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Quotes for
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman (Character)
from "New Tricks" (2003)

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"New Tricks: The One That Got Away (#10.8)" (2013)
[first lines]
DAC Robert Strickland: Got a minute?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Yes.
DAC Robert Strickland: Something interesting.
[hands her a file]
DAC Robert Strickland: Leslie Hewitt, a nineteen year old student at the Royal Academy of Music; she played the violin. September the seventh 1996 Leslie left college at three o'clock in the afternoon to head back to the flat she shared in Camden. She was last seen walking into a park.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: No body?
DAC Robert Strickland: No, no body, no witnesses. Vanished into thin air.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: And now?
DAC Robert Strickland: And now... uh, this.
[hands her a bagged photo]
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: This is her, is it?
DAC Robert Strickland: Leslie Hewitt's sister, Emma, her only surviving family member, found the picture loose inside a book, in the charity shop where she works. We don't know who the photographer was. The photo's been scanned and cleaned up as much as possible. If we can identify any of the people in the picture, they could prove to be valuable witnesses.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: The jogger.
DAC Robert Strickland: Yes, I saw him. It's a park; it could just be a man jog...
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: A nineteen year old music student - she fits the victim profile.
DAC Robert Strickland: There is no victim profile.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: No, not officially, because I wasn't allowed to pursue it!
DAC Robert Strickland: And this is not a green light to pursue it now! There's no way that figure's clear enough to identify, anyway.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: This guy could have seen him! Or he could just be a jogger. I'll put it on the board.

Gerry Standing: Guv'nor, can I just point out something?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: What?
Gerry Standing: This isn't our case anymore. Strickland told us to clear the board.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: You never disobeyed an order?

Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: What are you saying, Max?
Max Clement: This was going to be your last case.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: No, I didn't say that; you said that.
Max Clement: Well, if you want to stay...
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: I've been at UCOS for ten years.
Max Clement: It's a long time.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: It's valuable work.
Max Clement: Yes, it is.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: With a *great* team.
Max Clement: Absolutely, and you built it from the ground up. It was supposed to be a rubbish job. Shepherding a bunch of miscreant pensioners through some old case files, just so the Met could say they were doing *something* about cold cases, but you picked the right people. You gave them a good leadership. Which is why I think you should come and work on *my* team.

Gerry Standing: Hold on, hold on; this isn't even our case anymore.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Shut up and get your coat!

[last lines]
Gerry Standing: Sandra, I hate to say this... but you're right to go.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Really?
Gerry Standing: Yeah, yeah. God knows I'll miss you. No, we all will. But, uh, these past few years, well, I finally felt that I've achieved something. And it's all down to you.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Hardly.
Gerry Standing: Oh, yes it is. When you've treated us better than any boss could... And quite often we didn't deserve it.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: That's certainly true.
Gerry Standing: But you don't belong here any more. Naw, you belong out there where there's more exciting stuff to be done. And we're all big enough and ugly enough to cope.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: I should certainly hope so. I'll miss it. I'll miss you.
Gerry Standing: Yeah, well, just one thing: when you walk out of here, just don't look back.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: I'll try not to.
Gerry Standing: [brightly] Ready for the pub? I'll get 'em in. Your usual gallon of dry white?
[he exits her office]
Gerry Standing: Here, come, she's going to meet us there.
Jack Halford: You going to sit there moping all day? Are you coming for a drink?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: I'll be right there, Jack.

Danny Griffin: Is this the one that got away?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Well, I don't lie awake at night thinking about it, if that's what you mean. I believed there was a correction, and I still do. But you have to remember that at the time no-one was listening to me because I was too junior.
Steve McAndrew: Or maybe because you were a woman.
DAC Robert Strickland: In fairness, Steve, she couldn't prove anything.
[sees Sandra's look at him]
DAC Robert Strickland: Although the other thing might be true too.

Gerry Standing: You want us to spend all night trawling through London looking for a tramp with a camera!
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: I'd love to join you, but I'm a bit busy.
Steve McAndrew: Busy doing what?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Minding my own business.

Max Clement: I need someone to run investigations.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Max, I can't just leave.
Max Clement: I understand, I understand. You really want to though. Don't you? And I want the best person for the job.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Can I think about it?
Max Clement: No. You can say yes.


"New Tricks: Only the Brave (#8.8)" (2011)
[first lines]
Stephanie Parr: Even coming in 'ere... Someone sees me coming in or out of this place...
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: We understand.
Stephanie Parr: This is a risk for me.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Yup.
Stephanie Parr: A big risk.
Gerry Standing: Don't worry. There's a way out at the back of the building; I'll show you later.

Stephanie Parr: Can I smoke in here?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: No.
Gerry Standing: Sadly.

Jack Halford: There's a pile of unsolved cases over there. Why is something as flimsy as this jumping the queue?
Gerry Standing: Well, if you'll let me get a word in edgewise, I'll explain,
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Welcome to my world, Gerry.

Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Just explain to me how that woman had two men in her life.
Gerry Standing: Well, she probably has one as a spare for after she's eaten the other one.

[last lines]
Gerry Standing: Karen Chapman was arrested twenty minutes ago; apparently she went nuts. It took five woodentops to restrain her.
[chuckles]
Brian Lane: Well, that's a happy ending, of sorts.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Not for Stuart Barlow, it isn't.
Jack Halford: Oh, even the best of us make mistakes, Sandra.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Well, I'm just glad we were here to clear up the mess.


"New Tricks: Into the Woods (#10.6)" (2013)
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: His company books stank.
Gerry Standing: Why?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: They were immaculate.

[last lines]
Gerry Standing: Guv'nor, you ready for another big night?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Already planned one. I'm going to go home, microwave a curry and watch some rubbish telly.
Gerry Standing: Normal service is resumed.
Steve McAndrew: Night, Guv. Night, Danny.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Night.
Danny Griffin: Go'night.
[Steve and Gerry leave]
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Good night.
Danny Griffin: G'night.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Danny...
Danny Griffin: Yeah?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Good to have you with us.

Steve McAndrew: Nine million people in London and one forest; where the hell is everybody?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Indoors!

[Frank's daughter has given UCOS evidence about him]
Frank Miles: What did you do to her?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Your thirty-five-year-old daughter thinking for herself. Whatever next; the sixties?


"New Tricks: Blue Flower (#9.8)" (2012)
Steve McAndrew: You know, as, ah, French philosopher Pascal said that all man's miseries arise from not being able to sit in one room alone.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: You've been spending too much time with Brian Lane.

Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Coming back to what?
Steve McAndrew: Yeah.
[sighs]
Steve McAndrew: Silverfish?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Pardon?
Steve McAndrew: Oh, yeah, Brian was telling us: they're, they're tiny little insects, right? And they live on... You're right; I've been working with Brian for too long,

[first lines]
Gerry Standing: ...I thought the whole gang were wearing that unif...
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: [entering] Morning!
Steve McAndrew: Morning.
Gerry Standing: Hello, gov'nor.
Steve McAndrew: What have you got there?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Electricity bills, bank statements, letters, all belonging to different people, and all recovered in a raid on a lock-up.
Steve McAndrew: What were they doing there?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Serious and Organized were acting on a tip-off and they found a huge heroin stash, but also discovered a whole stockpile of documents. These are just a sample.
Brian Lane: But why pass them on to us?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Well, several are covered with the fingerprints of a man murdered five years ago.

[last lines]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: You okay?
Mia Adler: I've got one hell of a story to tell on the blog.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: I look forward to reading it.
Mia Adler: Thank you. For everything.


"New Tricks: A Death in the Family (#9.1)" (2012)
[Strickland and Sandra are annoyed to be kept in the dark and ordered around by Stephen Fisher. Sandra goes into her office, which Fisher has commandeered, and starts to put on her coat]
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: Where are you going?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Crime scene.
Stephen Fisher: No.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: How did I know you were going to say that?
Stephen Fisher: Everything you need is in the documents I provided.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: If you're such an expert in criminal investigation, why are you wasting our time?
Stephen Fisher: [ominously] No-one leaves this building.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: We think that one of Renfield's witnesses was lying.
Stephen Fisher: How do you know?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Apart from being good at our jobs, you mean? We don't think he physically could have seen what he claimed to have seen.
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: And you want to check that on the real location?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Yeah.
Stephen Fisher: It will have changed too much.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: That is how we work. Now you either let us do our jobs or there's the door.
Stephen Fisher: Miss Pullman...
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Detective Superintendent Pullman. Back in a hour.
[Sandra leaves the room]
Stephen Fisher: This is how you let them speak to you?
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: [grinning] No, Stephen, it's how I let them speak to *you*.

[spoiler]
Stephen Fisher: I need Renfield's original report, all the documents you've used, every note you've made, the physical samples of Gleick's handwriting...
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: We have evidence here...
Stephen Fisher: Of a crime that was committed a century and a half ago, and as you've all taken great pains to point out, that's hardly relevant today.
Brian Lane: Yes it *is* relevant. That information could stop this Ellis-Finch deal with the Chinese.
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: He doesn't want it stopped. He wants to make sure it *can't* be stopped.
Brian Lane: And like Jack said, this is a pension fund they're interfering with. It's people's lives.
Jack Halford: He doesn't care about that, Brian.
Stephen Fisher: I serve the national interest.
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: I think it's time you left, Stephen.
[hsnds him his coat]
Stephen Fisher: By all means.
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: Empty-handed, I'm afraid.
Stephen Fisher: Ah.
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: It's one thing to come in here and requisition this team for your own private investigation. It's quite another to make us all complicit in the destruction of evidence in a murder investigation. Especially one which may have implications in the present day on the international stage.
Stephen Fisher: You've been rehearsing that speech.
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: The evidence will stay here, pending a conversation I'm going to have with the Commissioner.
Stephen Fisher: How do you envisage that conversation playing out?
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: Well, we'll have to see, won't we?
Stephen Fisher: I can tell you, if you're interested. The conversation ends with you handing over to me everything I've asked for, just prior to writing your letter of resignation.
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: I won't be threatened by you, Stephen. I know you'd like us all to think that your power extends that far.
Stephen Fisher: [angrily] Not *my* power, Robert. The power of the British Government, brandishing the Official Secrets Act - to which you are all subject. and the contravention of which brings with it consequences far graver than you seem to be considering. Those of you who still *have* careers, consider what you will do without them. Those of you who don't, consider how your loved ones will cope while you live out the twilight of your lives at Her Majesty's pleasure. Now, I suggest you put the documents in the bag, and put today's events very firmly out of your minds.

Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Nothing we've discovered so far would explain your interest in this case.
Stephen Fisher: Ah.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: So?
Stephen Fisher: Abigail Padua was my mother's great grandmother.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Abigail Padua didn't have any children.
Stephen Fisher: Well, it can't be that then.

D.A.C. Robert Strickland: Stephen Fisher is a very difficult man to deal with. Butting heads with him gets you nowhere.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: What's he up to here?
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: I honestly don't know anything more about this case or his reasons for wanting it looked at it than you do.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I don't trust him.
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: Well, that's a very good place to start.


"New Tricks: Death of a Timeshare Salesman (#6.5)" (2009)
[first lines]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Sorry to keep you, sir. Car trouble.
Brian Lane: And bike trouble.
D.A.C. Strickland: You're probably all wondering what I'm doing here.
Jack Halford: It had occurred to us.
D.A.C. Strickland: I've been asked to pilot a new scheme which aims to ensure senior ranks interface more regularly with what's happening further down the chain of command.
Gerry Standing: Slumming it, you mean.
D.A.C. Strickland: I prefer to see it as maintaining a ground up approach to policing.

Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Was Dean in on the robbery?
Mike Barnes: Oh, for God's sake! Dean wasn't a criminal; he was an estate agent!
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: There's a difference?

[last lines]
Brian Lane: Who's going to tell Pamela about the reward?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: I will.
Gerry Standing: I suppose one of us claiming it would be out of the question.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Completely. And it's against Met rules, as you well know, Gerry.
Gerry Standing: Yeah, but technically those rules only apply to you. I mean we're civilians. Could be a good few bob in it.
[Sandra just looks at him]
Gerry Standing: That'd be a no, then.

Jack Halford: And then, of course, there was the vanishing man.
Brian Lane: Mm, Trevor Jones.
Gerry Standing: Cor, right piece of work he was. What?
Jack Halford: It's not?
Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Oh yes it is. Mike Barnes is Trevor Jones!
Gerry Standing: You're kidding?
Jack Halford: Under lock and key? Ooh-ooh, it makes you glad to have lived this long.


"New Tricks: Congratulations (#3.8)" (2006)
Ricky Hanson: [vile criminal spots his nemesis Sandra entering the bar he presides over] That's amazing. And here's me thinking I'm going to have to go to bed on my own tonight.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: [snappily] Not while there are dogs on the street.

[first lines]
Brian Lane: What's going on? Why are we here? What's the big mystery?
Gerry Standing: Who cares? There's a tab; someone else is paying.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: [arriving] Evening, all.
Gerry Standing: Oh, evening.
Brian Lane: What's this about, then?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: It's December the ninth.
Gerry Standing: Is it?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: You haven't twigged, have you? UCOS, three years old today. Happy birthday!
Gerry Standing: Aaah. Look, the reason men don't remember dates is because they're too busy.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Men don't remember dates 'cause they don't care.
Brian Lane: Why is the table set for five places?
Jack Halford: [looking toward door as Strickland arrives] Every silver lining has a cloud.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: It was his idea, and he's paying for it.
Jack Halford: Oh, well, in that case...

Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Why are you so pissed off with your son, Ricky?
Ricky Hanson: You got some front. Who do you think you are, coming in here, talk to me like I was nothing? You want to know where I was that night? Talk to your mates in the flying squad. Yeah, that's right. Oh, don't worry, you can't miss 'em; big, ugly and stupid... just like you.

[last lines]
Brian Lane: Does Jack know?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: No, we're going to go and tell him; where is he?
Brian Lane: I don't know.
Gerry Standing: Well, the last thing he said to me was that he had some unfinished business.


"New Tricks: Part of a Whole (#9.9)" (2012)
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Does the name Carl Dillon mean anyth...
Nigel Baxter: No!
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: ...mean anything to you?

[first lines]
Gerry Standing: Good morning.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Morning.
Gerry Standing: What's this all about?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Don't ask me. Strickand said eight o'clock; it's eight o'clock.
Gerry Standing: Yeah, but why here?
Steve McAndrew: Dodgy cappuccino and a hot dog?
Gerry Standing: That's not his style.

Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Who was the original investigating officer?
Brian Lane: Duncan Griffin.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: He still around?
Brian Lane: No, he died about five or six years ago. Had a good reputation.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Don't they all!

Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: What can we do to help?
DAC Robert Strickland: This is off the books. I want to make that very clear. There's a distinct possibility that being a police officer or being part of UCOS will afford no protecti...
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: What do you need us to do, sir?


"New Tricks: Moving Target (#8.5)" (2011)
[last lines]
[Brian, Gerry and Jack were taking part in a psychological study at work]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I've um, just had an email from Samantha Gerson's boss at the research centre.
Brian Lane: What's she say?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: They've cancelled your involvement in the OMIWP study.
Brian Lane: Oh no. Why?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I dunno. It just says "abnormal sample group".
Brian Lane: But I allowed them unrestricted access to my mind.
Gerry Standing: Oooh. I'm not sure the scientific community's ready for that, Brian.
Jack Halford: I'm not sure *any* community is.

[first lines]
Jack Halford: I don't want to be studied!
Gerry Standing: Uh, me neither.
Brian Lane: We're being turned into lab rats; it's degrading.
Brian Lane: Here they come.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Just through here.
Gerry Standing: Well, might not be so bad after all.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Right! This is Brian Lane, Gerry Standing and Jack Halford.
Samantha Gerson: Great to meet you all. My name's Samantha Gerson; I'm a psychologist.
Gerry Standing: Well, you just call me Gerry.
Samantha Gerson: OK, Gerry. Hi.
Brian Lane: Hello.

Samantha Gerson: Are there any things you'd like to ask me?
Gerry Standing: Eh, yeah, what uh, what does 'omip' actually stand for?
Samantha Gerson: Older men In the workplace. With our ageing population, the set-up you have here will one day become the norm.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: [mutters] God help us.

Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: So did they offer you any ground-breaking insights?
Samantha Gerson: [laughs] Not sure about ground-breaking. The way they interact with each other interested me, though. I think the lower levels of testosterone mean that they work together more effectively as a team.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: For God's sake don't tell Gerry that or he'll pop back the little blue pills like there's no tomorrow.


"New Tricks: Cry Me a River (#10.5)" (2013)
[first lines]
Gerry Standing: So, what's his name?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Dan Griffin.
Steve McAndrew: Nah, never heard of him.
Gerry Standing: Where's he from?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Near London somewhere.
Gerry Standing: *Near* London?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Sussex. No, Surrey.
Steve McAndrew: How old is he?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Uh, fifty-two.
Gerry Standing: Fifty-two?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Yeah, he's only just retired, but he's been with the Met thirty years.
[Gerry grunts]
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: I like him.
Gerry Standing: You like Marmite.
Steve McAndrew: *I* like Marmite.
Gerry Standing: But why are we meeting him in Soho?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Well, I thought he might as well get stuck straight in, and the murder case that Strickland wants to brief us on took place here.
Steve McAndrew: What's that? the death of an almond croissant?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Grow up.

Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Do you mind if I just re-check with you, Mr Ellison, where you were the night Jim died?
Kevin Ellison: You saying you think I'm a suspect? You can't be serious.
Danny Griffin: Hang on, I'll check.
[glances toward Sandra]
Danny Griffin: Yes, she's serious.

Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Do you have any idea where she might be? We can't seem to locate her.
Kevin Ellison: Ask me if I'm bothered.
Danny Griffin: Are you bothered?
Kevin Ellison: Is he on drugs?

Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Jane, you failed to disclose the fact that you were having an affair at the time your husband was killed.
Jane Harlow: I was at a party the night Jim died. I'll never forget the police coming in to tell me he'd been... found. One of them was very solicitous. Very kind. And then he asked me for my autograph.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Jane, could you tell me who Sara's real father is?
Jane Harlow: [to Gerry] I'm sorry, but have we met before?
Gerry Standing: [nervously] Me? No. No, sadly not, no, and I, I would *definitely* remember.
[Sandra glares at him]


"New Tricks: Nine Lives (#4.4)" (2007)
Brian Lane: Look at this.
[shows a picture of a cat]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: It's a cat.
Brian Lane: Do you know why their tongues are all rough? Because they're covered in sharp points, for stripping meat from bones.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Fascinating.
Brian Lane: They've also got teeth that are designed for cutting and shredding, and retractable claws for pinning down prey. And people keep them as pets!
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Any of that relevant, Brian?
Brian Lane: Yes. Know thy enemy.

Brian Lane: He's helping me with me inquiries.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: What inquiries?
Brian Lane: You'll see. I've had an idea.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I hate it when he has ideas. Makes me very nervous.

Jack Halford: That was Liam. The lab confirmed that the scat sample was from a big cat. He sounded quite excited.
Brian Lane: Of course. They've been trying to prove the existence of the UK Big Cat for years. We've just given them the evidence.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: No, you did. That was an amazing bit of detective work, Brian. Well done.
Brian Lane: Oh, any of you could have put it together.
Gerry Standing: No! We're sane.

[first lines]
Jack Halford: Hello. Um, uh, my name's Jack Halford. I've come to sign my will.
Blunt's Recepionist: Ah, right.
Jonathan Blunt: Aah, Mr Halford. At last we meet again.
Jack Halford: [picking up will] Perhaps I should read it through.
Jonathan Blunt: Well, you're more than welcome to, but the wording is exactly as we said it would be three years ago. Have your circumstances changed at all since Mrs Halford passed on.
Jack Halford: No no, no, nothings changed.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Then sign it.
Harry Hepple: [bursting in] I have to see him now. Right.
[to Blunt]
Harry Hepple: You and I need to talk.
Jonathan Blunt: We have discussed this, Mr Hepple. If you wish to speak to me, you must make an appointment and wait your turn.
Harry Hepple: I have been waiting for ten years.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Then ten minutes won't make any difference, will it?
Harry Hepple: Excuse me, who do you think you are?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Detective Superintendent Pullman.
[shows her ID]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Who are you?
Harry Hepple: The cat is dead, Blunt. The cat is dead.
[Hepple leaves]
Jack Halford: What cat?


