No Photo Available
Quicklinks
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
Filmographies
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Biographical
biography
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Russ Cargill (Character)
from The Simpsons Movie (2007)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Russ Cargill: Springfield has become...
Man: Woooo! Springfield!
Russ Cargill: ...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.
Krusty the Clown: Drama queen!

EPA Official: S-sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power...
Russ Cargill: Of course I have. You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you!

Cletus: [after showing Cargill a trick with his thumb] You want to know how I do it?
Russ Cargill: Four generations of inbreeding?
Cletus: [Flattered] Oh, you.

Russ Cargill: Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
President Schwarzenegger: Ok, I pick 3!
Russ Cargill: Try again.
President Schwarzenegger: 1!
Russ Cargill: Go higher.
President Schwarzenegger: 5?
Russ Cargill: Too high.
President Schwarzenegger: 3?
Russ Cargill: You already said 3.
President Schwarzenegger: 6?
Russ Cargill: There is no 6.
President Schwarzenegger: 2?
Russ Cargill: Double it.
President Schwarzenegger: 4!
Russ Cargill: As you wish, sir.

Russ Cargill: [enters the Oval Office] President Schawarzenegger.
President Schwarzenegger: Ja. That is me.
Russ Cargill: The pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
President Schwarzenegger: Ach! Everything is "crisis this" and "end-of-the-world that"! No one opens with a joke! I miss Danny DeVito.
Russ Cargill: You like jokes, huh? Well, stop me if you've heard this one.
[holds up cage with the mutant squirrel]
President Schwarzenegger: [gasp] Look at all those angry eyes and pointy teeth! It's like Christmas at the Kennedy Compound!
Russ Cargill: Mr. President, you chose me, Russ Cargill, most successful man in America, to head the EPA, the least successful government agency. Why did I take the job? Because I'm just a rich guy who wants to kick some ass for good old Mother Earth. I want to give something back. Not the money, but something. That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.
[spreads the files on the President's desk]
Russ Cargill: Each one will cause untold misery and...
President Schwarzenegger: [points to File #3] I pick Number Three!
Russ Cargill: Really? You don't want to read them first?
President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*. Number Three!

Russ Cargill: [levels a shotgun at Homer and Bart]
Russ Cargill: Hello, Homer.
Homer Simpson: So, we meet at last, whoever you are.
Russ Cargill: There's a couple of things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School, one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun, I'm going to do both right now.
Bart Simpson: Wait! But if you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!
Russ Cargill: What treasure?
Bart Simpson: Uhm, the treasure of Ima Wiener.
Russ Cargill: I'm a wiener?
[Homer and Bart laugh]
Homer Simpson: Classic!
Russ Cargill: Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.
[Cargill aims the shotgun, right as he is about to fire a boulder falls on him KOing him, the camera pans up to show Maggie]
Homer Simpson: Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be!
[Maggie winks and does a hand gun at Homer]

Moe: What are you telling us, were trapped like rats?
Russ Cargill: No, rats can't be trapped this easily, you're trapped like... carrots.

Russ Cargill: I was tricked by an idiot!
Cletus: Hey, I know how you feel; I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.

Russ Cargill: I want ten thousand tough guys, and I want ten thousand soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher.

Russ Cargill: Your government has realized that sealing you under this dome was a terrible mistake. Therefore, we are commencing with Operation Soaring Eagle
[crowd cheers]
Russ Cargill: ... which involves killing you all.

Russ Cargill: My name is Russ Cargill and I'm the head of the EPA.
Moe: The what?
Russ Cargill: Environmental Protection Agency.
Lenny: Come again?
Russ Cargill: Look, I'm a man on a big TV. Just listen.