William Murderface
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Quotes for
William Murderface (Character)
from "Metalocalypse" (2006)

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"Metalocalypse: Dethwater (#1.2)" (2006)
William Murderface: [Nathan keeps deleting albums, destroying the world's economy] Well maybe it would be better if I just KILLED MYSELF! Huh? Why don't you just record that? Would that be BRUTAL enough for you? Me being DEAD?

Nathan Explosion: [the band is reviewing the mix for its new album. Nathan stops the music to think] Huh.
[he cracks his knuckles]
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [resignedly] Here we go again.
Pickles the Drummer: [Nathan's finger hovers over the "delete" button] Okay, wait. Before we do anything drastic, let's put this all in perspective, Nathan, okay? Look.
[he stomps on a pedal, bringing down a video screen]
Reporter #1: Dethklok has spent a reported 500 million in the recording studio so far ...
Reporter #2: [Pickles stomps on another pedal] - fan suicide rate is up, due to the album's late release -
[a fan shoots himself in front of the camera]
Reporter #3: [Pickles stomps on another pedal] - sources have corroborated that the band has recorded SIXTEEN individual albums, all deleted ...
Reporter #4: [Pickles stomps on the last pedal] - sources say the Dow Jones decline is directly related to Dethklok frontman Nathan Explosion's constantly deleting a potential new album ...
Pickles the Drummer: [Nathan moves his finger back to the "delete" button as his bandmates urge him not to push it] No, no, no, no, no, don't, no -
[Nathan pushes the button and deletes the album]
Pickles the Drummer: No!
[everyone groans]
Pickles the Drummer: Mmmm! Mother-douchebags! Did it again.
Toki Wartooth: Aw, dudes, what's wrong with that one?
Pickles the Drummer: Let me guess: not "heavy" enough? Not "tuned low" enough? Not "BRUTAL" enough?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Dudes, we can'ts not tone it down any lower.
William Murderface: Well, maybe it'd be better if I just killed myself, huh? Why don't you record that, huh? Would that be BRUTAL enough for ya, me being dead?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Somebody should tells Murderface that it's not always - always about him.
Pickles the Drummer: So what? Now we're all the way back to square effin' one?
Nathan Explosion: Yeah, that's right. But here's what we're gonna do: we're gonna re-re-re-record it... right there.
[he points to a spot on the globe in the middle of the ocean]
Nathan Explosion: Right there!

Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: [after having his face almost peeled off by listening to "Mermaider"] Stop - the track! This is amazing! I mean, there must be *billions* of fish out there! It's a totally untapped market. And so many hits, too!
Nathan Explosion: "Electric Eel Chair."
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: Yeah!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: "Scaled and Gutted and Undercooked."
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: *Yeah*!
William Murderface: "Scuba Tank Filled With Farts."
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: YEAH! You boys knocked it completely outta the park.
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: [aside] I am back on top!
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: [to the band] I'm goin' straight to the label!

William Murderface: Hey guys, nuclear submarine power's out.

William Murderface: Well maybe it'd be better if I just kill myself, huh? Why don't ya just record that, huh? Would that be *brutal* enough for ya, me being dead?

Nathan Explosion: This is metal... for fish.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Fish don't gots no good music to listen to.
William Murderface: Yeah, it's true.

Nathan Explosion: [Murderface is eating a giant bucket of beans] Maybe take it easy on those beans, Murderface?
Pickles the Drummer: Yeah I know man, have a little decency. I mean, we're stuck together in a freakin' submarine for Christ's sake.
William Murderface: Murderface:
[Spills beans everywhere]
William Murderface: Fine, how 'bout I starve to death, how's that?
William Murderface: Aw, excuse me. These boots are killing my feet!
[takes off his boots, farts]
William Murderface: These feet stink.

Nathan Explosion: Now shut up and listen to this, dick. This is metal... for fish.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Fish don't gots no good metal to listens to.
William Murderface: Yeah... it's true.
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: Fish, huh?
Nathan Explosion: This one's called "Mermaider."
William Murderface: It's about mermaid murder.

"Metalocalypse: The Curse of Dethklok (#1.1)" (2006)
Toki Wartooth: [gasps] What's this place called?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: This is, I believes called, Food Libraries. Food Libraries.
Toki Wartooth: Food Library.
Pickles The Drummer: [yells] It's called a Grocery Store, you douchebags!
[regular volume]
Pickles The Drummer: I'm sorry about 'douchebags'. I got low blood sugar.
Nathan Explosion: Alright, here's the deal. We have to do our own shopping so we can make our own dinner like all the regular jack-offs do. Now you're all in charge of putting together one dish.
Nathan Explosion: And don't just buy booze! That ain't food.
William Murderface: What do you mean, 'booze ain't food'? I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!
Toki Wartooth: You'd rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?
William Murderface: [yells] Yeah!
Toki Wartooth: Wowee!

Nathan Explosion: And don't just buy booze! That ain't food.
William Murderface: What do you mean, 'booze ain't food'? I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!

Jean-Pierre: [Jean-Pierre is presenting a bottle of wine to the band] Uh, from the Prime Minister of Norway. There are several cases. The finest wi...
Nathan Explosion: NOOOO! We never drink before a show; never!
William Murderface: [Murderface takes the bottle and pours some wine into his goblet]
[slurring his words]
William Murderface: Well, I'll have just a little drink.
Toki Wartooth: [Toki hoists a beer can] Me, too.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [Skwisgaar has a few empty beer cans in front of him] Me, too.
Pickles the Drummer: [the table in front of Pickles is covered in empty liquor bottles] Me, too.
Nathan Explosion: [pause] Me, too.

William Murderface: There's only one thing left to do: kill ourselves.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Dudes, we would like have to sew him back together to get him to cook for us.
Toki Wartooth: Yeah, but we such screw-ups that he would be sewn back together wrong.
Nathan Explosion: WHOA! Thats a good song title.

William Murderface: What do mean booze ain't food? I'd rather chop off my ding dong than admit that!