"New Tricks: Powerhouse (#4.5)" (2007)
[first lines]
Police Officer: [to Brian, who is breathing heavily at the foot of a ladder] Go on. You can do it. Sir.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: When the builders found this, they called the local police who threw it up to us when they realized it was relevant to an old murder case.
Jack Halford: How long was the trap door secured?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Ah, the builders reckon the false ceiling was put in sometime in the fifties.
Gerry Standing: And any time after that it would have been Artexed over.
Brian Lane: [half-way into the attic] Oh, bloody hell, I can't do this. Confined space. Doctor's orders.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: It's all right, Brian, you don't have to come all the way up; you can watch from there.

Gerry Standing: [about an old bus] God, it takes you back, doesn't it? You know it was on the top deck of one of these in 1961 I had my first adult experience.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I don't think I want to know about that.
Gerry Standing: I smoked a Woodbine!

[last lines]
Gerry Standing: There is a bit of justice left in the world.
D.A.C. Strickland: Never mind about justice. The point is how the hell did Hannah Parker get hold of our half of the document, eh?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Nothing to do with me, sir, I can assure you of that.
D.A.C. Strickland: [answering his mobile] Strickland.
D.A.C. Strickland: Yes. Thanks.
[closes mobile]
D.A.C. Strickland: Hannah Parker is on the BBC news.
Hannah Parker: [on TV] I'm not prepared to reveal my sources. But I will say that even in the most reactionary, corrupt, and incompetent institutions, that there are one or two individuals who still know the meaning of integrity.

Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: [a criminal arrives home to find a Police raid in progress] That's him!
Jack Halford: Didn't they make a wrong-number phone call to make sure he was in?
Gerry Standing: What do they teach the kids these days?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: [the suspect drives off at high speed] Drive, Jack!
Jack Halford: This is no job for a man on beta-blockers.


"New Tricks: God's Waiting Room (#4.2)" (2007)
[first lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Now, give this one a chance; try to keep an open mind, OK?
[moves to undo her mother's seatbelt]
Grace Pullman: I can manage!
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Fine.

Grace Pullman: You can be very childish at times.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Oh, and insisting on going here, to this place where someone was murdered, that's maturity, is it?
Grace Pullman: Don't know that for sure.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I do. I'm certain of it. So you are not moving into a place when the person who did it is probably still there.
Grace Pullman: Oh, this means you care, does it?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: No, no. No, it means I'm selfish just like you said. Because if anybody's going to have the pleasure of murdering you then it bloody well deserves to be me!

[last lines]
Grace Pullman: You know what's odd about this place?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: No, but I'm sure you'll tell me.
Grace Pullman: There's no history of us. No photos; I've checked; I've been through every room, even your bedroom.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: You went into my bedroom?
Grace Pullman: Not even one of your father. Now, that did surprise me; I thought you'd have one of him for sure. I've never understood that, that ability to be alone, that pride in your independence that shuts everyone out. Even your own family. I had hoped when he died that we'd grow closer together but you just moved further apart, until in the end you *were* him, another police officer rejecting me all over again.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I am trying, mum.
Grace Pullman: I know. But we're too far apart to keep living this close. You can come and visit me, when you want.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Yeah. Yeah, I will. I promise.
Grace Pullman: You're not folding that right.

Grace Pullman: You're lying to your boss; you're up to something. And now that I've embarrassed him into leaving he can't ask any more awkward questions, can he?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: And embarrassing me in the process, that was just the icing, wasn't it?
Grace Pullman: Yes.


"New Tricks: Buried Treasure (#4.6)" (2007)
[first lines]
Jack Halford: Do you take sugar?
Gerry Standing: Huh. How long have we worked together?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Right. Do you want the bad news or the bad news?
Jack Halford: What?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Strickland's just told me that he's brought the deadline for the audit forward.
Jack Halford: To when?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Friday, which means we're going to have to start the paperwork right now.
Gerry Standing: They can't do that.
Gerry Standing: Oh, Gerry, I think after last year they can do anything they like.
Jack Halford: Our paperwork was, um... how did Strickland put it?
Gerry Standing: 'A total shambles.'
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Yeah, well, it's not going to be like that this time. The new systems we've put in place should make it easy for us to account for every single penny we've spent in the last twelve months.
Gerry Standing: Well, what about our proper work?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: No new cases until after the audit, I'm afraid.
Gerry Standing: Hmph. I didn't know accountancy was part of our job.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Anyway I've got to get upstairs to my meeting with Strickland, so, please, get started.
[Sandra leaves]
Jack Halford: [groans] What new systems?
Gerry Standing: Buggered if I know.

[last lines]
Jack Halford: That's a very nice-looking plant you've got there, Brian.
Brian Lane: Yes, it's a rhododendron. It's for Esther. She's coming home tonight.
Jack Halford: That's very thoughtful of you. Esther will be moved.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I'll tell you what she'd really like, Brian. Before she arrives, run a nice hot bubble-bath; then get in it and give yourself a wash, 'cause you stink. Pooh,
[mumbles]

Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Right! Cut the crap; what's going on? Jack?
Gerry Standing: We've got a new case.
Jack Halford: Two.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I turn my back for *one* minute...


"New Tricks: ID Parade (#1.1)" (2004)
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Clark, do the honours, while Stan, Ollie and Rainman gather round and try and remember what it was like to be in the police.

Gerry Standing: [Sandra has taken the blame for Gerry's actions] You didn't have to do that.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Bevan didn't want you in the first place; that would have been the excuse to get rid of you.
Gerry Standing: Yeah, well, thanks a lot.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Don't thank me; he's got a point. You're contradictory, reactionary and ill-disciplined.
Gerry Standing: But?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: You're occasionally inspired.
Gerry Standing: She thinks I'm occasionally inspired.
Jack Halford: You think she's finished.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Put me in that position again, and I'll have your balls for earrings.
Jack Halford: Now she's finished.

[Gerry is in the opticians. He tries on a pair of half-moon glasses that he thinks make him look like David Dickinson, presenter of the "Bargain Hunt" (2000) antiques programme]
Gerry Standing: David Dickinson?
Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Yeah - but without the "David" or the "inson"


"New Tricks: The Truth Is Out There (#6.2)" (2009)
[Gerry had a date with Melissa the night before]
Jack Halford: This poor woman actually agreed to go and have a drink with you?
Gerry Standing: Agreed? *She* asked *me*.
Brian Lane: Isn't it a bit dangerous for someone with a severe visual impairment to be riding a bike in London?
Jack Halford: She could get her white stick caught in the spokes.
[Jack and Brian laugh. Sandra walks into the room]
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: What's so funny?
Gerry Standing: Nothing.
Brian Lane: Gerry's been asked out on a date by a forty-five-year-old.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Woman?
Gerry Standing: Very funny. She happens to be gorgeous.
Brian Lane: With a thing for older men.
Jack Halford: *Much* older.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Maybe she's just looking for a man with wisdom and experience.
Gerry Standing: Thank you, Sandra.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: ...And she thinks Gerry might know one.
[Sandra, Jack and Brian laugh uproariously. Gerry walks off in a huff]

[first lines]
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: I'm sorry, Jack, this case is neither unsolved nor open. Peter Edelmann committed suicide.
Jack Halford: Derek always thought there was more to it than that.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Yes, a lot more according to his files and none of it remotely plausible.
Jack Halford: Look, I'd be the first to admit some of Derek's theories were a bit...
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: I know he was a friend, Jack.
Jack Halford: This is not about friendship, Sandra; it's about loyalty. A fellow police officer whose name's about to be dragged through the mud...
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Jack, if we take this case on, all that happens is that we end up looking every bit as crazy as Derek.
Jack Halford: Well, where's the harm in looking through the files unofficially? He may have missed something.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Be honest, Jack. If this file landed on your desk and you'd never even heard the name Derek Brook...
Jack Halford: I know, I know, I'd think he was several sandwiches short of a picnic. But I knew Derek, and he was a good detective, and if he thought that Edelmann's death was suspicious he must have had grounds for it!
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: [pause] OK then. Put it on the board.
Jack Halford: Thank you.

Brian Lane: This is a colleague's reputation on the line!
Gerry Standing: No, this is a massive forest full of bloody Yanks, that's what it is. Two very good reasons for me to stay here.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Fine. Then whilst we're gone you can plough through Derek Brooker's case files for us.
Gerry Standing: X-files, more like.
Brian Lane: The truth is out there, Gerry.


"New Tricks: Talking to the Dead (#1.6)" (2004)
Superintendent Sandra Pullman: [Pullman has caught PC Clarke acting as Tea Boy] Hang on! I thought we had an understanding not using Clarke as a tea boy.
Jack Halford: It was just a one-off.
Brian Lane: [Brian enters] Well, you wouldn't make it a two-off, would you, son? I'm parched.
Superintendent Sandra Pullman: All right, make it a three-off. Coffee, please.
[Gerry walks in, and spots the tray Clark is holding]
Gerry Standing: Whoa! Chocolate biscuits! Here, get us a cup of tea, son.

Sandra Pullman: So, this, um... this physical and psychological evaluation my boys are undertaking the day after tomorrow?
Donald Bevan: Yeah, what about it?
Sandra Pullman: Well, they suspect that it might be someone trying to rip the guts out of UCOS, perhaps even close it down completely.
Donald Bevan: Ah, your clear-up rate is embarrassing some people, Sandra. Your success now questions their competence then. I mean, you only want to review some of the cases you've cracked. You've put special branch's nose out of joint by revealing they had a mole inside New Labour; you've exposed police racism; very nearly destroyed a prestigious golf club, ruining the reputation of a war hero into the bargain. Some establishment toes are feeling distinctly stepped upon.
Sandra Pullman: Not my problem.
Donald Bevan: You never were very good at the politics, Sandra.
Sandra Pullman: With all due respect, sir, that's like criticizing someone for not being a very good arsehole.

Asst. Commissioner Bob Mullen: SO-10 is a completely different world than UCOS. All the villains are still out there just waiting to be caught.
Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Including Martin Lombard. If you're right.
Asst. Commissioner Bob Mullen: If we couldn't break him back then with a crack squad, I fail to see how you will now with Dad's Army.


