Spencer Shay
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Quotes for
Spencer Shay (Character)
from "iCarly" (2007)

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"iCarly: iWant More Viewers (#1.2)" (2007)
Spencer: Carly, Sam, you owe me half a taco!

Spencer: Nice to see you, Ms. Briggs, or now that I'm older, may I call you Margaret?
Ms. Briggs: You may not.
Spencer: Why?
Ms. Briggs: My name is Francine!

Spencer: Behold the sign! Are you beholding it?
Carly: Oh, we're beholding it!

Spencer: Okay, so wait, wait, wait. We all failed miserably trying to get you guys more viewers for iCarly and yet it is precisely those miserable failures that are getting you guys more viewers for iCarly?
Carly: Yeah.
Spencer: Insanity!

Spencer: Nice to see you, Ms. Briggs, or now that I'm older, may I call you Margaret?
Ms. Briggs: You may not!
Spencer: Why?
Ms. Briggs: My name is Francine!


"iCarly: iNevel (#1.6)" (2007)
Spencer: [after seeing his butter sculpture melt] Toasty!

[Nevel sees Spencer's butter sculpture for the first time]
Nevel: Your work disgusts me.
Spencer: Yeah, well, Nevel's a stupid name!

Carly Shay: [Spencer tries to lick some butter off of his elbow, but he can't reach it] Spence?
Spencer: Yeah?
Carly Shay: IT'S NOT POSSIBLE!

[talking to a butter-statue he's making]
Spencer: Don't worry, Toasty. Soon you'll be back and "butter" than ever.
[pauses in revulsion]
Spencer: Thank God no one heard that.


"iCarly: iOwe You (#2.3)" (2008)
[a little Sunshine Girl appears at the door of the Shay loft]
Spencer Shay: Well, hello there.
[Spencer notices the girl's very attractive mother]
Spencer Shay: And hello there.

[a skiddish little Sunshine Girl selling fudge balls has run away from Spencer, despite the presence of her mother]
Spencer Shay: I could help her sell them.
Kathy Millford: Oh, I couldn't ask you to do that.
Spencer Shay: Oh, come one. My little sister Carly was a Sunshine Girl, I used to help her sell fudge balls all the time.
Kathy Millford: And you're sure you want to help Emily?
Spencer Shay: How tall is your husband?
Kathy Millford: I'm single.
Spencer Shay: I *really* want to help Emily.

Spencer Shay: [Spencer rides up to the 2 girls who sabotaged his previous attempts to help Emily sell fudge balls] Hi, I just wanted you girls to know that 'I won the bike.' And because I am a grown-up; I forgive you, for behaving so rudely to me. Take care.
[Rides away, then comes back a moment later to taunt the girls in a childish manner]
Spencer Shay: On the other hand, check out how cool this bike is! Oh, I won this fancy new bike and you didn't! How do you jerks like me now? Oh, I'm out of control!
[spills the girls' fudge ball table over]
Spencer Shay: Oh jeez, I'm sorry! Ohhhhh!
[rides away again]


"iCarly: iGive Away a Car (#2.8)" (2009)
[Spencer runs out of his bedroom with his laptop]
Spencer Shay: Hey, guess what just happened!
Sam Puckett: Your belly button started talking to you?
Spencer Shay: No. But that would be so cool.

[Sam comes over]
Sam Puckett: Where's Carly? I've been calling and texting her for hours.
Spencer Shay: She's been in the shower.
Sam Puckett: All day?
Spencer Shay: Pretty much. She takes really long showers when she gets depressed.
Sam Puckett: Well, when do you think she's going to come out?
Spencer Shay: I don't know. She took a chair in there.

Carly Shay: [Nevel, Spencer and LCC Inspector Bullock are waiting outside the LCC building when Carly, Sam and Freddie arrive in the modified Space vehicle prop] Here you go Nevel.
Sam Puckett: Congratulations winner.
Nevel Papperman: [Scoffs] What, and you think that rolling space turd will get iCarly off the hook?
Carly Shay: Yeah.
Sam Puckett: We think it will. Carly, would you say that this vehicle is "unique"?
Carly Shay: Oh it is clearly unique. Freddie has it ever been state registered?
Freddie Benson: Why no Carly, it hasn't.
Carly Shay: Mr Bullock?
LCC Inspector Bullock: If it can travel at a speed of at least 25 miles per hour, it technically qualifies as a new car
Nevel Papperman: [Sceptical] Well let's just see, let's just see if this thing can do 25.
[Gets in]
Nevel Papperman: Okay.
[starts engine and vehicle zooms off with Nevel screaming and then crashes off screen]
Nevel Papperman: .
Carly Shay: You think he hit 25 miles per hour?
Spencer Shay: Oh yeah.
LCC Inspector Bullock: You can't do that kind of damage to a flower shop unless you're doing at least 25.


"iCarly: iPromote Techfoots (#1.18)" (2008)
[Spencer walks in]
Carly Shay: Where've you been all day?
Spencer: Canada.
Carly Shay: I thought you were only going to the art museum.
Spencer: I was. Until I fell asleep on the bus, and woke up in Vancouver!