[the Dethcopter approaches the concert area. A giant metal cube with spikes on its sides deploys out the back cargo hatch, four parachutes at the top corners slowing its descent over the target concert area. The crowd "oohs" and smiles, anticipating its arrival as its shadow passes over them. Halfway down, the parachutes detach and the cube with its skull motifs plummets. It strikes the gorund off target, crushing a portion of the crowd. Those in its immediate vicinity lay on the ground, dismembered. Music begins and the surviving crowd cheers enthusiastically. Three walls of the cube fall away, revealing Dethklok playing in the stage inside while simultaneously crushing even more audience members. Panels slide out behind the stage and three giant screens rise up showing identical close-ups of Nathan Explosion as he begins to sing their death-metal coffee jingle]
Nathan Explosion: [spoken] Do you folks like coffee? *Real* coffee? From the hills of Columbia?
Nathan Explosion: [sung] Duncan Hills will wake you / From a thousand deaths / A cup of blackened blood
Toki Wartooth: [close-up] Die!
William Murderface: [close-up] Die!
Nathan Explosion: You're dying for a cup / Guatemalan blend / Ethiopian / French vanilla roast
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [close-up] Die!
William Murderface: [close-up] Die!
Nathan Explosion: You're dying for a cup / Prepare for ultimate flavor / You're gonna get some *now*! / And scream for your cream!
[Skwisgaar Skwigelf plays guitar prominently as giant pots of coffee are poured onto the crowd, scalding off their flesh, followed by giant cup of creamer, then more coffee and more cream. Pyrotechnics are launched... ]
Nathan Explosion: Duncan Hills / Duncan Hills
[... a small explosion occurs in the pyrotechnics' control panel and two ricochet off each other in mid-air... ]
Nathan Explosion: Duncan Hills
[... with one heading towards the Dethcopter... ]
Nathan Explosion: Coffee!
[... where Jean-Pierre gasps as he sees it through a window heading for him. It smashes through the window, exploding where he stands, sending him straight up through the top of the Dethcopter... ]
Jean-Pierre: Nooo...
[... into its massive blades where he is chopped into twenty pieces, his cry cut short. Dethklok looks up, sees the explosion from the blast, then are startled as they get splattered with his blood. Additional explosions rock the Dethcopter as it slowly lists and falls, narrowly missing their stage]

[the chef offers wine to Dethklok]
Nathan Explosion: NOOOO! We never drink before a show, never!
William Murderface: Well I've been drinkin' all day.
Toki Wartooth: Me too.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Me too.
Pickles The Drummer: Me too.
Nathan Explosion: [Softly] Me too.

Pickles: Are you aware of the fate of our last restaurant helicopter chef?
Jean-Pierre: His face was...
William Murderface: His face was SMASHED!
Jean-Pierre: Yes I know.
Toki Wartooth: He slips his hand and face, sluk hoevercrofe.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Hol... holvercraft.
Toki Wartooth: Coft.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Honoo...
Pickles: Hovercraft.
Toki Wartooth: Hoovman.
Pickles: Hovercraft!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Hloo...
Toki Wartooth: Hooo...
Pickles: He's trying to tell you that the chef got his face smashed into uh, the hovercraft, that's what they're trying to tell you.

"Metalocalypse: Performance Klok (#1.7)" (2006)
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: Is this the way you normally record?
Nathan Explosion: Well, yeah.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: What, you just push little Toki around?
Pickles the Drummer: Yeah. He lets us.
William Murderface: Yeah, he likes it!
Nathan Explosion: Yeah. Well, I mean, what's, I - what's wrong with that?
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: Are you kidding me? Do have any idea what that's doing to his little ego? Listen. We're gonna do an exercise, an exercise in changing band dynamics.
[Toki stands in front of Nathan's mic and puts on a pair of headphones]
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [sotto voce to Pickles] This idea is dildoes.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: Toki, you are now the lead singer of the band.
Toki Wartooth: No, thanks.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: You know, your creative voice is not appreciated, and we are going to change that.
Toki Wartooth: Honestly, I don't wants no creative voice. It's cool.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: Are you kidding me? You are now the lead singer! Go! Make up some lyrics! One, two, three, go!
[Toki sings off-key and out of tempo as the band angrily looks on and Twinkletits claps]

Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: [after Murderface smashes a guitar in a rage] What happened back there?
William Murderface: I don't care.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: Hey, I've got an idea.
[he takes off his glasses]
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: Let's "rock talk."
William Murderface: No.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: Come on. Don't you wanna get in touch with, you know, your - your inner dude?
William Murderface: No, thanks. I hate that guy.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: Now we're gettin' somewhere. Let's "rock talk" about that.
William Murderface: I don't wanna.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: Hm. What a shame. You know, I... guess I'll just have to, you know...
[he gets up and shakes his banana sticker container]
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: ... hold on to all these banana stickers. I've got, like a million...
William Murderface: Okay, I'll "rock talk."
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: [condescendingly] Good! I want you to tell me about young Murderface. Tell me a nice story about when -
[he chuckles]
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: - when Murderface was a little tiny boy.
William Murderface: Well, okay. Here goes.
Murderface's Father: [flashback to Murderface's childhood. Murderface is an infant in a high chair, giggling and cooing over his food. Baby music plays in the background, but suddenly changes to horror-movie music as Murderface's father runs across the screen, toting a chainsaw] How could I have ever married you?
[Murderface's mother starts shrieking as the chainsaw revs]
Murderface's Father: I kill you!
[Murderface's mother lets out a bloodcurdling scream]
Murderface's Father: Here goes!
[Murderface's father runs back across the screen, soaked in blood]
Murderface's Father: And now I kill myself! First my left leg!
[the chainsaw revs]
Murderface's Father: Good! Now the right!
[the chainsaw revs]
Murderface's Father: Now the arm!
[the chainsaw revs]
Murderface's Father: Now my face!
[the chainsaw revs one more time]
Murderface's Father: Aaaaagggghhhh!
William Murderface: [return to present. Murderface looks at Twinkletits as he wets himself. Twinkletits hands him a banana sticker] Yeah, that was good "rock talk."

Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: [upbeat] All right, we got a lotta work to do today, because... we're going on tour!
Nathan Explosion: Hey! We been thinkin'. Not very hard, but... you're fired. Yeah. We hate you.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: [scoffs in disbelief] I'm sorry... what?
William Murderface: Hey, it's not that bad. You know, I pride myself on being able to pit people against each other, but you're amazing. You're a real dick, and I appreciate that. But we never wanna see you again, you ugly idiot dick!
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: Hold on for a second. I am your therapist!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Hey, I ain't no therapist, but I hate your moustache.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: Don't you want... a banana sticker?
[indicates his sticker container/belt buckle]
Nathan Explosion: We won't be needing your banana stickers!
[Murderface pushes a chest towards Nathan, who kicks it open, revealing a multitude of banana stickers]
Nathan Explosion: We have found out that you can just, you know, buy psychological validation, so...
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: You sons of bitches. How dare you, I *am* the band! You can't kick me out! I'll kick *you* out! You're all fired, you bunch of stupid pussies! I'LL KILL YOU!
[he raises his pen like a knife and rushes at the band, but he slips on a banana sticker and flies through a window]
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits: [he hits the ground, unhurt] I'm still alive! I'm still...
[he catches sight of the snarling yard wolves and screams in terror]

Toki Wartooth: [the band is watching the yard wolves devour Twinkletits] Look. The wol-ev-es eat him.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Yes, Toki. And his body will nourish the wolves.
Toki Wartooth: I believe the cycle of learning... is complete.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Indeeds. Alls of us should learns a lesson.
Pickles the Drummer: Yeah. And what lesson might that be?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [short pause] I has no idea. But it's pretty metal that he's being eaten. Look at that right there.
Nathan Explosion: [filming the scene with a video camera] I loved him. I... can say that now.
William Murderface: Now that he's dead...
[starting to choke up]
William Murderface: ... it's much easier to say...
[he sniffles]
William Murderface: ... emotional things about him.
Pickles the Drummer: Gosh. Maybe this is weird to say, but... am I the only one who's being made to feel hungry by watching... this?
Nathan Explosion: [pause] Let's eat.
[the eyes of every band member suddenly glow red]

Nathan Explosion: I just found out we can fire anybody we employ.
Pickles the Drummer: Can we give ourselves a raise?
Nathan Explosion: Yeah. No, I found that out too.
Pickles the Drummer: Well then, you know, I give myself a raise right now.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: I give myself a raise too.
Toki Wartooth: I give myself a solid gold telephone!
William Murderface: I give myself a bunch of boats, with a bunch of Vietnamese people on them, on fire.

"Metalocalypse: Birthdayface (#1.3)" (2006)
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Hey Pickle, tell Murderface what you just told me about that guy.
Pickles the Drummer: Oh, right.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: It's hilarious.
Pickles the Drummer: That dude he headbutted? That guy was a Danish prince! Can you believe that?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [disgustedly] Pfft. The Dutch.
Pickles the Drummer: Oh, check it out, he's got a brain contusion and a fractured skull. Oh, and he's last in line for the Danish royalty. That is messed up, dude.
William Murderface: Well, that's what he gets for goin' after my hog.
Pickles the Drummer: Awesome.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Dude, I would've done the same thing.
[rolls his eyes]
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Dutch.
Pickles the Drummer: Yeah, well, it's official. I mean, you're gettin'... really... good at headbuttin'.

Pickles the Drummer: Hey douchebag!
[car is lowered down]
Pickles the Drummer: Happy birthday!
Nathan Explosion: Well what do you think?
Toki Wartooth: Big fat tires and everything!
William Murderface: But I already got, like, a million limos.
Pickles the Drummer: Dude, not like this one. This is the limo that Kennedy got his brains smashed open in with a bullet.
Nathan Explosion: It's all souped up... and desecrated.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Yeah, dude, and the driver's seat is the chair from, like, where President Wrinkloln was shot. And assassinated in.
Pickles the Drummer: And... you're entered in the first ever Dethklok Dethmolition Klok-a-matae Deth Derby!
Toki Wartooth: And I made you this macaroni murder lady! What used to be the red hots were the blood, but I ates them.
William Murderface: You mean I get to destroy United States history... literally?
[sheds a bloody tear]

Nathan Explosion: [Murderface is attempting to sneak out of Mordhaus after his disastrous birthday party. He is suddenly blinded by a spotlight from an overhead helicopter, which lowers the rest of the band, wearing camouflage and night-vision goggles, down to the ground on ziplines] Attention! You big baby!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Ah, what are you doing, going for a crybaby walk?
William Murderface: Hey, why's everybody wearin' camouflage? You joinin' the Marines?
Nathan Explosion: We wanted to, uh, surprise you... in outfits.
William Murderface: Look like a stupid Navy SEAL.
Nathan Explosion: That's part of the surprise.
William Murderface: Why?
Nathan Explosion: Because it makes us harder to see. And that's awesome.

William Murderface: [at the Louvre] Thirty-thousand pieces of art, and what do you know. They all stink like sh...
[cuts to the Louvre in flames]
French guy: Vive Dethklok!

Nathan Explosion: And now, the blackest present for the most brutal of all bass players...
[empty box drops from ceiling]
Nathan Explosion: Nothing!
William Murderface: Awww you suck! You all suck!
[walks off stage]
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Oh yeah? How bout you go play records backwards and go kill yourself?
Pickles the Drummer: Hey fatso, we got your favourite thing: disappointment!

"Metalocalypse: Dethkomedy (#1.5)" (2006)
Prosecutor: [Dethklok are in court for alleged "subliminal messages" on their latest album] The lyrics clearly state, "Go into the water. Go into the water. Live there, die there." And my clients all tried to breathe water and nearly died because of this underwater album by your band, Dethklok!
Pickles the Drummer: [smugly] Why don't *you*... go breathe underwater?
[the courtroom erupts in laughter]
Prosecutor: I suggest that it was your intention to create an album that caused destruction to human life!
William Murderface: Suggest all you want! It won't make your weenie any bigger, you dildo licker!
[the courtroom continues their guffaws]
Prosecutor: This band is a danger to the human race!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: "You's" a danger of putting us to-a sleep! I woulda broughts a sleepings bag, I know this guys was gonna show up!
Prosecutor: Your Honor, we "demand" $50 million for medical bills and punitive damages.
Toki Wartooth: Hey... how 'bout we compromise?
Nathan Explosion: We'll give you half... of NOTHING!
Charles Foster Ofdensen: The album clearly states, "Intended for fish only." I rest... my case.
Judge: Not guilty!
[bangs gavel]

William Murderface: Hey, why don't we just record people dying? Like all the world's leaders, or a bunch of ladies. That would be heavy.
Pickles the Drummer: Yeah, we can't really get writer's credit for something like that.
William Murderface: Good point.