"New Tricks: Setting Out Your Stall (#8.4)" (2011)
[first lines]
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: You've, um, you've met Olivia before?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Yeah yeah, we've worked together a few times, actually.

[last lines]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Bye, Mum. Safe journey.
Grace Pullman: Sandra, you know where I am if you need me. But don't leave it too late, darling.

D.A.C. Robert Strickland: Every family has its secrets.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: That's true, but not all of them have a suspicious, unexplained death to show for them!


"New Tricks: Communal Living (#5.7)" (2008)
[first lines]
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: [on her mobile] I just don't see why it's suddenly landed in my lap.
Jack Halford: Good morning.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: I'm on my way now, sir. Move, Gerry!
Jack Halford: Good morning.
Gerry Standing: Is it?
Jack Halford: Third time lucky. Good morning, Brian.
[Brian ignores him]
Jack Halford: Ah, sod the lot of you!

Gerry Standing: Question: what was he doing on a hippie commune in the first place?
Brian Lane: How about 'Sex, Drugs and Naked Yoga'? Silly season story from the Daily Star in 2005. Couple of hacks went in undercover to expose free love and psychedelia in Waltham Forest.
Gerry Standing: That explains it, doesn't it? If I'd seen that story when I was eighteen...
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: You'd have been digging out your bell-bottoms and love bead thingies.
Jack Halford: And you wouldn't have told your mother where you were going.

[last lines]
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: I know you're struggling, Brian... but you need to know that you're not alone. And, I just want you to bear that in mind.
[Brian is fixating on the beer being drunk by three mates]
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Brian?
Brian Lane: Yeah.


"New Tricks: Old and Cold (#2.4)" (2005)
Chris McConnell: I want to run with this on Sunday.
Gerry Standing: You what?
Chris McConnell: Sunday, I'm running with it, whatever. There's other papers sniffing around.
Gerry Standing: You haven't got any proof.
Chris McConnell: I've got sworn testimony. His word.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: It could all be fantasy.
Chris McConnell: Maybe; I don't think so. You get a feel for these things.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: When Kitty Campbell finds out you're gonna run, she'll injunct.
Chris McConnell: I'll give her a call Saturday night for comment. If she wants to appeal, I've got QCs coming out of my backside.
Gerry Standing: Best place for 'em!

Superintendent Sandra Pullman: [about Gerry Standing] Oh, he just remembers the good old days - when the police had more power than the tabloids.
Chris McConnell: [to Gerry Standing] You must be VERY old!

[first lines]
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Thank you. Oh my God! It looks amazing.
[waitress places lobster entrées in front of them]
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Wow!
Chris McConnell: [to waitress] Thank you.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Cheers!
Chris McConnell: Cheers. *Big* pans?
Supt. Sandra Pullman: *Big* pans
Chris McConnell: Sexy.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Mother's advice.
Chris McConnell: Mother knows best.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Mm-hm. Never go into bike sheds with boys. Don't scrimp on moisturiser. Oh yeah. And, um, beware of newspaper editors who buy you lobster; they always want something.
Chris McConnell: Well, this time Mother Pullman was wrong. This editor wants to *give* you something. A coup. The case. A career-enhancing collar.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: No thanks. I'm on a sleaze-free diet.
Chris McConnell: But what if I had evidence of a terrible crime.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Then go to the regular police.
Chris McConnell: But it's old; it's cold; it's right up your street.


"New Tricks: Meat Is Murder (#6.8)" (2009)
[first lines]
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: Say hello to Harry Eldridge, or what's left of him. He was found near Guildford a couple of days ago, cut up and buried not far from the A3. The dry sandy nature of the soil has left him pretty well preserved, wrapped in what looked like his clothes and old newspapers.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Positive ID, is it?
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: Well, they found a wallet among the clothing with a credit card. Dental records should confirm it. Eldridge was a well-to-do butcher in Smithfield Market.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: When was this?
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: Well, those newspapers are dated December the nineteenth, 1976, the day Eldridge vanished. The most likely cause of death is this: a stab wound going up into the small of the back made with a long-bladed knife. The body was cut up quite skillfully, so doctor, surgeon?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Butcher.
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: Mm. Quite.

Jack Halford: Excuse me, Lestade and Family.
Sid Lestade: Yeah. Yeah, it's a Huguenot name. They come over from France, stop getting massacred. Unlike Gerry here, used to get massacred every Saturday night.
Barry Lestade: You mention Lestade in the meat trade and everyone knows what you're talking about. It's a name to be proud of.
Sid Lestade: Yeah, except for him, of course. Silly bugger thought it made him sound like an iron hoof.
Gerry Standing: No, I didn't!
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: You changed your name.
Jack Halford: So your real name is Gerard Lestade.
Barry Lestade: Ah, oui.
Gerry Standing: Can you stop all this!
Brian Lane: So deep down you're not cockney at all. You're French.
Gerry Standing: I'm not bleeding French!
Sid Lestade: That's what his old man used to say to wind him up.

[last lines]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: He's my brother.


"New Tricks: Creative Problem Solving (#2.5)" (2005)
[first lines]
Trainer: So, to sum up: Creative Problem Solving. Techniques that allow us to move forward as individuals, as teams, as an organization.
Gerry Standing: [standing] Right.
Trainer: One last thing before we finish.
[Gerry sighs and sits down]
Trainer: Could you stand up, please. Right.
[holding a large soda bottle]
Trainer: You catch it; you come up with a new use for it. If you get stuck, use the check-list. Don't censor.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: [catches the bottle] Um, cut the bottom off, attach four strings, tie them to a silk canopy: hot air balloon.
Trainer: Great.
[Amanda tosses the bottle to Brian]
Brian Lane: Sterilize, crush, melt and mince a hundred bottles providing fibrous polyester strands which we weave into a fleece.
[tosses the bottle to Gerry]
Gerry Standing: Um... Nah, I'm sorry, me brains gone blank.
Trainer: Relax; use the check-list. You have an idea, Gerry.
Gerry Standing: Huh. No, I haven't.
Trainer: If it's sexual, perfectly normal.
Gerry Standing: No, I'm sorry, sweetheart; nothing.
Trainer: Don't block, Gerry.
Gerry Standing: I'm not.
Trainer: You have the answer.
Gerry Standing: I haven't!
Trainer: What are you holding?
Gerry Standing: Eh?
Trainer: Say it, Gerry!
Gerry Standing: What?
Trainer: What's in your hand?
Gerry Standing: It's a bottle, for Christ's sake!

Gerry Standing: [Gerry has been badly beaten] Cor blimey, I don't remember it hurting this much before.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Well, that's age dulling the memory.
Gerry Standing: Oh, thanks very much.

[last lines]
Supt. Sandra Pullman: [Brian is trying to open the office safe] What's the problem?
Brian Lane: I can't remember the number.


"New Tricks: Lost in Translation (#8.3)" (2011)
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: [she has found a French dictionary in the glove compartment] Learning French?
Gerry Standing: Oh, no, not really, no. It's just my cookery teacher; she says I should immerse myself in everything French.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Oh, yeah, how's it going?
Gerry Standing: Merde.

[last lines]
Jack Halford: Who would like another drink?
Gerry Standing: Whoa, not for me, thanks. Gotta run.
Brian Lane: Got another cooking class?
Gerry Standing: No, I've been invited to an oenological event.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: A what?
Brian Lane: Wine-tasting.
Gerry Standing: Vintage wine. Which, like women, get better with age.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Thanks, Gerry.
Jack Halford: I'm not sure he was talking about *you*.

Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: She just sat down and told us how she followed David, how she took him by surprise.
Jack Halford: She smiled when she did it.
Brian Lane: She was proud of what happened.
Gerry Standing: Yeah, she avenged her father. Upheld the family honour.
Jack Halford: I could call it a lot of things, but honourable wouldn't be one of them.


"New Tricks: Bank Robbery (#3.6)" (2006)
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Am I a cynic? I mean, I know it goes with the job and everything...
Jack Halford: Do you drink too much?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: No.
Jack Halford: Do you take backhanders?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: No!
Jack Halford: Do you beat your wife?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Unlikely scenario, but no.
Jack Halford: Then you've nothing to worry about. You're just doing your job.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: [sighs] I sometimes wonder what the job is doing to me.

[first lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: [practising a speech] Ladies and gentlemen, today we need heroes more than ever before. The men and women you will meet tonight are bright stars that light our way in the darkness of an increasingly confused buh-dee buh-dee buh, yada yada yada. And the last one to the bar's a *prat*.

Brian Lane: I've converted me entire collection of long-playing band marching records to mp3 format. Got the whole bloody lot on me hard drive. Look, it's incredible. Each individual sound wave is transmogrified...
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Brian! Brian, not that I don't find this conversation endlessly fascinating, but do you think we could reschedule it for a more convenient time?
Brian Lane: Not at all. When do you fancy?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: How about when hell freezes over.


"New Tricks: The War Against Drugs (#6.1)" (2009)
Jack Halford: Now, of the three patients who were in the clinic with Smith, the drug addict died in 2004, and the compulsive gambler lives in Hong Kong. Apparently, he won the jackpot on a seven-horse accumulator.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: For God's sake don't tell Gerry!

Gerry Standing: The little what?
Jack Halford: Brothers of Merciful Assistance.
[reading from computer screen]
Jack Halford: The Trinity Clinic. A practical and spiritual answer to the problems of addiction.
Gerry Standing: God help him!
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I think that's the general idea.

[last lines]
Gerry Standing: Come on, get your gear together. Time to get out of here.
Brian Lane: No. I'm going to stay.
Gerry Standing: Eh?
Brian Lane: I'm going to finish the treatment.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Okay.
Brian Lane: And tell Esther... I want that book back.


"New Tricks: Couldn't Organise One (#5.5)" (2008)
Jack Halford: How did you get on? Enjoy yourself with Jacinta?
Gerry Standing: No, not really. I don't fancy her.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: I'm sure she'll get over it.
Gerry Standing: No, you don't understand. I don't fancy her - it's weird.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Maybe you're finally emerging from puberty.

