Baroness
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Quotes for
Baroness (Character)
from G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
The Baroness: Try this on for size, boys.
[launches missiles at the Joes]
Duke: Oh, shit!

[from trailer]
The Baroness: Would you look at that? Real American heroes...

The Baroness: [Snake Eyes has left their SUV] He gave up.
Storm Shadow: He never gives up.
[their SUV is hit by an incoming train]

Storm Shadow: I told you I'd kill him if he touched you again.
The Baroness: I heard you the first time.

The Baroness: [about Scarlett] That redhead is really starting to piss me off!

Ripcord: [during a flashback scene] Do you love my boy?
The Baroness: Always and forever.

[the Baroness points a machine gun at a woman in an elevator]
The Baroness: Get out! GET OUT!
[woman runs out, Baroness gets in, as the elevator doors close]
The Baroness: Nice shoes.

The Baroness: [smiles] Hello, Duke.
Duke: [surprised] Anna?
The Baroness: [kicks him] Now you have to admit, you had that coming.

The Baroness: If I were really there, I might actually let you touch me.
Destro: I'll send a jet.
The Baroness: Business first. Besides, I'm married, remember?
Storm Shadow: If you had sent me in the first place, it would already be done.
Destro: I'm sending you now, Storm Shadow. No more mistakes. The schedule mustn't compromise any further. Keep your eye on her for me.

Storm Shadow: McCullen gave me orders to kill the Baron if he so much as touched you.
The Baroness: Well, he's my husband. Of course he touches me. And besides, his work at the lab goes much better after we've touched. And that's the important thing.

Destro: [handling an old iron mask] This belongs to an ancestor of mine. He was caught selling arms to both sides. The French forced him to wear it for the rest of his life. They called him Destro, destroyer of nations.
Storm Shadow: So why do you keep it?
Destro: So that I never forget the most important rule in dealing arms.
The Baroness: Let me guess. Never sell to both sides?
Destro: Never get caught selling to both sides.

[Heavy Duty has just destroyed their drill pods]
The Baroness: Now how do we get out of here?
Storm Shadow: Follow me!
[Storm Shadow jumps off the catwalk, landing 30 feet below on the floor]
The Baroness: Like that's gonna happen.

The Baroness: Congratulations, Duke. You just saved Paris.
[Storm Shadow knocks Duke down]
The Baroness: Or at least most of it.

[as Storm Shadow prepares to kill Duke]
Duke: [pointing his gun] Move and I'm gonna blow her away.
The Baroness: [to Duke] Do it. You already killed me once.


G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987) (V)
Baroness: If you ask me, some of them did not evolve.

Baroness: Those Drednok are flying awfully close to the capture plants.
Dr. Mindbender: Those aren't Drednok. Those are G.I. Joes.

Baroness: [with everyone gasping] Cobra Commander, this is treason.

Serpentor: Blunderers! Fools! We possess power greater than any on Earth! Yet our conquests are stripped from us on every front! Our most dangerous enemy is NOT G.I. Joe but YOUR collective incompetence!
Cobra Commander: Hogwash!
Serpentor: WHAT? You dare say?
Cobra Commander: The fault, most imperial Serpentor, lies not within us, but within YOU! Your leadership has been pompous, pusilanimous and pathetic!
Baroness: What did he say!
Zarana: He's gone batty!
Dr. Mindbender: That's treason!
Tomax: I don't believe it!
Serpentor: Yes, leadership IS at the very heart of this matter. But it's not mine that's inadequate, Cobra Commander, it is YOURS! Your ego driven stupidity has converted victory into catastrophe FOR THE LAST TIME!
Cobra Commander: Go ahead. Make me the scapegoat. My loyal subordinates could testify to my superb stewardship of Cobra. But you don't have the courage to let them speak!
Serpentor: Wrong again! Defend him if you can.
Cobra Commander: Indeed they shall! You first, noble Destro.
Destro: Militarily speaking, it is only fair to say that Cobra Commander is a world-class... buffoon.
Cobra Commander: WHAT? Baroness, Dr. Mindbender, brave Xomat and Tomax... you won't let Destro's treacherous assassination of my character go unchallenged, will you?
Dr. Mindbender: Certainly not! Destro forgot to mention your frequent displays of cowardice!
Cobra Commander: Oh!
[Cut to Pythona emerging from the lake and breaking into Cobra's headquarters and back again to the other Cobras blaming Cobra Commander for their repeated failures]
Baroness: And you botched our desert campaign!
Destro: We had won but YOU countermanded my order!
Baroness: You meddling brought us defeat! Again and again and again!
Dr. Mindbender: You're not just a fool, you're Cobra's curse!
Tomax: Inept!
Xamot: Insufficient!
Tomax, Xamot: Inexcusable!
Cobra Commander: Unsubstantiated fantasy! Lies, lies, LIES!


"G.I. Joe: Renegades: Castle Destro (#1.17)" (2011)
Baroness: A suit of armor. How inventive.
Destro: Actually, it's one of my new Battle Android Troopers. Robots inside armor, for security's sake.
Baroness: The Commander will be so pleased.
Destro: Must you always put his interests ahead of yours, Baroness? The B.A.T.s are a gift to you, not to him.


"G.I. Joe: The Pyramid of Darkness: Part 5 - Knotting Cobra's Coils (#1.5)" (1985)
Baroness: Something is happening!
Destro: Brilliant deduction, Baroness.
Baroness: Don't become hostile with me! We have a relationship!


"G.I. Joe: The Pyramid of Darkness: Part 4 - Chaos in the Sea of Lost Souls (#1.4)" (1985)
Destro: I do not agree with our leader's change of heart.
Baroness: Has the noble Destro forgotten, our leader has no heart?


"G.I. Joe: Resolute: Part 7 (#1.7)" (2009)
Baroness: Some idiots are going to break in. If we don't like what they say, we're going to start killing you. So start crying now. Make it good, a little honest victims' fear always rattles these people.


"G.I. Joe: Skeletons in the Closet (#1.53)" (1985)
Destro: And to think, I actually believed I was related to a G.I. Joe.
Baroness: I checked the records, Destro darling. You are!


"Robot Chicken: G.I. Jogurt (#7.1)" (2014)
Baroness: [enters] Oh, I forgot you guys were in here writing! I was just looking for a hammer to hang my degree in screenwriting from Applebee's! Anything I can do for you while I'm in here?
[pause]
Baroness: Destro?
Destro: She's actually really funny, guys...
Cobra Commander: You lost me at "She's". Fuck it, we're doing it without a script!