Pickles the Drummer: [obviously ill at ease onstage] Okay. We are going to delight you all with a little improvisational comedy. Okay. And all we need to get started is, ah - one location.
Heckler: How 'bout a different comedy club!
[the audience laughs]
Pickles the Drummer: Okay! I heard, uh, "gas station."
William Murderface: I'm a gas station attendant.
Pickles the Drummer: [sitting on a stool, miming driving a car] Fill her up, I am driving a Corvette. It is midnight blue with chrome rims...
Heckler: Hey, Pippi Long-boring! You suck!
[the audience laughs]
Pickles the Drummer: Could ya fill it up just a little bit faster?
William Murderface: Well, I'm trying. I just can't seem to find the fucking gas tank!
Pickles the Drummer: [breaking character] That's 'cause it's a stool, Murderface!
Heckler: Hey, idiot! Don't negate the premise!
[the audience laughs]
Pickles the Drummer: [back in character and visibly nervous] It's on - on your - it's over - there - wherever... please hurry. I would like to leave this horrible place.
William Murderface: [fed up with the act] Eh, I should check the oil. I gotta go get my tools. You know what? I'm gonna leave. This sucks.
[he walks offstage]
William Murderface: Good luck dyin' out there.
Pickles the Drummer: [desparately trying to keep the act together] Are you leaving?
William Murderface: [from offstage] Yes, I'm leaving!
Heckler: Hey, ugly! What are ya just sittin' there for? Make us laugh!
[the audience's "boos," heckling, and chants of "Get off the stage!" blend into each other; Pickles is sweating and frozen with fear. He finally falls off his stool, tangled up in his mic cord. He starts hyperventilating]
Pickles the Drummer: [whispering] Help me! Help...

Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [the band is drinking heavily after their disastrous comedy routine] The best metal band of all time, and we gets boos off the stage! Pfft.
William Murderface: Eh, they just didn't get us. Whatever.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: They'll laugh at the dildo who is onstage before us?
Toki Wartooth: That guy was amazing! Are you kidding me?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: He is horribles, Toki! He just made the reference. "Remember this? Remember that?" He is dildo.
Toki Wartooth: But *you* laugh.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: I did.
William Murderface: Yeah, he was pretty good.
Nathan Explosion: [sick of the bickering] HE WAS GREAT!
Toki Wartooth: Eh, maybe we do better tomorrow.
Pickles the Drummer: [completely wasted on booze] Are you kiddin' me? I DIED up there! It was brutal! And I ain't never goin' back up there again, 'cause I ain't funny... and neither are any of you. I'm dark and brutal and filled with hatred. I ain't got no sense of humor. You wanna do comedy? Do it without me. I'm leaving.
[he walks out]

Nathan Explosion: [backstage before the big comedy show] All right, everyone do a crappy job. Remember to hate yourselves.
Toki Wartooth, William Murderface: Oh, yeah!
Pickles the Drummer: Well, I *really* hate myself.
Toki Wartooth: Pickle! You back! We think you leave for good!
Pickles the Drummer: Bombing onstage really screwed me up. I can't even play my douchebag drums no more 'cause of stupid comedy.
Lorkey the Sailor: Ah, you know there's only one way to fix that. You gotta get back up there.
Pickles the Drummer: But I can't do...
Lorkey the Sailor: But what?
Pickles the Drummer: [fearfully] The audience!
Lorkey the Sailor: Aye... the audience. Now gather 'round, all y'all. I've been talkin' a lot about hatred. But there's something bigger out there. Something you should hate even more than anything. And that's the audience!
[Pickles smiles]

"Metalocalypse: Snakes 'n' Barrels (#1.8)" (2006)
William Murderface: What a way to go out, too. I only hope we can end that way. Clawing our eyes out, and throwing up acid blood.

Nathan Explosion: Most brutal album, huh? Ugh, I hate to say it. They're right. It's an amazing album. Congratulations, Pickles. This is so chilling.
William Murderface: What a great way to go out, too. I only hope we end up that way: clawin' our eyes out and throwin' up acid blood.
Toki Wartooth: I officially take backs whatever I say about Snakes'n'Barrels. You are amazing.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: This music is likes potato chips. I can't stop listening to it. Plays it again.

William Murderface: What if Pickles never comes back? Oh, that'd be totally messed up.
Nathan Explosion: Oh, come on, guys, it's not like this is anyone's first band. You'll probably all wanna go reunite with your old bands at some point.
Toki Wartooth: Dethklok *is* my first band.
Nathan Explosion: Oh. Well, one day... you'll wanna reunite with us.
Toki Wartooth: Why? We already together.
Nathan Explosion: Just 'cause we're not broken up doesn't mean we can't reunite.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Actually, I thinks that's exactlys what thats means.
Nathan Explosion: Seriously?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: You can'ts reunite with a bands thats has not brokes-d upped. They won't let you.
Toki Wartooth: That sucks.
[exhales dejectedly]
Toki Wartooth: Great.
Nathan Explosion: Wait. Could we have a... not-reunion tour where we, you know, just come out and, like, you know, do a regular show?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: No... I looked into it.
Nathan Explosion: Well, that's pretty lame.

William Murderface: [groans] I need a back rub. I miss Pickles.