[first lines]
TV Reporter: [on TV] After hearing the guilty verdict, Deputy Assistant Commissioner Robert Strickland gave this reaction.
D A C Strickland: It is hard to comprehend how a detective of McAdam's rank and experience could have deceived his fellow officers for so long.
Gerry Standing: 'Cause you were in charge of him, you pillock!
D A C Strickland: We will now undertake a full and thorough review of all the major investigations led by DCI Mcadam during the last fifteen years.
Brian Lane: Ouch.
Jack Halford: Fifteen years.
Gerry Standing: Pity the poor bastards who've got to sort that lot out.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: [holding a thick file] Yes, pity.
Brian Lane: But it's nothing to do with us; those are all closed cases.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: All except this one.
Gerry Standing: No way!
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: You don't want to do it?
Jack Halford: No.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Nineteen ninety-eight, a twenty-six-year-old named Graham Thompson drowned in a vat of beer. Felspar's Brewery, Hoxton - as in the still functioning, still making beer Felspar's.
[pause]
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: OK. Fair enough.
Brian Lane: Felspar's. I must have drunk gallons of the stuff.
Gerry Standing: We could have a *little* look.
Jack Halford: Wouldn't hurt.

[last lines]
Gerry Standing: I told you there was something weird going on.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Seeing as you were so right, you can so write this one up. Good night.
Jack Halford: Good night.
Brian Lane: Night.
Gerry Standing: Uh, good night.
[opens a bottle of Far-Reaching Bitter]
Gerry Standing: Last one. What a shame.


"New Tricks: Big Topped (#4.8)" (2007)
Jack Halford: Now we've met her, I think it's even more out of order taking on this case.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Why? Because she's a feisty young female who's put your back up?
Jack Halford: I seem to remember another feisty young female who put people's backs up.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Thank you.
Jack Halford: I gave her a job.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: yeah, well, maybe I'd like to help Christy the same way you helped me. You see, that's the trouble with men: they just can't handle a strong woman.
Brian Lane: What're you on about? We've put up with you for bloody ages.

[last lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Jack. You're wrong. About my father. You're wrong.

[first lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Hello.
Jack Halford: Good morning.
Esther Lane: [to Brian as he tries to kiss her] No. I've told you, I've had enough. I'm sick of driving you around. This is the last time.


"New Tricks: The Gentleman Vanishes (#8.7)" (2011)
[first lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Nine-o-two p.m. seventh of February 2004. This is the seven p.m. train from Charing Cross to Dover and it's two hours into its journey.
Brian Lane: Two hours? Shouldn't they be in Dover by now?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Yeah, it should be, but a couple of miles out of the station someone pulled the emergency handle. Now watch this.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: [showing train security video] Four seconds. It takes four seconds to go through that first door, along the short connecting corridor and then into the buffet-car. Four seconds. This guy here is Doctor Philip Mackenna; he's a physics professor at University College London. He was due to catch the ferry from Dover to Calais and then another train to Paris, where he was going to speak at a conference on theoretical physics the following evening. Now keep watching. He talks to the blind man; then he gets up, and he heads to the buffet-car. Four seconds.
[long pause]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Doesn't matter how long you wait. Philip Mackenna never comes through that door and he hasn't been seen since.

Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: This Brian Lane.
D.I. Thomas Doyle: Memory Lane; pleased to meet you.

[last lines]
Brian Lane: Well, as Gerry says, good luck tracking down Alice Fox.
Gerry Standing: On the other hand, she might be hiding in the pub!
D.A.C. Strickland: Oh. I'll get the first round in.
Brian Lane: Bloody hell!
D.A.C. Strickland: Yeah, well, don't get used to it.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Don't think there's any danger of that, sir.


"New Tricks: Blood Is Thicker Than Water (#6.7)" (2009)
[first lines]
Jack Halford: How can Strickland afford to keep a boat in a place like this?
Brian Lane: Yeah, I couldn't afford to fish in it.
Gerry Standing: When I was a kid this whole place was a toilet. Literally. Few yards down the road, the biggest sewage plant in Bermondsey.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Thanks for that precise mental image, Gerry.
Jack Halford: Does he have to drag us all the way out here?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: I think it's very nice of him actually to take us for a bit of a sail. It's his way of saying thank you for all our hard work.
Gerry Standing: I prefer 'ard cash.
[they start down the ramp]
Gerry Standing: Ooh dear, be careful.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Shut up.
Jack Halford: Which one is Strickland's?
Brian Lane: G7. It must be the mooring number.
Jack Halford: Ah. G9. G8.
[pointing to a large yacht]
Jack Halford: Ah, must be this one.
Gerry Standing: Blimey!
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Wow!
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: [from the next boat] Ah! Welcome aboard the 'Last Minett'.
Gerry Standing: He's having a laugh, isn't he?
Jack Halford: I've seen bigger bathtubs.

Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: It turns out before Milburn and Carole got together, Carole and Patrick Nash were the school's Romeo and Juliet
Gerry Standing: Ah, shagging.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: I think the preferred term is childhood sweethearts.
Gerry Standing: Hmp. Shagging.

Jack Halford: Grant Milburn. He is the man Leanne claims Fisher murdered. He made his millions in casinos.
Gerry Standing: Alright. I remember him.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Not surprised. It was propbably you who made him rich.


"New Tricks: Queen and Country (#9.3)" (2012)
[first lines]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: So this is where Annabel drowned. December 2008, this lake was covered in two inches of ice, so she must have fallen through it.
Gerry Standing: How deep is it?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Oh, it's only six foot, but the cold and the shock mean she wouldn't have lasted more than a minute. Three days later, on Christmas Day, there was a thaw, and a jogger spotted her body in the water.
Brian Lane: Jogging on Christmas Day? Who was he, Billy No-Mates?

[last lines]
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: If I may, I'd like to buy you all a drink.
Brian Lane: Oh, thanks very much.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Sandra?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Yeah, okay,
Gerry Standing: Ah, already booked, I'm afraid.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Okay, see you tomorrow.
Gerry Standing: Ta-da.
[Strickland and Sandra leave]
Brian Lane: Who? Vera?
Gerry Standing: Danny!
Brian Lane: Oh, your cousin.
Gerry Standing: Yeah. I skyped him.
Brian Lane: All the...
[gestures to indicate signing]
Gerry Standing: Yeah, I mean the picture quality wasn't very good, but no, we got on like a house on fire.
[picks up large model plane box]
Gerry Standing: Bought him a present.
Brian Lane: Thought you said he was into trains.
Gerry Standing: No, no, he's into *planes* now. Least I bloody hope that's what he said.

[Sandra notices a book on Gerry's desk]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: What's that? 'Basic Guide to Sign Language'.
Brian Lane: Oh, he fancies a bit of interpreting.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Really?
[Gerry just shrugs]
Brian Lane: Well, he fancies a bit of something.


"New Tricks: Things Can Only Get Better (#10.7)" (2013)
Steve McAndrew: [reading a brochure] "Trent Communication promotes and protects the interests of world-class brands and current affairs." What the hell does that mean?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Someone swallowed a bullshit pill.

[last lines]
Gerry Standing: [to Max] Why don't you stick around; we're going for summat to eat.
Steve McAndrew: Yeah, Danny's going to break the padlock on his wallet or face a data protection charge; you don't want to miss that.
Max Clement: Shouldn't mind. Where we going?
Gerry Standing: Bombay Boonah.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Why don't we try somewhere different?
Danny Griffin: Like what?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: A kebab?
Gerry Standing: Kebab! No! We know what we like and we like what we know. Listen, I doubt if you can get a good Jalfrezi where you come from.
Max Clement: A what?
Gerry Standing: It's a traditional English dish.

Max Clement: Fancy something to eat?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: I thought you had a meeting.
Max Clement: Rule of life: always embrace the unexpected.


"New Tricks: Body of Evidence (#9.5)" (2012)
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: You have to realise that if that list had got out the lives of those officers would have been in danger.
Catherine Green: That's what happens in a war.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Oh we're at war, are we?
Catherine Green: Yes, we're at war. We're fighting for our civil liberties, for our freedom, for fairness against a corrupt self-regarding patriarchal establishment who are willing to sacrifice every single one of us in the pursuit of money and power.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Very nice speech, Boz. Very rousing. But you see, I don't think that Boz hit Martin Longthorn because he unmasked her; I think Catherine hit him because he betrayed a lonely young woman who thought that she'd finally found some sort of connection in the real world.
Catherine Green: I think I should only be taken apart by a qualified technician.

[first lines]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: A couple of weeks ago you were moaning that the workload was too heavy without Jack.
Gerry Standing: Look, we're not saying we don't need someone.
Brian Lane: It's just who that someone is.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: What's wrong with Steve?
Gerry Standing: Na- nothing, nothing. He's a nice bloke; he just needs calming down a bit.
Brian Lane: We didn't get a say in it.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: No, you didn't,
Brian Lane: Well then.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Well then, what? Finding a replacement for Jack was my decision and mine alone, Brian.
Brian Lane: But it's a new member of the family.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: No, it's a new member of the team; he's a good detective, and that's all that matters.

Professor Blake: What happens now?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: I honestly don't know. I'll have to contact the CPS, and they'll figure out if you've committed a crime and whether they want to prosecute it.
Professor Blake: I realize I've been very stupid.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Unfortunately there's no law against that.


"New Tricks: Good Morning Lemmings (#7.5)" (2010)
[first lines]
Brian Lane: [as he keys into computer] Arrived at the major crime unit this morning, ready for action. This is my world. Feels like the calm before the storm. But I know that I'll be kicking down doors before long.
[computer beeps]
Brian Lane: Oh, no. I... Come on, Brian, come on, think, think, think.
[starts keying again]
Brian Lane: On my way in this morning, I played a game that keeps me sharp. Spot the criminal. It's the game I always win. Cop is in my DNA.
[computer beeps again]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Morning.
Brian Lane: [in a strangled voice] Bry, the bloody, lou...
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: What's the matter, Brian?
Brian Lane: [sighs] I'm struggling to distil what happened to me this morning down into under 140 characters.
Gerry Standing: Characters?
Brian Lane: Yeah, letters and spaces.
Gerry Standing: What are you talking about?
Brian Lane: Twitter.
Gerry Standing: Oh gawd.
Brian Lane: There's a count-down thing tells you how many characters you've got left.
Gerry Standing: Yeah.
Brian Lane: Turns red when you get below ten which is actually quite intimidating.
Jack Halford: Brian! I have been watching you all morning. And I can sum up what you have achieved in six characters. "Sod all"!
Brian Lane: Seven. You forgot the space.

