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: What's your favorite scary movie? Drew Decker
: Kazaam! You know, the one where Shaq plays a genie. The Killer
: That's not a horror movie. Drew Decker
: Yeah, well, you've never seen Shaq act.
: [on the phone
] What's was that noise? Drew Decker
: Oops, I farted. I didn't think you'd hear me. The Killer
: No... that popping noise...
] I'm gonna slash and gash, cut another hole in your ass. I spill blood on the walls, then play tennis with your balls. If the phone rings, don't answer the call. Gonna slit your throat, fuck you like a goat, peel your foreskin off and make a winter coat. Peace!
[camera pulls back to reveal all of Shorty's friends dead
: Yo! That was the illest rhyme I ever seen!
: [on the phone with killer
] Or else my boyfriend is gonna be here any minute. He's black and he'll kick your ass! The Killer
: You mean the one who wears makeup and dresses like a woman? Drew Decker
: How did you know? The Killer
: Turn the porch lights on. Drew Decker
: [Turns on the lights, to see a Prince look-alike tied up, screaming
] That's not my boyfriend. I mean, I fucked him a couple of times, but that's it. Drew Decker
: [the man shrieks
] Look, I'm calling the cops! The Killer
: Go ahead, call the cops. But you might wanna check the back door first. You forgot to lock it.
: [reading pornography magazine
] Nice breasts... Drew Decker
: What do you want? The Killer
: I wanna see what your insides look like. Drew Decker
: Then turn to page 54.
: Do you know where I am?
[Feet are sticking out from behind couch, and are kicking up and down
] Cindy Campbell
: Um, you're behind the couch, I can see your feet. The Killer
: [Killer sticks head up and sees his feet. He grabs his head
] D'oh! The Killer
: Okay,okay close your eyes!
[Cindy closes her eyes, and the killer tries to hide under the carpet, but then goes behind the curtains
] The Killer
: Now do you know where I am?
[Cindy opens her eyes
: [after stumbling around, letting his victim escape
] I gotta stop drinking.
: Mom said that when I wear this badge you're supposed to treat me like a man of the law. Buffy Gilmore
: Yeah, and Mom also said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner!
: Is that drool? Deputy Doofy
: Yeah, I forgot to swallow. Gail Hailstorm
: Don't worry, because I never forget.
: Isn't Cindy Campbell's father a suspect? Sheriff
: That is classified information, where did you get this? Gail Hailstorm
: Sorry, but my information is strictly confidential shit.
[Doofy steps out
] Deputy Doofy
: Hi Gail... Gail swallows.
: I go poopie. Sheriff
: Did you just say you went "poopie"? Deputy Doofy
: Yeah, it was good.
: I said, don't disturb me when I'm cleaning my room!
: Special Officer Doofy reporting! Policeman #1
: Hey, Doofy! Smell my fingers! Deputy Doofy
: What's that? Policeman #1
: That's when you know you've become a man, Doofy. Deputy Doofy
: Hey, Terry! Smell my fingers! Policeman #1
: What the hell is that? Deputy Doofy
: My ass!