"Metalocalypse: Dethfam (#1.6)" (2006)
Pickles the Drummer: [the band has agreed to meet in the bathroom of a restaurant; they are debating what to do about their intrusive families. Pickles storms through the door as Murderface is urinating] I'm gonna lose my mind, my parents just brag and brag about my brother! "Oh, he's in a room above the garage!" BIG DEAL! He's an ex-con!
[he takes several puffs of an asthma inhaler]
Pickles the Drummer: I haven't used of these things for fifteen years.
Nathan Explosion: [Nathan and Skwisgaar burst in] WHAT THE FUCK!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: This whole thing gives me a case of my stomachs throw up!
William Murderface: What're you worried about? Your mom seems cool.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: She was the most pros-kwim-in-ous. Womens in Swedens has sex with everybody. Pfft! Thanks, Mom!
Nathan Explosion: The fact that my parents had sex in order to create me makes me want to be buried alive.
William Murderface: My grandma has an odor that's so very wrong, and she wants me to buy that bastard a wheelchair; she won't shut up about it!
Pickles the Drummer: Why do we make it so hard on ourselves? We'll just solve it like any other problem.
William Murderface: Of course! We have them put to sleep!
Pickles the Drummer: No, we lie! We'll lie through our teeth and throw money at 'em. Buy that bastard a wheelchair; we'll take 'em miniature golfing or whatever the fuck people do. We'll pretend we're "interested" in what they're askin', and when that weekend's over... we'll ship 'em outta here, never to be seen again. Deal?
William Murderface: Okay.

Stella Murderface: [Murderface buys his grandfather a new electric wheelchair; his grandmother is ecstatic] Oh, William, you're going to go to heaven for this!
William Murderface: I'd rather die than go to heaven.

Nick Ibsen: We're back with arguably the greatest entertainment force in the history of the world, Dethklok. Gentlemen... you are the twelfth-largest economy in the world and climbing... and yet you all are *intensely* private. Little is known about your personal lives. Why...
Nathan Explosion: [cutting him off] Because.
Nick Ibsen: [pause] Well, we at "The Nick Ibsen Show" do pride ourselves on uncovering... the m -
[he is interrupted again by Murderface slamming his knife into the table]
William Murderface: Hey, douchebag! Why don't you drill a hole in your forehead and let all the sap run out?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Huh-huh, for pancakes.
Nick Ibsen: As intimidating as it is to interview such amazing entertainment figures, I nonetheless have a journalistic duty to uncover...
[a fly is heard unzipping, followed by a stream of urine hitting the floor]
Nick Ibsen: ... certain, uh... are you urinating on my shoes?
William Murderface: [pause] Yes, I am.

Stella Murderface: Oh William, you're going to go heaven for this!
William Murderface: I'd rather die than go to heaven.

"Metalocalypse: Murdering Outside the Box (#1.12)" (2006)
Facebones: Welcome to the Dethklok employee forum. Where were going to learn to "Use your motivation"! Were going to learn to be considerate at the workplace.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: I have to works with you everyday, so please, would you please take it easy on the cologne?
William Murderface: While that hurts my feelings, I understand.
Nathan Explosion: When you see a piece of trash on the ground, don't just stand there. Pick it up!
Pickles the Drummer: Yea! And dont leave your lunch lying around either, it attracts ants.
Facebones: And most importantly, remember. Death is an everyday part of the workplace. So when you see a dead body, dont freak out.
Toki Wartooth: Wow-wee!
Facebones: Just, ring your death bell!
Toki Wartooth: [rings death bell]

Pickles the Drummer: Okay, so, uh, #421, you, uh, you are part of the Sector 18 recording studio maintenance clean team. Okay. Uh, que - couple questions.
[he looks at his paper and reads with difficulty]
Pickles the Drummer: "How do you value your what you contribute of to at the workforce?" Uh, second part: "At which do you most can't the least?" Skwisgaar?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Huh?
Pickles the Drummer: Did you write these questions?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Yeah, I did.
Pickles the Drummer: Okay, well... 421, do you have an answer?
Employee #421: I am a highly skilled microphone cleaner, my masters. And what I most can't the least would be do not a bad job, but always a good.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Okay, good answer.
Pickles the Drummer: Well, that's all I got. Uh, guys?
Nathan Explosion: No, I got one more question. And answer honestly.
Nathan Explosion: Are you the guy who's embezzling from us?
Employee #421: No.
Nathan Explosion: [pause] Okay. I believe you.
Pickles the Drummer: Whoo! Well, you are all set, 421. Thanks for doin' a great job and ...
William Murderface: Hold on, hold everything!
Pickles the Drummer: Di ...
William Murderface: I just wanna say a little something... personal. How is, uh, the, er...
[he picks up his paper and looks at it]
William Murderface: ... little Amanda and Scott, your children?
[421 shrugs]
William Murderface: Things are still rough with the divorce, huh? That, uh, that's tough. Are you still talkin' to Rachel? Yeah, well, hey, happy almost birthday!
[he chuckles]
William Murderface: Two weeks, huh? Hey, get outta here, you're done!
[421 gets up and leaves]
Nathan Explosion: We are really, *really* good bosses.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Yeah, I know. We cares about all of thems. It's like a plantations, but the slaves is our friends.
Toki Wartooth: [irritated] I would like to ask questions next time.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Are you asking us to do that, Toki?
Toki Wartooth: Yeah, I don't know.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: That's interesting. You said, "I would likes to ask a question." That's a statements.
Toki Wartooth: What... is... the difference?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: That's... a great question.

William Murderface: Could you do me a favor? Could you have a great day? Could you do that for me? Thanks.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Yeah, that's good codpiece.
William Murderface: Yeah it's no big deal, it's just totally diamond encrusted with a titanium base.
Toki Wartooth: Oh whats a coincidence. I gots myself a real cool codpiece too!
William Murderface: Uh, that's a dildo. A strap-on dildo.
Toki Wartooth: Ah screw you all offs! My codpiece is the coolest!

"Metalocalypse: Dethclown (#1.17)" (2006)
William Murderface: I woke up with a clown's hand in my pants today... that's what I did today.

William Murderface: I woke up with a clown's hand in my pants. That's... that's what I get today.

William Murderface: I woke up with a clown's hand in my pants. That's what I did today.