[last lines]
Gerry Standing: I used to do a spot of painting.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Really?
Gerry Standing: Oh, yeah. Mostly landscapes... and nudes.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Don't even go there, Gerry.
[Gerry chuckles]


"New Tricks: 1984 (#1.3)" (2004)
Jack Halford: Tell her about Hoult.
Brian Lane: Rude. Very.
Sandra Pullman: Not a criminal offence.
Brian Lane: Hnh. Should be. Rudeness and contempt, three to five minimum.

[last lines]
Gerry Standing: Is that 'im? Squirrel Nutkin? It's a dangerous game, sleeping with the enemy.
Sandra Pullman: You stink!
Brian Lane: You do, actually.


"New Tricks: Family Business (#2.2)" (2005)
Supt. Sandra Pullman: [Referring to a criminal convicted of race-hate crimes] He's now a born-again Christian.
Gerry Standing: [Shaking his head in disbelief] Jesus!
Jack Halford: He was the first, I think you'll find.

Sgt Pushkar Guha: Right then, back to uniform.
Brian Lane: What are you on about? You've hardly had yours off.
Sgt Pushkar Guha: What? Ruin a perfectly good suit?
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Shame.
Jack Halford: Bloody shame.
Gerry Standing: [and Pushkar and Brian, together] Pound.
Brian Lane: Pound minimum.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: The swear box is gone.
Gerry Standing: What do you mean gone? How?
Jack Halford: It's a police station. Some bugger nicked it.


"New Tricks: Love Means Nothing in Tennis (#9.6)" (2012)
[last lines]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: [to Gerry] I think your Paula's a very lucky girl.

Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Every time my mother forced me to do something I didn't want to do, I fought against it tooth and nail.
Gerry Standing: Why am I not at all surprised?


"New Tricks: The Rock: Part One (#10.1)" (2013)
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Don't be stupid, Brian.
Brian Lane: Stupid? Yeah, that's exactly what I am. He's got the platinum pension, the kids who love him, a-and a reputation that's so shiny you can see your face in it. What have I got? Arthritis. A son who wishes I didn't exist. And a name that'll never be clear.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: You've got UCOS; you've got Esther. And you've got us, and not one of those things has ever let you down.

Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: The son of a highly decorated Second World War veteran, Sir Charles Highsmith.
Steve McAndrew: Looks like the apple fell far from the tree, eh.
Gerry Standing: Then it rolled down the hill, stopping off at all the bars, brothels and casinos.


"New Tricks: Coming Out Ball (#7.8)" (2010)
[first lines]
Jack Halford: [entering the pub 'The Galway Belle'] Here.
[he hands Sandra her purse]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Fintan MacEntee? Detective Superintendent Pullman.
Jack Halford: Jack Halford. Interesting choice of venue.
Fintan MacEntee: Well, I wanted to meet you two somewhere there was no chance of bumping into any of my fellow countrymen.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Here?
Fintan MacEntee: Believe you me, no self-respecting Irishman would be seen dead in this place.

[last lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Drive!
Jack Halford: What?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Just drive!


"New Tricks: The Girl Who Lived (#9.4)" (2012)
[last lines]
Steve McAndrew: See you around.
Gerry Standing: Ta-da.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Steve!
Steve McAndrew: Yeah?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: How long is it exactly since you retired?
Steve McAndrew: Five years; why?

D.A.C. Robert Strickland: I understand it was Mr McAndrew who spotted the dishwasher hadn't started.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Yes.
D.A.C. Robert Strickland: Is he still being very annoying?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Don't know what he's being; he's just odd.


"New Tricks: Fluke of Luck (#2.7)" (2005)
[first lines]
Antonio: Good. Very good. You move well, but more attitude, more open, more sex. And don't fight me. In salsa the man is always the leader; the woman is there to follow his signals, his desires. The man is always in control, just like in life. You must cut off your brain; salsa does not come from here
[pointing to head]
Antonio: , it comes from here.
[places hand on heart]
Antonio: The heart.
[places hand on her]
Supt. Sandra Pullman: If you don't take your hand off my tit, I'll break your wrist

Esther Lane: You really do make a fabulous man.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Years of practice.


"New Tricks: Casualty (#4.1)" (2007)
[last lines]
Det. Supt. Karen Hardwick: I'm off.
Brian Lane: Where to?
Det. Supt. Karen Hardwick: Malaga. As of ten minutes ago, I'm officially retired. Adiós.
Gerry Standing: Guv'nor, can I have a week off?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: No!

Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I've got addresses for most of the people involved, but even the hyper-efficient Karen Hardwick can't locate Oyekambi or Freedman. But Oyekambi's Nigerian so there's a good chance she's not even in the country. I'm going to go and see White's widow; I think it's time we let the victim's family know what we're doing.
Gerry Standing: Detective Chief Inspector Karen Hardwick?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Yeah, why? D'you know her?
Gerry Standing: Heh-heh! I know her all right.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: [disgustedly] Ah, Christ! Not another one.
Gerry Standing: No, no, no, no. I worked with her. If we don't crack this case, she will.


"New Tricks: Tiger Tiger (#8.10)" (2011)
[first lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: July the twenty-first 2006 at three p.m., Zac Halsey left this ATM and crossed the road before entering the Top Dog video store, which was the last place that he was seen alive. By seven the following morning, this was all that was left of him.
Gerry Standing: Ugh, do you mind? I've just had me breakfast.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: So had Misha, a tiger at Harefield Zoo. Zac was a keeper there and Misha was his favourite, apparently.
Jack Halford: Obviously the feeling wasn't mutual.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Misha ate most of his internal organs, parts of his thighs, his lower abdomen and two of his fingers.
Jack Halford: The female of the species is deadlier than the male.
Gerry Standing: Hmph, tell me about it.

[last lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: You know, Zac's mother said that if we caught her son's killer she'd like the opportunity to meet with him to tell him that she'd forgiven him, and I'm *damned* if he deserves that.
D.A.C. Strickland: Still, congratulations. It's an extraordinary catch.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Thank you, sir.
D.A.C. Strickland: As long as you're happy with then manner in which it was achieved. As long as your team's all pulling in the same direction.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: What do you mean?
D.A.C. Strickland: Still all up to the rigours of the job.


"New Tricks: Ducking and Diving (#4.3)" (2007)
[Gerry is describing how he used to lust after diver Lotte Haas wearing a swimsuit when he was nine years old]
Gerry Standing: I've always had a thing for older women.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Now there aren't any!

Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: My responsibility is to see that the job is done.
Gerry Standing: Yeah, but that's not why you're doing it, is it? You want to prove something, don't you? That you're top girl; the best, the fastest, the bravest!
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Balls!
Gerry Standing: The very word, and you want some.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: No, no no no. What's pissing you off is the fact that a girlie is doing things you can't do; it's called old-fashioned male chauvinism.
Gerry Standing: Yeah, well, maybe so. But whatever you want to call it, what's *pissing* me off is the fact I have to hang around like a spare part when you might be in danger.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Gerry, that's reall...
Gerry Standing: And if you say that's sweet of you, I'll punch your lights out!
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: You and whose army?


"New Tricks: Trust Me (#2.3)" (2005)
[first lines]
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Hannah Taylor, eighteen. Abducted from her home on the second of April, 1992. Two days later her mother received a ransom demand for twenty thousand pounds. The ransom was paid, but Hannah wasn't returned.
Wilson: Three weeks later, Michelle Davis, nineteen; she's abducted as she returns home after a night out with friends. Neither girl's seen nor heard of again. Hannah and Michelle lived five streets apart. There's no evidence to suggest that they knew each other.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: But, given the geography and the M.O., we have to work on the basis that the perpetrator was the same. Now, the original investigation drew a blank, but in 1998 forestry workers discovered a decomposed body in Epping Forest, and DNA samples on file from the original investigation showed it to be Hannah Taylor.
Wilson: However, last month an inspection reveals that a technician at the lab that had conducted the DNA tests wasn't following procedure. He mixed up the girls' DNA samples. The body isn't Hannah Taylor; it's Michele Davis.

[Sandra walks into the office to find Jack adding information the the whiteboard, and Gerry's desk cut in half]
Supt. Sandra Pullman: What happened to Gerry's desk?
Jack Halford: D I Wilson.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: And where's Gerry?
Jack Halford: Welding Wilson's locker shut!


"New Tricks: Old Fossils (#8.1)" (2011)
[first lines]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: [Brian opens a storage locker] Brian!
Jack Halford: Well, say what you like about Bob Ruxton, but he never kept you waiting.
Brian Lane: Aye, he was a good man. Always had time for a chat.
Gerry Standing: And he always pulled the rounds. The nights I've been on the hit-and-miss with Doc Ruxton...
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Yeah, well, that kind of behaviour might account for his having been suspended, mightn't it?
Jack Halford: It's a hard thing for a man to be publicly pilloried after a long and distinguished career.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: He's not being pilloried, Jack. He's facing charges of negligence and incompetence.
Brian Lane: Nobody's perfect, Sandra.

Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: I'll fix us up a meeting with the Keeper of Palaeontology, who's the head of Fletcher's old department.
Gerry Standing: Excuse my ignorance, but what does the Keeper of Palaeontology actually do?
Brian Lane: Oh, a very important job, Jerry. He's responsible for a world-class collection of fossils.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: [mutters] Just like me.


"New Tricks: A Face for Radio (#5.3)" (2008)
[first lines]
Jack Halford: [on answering machine] Please leave a message after the tone.
Brian Lane: Jack, it's Brian. Just haven't heard from you for a while. Well, since... Look, give me a call when you get a chance.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Hi, Jack, it's Sandra. Call me.
Gerry Standing: You all right, mate? It's Jerry. Look, I wondered if you fancied a pint some time this week. Uh, well, give us a shout if you do, eh.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: OK, Jack, I know you're upset; I get that. But would it kill you to let us know you're all right? Jack, where are you?