Carly Shay: You know, I'm not sure it's fair to blame the bus 'cause you fell asleep.
Spencer: It's not just that. Last week on the bus, a hobo spilled chili on me, then continued to eat it... without a spoon!

[Spencer comes back from a roller-blading accident]
Carly Shay: Spencer, what happened?
Spencer: One minute, I'm blading down Hill Street. Feeling good! On top of the world! The next thing I know - BAM! I got a face full of dumpster!


"iCarly: iHeart Art (#1.14)" (2008)
Carly: Spencer it's been four hours, I think you need to get off the kitchen table.
Spencer: Why? Is Santa Claus here to tell me I'm ugly and have no friends?

Sam Puckett: That dentist dude's really going to pay you $1000 for that?
Spencer: Paid, in advance.
Freddie Benson: Yeah!
Sam Puckett: Sweet!
Spencer: And since you guys helped me get my art career back,
[hands Sam money]
Spencer: $40 for you,
[hands Freddie money]
Spencer: $40 for you, and...
[walks across the room to hand Carly money]
Spencer: ... $41 for my little sister.
Carly: Aww. I'm special.


"iCarly: iHurt Lewbert (#2.4)" (2008)
[as Lewbert returns to work]
Spencer Shay: ...and I wrote down all your phone messages in here, which I've organized into three piles; From your mother, Death threats, and Death threats from your mother.

Mrs. Benson: Why is the counter wet and sticky?
[Spencer stammers]
Mrs. Benson: Wet and sticky is very icky. Sticky and wet makes mommy upset.
Spencer Shay: I don't know how to respond to that.


"iCarly: iPie (#2.5)" (2008)
[Spencer's on a date with a woman he's not attracted to]
Trudy: What do you say we move this little party to the couch?
Spencer Shay: The couch is broken.
Trudy: Well, why don't we go break it some more?

Carly Shay: Wait, you're wearing pajamas.
Spencer: So? It's a pie shop, not church.


"iCarly: iStakeout (#1.20)" (2008)
Carly Shay: [entering the room] Hey, Spencer.
Freddie: [at the same time as Sam] What's up?
Sam Puckett: [at the same time as Freddie] Hi.
Spencer: Hey, little sister and her two friends who never seem to hang out at their own homes.

Detective Tragg: [holds up badge] Detective Tragg, Seattle Police Department.
Sam Puckett: [thinking she'll be arrested] Freddie, take my backpack.
[hands it to him]
Spencer: Uh, what can I do for ya?
Detective Tragg: I'd like to talk with the kids.
Sam Puckett: [loudly] You can't prove anything!


"iCarly: iHatch Chicks (#1.16)" (2008)
Freddy: Well, the thermostat's at 90.
Spencer: Whoa, 90 degrees?
Sam: No, 90 pickles. Yes, 90 degrees!
Spencer: ...No need to be hurtful.

Carly Shay: Spencer has been trapped in an air vent, Spencer are you ok in there?
Spencer: No
Carly Shay: Well just hang in there
Spencer: Sure


"iCarly: iWant to Date Freddie (#1.9)" (2007)
[Freddie seeks dating advice]
Spencer: Just be yourself. Talk about stuff *you* like.
Freddie: And if I run out of things to say?
Spencer: Then just stare into her eyes, and say nothing! That'll make you seem all cool and mysterious! She'll be like hypnotized!
Freddie: Yeah, I don't really think that works. 'Cause I mean, if I don't say anything, won't she think I'm...
[Spencer stares into his eyes]
Freddie: ... won't she think I'm... won't she just...
Spencer: What doesn't really work?

Spencer: [singing while cooking] Well, I'm cooking/I'm cooking things/Cooking things for people to eat/I'm cooking/I'm cooking things/Things that people will chew.


"iCarly: iWant My Website Back (#2.12)" (2009)
Carly Shay: Spencer, what size dress do you wear?
Spencer Shay: [a little too quickly] Ten. Why?


"iCarly: iFence (#1.22)" (2008)
[Spencer and Freddie before a swordfight]
Spencer: En Garde!
Freddie: Oh Gosh!


"iCarly: iHate Sam's Boyfriend (#1.15)" (2008)
Spencer Shay: Well, when someone's in a new relationship, it's like they're blind to everything else but that other person. Like when I started dating that girl, Jennifer. I had a bad case of poison ivy for two whole weeks and I didn't even know.
Freddie Benson: What made you finally notice?
Spencer Shay: Well, it spread... to places.
Freddie Benson: Where?
[Spencer motions for Freddie to let him whisper into his ear]
Freddie Benson: Ugh!


"iCarly: iLove You (#5.4)" (2011)
Spencer Shay: That is the last time I'll ever lie.
Carly Shay: Last, but not "yeest"!


"iCarly: iFix a Pop Star (#3.13)" (2010)
[Spencer leaves his supper date in the kitchen to answer the door; Freddie and Gibby are there]
Spencer Shay: Oh. Hey, guys!
Gibby: 'Sup?
Freddie Benson: Carly here?
Spencer Shay: Nah, she and Sam went to Build-A-Bra.
Gibby: They're always kicking me outta that place!
Freddie Benson: [Freddie gives him a strange look] Yeah.