"Metalocalypse: Dethtroll (#1.4)" (2006)
Nathan Explosion: [the band is in Finland, making an apology speech for almost destroying the country during a previous tour. Nathan is having some difficulties reading the speech] Finland... we are here to... uhhh... apologize... for alleged... happenings... during... *during*... DUR-ING... uhhhh...
[he leans away from the mic]
Nathan Explosion: ... reading, reader, huh... hey, what the hell is this?
Charles Foster Ofdensen: You're, uh, trying to read the speech to people.
Nathan Explosion: Yeah, wait, hold on.
[he tosses the speech away]
Nathan Explosion: You know what? I pass.
[he takes out a beer, cracks it open, takes a swig, and walks away]
William Murderface: [Murderface steps up to the podium] Wrote my own speech. Hey f -
[he is cut off by his cell phone ringing loudly; he puts his paper down and answers the call]
William Murderface: Y'ello? Aw, what's happenin'? Uh-huh.
[the audience stares at him but he is oblivious]
William Murderface: Well, what did he say? What did *you* say? You did not!
[Pickles sighs resignedly]
William Murderface: I know. I *know*. Figure wh...
Pickles the Drummer: [Pickles pushes Murderface out of the way] Friends, we're... we're not used to the whole apologizing thing.
[he chuckles]
Pickles the Drummer: We're not professional apologizers! We're *musicians*.
[he mimes playing a guitar]
Pickles the Drummer: So... we wrote a song for you! A new national anthem. We took the lyrics straight from your Finnish Folklore Book of Necronomic Spells!
[the audience is shocked]
Nathan Explosion: [Nathan pushes Pickles out of the way] You may recognize this one, though it hasn't been sung for a few thousand years! "Awaken, awaken, Mustakrakish, the lake troll!"

William Murderface: [looking at acoustic instruments] What are those wood things? Chairs?

William Murderface: What are those wood things? Chairs?
Barkeep: They are acoustic instruments.
Toki Wartooth: What is "acoustic"? Oh, you mean a grandpa's guitars?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: A grandpa's guitars. That's for pussies. And grandpas. Ugh. I think you know it.

"Metalocalypse: Dethlessons (#2.2)" (2007)
Pickles: Wow, you are a dick!
Nathan Explosion: Yeah, you got it down to a science.
William Murderface: You notice how I'm not mad, he gets mad. That's being a dick.

William Murderface: Uh, Skwisgaar, that , uh... Toki getting really good thing? All a lie. See ya.

William Murderface: Stop! I'm sorry; sorry about being a dick, but sometimes it's hard to suppress the urge of ruining other peoples' lives!

"Metalocalypse: Skwisklok (#1.11)" (2006)
William Murderface: We've been talking Skwisgaar and, we think this whole production could be a lot more... zippy. It just, it needs zazz! Am I, I mean I'm right to say that right?
Nathan Explosion: No, you're right to say that. It's just, you know, you could stand to zazz it a up a little bit more.
Pickles the Drummer: No offense Skwisgaar but I gotta say this whole thing, it uh, it lacks zazz.
William Murderface: You could just put it on the zazz train to zazz-ville.
Toki Wartooth: Yeah because no offense there's absolutely no zazz to be found, not here anyway, not in these parts.
Nathan Explosion: What we're trying to say is that there's two kinds of shows out there, those with and those without...
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Could you please stop saying zazz?
Nathan Explosion: Zazz.
Pickles the Drummer: Zazz.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Please stop saying zazz.
Pickles the Drummer: Why don't you let us help you out?
William Murderface: Yeah and lighten the load, make it more zaaa - ohh, you know.

Nathan Explosion: Hello. Isn't this a nice surprise? Me being here at this incredibly zazzy event.
William Murderface: A fantastic star-studded evening, of zazz!
Pickles the Drummer: Got any room for any more zazz up here?
Toki Wartooth: I think I have diabetes. I'm going to take a fucking nap.

Toki Wartooth: Ah, cool, you gots a new shipment of custom guitar!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Yeah, this is uh, some designs I'm messing around with, uh, this one is, um, Swiss Army-tar. It's a good guitar for a camping trip, it's got toothpick.
Pickles the Drummer: Yeah, good tone. What's that one right there?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Uhh, is just an Antfarm-itar. But, still workings on it.
William Murderface: Nice! I'd like to stand on that thing.
Pickles the Drummer: Yeah, I'd stand on that.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Yah, and this is the Gibson Excalibu-tar, ya know. And here's my guitar made from the wood of Christ's cross.
William Murderface: Awww, get ready for a billion e-mails. Here comes the offended religious weirdos.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: What's offensive about the most religious instrument ever?

"Metalocalypse: Go Forth and Die (#1.13)" (2006)
Nathan Explosion: I'm totally freaking out!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Um, Nathans? What do yous do, before you're nervous, at de show?
William Murderface: You know what you do.
Pickles the Drummer: Yeah, what'da you, what'da you do?
[shakes a bottle of liquor in front of Nathan]
Pickles the Drummer: What's Nathan do?
William Murderface: Just have a little drink!
Nathan Explosion: That's it, I just have a little drink!
[takes a huge swig]
Nathan Explosion: [At his GED test] I'm here to uhh, take the GBD.

William Murderface: So if a guy hits a home run, but he's fat, it's not a home run!
William Murderface: It has to be perfect!

"Metalocalypse: Dethkids (#1.16)" (2006)
William Murderface: I'm psyched.
Dick Knubbler: You're ready. I'm ready.
William Murderface: We're ready.
Dick Knubbler: We've got a lot of work to do, so lets uh, lets get in there and do it!
William Murderface: Ready to go! Psyched.
Dick Knubbler: So you uh, you got your songs ready, you got your lyrics ready, you're organized?
William Murderface: I've got my songs ready.
Dick Knubbler: You've got everything ready to go?
William Murderface: Pretty much ready. It's all about organization.
Dick Knubbler: It's time to do it. It's time to do it.
William Murderface: We're ready to go.
Dick Knubbler: Just ready to go. Ready to go.
William Murderface: You know what my fear is? I just hope this doesn't become bigger than Dethklok. You know, that's, that'd be... that'd be something, you know.
Dick Knubbler: Well, uh, I will tell you this, that's a good problem to have. That's a problem you want to have. It's a good one.
William Murderface: Yeah... that's a problem you want to have.
Dick Knubbler: Let's uh, let's go in there. Let's do it.
William Murderface: Hold on, hold on, hold, just, let me, you know, gather myself, gather myself. Get ready.
Dick Knubbler: Well you know, we've been here sitting for five hours... talking...
William Murderface: Well, it just doesn't happen overnight...