D.A.C. Strickland: I'm interested in anything you have to say about procedure considering how it's been ignored around here.
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: I'm not sure I understand, sir.
D.A.C. Strickland: An illegal mobile phone trace. An even more illegal credit card search. Neither of them fruitful, which suggests to me that Jack Halford doesn't want to be found, which is his prerogative considering he's no longer an employee of the Metropolitan Police.
Brian Lane: Since when?
D.A.C. Strickland: Since he walked out of here without a backward glance. Oh, this is ridiculous; I will not have this department held to ransom. It's time to move on.
Gerry Standing: Quite right, sir. You'll get my resignation in the morning.
Brian Lane: What!
D.A.C. Strickland: Fine. We'll interview for yours and Jack's replacements. Oh, I'm sorry, was this supposed to show me the error of my ways? Prove to me how indispensable Jack really is? Well, let me tell you this: no-one in this department is indispensable. Do I make myself clear?
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Crystal, sir. So, would you prefer my application for a transfer in writing, or will an email do?
D.A.C. Strickland: Don't be a bloody fool, Sandra.
[Sandra just looks at him]
D.A.C. Strickland: Well, don't expect a reference.
[Strickland leaves]
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: That could have gone better.
Gerry Standing: Well, it was pretty impressive from where I stood. Should buy Jack a bit more time shouldn't it?
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: Hope so.


"New Tricks: The Fourth Man (#7.10)" (2010)
Frank Patterson: [At the grave of a potential witness who has been dead for years] The "softly, softly" approach really paid dividends, didn't it? Did old Tony give up anybody else? The Kray twins? Lord Lucan?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Oh, shut up!

[first lines]
Jack Halford: [Brian is listening at the keyhole to Sandra's office] Morning, Brian.
Brian Lane: [startled] Aaagh. Knock it off, Jack.
Jack Halford: Bit early to be skulking around, isn't it? Who's in there?
Brian Lane: Well, that's the point. I don't know. I got here ten minutes ago and it was already sealed to the outside world.
Jack Halford: [Leaning in to listen] Well, Sandra certainly.
Brian Lane: Strickland?
Jack Halford: Sounds like. There's someone else.
Brian Lane: Yeah, who is that?
Gerry Standing: Morning.
Brian Lane: [Startled. Falls over] Aaagh. Ohhhh.
D.A.C. Strickland: [Opening the door] Brian, are you all right? What's happened? Does he need a doctor?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: He's fine, just nosey.
Gerry Standing: [Helping Brian to his feet] What's going on in there?
Frank Patterson: [appearing around the doorframe] Nurse, they're out of their beds again.
Brian Lane: Oh bloody hell.
[Falls down again]
Brian Lane: Ow. Ohhh.


"New Tricks: A Delicate Touch (#2.1)" (2005)
[last lines]
Gerry Standing: And you! You should have realized that Pendle was a lesbian straight off.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Why?
Gerry Standing: She had a cat!
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Oh right! All lesbians have cats. I'll write that down.
Jack Halford: File it under Standing: Intuition.
Brian Lane: Is he paid extra for that?
Jack Halford: No. Only me.
Gerry Standing: Hold on. Hold on!
Brian Lane: Does he get more than us?
Supt. Sandra Pullman: No. Only God knows why not.

Supt. Sandra Pullman: Hang on. Are you saying you knew Pendle wasn't involved not because of any lack of evidence but because of some kind of gut feeling?
Ronnie Ross: Based upon my experience.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: You're not serious.
[Ross just looks at her]
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Oh, fine; so we just bow to your superior guesswork.
Ronnie Ross: Intuition, not guesswork.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: What's the difference?
Ronnie Ross: Intuition is when you get it right; guesswork is when you get it wrong.


"New Tricks: Fresh Starts (#6.3)" (2009)
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Of course, I can't make you come.
Gerry Standing: But you'll make our lives a bleeding misery if we don't.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Yeah.

[last lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Come on; pub.


"New Tricks: End of the Line (#8.2)" (2011)
[first lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Last week, Peter Offord, a forty-three-year-old plumber, was arrested on suspicion of a warehouse robbery in Wembley, but his DNA didn't match any found at the scene. However, it did show a link to a man found strangled on a tube train *here* in March ninety-six. Dead man's identity has never been established.
Jack Halford: Until now?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Turns out Peter Offord was that murder victim's son.
Gerry Standing: Yeah? How'd he react to that?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Never knew his dad, apparently; he was brought up alone by his mum.
Gerry Standing: Hmh.
Brian Lane: But I don't understand; if this fellow died on the tube, then surely this is one for the British Transport Police.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Yeah, well, since two thousand two, the Commissioner and the Transport Police Chief Constable confer on such cases, and it's been mutually agreed that UCOS should take this one on.
Gerry Standing: What she means is it's been dumped on us.
Jack Halford: Any scene of crime photos?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Nope.
Jack Halford: List of suspects?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: No scene of crime photos, no list of suspects and we don't even know the victim's name.
Gerry Standing: Well, what happened to him?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: He was strangled face to face.
Gerry Standing: What sort of bloke was he?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: A vagrant.
Brian Lane: What, a tramp?
Gerry Standing: Oh, great!

Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: [about the unidentified victim] And actually, can we stop referring to him as 'him' or 'the victim'. Let's dignify him with a name or something.
Brian Lane: Tom.
Jack Halford: Dick.
Jack Halford, Gerry Standing, Brian Lane: Harry!
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Harry.


"New Tricks: Shadow Show (#6.4)" (2009)
Don Maddox: Max Stone was belly-up, with a pair of scissors sticking out of his chest. Gloria couldn't have done that.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Really?
Don Maddox: She only stabs in the back.

[last lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I had Don Maddox down as a total shit. What he did was... well, romantic really.
Gerry Standing: There's no law that says a total shit can't be romantic.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Is that right, Gerry?


"New Tricks: Dark Chocolate (#7.4)" (2010)
[last lines]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: [finds Gerry smoking a cigar] I bloody knew it.
Gerry Standing: Look, I did try giving up, honestly. Anyway, I never said I was going to stop smoking; I said I was going to stop smoking *cigarettes*.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Your lungs.
Gerry Standing: Yeah, but I felt so ill, honestly, I couldn't bear it.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: [she grabs his cigar and crushes it underfoot] Bear it.

[first lines]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: [accepting drink from spa attendant] Thank you.
[answering her mobile phone]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Gerry, what do you want? It's my day off.
Gerry Standing: Yeah, I know. Listen, I'm sorry about that, Guv, but I need your help.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Why, what's happened?
Gerry Standing: No no no, nothing like that. It's just... listen... I'm giving up cigarettes.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Gerry, well done! That's fantastic!
Gerry Standing: And I just wondered whether you'd by my fag buddy.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Your what?
Gerry Standing: Fag buddy. You know, somebody who helps somebody else give up smoking.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Oh, right, yeah, of course. No, I'd love to help.
Gerry Standing: Yeah, but you've got to keep encouraging me, all right? Make sure I don't waver. Make cigarettes history!
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Absolutely. Good man; keep it up.
Gerry Standing: Oh, I will. Yeah, cheers. Bye.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Bye.


"New Tricks: 17 Years of Nothing (#2.8)" (2005)
[first lines]
Jack Halford: Kempton.
Gerry Standing: 2:30,Fat Chance, five pound to win.
Jack Halford: Three to one.
Gerry Standing: 3:30, ten pound, Happy Clappy to win.
Jack Halford: Five to one!
Brian Lane: Morning.
Gerry Standing: Weatherby, three o'clock, Mission Accomplished, twenty quid on the nose.
Jack Halford: It was sixteen to one!
Supt. Sandra Pullman: What are you doing?
Gerry Standing: Gerry's bets! Last week his winnings amounted to...
Brian Lane: One thousand eight hundred and seventy-three pounds.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Well. Hope you're pleased with yourself.
Gerry Standing: Yes! You see, because of *you* I didn't put any money on 'em. These are the bets I would have made if I was still gambling, but... now I'm reformed, now it plays no part in my life, I can't stop bloody winning.
[Jack and Brian start to laugh]
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Don't read the papers, then.
Gerry Standing: I'm a man; we all read the papers. Backwards, starting with the sporting pages.

[last lines]
Gerry Standing: Mr. Strickland. Um... I seem to remember a little wager we had. Twenty pounds, I think.
D.A.C. Strickland: Yeah, yeah, you'll get it.
[Strickland leaves]
Gerry Standing: Thank you.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Was that some kind of a *bet*?
Gerry Standing: No! Well, yes, but it was... Look, it didn't have anything to do with...
Jack Halford: Horses.
Gerry Standing: No.
Brian Lane: Or dogs.
Gerry Standing: No.
Supt. Sandra Pullman: Tossers!


"New Tricks: Dead Man Talking (#7.1)" (2010)
[first lines]
Tom Eldridge: Sandra!
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I'm in a rush; I'm sorry, Tom.
Tom Eldridge: I left a couple of messages on your phone. Four, actually.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Yes.
Tom Eldridge: You're avoiding me.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I've just been very busy.
Tom Eldridge: You've been busy... Family, Sandra. You're the only blood relative I have left.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Sorry, Tom.

[last lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I'm not sure how this is going to work out.
Tom Eldridge: Me neither. That's OK, isn't it?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: It'll have to be.


"New Tricks: Object of Desire (#8.6)" (2011)
[first lines]
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Thank you very much.
Driver: You're welcome.

[last lines]
Jack Halford: This seat taken?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: 'Tis now.
Jack Halford: What you drinking?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: A lot.
Jack Halford: I know how you feel. White wine and large scotch, please.
[long pause]
Jack Halford: Gerry thought you'd lost it. *You'd* lost it.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: As if.
Jack Halford: I tod him: "Sandra's no fool. She knows how far to go."
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Thank you.
Jack Halford: Always said you'd go far.


"New Tricks: Good Work Rewarded (#1.4)" (2004)
[last lines]
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Derek Rodger.
Brian Lane: Did you tell him?
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: He died three o'clock this afternoon.
Jack Halford: Well, him and his lad will have plenty to talk about.

Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: You slept with her, didn't you?
Gerry Standing: Yeah.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: You disgust me.
Gerry Standing: We never discussed you at all.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Jack!
Jack Halford: Diane Loveless. She still have that tattoo of a killer whale on her bum?
Brian Lane: I thought it was a shark.


