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Quotes for
Duke (Character)
from G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
The Baroness: Try this on for size, boys.
[launches missiles at the Joes]
Duke: Oh, shit!

Duke: [after crashing into cars while running in the accelerator suits] Okay, that was crazy. I didn't expect that. What happened to you?
Ripcord: I went through the train. What happened to you?
Duke: I jumped over it.
[pause]
Ripcord: You can do that?
Duke: Yeah. I told you to read that manual.
Ripcord: There's a manual?

Duke: [to Snake-Eyes - inquiring where he is from] What about you?
Shana 'Scarlett' O'Hara: He doesn't speak.
Ripcord: Why?
Breaker: He doesn't say.

The Baroness: [smiles] Hello, Duke.
Duke: [surprised] Anna?
The Baroness: [kicks him] Now you have to admit, you had that coming.

Ripcord: [exercising] Hey, man, Breaker told me Scarlett graduated college at 12 years old. She's like some freaky little deadly genius.
[Ripcord leans on bars]
Duke: Rip. I get it, Rip. You like her.
Ripcord: Sorry, my bad. To hell with it!
[Ripcord lets go]
Duke: Rip. Rip.

Duke: This is Captain Duke Hauser, prepare to be boarded.
Viper Guard: Sir.
Cobra Commander: You are relentless, Duke, I'll give you that much. And what's to stop me from blowing you out of the water?
Duke: Self preservation. I'm taking you in, Rex.
Cobra Commander: [laughs evilly] You and what army?
Duke: My army.

General Hawk: Looks like your mission is complete here, Duke.
Duke: [regarding the Baroness] When you move then, she's gonna come after you. You know that, right? And with her Intel and toys, she'll find you.
General Hawk: What's your point?
Duke: You're going after her first and we want in.
Ripcord: General, it was our team that got wasted out there. We deserve payback.
General Hawk: You don't ask to be part of G.I. Joe. You get asked.

[as Storm Shadow prepares to kill Duke]
Duke: [pointing his gun] Move and I'm gonna blow her away.
The Baroness: [to Duke] Do it. You already killed me once.

McCullen: I'm gonna make you very unhappy.
Duke: I'm already unhappy.


"Community: G.I. Jeff (#5.11)" (2014)
Duke: Wingman, Three Kids, Buzzkill, Tight Ship, you stand accused of violence, suggestive language, and mature situations unbecoming of GI Joe. What say you?
Wingman: Look, I understand this is the first time a GI Joe killed anyone in all of recorded history. However...
Tight Ship: However, to be truthful, this is a very disorganized militia.
Buzz Kill: Yeah, what's anyone's rank? We're all just dressed like serial killers and strippers.
Three Kids: I have three kids!
Wingman: You guys are not helping. Duke, Flint, Scarlet, yes, it's true. I killed Destro and I promise not to do it again, but is it really a crime? Is Cobra not a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world? And if we never kill them, are we not basically on their side? And won't this war therefore last forever unless we finish killing Cobra or start killing ourselves?

Cobra Commander: Ah, look who'sssss conscious again.
Duke: You're pretty selective with those snake S's.
Cobra Commander: What are you, my life coach? I'd make fun of some physical detail about you, but there aren't any! You look like some Aryan foosball figure!

Cobra Commander: Say, do you mind if we ask you a few questions about real life?
Wingman: No problem.
Cobra Commander: [to Duke] Ask him.
Duke: So... what do boobies look like?
Wingman: Wait, you don't know? You guys have never seen a naked woman?
Cobra Commander: This makes me feel bad...
Wingman: Have you guys ever tasted Scotch? Does Scotch liquor exist here?

Duke: Yo Jo-bra!


G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987) (V)
Duke: I want you guys to infiltrate Cobra's Terrordome and destroy it. By the way, how's he doing?
Sgt. Slaughter: It's too soon to tell but I think the kid's got a lot of potential. And by the way, I won't tell him you asked.