Dick Knubbler: [Recording] Go! Go!
William Murderface: I am piss! And you are piss! And caves are piss! The sky is piss! And lights are piss! And cars are piss! And books are piss! And every single thing in the universe is piss!
Dick Knubbler: Find the downbeat.
William Murderface: Planet Piss! Where's the bass? Where's a the bass?
Dick Knubbler: Find the downbeat! Go! Go! Come on! Louder! Do it louder, come on! Yeah!
William Murderface: The planet's piss! And everything, and everything, and everything is piss! And every single thing in the universe is piss! Piss IS PISS! PISS! Planet piss. Planet fucking piss.
Dick Knubbler: Yeah! We got it. Yeah come on in, we got it. It was great. I got enough to work with, it's Pro Tools.

"Metalocalypse: Religionklok (#1.15)" (2006)
William Murderface: [meditating] Mmmmmrrrreliiiiigiiionnnnnn... mmmmrrrreliiiigionnnnnn...
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Pfft. This is dildos, doesn't he knows there's no such things as religion?
Nathan Explosion: You mean you don't believe in God. There IS such thing as religion.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Well, then proves it! Show me, uh, miracles that religion exists!
Nathan Explosion: Well, you know, um... there's the Bible right there.
[he points at it]
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Welllll... maybe I reevaluates... my life then.

[Dethklok goes to a Prayer Bolt concert to help Murderface find religion]
Pickles the Drummer: Aw, come on. I grew up in the Midwest, I don't need to see another Christian rock band.
Nathan Explosion: Listen, I almost killed him, he needs our support. Just give it a chance. See, it's... it's not so bad. It's, uh... fun?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [holding his hands over his ears] Ugh, there is no God, listen to his guitar.
[he groans in disgust]
Toki Wartooth: I'm gonna check out this Christian rock mosh pit.
[Toki runs around trying to get a pit going, knocking over a barrier so a sharp spike sticks up into the air]
Prayer Bolt Singer: Yeah! All right! Everybody! Praise the Lord!
[the singer stage dives, but the crowd moves out of the way and he impales himself on the spike]
William Murderface: I've seen enough. Pretty good.

"Metalocalypse: Dethdad (#2.15)" (2008)
William Murderface: Hey, did you know that Norway has the lowest murder rate in the whole world? The lowest in the world?
Nathan Explosion: Wait a minute, you mean that the murder rate in Canada is higher than Norway?
William Murderface: Yah.
Nathan Explosion: Oh my God, that's lame. This place is lame.

"Metalocalypse: Mordland (#1.9)" (2006)
Nathan Explosion: [hungover] Why do I drink so much before stupid Fan Day?
William Murderface: [also hungover] I believe you drink *because* it's Fan Day.
Nathan Explosion: Oh, I don't w - don't talk to me about that. Wait, where's Skwisgaar?
Toki Wartooth: Oh, I don't think he's gonna be here for awhile.
[he chuckles]
Toki Wartooth: He had a... very big night with a... very *huge* fan.
Nathan Explosion: Yeah, we were all up late.
Toki Wartooth: Not me. I actually gots good rest.
Pickles the Drummer: [also hungover] Can you please... just be quiet for a second?
Toki Wartooth: Oh, what's wrong, Pickle? You just need to eat something. Your name is Pickle... maybe you should try pickle-herring sandwich, famous from Oslo!
[he puts the sandwich on Pickles' plate]
Fan: [Pickles gags, runs for the door, and throws it open, only to be confronted by a mob of fans] OH YEAH, PICKLES!
Pickles the Drummer: [Pickles slams the door in their faces] God! Everywhere I go, there's fans everywhere! Can't I just throw up in my own house?
[he grabs his stomach]
Pickles the Drummer: Urgh!
William Murderface: Oh, God! So what are you, bulimia?
Nathan Explosion: Oh, great. Now you're gonna start a whole chain reaction puke... th... a-thon.
Toki Wartooth: [Pickles gags and his cheeks bulge. Murderface, Toki, and Nathan follow suit. They all vomit their food back up, except Nathan, who glances around, then pukes blood everywhere] Oh, blood puke! Good song title! Someone write that - oh, wait, we already wrote that. Good song, though.
Nathan Explosion: Ohh... urgh... I think I need another liver transplant.

"Metalocalypse: Bluesklok (#1.14)" (2006)
Nathan Explosion: Hey Dogface, why don't you go and... eat some dog food, and eat your own throw-up, 'cause you're a dog... face.
William Murderface: Jeesh Nathan... a little below the belt, I guess I really do have a dogface, maybe I should throw up and eat it.

"Metalocalypse: Dethstars (#1.19)" (2006)
William Murderface: We're better than Meatloaf!

"Metalocalypse: The Metalocalypse Has Begun (#1.20)" (2006)
Pickles the Drummer: Dude, it was a fan attack! That's what Ofdensen warned us about!
Nathan Explosion: Why do fans feel that they have to do that? I mean, what, to get noticed?
William Murderface: I know. There's so many nice kids out there, and then just a couple of them gotta attack you. It just spoils it for everyone.
Nathan Explosion: I know, it's sad. It's sad for them.
Pickles the Drummer: It *is* sad. It's sad for *them*.
William Murderface: Seriously, it's pathetic. It just makes me feel sorry for them, that's all.
Pickles the Drummer: [floodlights suddenly turn on above the band] Oh, must be a rescue team. Hey, guys, down here!
[the floodlights reveal a multitude of heavily armed and armored soldiers and several tanks]
Pickles the Drummer: It's us, Dethklok, stranded in the middle of nowhere!
William Murderface: Oh, I hope they brought some fuckin' food!
Nathan Explosion: I feel like eating cheese. Like, really fancy cheese, like... what's the name of that cheese, Renoir?
Pickles the Drummer: Yeah, I could do that. Maybe a little Kool-Aid of, you know... of the, you know, the grape persuasion...
Nathan Explosion: That's what I'm talkin' about.
William Murderface: [several sleeping gas grenades land at the band's feet] Oh, look. Firecrackers.
Nathan Explosion: Oh, let's steal 'em!
William Murderface: I remember when I was a k...
[Muderface, Nathan, and Pickles all pass out and start snoring]

"Metalocalypse: Dethecution (#2.1)" (2007)
Charles Foster Ofdensen: You have to get back to work and back into the studio, and make another record, so start thinking about that.
Nathan Explosion: Well, start thinking about this!
[struggles to overturn a table]
Charles Foster Ofdensen: Actually, I had that table... I had that table...
[waits until Nathan stops]
Charles Foster Ofdensen: I had that table permanently fixed to the floor.
William Murderface: Oh no.
Nathan Explosion: Don't you take away my ability to have tantrums, alright. That you CANNOT have! Alright, you ROBOT?

