Bryan Pearson
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Quotes for
Bryan Pearson (Character)
from "The Bill Engvall Show" (2007)

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"The Bill Engvall Show: Snoop, Dog (#2.7)" (2008)
Lauren Pearson: It's like dad says, Raffles will come out when he's hungry.
Bryan Pearson: Sure. Just leave Raffles just like you left me at school. Leaver.
Lauren Pearson: Ugh. Will you get over that?
Bryan Pearson: Do you know who hangs out at the parking lot at that hour? Big scary sixth graders who just got out of detention!
Trent Pearson: Yeah, I did time in sixth grade D. Those were the days.
Lauren Pearson: Okay Brian, I'm sorry I was late.
Bryan Pearson: Oh, were you late? I didn't notice. I was too busy hyperventilating into a paper bag.

Lauren Pearson: [crawling under Faulkner's house to get Brian] Rainbows and butterflies. Rainbows and butterflies. Aaarghh, spiders approaching, spiders approaching, they're in my hair!
Bryan Pearson: All right, about another foot there's this giant spider web.
Bryan Pearson: That would be the one.

Lauren Pearson: [still under the house after getting Brian unstuck] Let's get out of here.
Bryan Pearson: It's ok, you don't have to hold my hand.
Lauren Pearson: I'm not holding your hand.
Lauren Pearson: [both quickly crawl out screaming, then Lauren sees Brian looking at his hands outside] What are you doing?
Bryan Pearson: Making sure I have all my fingers.

"The Bill Engvall Show: Feel Free to Say No (#1.5)" (2007)
Bill Pearson: [about his missing python] How come you're not out finding that viper of yours?
Bryan Pearson: She's not a viper. She's a constrictor. Pythons rarely bite, they crush their prey. Normally nothing larger than a wombat, so you're safe dad.
Bill Pearson: I don't care if it doesn't bite and it's on Jenny Craig. Find it.
Bryan Pearson: Yes sir.

"The Bill Engvall Show: You Decide (#3.2)" (2009)
Bryan Pearson: Doesn't matter what he looks like. Girls want a guy who's smart and knows the facts.
Lauren Pearson: Sure they do. Goodbye Johnny Depp. My hearts belongs to Al Gore.

"The Bill Engvall Show: No Gifts, Please (#2.3)" (2008)
Bill Pearson: [addressing Trent's oversleeping] Trent, you have got to figure out this sleeping problem, you can't keep going on like this.
Trent Pearson: Look, I'm sorry. I really am, but I can't help it.
Bill Pearson: Well, what do we have to do, yell into your ear with a megaphone?
Lauren Pearson: Dump a bucket of water over your head?
Bryan Pearson: Put a bunch of black widow spiders in your bed to fill you so full of poison your nervous system shuts down?
Bryan Pearson: [notices the entire family is staring at him] What, I mean if the water thing doesn't work.