"iCarly: iDon't Want to Fight (#1.17)" (2008)
Spencer: Look, in my life, I've learned a few things about girls.
Freddie: Like?...
Spencer: Like when you break up with them, they do not like it when you ask out their sisters. That will get you a fork in your arm.


"iCarly: iTake on Dingo (#2.17)" (2009)
Spencer Shay: Okay, you guys go in there and confront the Totally Teri writers. I'm gonna go find Charles Dingo's frozen head.
Carly Shay: Wait. Umm... maybe Freddie should go with you.
Freddie Benson: [whiny] No, I wanna watch Sam beat up TV writers!


"iCarly: iPromise Not to Tell (#1.12)" (2008)
CSA Agent: We're gonna need to speak to a parent or legal guardian.
Carly: [shouting] Spencer!
Spencer: [offscreen] I am in the bathtub!


"iCarly: iWanna Stay with Spencer (#1.5)" (2007)
Carly: I don't want to move to Yakima! It sounds like someone throwing up!
Spencer: It does.
[imitating the sound of vomiting]
Spencer: Yakima! Yakima!


"iCarly: iQ (#5.5)" (2011)
Spencer Shay: Where are you going?
Carly Shay: To study!
Spencer Shay: Study for what?
Carly Shay: My next date with Kyle!


"iCarly: iHave a Lovesick Teacher (#1.25)" (2008)
Carly: Miss Ackerman?
Miss Ackerman: Hi, Carly.
Carly: Hi. Um, not that I'm not happy to see you, but why are you standing on my brother?
Spencer Shay: 'Cause she has magic feet.
Miss Ackerman: I spent six months in Thailand learning the art of back walking massage.
Spencer Shay: [getting up] Those Thaila-manians taught you good.


"iCarly: iGot Detention (#1.19)" (2008)
Carly Shay: That's insane.
Spencer: It's okay, it's decaf.


"iCarly: iGoodbye (#6.13)" (2012)
Colonel Steven Shay: You would have been a great lawyer.
Spencer Shay: I would have been the worst lawyer.
Colonel Steven Shay: I know.
[they hug]


"iCarly: iKiss (#2.7)" (2009)
[Carly and Sam walk into Carly's apartment]
Spencer Shay: Hey, where've you guys been.
Sam Puckett: A movie.
Carly Shay: We saw "The First Kiss."
Spencer Shay: Eww. How was it?
Sam Puckett: Same as every other stupid teen chick movie ever made.
Carly Shay: It made me embarrassed to be a teen chick.


"iCarly: iGot a Hot Room (#4.1)" (2010)
Gibby: [after jumping out of Carly's birthday pie] I couldn't breathe in there!
Spencer: I told you to breathe through the tube.
Gibby: I couldn't find the tube!
Spencer: Oh, I forgot the tube...


"iCarly: iChristmas (#2.6)" (2008)
Carly Shay: You love Spaghetti Tacos and you sing a song while making them.
Spencer Shay: Heh heh, the only time I sing is at Church.


"iCarly: iPilot (#1.1)" (2007)
Carly: Would you let me borrow your video camera?
Spencer Shay: I would.
Carly: Awesome
Spencer Shay: Though I can't.
Carly: Why not?
Spencer Shay: I made it into a squirrel.


"iCarly: iBelieve in Bigfoot (#3.16)" (2010)
Spencer: I once met a freaky rabbi in vegas.


"iCarly: iStage an Intervention (#2.2)" (2008)
Sasha Striker: Well, it looks like you beat me...
Spencer: Yeah, I guess I did.
Sasha Striker: You wanna go for a ride?
Spencer: I'd love to, but I'm afraid this is all I can give you for now.
[kisses Sasha passionately then she goes into the elevator]


"iCarly: iSell Penny Tees (#4.4)" (2010)
Carly Shay: Okay, we're going shoplifting!
Spencer Shay: [From his room] Wear a jacket!
Sam Puckett: [Excited] Are we really gonna go shoplifting?
Carly Shay: NO!


"iCarly: iMust Have Locker 239 (#2.18)" (2009)
[Spencer walks in the door as Carly sits on the couch]
Spencer Shay: Hey, kiddo.
Carly Shay: Hey, adult-o.


"iCarly: iWin a Date (#1.24)" (2008)
Spencer Shay: [Spencer's dating video] If you're looking for a fun creative guy, well, you just took a right turn down lucky street. Why don't you go ahead and put it in Park? Send me an e-mail. Write it, click it, send it...
[throws a baseball, and accidentally breaks a goldfish bowl]
Carly: "You just took a right turn down lucky street?" That doesn't make a girl want to e-mail you. That makes a girl want to go... Bleah! Bleah! Bleah!...


"iCarly: iDate a Bad Boy (#2.15)" (2009)
Spencer Shay: I got the first aid kit!
Carly Shay: Ok give me the spray stuff.
Spencer Shay: The what stuff?
Carly Shay: I don't know what its called, the boo-boo spray.