"Metalocalypse: Cleanso (#2.6)" (2007)
Nathan Explosion: [Murderface is trying to write a song] Alright so let's hear it, let's go Simon and Garfunkle.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Yeah let's go Loggins and Messina.
Nathan Explosion: Yeah let's go George and Ira Gershwin.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Yeah let's go Rogers and Hammerstein.
William Murderface: Wait a minute, why the hell am I two people?
Nathan Explosion: Let's go, Crosby Stills and Nash.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: And Youngs.
Nathan Explosion: And Walter Becker and Donald Fagan.
William Murderface: Alright alright alright, just shut up! I need to concentrate. Open strong...
Nathan Explosion: That's a uh, great book you got there.
William Murderface: Just shut up! Gotta think!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Yeah less thinkings more playings, come on grandpa guitar, let's do this!
William Murderface: Fine, fine! Here goes!
William Murderface: [playing acoustic] A million miles from nowhere, dragon lance burns hot... by the fire of a horse's ghost, a minnow would be lost... cha cha, cha changes... mm, tits, a fish, a fish with tits. Titty fish.
[Suddenly throws the guitar on the floor and stomps on it]
William Murderface: Aw shucks! I broke the guitar! Aw nuts!

"Metalocalypse: Deth Wedding (#2.8)" (2008)
Nathan Explosion: This is great. This is some good drama.
William Murderface: You can't pay for this.
Nathan Explosion: No you can't, it just simply is.
William Murderface: It's like an eclipse or something. You just, you gotta be there.

"Metalocalypse: Girlfriendklok (#1.18)" (2006)
Toki Wartooth: [the band has decided to do something about Nathan's insane girlfriend. They are standing over his bed, watching him sleep] You bastard.
[he raises a baseball bat]
Toki Wartooth: Why you makes me do this?
Nathan Explosion: [wakes up] Wha -
[Toki clocks him over the head, and he blacks outs]
Nathan Explosion: [later; Nathan is tied to a chair in a dark room, lit by a single bare lightbulb. Someone throws water over him to wake him up] Whoa! What the hell are you guys doing? I can't move!
[Pickles slaps him across the face]
Pickles the Drummer: [taking a drag from a joint and exhaling] Yeah... funny thing about bein' tied down...
[he flicks the joint at Nathan's face; Nathan shouts in pain]
Pickles the Drummer: ... it's hard to keep your defenses up.
Nathan Explosion: [Toki walks up and punches Nathan in the stomach; he groans] Why... are... you doing this?
William Murderface: [rubbing a meat cleaver and a long knife together] You've been blinded by a manipulative cow. And we're here to save you. Taser him.
Nathan Explosion: [Toki shoots Nathan with a taser]
[in agony]
Nathan Explosion: Whooooaaaaaa! Whoooooaaa! Stop! Stop! Whoa! Whoa! Whoooooaaaa!
Pickles the Drummer: Stop.
[Toki stops]
Pickles the Drummer: Take five on the juice, Toki.
[Toki briefly shocks Nathan again]
Nathan Explosion: [in pain] Whoa!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [standing behind Nathan's chair] Your attitude... is unacceptable. With... wha... er... why do you like that lady?
Pickles the Drummer: Every time we see you with her, you look like a beaten dog.
[he throws his head back and howls]
Nathan Explosion: Fine! You want the truth? I hate that lady.
William Murderface: You hate her? And yet you are with her? Why?
Nathan Explosion: I don't know!
William Murderface: Toki.
[Toki tasers Nathan again]
Nathan Explosion: [in pain] Whoa!
[Toki stops]
Nathan Explosion: It's the most brutal thing ever! It's not like regular hate! It's so much... more black! If she were a street gang, I'd fuckin' go to war with her with bottles and chains! But this is different! There's nothing I can do!
Pickles the Drummer: [Pickles punches Nathan repeatedly in the stomach] There's nothin' you can do? There's nothin' you can do?
[he punches Nathan in the mouth]
Nathan Explosion: I could possibly break up with her, but dear God, man, you don't know what she's like! What if she won't let me?
[Toki cocks a crossbow and aims it at Nathan's crotch]
Nathan Explosion: You're right! You're right, oh, God, you're right! I'm sorry!
[he starts sobbing]
Nathan Explosion: I'm sorry!
[he is blubbering now as Murderface cuts his bonds]
Nathan Explosion: I'm sorry...
[he gets up, and Pickles embraces him]

"Metalocalypse: Fat Kid at the Detharmonic (#1.10)" (2006)
Nathan Explosion: My god these things are amazing, check it out. I'm an eye docter.
[Points laser at Murderface]
Charles Foster Ofdensen: Can you please give me the laser pointer? It does not belong to you.
Nathan Explosion: Hey wait your turn.
William Murderface: Hey point that into my eyes again.
[gets lasered]
William Murderface: Ahh yes, awesome!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Point the laser beams at my too eye.
[gets lasered]
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Uhhhh. Cool!
Pickles the Drummer: Dude check it out if you press really hard on your eyes it's also awesome dude!
William Murderface: [Rubs eyes] Aww, awesome!
Toki Wartooth: Yes but checks this out. I can force all the bloods to my face and gives myself a real cool blowjob!
[strains, nose bleeds]
Toki Wartooth: Dat's what I'm talking about!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: He means nosebleed, not blowjob. Idiot.