Carl Gallagher
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Quotes for
Carl Gallagher (Character)
from "Shameless" (2011)

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"Shameless: Episode #2.0" (2004)
Carl: [Carl is drunk and staggering around the kitchen having a go at everyone] Same goes for you.
Veronica: Me!
Carl: Yeah, you!
Veronica: Oh yeah.
Carl: I don't like your bathroom!
Veronica: [Veronica grabs carl by the chin] well stay out of it then smelly arse!
Kev: Aw, leave him alone he's tanked.
Ian: Who let him get like that?
Lip: [points to Veronica] She did.
Veronica: We're just celebrating the fact that you're not dead Ian!
[he had a bad case of food poisoning]
Lip: [hands a glass of milk to Carl] Come on Carl, drink this.
Carl: [to Kash] And you, you robbing bastard!
Ian: Carl, cut it out.
Carl: How much are your Twix meant to be?
Kash: 49p
Carl: So, how much are a quarter of midgie demmers meant to be?
Kash: 28p.
Carl: Yeah, so how much is it meant to come to then, you robbing bastard!
Ian: Carl, I'm warning you.
Kash: 77p!
Carl: No, it's not, it's 77!
Kash: Yeah! I said 77p!
Carl: Did ya, OK, sorry, sorry, Kash, I love your shop and your daughter is a stunner.
[Kash has a vision of Carl marrying his daughter and gets a look of horror on his face]


"Shameless: Episode #1.1" (2004)
Steve: Hey Debbie, why do they call him Lip?
Lip: A. You stink, B. You're not as funny as you think you are and C. You whacked a bouncer, so you're gonna be dead soon so it's pointless getting to know you.
Carl Gallagher: Stuff like that.
Steve: Stuff like that yeah, boy meets death wish.


"Shameless: Pilot (#1.1)" (2011)
[first lines]
Frank Gallagher: Nobody's saying our neighborhood is the Garden of Eden. Hell, some people say God avoids this place altogether. But it's been a good home to us, to me and my kids, who I'm proud of, 'cause every single one of them reminds me a little bit of me. Fiona, my rock, huge help. Has all the best qualities of her mother, except she's not a raging psycho bitch.
Fiona Gallagher: [handing her kids a Kleenex] Blow.
Frank Gallagher: Lip, smart as a whip. Straight As and the honor roll - boy's definitely going somewhere.
Cop: [chasing Lip] You, come back! Stop!
Frank Gallagher: Ian, industrious, conscientious, ambitious, incredible work ethic. Don't have a clue where he got that from. Wants to be a paratrooper. Knows how to disembowel an enemy with a roll of dimes and an old gym sock.
Frank Gallagher: Carl. Uh, I don't really know that much about Carl. Oh! Loves animals. Always dragging home some poor stray he found, taking them up to his room.
Carl Gallagher: [holding a cat and a blowtorch]
Frank Gallagher: Ah, Debbie. Sent by God. Total angel. Raises money for UNICEF year-round, some of which she actually turns in.
Frank Gallagher: Liam, going to be a star. I'm no biologist, but he looks a little bit like my first sponsor. He and the ex were close.
Frank Gallagher: Kev and Veronica, fantastic neighbors. There's nothing they won't do for each other. Or *to* each other. That didn't hurt half as much as I thought it would. I never realized how little sex I was having till V and Kev moved next door.
Frank Gallagher: And me, Frank Gallagher, father, teacher, mentor, captain of our little ship. We may not have much, but all of us, to a man, knows the most important thing in this life. We know how to fucking party!
[police cars rush onto the property]
Frank Gallagher: No!