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: [Carl is drunk and staggering around the kitchen having a go at everyone
] Same goes for you. Veronica
: Me! Carl
: Yeah, you! Veronica
: Oh yeah. Carl
: I don't like your bathroom! Veronica
: [Veronica grabs carl by the chin
] well stay out of it then smelly arse! Kev
: Aw, leave him alone he's tanked. Ian
: Who let him get like that? Lip
: [points to Veronica
] She did. Veronica
: We're just celebrating the fact that you're not dead Ian!
[he had a bad case of food poisoning
: [hands a glass of milk to Carl
] Come on Carl, drink this. Carl
: [to Kash
] And you, you robbing bastard! Ian
: Carl, cut it out. Carl
: How much are your Twix meant to be? Kash
: 49p Carl
: So, how much are a quarter of midgie demmers meant to be? Kash
: 28p. Carl
: Yeah, so how much is it meant to come to then, you robbing bastard! Ian
: Carl, I'm warning you. Kash
: 77p! Carl
: No, it's not, it's 77! Kash
: Yeah! I said 77p! Carl
: Did ya, OK, sorry, sorry, Kash, I love your shop and your daughter is a stunner.
[Kash has a vision of Carl marrying his daughter and gets a look of horror on his face
: You're gonna fake it! Veronica
: Why not? Fiona Gallagher
: You can't Veronica
: Why not? We'll still be married it just won't be legal!
[Veronica almost falls off the balcony
] Veronica Fisher
: Oh shit. That would've sucked! Fiona Gallagher
: Showing up at your wedding fucking paralyzed and shit? Yeah!
: She never took him! She borrowed him... accidentally.
: [about Sheila
] Jesus, is that bitch ever gonna shut up? Sheila Jackson
: And Frank's mother. We're just so honored that you're here. Even though you weren't even invited. And not really "honored" because you're a convicted felon. But you're out now, aren't you? Why did they let you out? Because you're a loud, mean, vicious bitch. Karen Jackson
: Okay, mom, let's open presents. Peg Gallagher
: Why don't you do yourself and everyone else a favor and shut up. Sheila Jackson
: I'm sorry. Have I offended you, in my home, where your an interloper? Peg Gallagher
: No one wants to hear it, you fucking windbag. Karen Jackson
: Mom, let's go upstairs. Sheila Jackson
: She called me a Wacker Drive Whore. Fiona Gallagher
] Frank! Frank Gallagher
: Oh, let 'em work it out. Sheila Jackson
: And I don't know how an angel like that man could've come out of your poisoned womb! Peg Gallagher
: SHUT UP, YOU BATTY BITCH! Sheila Jackson
: You know what? You've got a demon mind and a devil's womb and heart. AND YOUR COOCHIE SMELLS OF BRIMSTONE AND SULFUR! Peg Gallagher
: [Takes out her pistol and points it at Sheila
] I WILL FUCK YOU UP! Fiona Gallagher
: Shit! Veronica Fisher
: SHIT! Sheila Jackson
: DO IT, DO IT!
: It's never little Fiona? Veronica
: No, it's a little Veronica. Fuck do you want? Billy Wilson
: Mr. Wilson, housing officer.
: [talking about places Steve and Fiona could go for their Honeymoon
] I recommend Barbados. Fiona Gallagher
: Barbados! Where did you stay? Kev
: No, I've never been, I just recommend Barbados. Veronica
: In that case I recommend Palestine
[Kev and Fiona look at her confused
: I don't mean Palestine do I? Where did Beverly go? Fiona Gallagher
: Dubai. Veronica
: [to Fiona
] I've had so many abortions the next one's free.