felt so powerful. You wanna know the truth? I'll tell you the truth. I'd never had such an erection in my life. I realised that I could do it. That I could rape her and get away with it... just walk away from it. And... that's why I did it... because, I could. I... I raped her because... I could. You'd have done the same thing.
[Fitz gets up to leave]
DS Jimmy Beck: Every man I know would have done it.


"Cracker: Men Should Weep: Part 1 (#2.7)" (1994)
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [after throwing a suspect in water] Sorry, James, a bit of Medieval justice. If you drown, you're innocent. If you swim, you're guilty.

DCI Charlie Wise: He's in intensive care. He's lying there like a cabbage.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [Sarcastically] It can't be that bad - he's doin' impressions.

DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: [From behind a door] I want to be alone.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Greta Garbo?
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: Before my time.

Floyd Malcolm: So what do I get for raping these women?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Life, hopefully.

Floyd Malcolm: What do you dread most, eh? You and every other white man? Your nice white wife getting raped by a big - and I mean a BIG - black man? It's a pile of crap. I know it.
[Points to Skelton]
Floyd Malcolm: HE knows it. But it's there, yeah?
[Points to Fitz's chest]
Floyd Malcolm: And it's there, right?
[Points to Fitz's head]
Floyd Malcolm: And maybe, MAYBE, that's why he does it.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: So he rapes white women as some kind of revenge against white men?
Floyd Malcolm: Possibly.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: I see. So he's homosexual?
Floyd Malcolm: No.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: I got a patient, you see, Floyd? He only makes love to other men's wives. Single woman, unattached? Can't do it. Married woman? Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. Likes to do it in the other guy's sitting room, on the other guy's carpet. Likes to wash himself down afterwards in the other guy's bathroom. He's screwing the other guy.
Floyd Malcolm: I'm not queer!
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Who's talking about you?


"Cracker: To Say I Love You: Part 1 (#1.3)" (1993)
[Fitz and Penhaligon reconstruct the events at the scene of a rape in an alley]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: He steps out. He comes down. Bang, bang, bang. Cormack drops down. He grabs his accomplice by the hand. They start running up the alley. Do you remember the soldiers coming back from the Falkands?
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: Just about.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Remember all those women who lined the quays, waving their knickers and their bras in the air? Patriotism, no. Lust! Some of those men had killed, and those women wanted them. What is death, Panhandle?
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: The finest aphrodisiac in the world, Dr Fitzgerald.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Right. Now there, a button off a pair of Levis. Somebody undid his trousers in a hurry. There, there's long strands of hair. So what happens is... They run up the alley. They stumble and they fall. They help each other up. They're frightened. But they're turned on too. So - 'scuse me - he pins her to the wall, he tears at his trousers, the button goes flying. And they have sex. Great sex. The earth doesn't just move, it registers 8.9 on the Richter Scale. Mass evacuation of Southern California time. Rip-roaring, rivetting, shaking, shuddering sex.
DCI David Bilborough: You're sick.
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: 8.9?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Give or take a tremor, yeah.
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: I'd sooner watch Arsenal.

Chief Super: This girl Tina. What do you aim to get out of her?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [Dryly] How far did your wife go on your second date?

[Fitz tells Bilborough that they previously had Sean]
DCI David Bilborough: You had him in custody!
DS Jimmy Beck: For taking and driving away, sir! That's all!
DCI David Bilborough: Fitz recommended a psychiatric!
DS Jimmy Beck: I don't recall that, sir! Did he put it in writing?
DCI David Bilborough: [to Penhaligon] You were there.
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: I don't recall, sir.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [Quitely] Hell hath no fury.
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: If that conversation did take place, Dr. Fitzgerald would have every right to say "I told you so". He's obviously dying to say "I told you so", so let's just assume...
DCI David Bilborough: THAT'S ENOUGH!
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: Let's hear him say it! We're the ones who've lost a friend, but to Hell with that because Dr. Fitzgerald wants to say "I told you so"!
DCI David Bilborough: You finished?
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: I can recall no such conversation, sir.
[Fitz leaves the room]

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [as he shows up hungover at a murder scene] If I was a house, I'd be condemned.