"New Tricks: Half Life (#8.9)" (2011)
[last lines]
Brian Lane: To UCOS.
Gerry Standing: UCOS.
Jack Halford: And all who sail in her.
Brian Lane: All who sink in her.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I've got some news.
Brian Lane: Yeah, we can guess. How long have we got?
Jack Halford: We know you've discussed it with Strickland.
Gerry Standing: We're prepared for the worst.
Brian Lane: Past as new.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Sorry to disappoint you, but Strickland has made some inquiries, and you're not going to get away that easily.
Gerry Standing: What did he say?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: UCOS has not been and never will be destined for closure.
Brian Lane: I knew it. I knew they'd never get rid of us.
Gerry Standing: Well, we've got years of experience between us; that doesn't grow on trees, you know.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I'm sure that's one of the things they took into consideration, but somehow I don't think it's what clinched it.
Jack Halford: The fact is: we're dirt cheap.


"New Tricks: Father's Pride (#4.7)" (2007)
[last lines]
Chris Parr: I didn't think I'd see you again. Is this an official visit?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: [long pause] OK. Ground rules.
Chris Parr: Go on.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: My job comes first.
Chris Parr: Same with me.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I don't do soppy phone calls in the middle of the working day.
Chris Parr: I don't even answer the phone.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: I don't want to meet your family.
Chris Parr: I don't want to meet yours. Anything else?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Yeah. I don't pay for sex.
Chris Parr: Shame. 'Cause I have a special offer on this week. Buy one, get one free.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Well, I do love a bargain.
[they kiss]


"New Tricks: Loyalties and Royalties (#5.4)" (2008)
[last lines]
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: What are you going to call yourselves, anyway?
D A C Strickland: Well, uh, we were thinking maybe the, uh, The Cop Shop Boys.
Gerry Standing: We can come up with something better than that, can't we? After you've gone.
D A C Strickland: Unh, we could hardly call ourselves The Police, could we?
[laughs]
Gerry Standing: What about, um, Gerry and the Pacemakers? Nah. Hey! AC/PC!
[they laugh]
Gerry Standing: Are you ready, *sir*?
D A C Strickland: I'm born ready, Gerry.
Gerry Standing: And, one, two, three, four...


"New Tricks: Left Field (#7.3)" (2010)
[first lines]
Jack Halford: You bring me to the nicest places.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: If this case is as open-and-shut as Strickland thinks it is, hopefully we won't be here too long.
Jack Halford: So this bloke Davis wants to make a confession twenty-five years after the event. Have we spoken to his mental health officer?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: He does have a link to the missing boy; he was a friend of the family.
Jack Halford: So what? His conscience got the better of him?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Maybe he found religion when he was inside.
Jack Halford: Yeah. There's gotta be another reason for all this.


"New Tricks: Magic Majestic (#5.6)" (2008)
[last lines]
Gerry Standing: So. Gonna tell me about this hypnotist?
Brian Lane: Gerry, you've heard of a trigger? Well, the hypnotist plants in his subject a particular trigger, something familiar, close to the subject's heart. Hit that trigger, cause a nuclear reaction.
Gerry Standing: And what's my reaction?
Jack Halford: We daren't say.
Gerry Standing: Well, what's my *trigger*?
Brian Lane: Well, I'd give the music of Gerry Rafferty the widest possible berth.
[a new song starts on the jukebox]
Brian Lane, Det Supt Sandra Pullman, Jack Halford: No!


"New Tricks: Ice Cream Wars (#3.7)" (2006)
[first lines]
Gerry Standing: There you go.
[places bowls of jellied eel in front of them]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Oh dear, oh dear.
Brian Lane: We walked all this way for this?
Gerry Standing: Yeah, it's closing down; it's me last chance.
Jack Halford: Can I borrow your glasses, Gerry?
Gerry Standing: Go on, it won't bite!
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: You sure about that?
Gerry Standing: Jack, come on, you're a man of the world.
Jack Halford: [studying the bowl dubiously] It doesn't look like this is of this world. No thank you.
Brian Lane: I don't eat food that wobbles.
Gerry Standing: Well, you don't know what you're missing.
[takes a large bite]
Gerry Standing: Mmm. Mmm. The true taste of Old London; you know, the one being wiped out by Ken and his cronies. I mean, hundreds of years of history and tradition...
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Oh, for God's sake, shut up. Look, I'm eating it.
Brian Lane: Oh pooh, Ernie.


"New Tricks: It Smells of Books (#7.2)" (2010)
[last lines]
Gerry Standing: Well, I'm going for a pint. You going to the library?
Brian Lane: I've had it with libraries.
Gerry Standing: Eh?
Brian Lane: They're full of weirdos.
Gerry Standing: I thought that's why you felt so at home.
Jack Halford: Anyway, they're a thing of the past.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Mm, really?
Brian Lane: [holding up ereader] This is the way forward. Linked to the Internet it allows me to access the world's literary culture from the comfort of my own armchair.
Gerry Standing: Cor, let's have a go. Can you play football manager on it?
Brian Lane: No, you can't, and be careful. I've just downloaded the complete poems of Philip Larkin.
Jack Halford: Now there's a man who spent his life in libraries.
Gerry Standing: Huh. Here's a good quote.
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: What's that then?
Gerry Standing: "Books are a load of crap."
Jack Halford: [affected professorial tone] I think you'll find that's an example of Larkin's use of irony.


"New Tricks: Wicca Work (#3.5)" (2006)
[last lines]
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: How the hell am I going to write this one up?


"New Tricks: Gloves Off (#7.9)" (2010)
[first lines]
Jack Halford: [Arriving at prison gates] Sandra. You been waiting long?
Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Thirty seconds is too long in this place.


"New Tricks: Eyes Down for a Full House (#2.6)" (2005)
[last lines]
Gerry Standing: Now Stanley left the factory for a bit of the other, right?
Jack Halford: Right.
Gerry Standing: But he forgot his mobile phone. So when he gets to his girlfriend's flat he realizes he can't find it, so he dials the number, like you do when you lose your phone. Now the fire started in the kitchen area, and he'd left the gas on. The phone rings, ignites the gas. Well it's like when you turn on a light bulb. When a mobile phone rings, it *can* spark electricity. That's why you get all these notices telling you not to use 'em near petrol pumps and stuff. So the call sparks the phone; the spark ignites the gas. Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
Supt. Sandra Pullman: You clever boy.
Gerry Standing: Well, thank...
Sylvia Ackerman: [protesting outside] A husband and wife should be together for life.
Brian Lane: Well, seeing as how Stanley's an innocent man shall we give him a break and not put forward Gerry's theory? Let him stop inside.
Jack Halford: Be the humane thing to do.
Gerry Standing: I can't handle that for the next two years.


"New Tricks: Painting on Loan (#1.2)" (2004)
[first lines]
Gerry Standing: [to car salesman] There you go. Look registered with the Stag Owners Club. British steel. British upholstery. British craftsmanship. It's the last of the great British cars, this. Oh, look, look. Smell that leather. Go on, smell it.
Gerry Standing: [his mobile rings] Morning.
Sandra Pullman: [on phone] Where are you?
Gerry Standing: I'm on my way in now; I won't be long.
Sandra Pullman: What you wearing?
Gerry Standing: Pardon?
Sandra Pullman: What are you wearing?
Gerry Standing: Well, today I'm wearing boxers. Blue cotton. They're quite clingy, too. When I move I can feel them riding...
Sandra Pullman: Have you got a tie?
Gerry Standing: Ooh, you want to tie me up, do you? You want to restrain-
[Sandra ends the call]
Gerry Standing: [to car salesman] Just the boss.


"New Tricks: Dead Poets (#9.7)" (2012)
[first lines]
Gerry Standing: Why did you kill him, Mehtin?
Mehtin Topal: I didn't.
Gerry Standing: You're lying.
Mehtin Topal: Look, I admit I was a bad man ten years ago.
Gerry Standing: You were a heroin smuggling sociopath who killed Sean Docherty.
Mehtin Topal: I didn't even know the guy. He was a poet, apparently; yeah, come on, do I look like I need the rhyme?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: His body was found in your yard.
Mehtin Topal: You found a poet on my patch, and used it as an excuse to sniff around and bring me down on a whole lot of other stuff. But you never charged me for the murder, and I'm walking out of here in nine months; so go suck on that.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: Sean was bludgeoned to death and then set alight in your yard between ten and ten thirty p.m. on March the twenty-ninth 2002.
Mehtin Topal: If you say so.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: And yet you weren't even in London according to your chauffeur, Emray.
Mehtin Topal: I was driving up to Newcastle.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: He stuck to that story for ten years.
Mehtin Topal: He's a good lad. I must remember to buy him a drink when I get out.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: You'll have a job; he's gone into witness protection. However, before he went, he broke your alibi.
Gerry Standing: So go suck on *that*.


"New Tricks: The Last Laugh (#6.6)" (2009)
D.C.S. Frank Paterson: Detective Superintendent Pullman, from the clean-up squad.
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: We prefer UCOS.
D.C.S. Frank Paterson: Course you do, sweetheart. No Gerry? How is the old sod?
Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman: I doubt he's changed much since you knew him, sir, but he did learn the hard way not to call me sweetheart.


"New Tricks: Spare Parts (#5.1)" (2008)
[last lines]
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: [about Jack Halford] He's done his paperwork and paid his bills.
Brian Lane: Immaculate. Like someone who... You don't think he...
Det Supt Sandra Pullman: No, no, there's stuff missing from the hall cupboard - wet weather gear, boots.
Esther Lane: I don't know where he's gone. But I do know he's coming back. Look.
[they look out the window]
Esther Lane: Mary. He'd never leave her. He'd have her moved, or take her with him. No, he's coming back.


"New Tricks: Home Truths (#1.5)" (2004)
Brian Lane: The owner of the bag was identified through this: a baby's vaccination card. William Adamson, born twenty-first of January 1971. Reported missing fifteenth of August 1971, along with his mother, Donna, age twenty-four.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Shouldn't it have gone to the station who originally filed the mother and child missing?
Brian Lane: It did.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: So it's their case.
Brian Lane: It's *my* case.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Excuse me. *I* decide which investigations we pursue.
Brian Lane: No, I mean it *is* my case, *was* my case, when I was stationed at Finsbury Park nick.
Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman: You're not going to go all obsessive, are you, Brian?
Brian Lane: Probably.