"Cracker: Best Boys: Part 1 (#3.4)" (1995)
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: These two do not know each other very well. This is "Death in Venice" before the hair dye.

[the Chief Super goes inside Wise's office and finds Fitz sitting at the desk, alone]
Chief Super: You know where he is?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Yeah. His lottery number came up. He was last seen running out of the building with a year's supply of pile cream and a map of Jersey. It's been a tragedy for the Channel Islands, really, the old lottery. They thought they got away with it by just specifying "rich", but now the bank is full of Scouse builders going, "Calm down, calm down, I just said your plasterwork was crap".
Chief Super: You're only here because you're good for publicity.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: The results don't count for anything, then?
Chief Super: Ours do. Tell him I want him.
[the Chief Super leaves, revealing Wise hiding behind the door]
D.C.I. Charlie Wise: [Dryly] Thank you, "friend".
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: My pleasure.

[Words flashing through Penhaligon's mind]
DS Jimmy Beck: Do you fantasize about rape?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: When she does, it doesn't include violence.
DS Jimmy Beck: Do you fantasize about rape?
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: Sometimes. Yes, I do.
[Beck laughs]
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: I've been raped, sir.
D.C.I. Charlie Wise: I never heard that.
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: Detective Sergeant Beck raped me, sir.
DS Jimmy Beck: Are you accusing me of rape?
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: Yes.
DS Jimmy Beck: Let's have this out in front of the boss.
D.C.I. Charlie Wise: Get me some evidence, and I'll give you all the help I can.
DS Jimmy Beck: Do you believe I could rape you?
DS Jane 'Panhandle' Penhaligon: You're dead, Jimmy.


Cracker (2006) (TV)
DI Walters: I've read all your books.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Have you?
DI Walters: Yes. Refreshingly free of jargon.
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Ah, 'refreshingly free of jargon' is jargon, of course.

Judith Fitzgerald: First of all, no caped crusader nonsense - grabbing the moral high ground. You didn't know this man! You're doing it because you'd rather spend time with them than your grandson!
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Oh, no...
[after a pause]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Yes.

[last lines]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [reading Judith's note] "Dinner in Fridge. Wife in Australia."


"Cracker: White Ghost (#3.8)" (1996)
[Fitz begins a lecture by singing the Jim Reeves song "Distant Drums"]
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: I'm singing that song and the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up. Why? Because the only time my dad ever whistled that tune was when he was trying to control his temper. And since he never *did* control his temper, it was always a prelude to a slap round the back of the head. That is negative conditioning. Now, of course, I claim it made me a better man. At the time, it just made me a faster runner. But for all he knew - for all anyone knew - it could have been the perfect trigger for a pathological mind. Some killers rely on the flimsiest of excuses for the most heinous crimes. So "Distant Drums" is not small. By all accounts I should be barking mad and very, very ANGRY! Thank you.
[applause]

Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: If you hadn't murdered three people, Dennis, I'd be weeping into a bucket.


"Cracker: The Big Crunch: Part 2 (#2.5)" (1994)
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: [to Penhaligon as they walk into church] Why is it whenever you're in church you always feel like you're being watched?
Father O'Ryan: [Overhearing] Because you *are*, Dr. Fitzgerald.

Doctor: Do you believe in God, doctor?
Dr. Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: Never find him in.


"Cracker: One Day a Lemming Will Fly: Part 1 (#1.6)" (1993)
[Cassidy threatens to kill himself]
Fitz: What's your first name, by the way?
Nigel Cassidy: It's Nigel.
Fitz: Nigel. God, I'd be suicidal.

Fitz: I'll tell you, if Cagney's in hell, he's watching British movies. "You dirty rag, 'Room with a View' for the one hundredth time, you dirty rag! Where's Eddie G, where's Bogart?"