General Hawk: How is he, Scarlett?
Scarlett: Not good.
Duke: I guess I can't look out for you anymore, kid...
Lt. Falcon: Don't say that, Duke! Doc'll fix you up.
Duke: This isn't Doc's day for miracles... It's my own fault... I'm too slow...
Lt. Falcon: No, no! You did it to save me!
Duke: Promise me you'll try to... get your act together... Be a credit... to your country...
Lt. Falcon: I... I'll make you proud. You'll see.
Duke: Yo... Joe...
Scarlett: He's gone into a coma. Duke...
General Hawk: Falcon, don't worry. We'll do everything we can for Duke. Yo Joe.

Lt. Falcon: Don't say that, Duke. Doc'll fix you up.
Duke: This isn't Doc's day for miracles. It's my own fault... ah... I was too slow.
Lt. Falcon: No, no! You did it to save me!

General Hawk: Lt. Falcon, I don't know how an arrogant misfit like you got into this outfit in the first place!
Tunnel Rat: [whispering] Are they going to shoot Falcon?
Law: No. This is just a preliminary hearing.
General Hawk: Three Joes injured and Serpentor freed by some bizarre new enemy, all because YOU can't follow orders! Your record is a shameful parade of insubordination and gross dereliction of duty. We searched your files in the hopes of finding SOME act of merit to offset the maximum penalty. We found... none!
Duke: [stepping down from the gallery] If it please the court, I ask that the defendant be spared.
General Hawk: On what grounds?
Lt. Falcon: [grabbing Duke's arm] Duke... don't.
Duke: [pulls away] I just know that deep inside, there's a Joe worth saving; Falcon is my half-brother.
General Hawk: [shock and surprise reverberates through the courtroom] We should confer on this. Duke, you may remove the defendant.
[Falcon and Duke step outside]
Lt. Falcon: [angrily] Don't do me any more favors, "big-brother"!
Jinx: Falcon! Duke's just trying to help!
Lt. Falcon: How? By busting my chops every chance he gets?
Duke: I promised our mother I would keep an eye on him. Maybe I shouldn't have taken the job.
[Falcon clenches his fist]
Tunnel Rat: He did the crime, he oughta do the time!
Big Lob: Now *you* might get penalized for his screw-up!
Lt. Falcon: Hey! Nobody's going to take the fall for me! I don't need your help!
[grabs Duke by the shoulders]
Lt. Falcon: STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!
Low Light: [door hisses open] Showtime!
General Hawk: [inside the courtroom] Lt. Falcon, it is the judgment of this tribunal that you *not* be turned over for court-martial.
[Falcon and Duke express surprise]
General Hawk: However, you still must answer for the severity of the charges against you. Falcon, you're going to learn what it means to be a Joe even if it kills you. I'm sending you to the Slaughterhouse!
[bangs gavel]


"G.I. Joe: Excalibur (#1.35)" (1985)
Flint: Face it, Duke. We're lost. We need a sign from above.
Duke: [spots a "Yo Joe" signal light in the sky] Ask, and you shall receive.

Flint: We don't get some help soon, we're buying the farm!
Duke: Don't put in your order for a tractor just yet. Up there!
[Re-enforcements arrive]
Flint: Well lookee what the storm blew in.

Flint: Look, I hate to say this, Duke. But we're lost. It's going to take a sign from above to get us out of these moors alive.
Duke: Ask and ye shall receive.
[Pointing up to a Yo Joe in the sky]
Flint: Well what do you know.

Flint: Now if they'd just lower the draw bridge.
[the draw bridge lowers]
Flint: We're on a roll! What else should we ask for?
[Cobra starts firing at them]
Duke: A bullet proof hide!


G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)
Captain Duke Hauser: Drive it like you stole it!
Roadblock: As your good friend, you need a new catchphrase.

Captain Duke Hauser: Anyone ever tell you, you fight ugly?
Roadblock: Not from their backs, they don't.

Roadblock: That's on the rise. Like your panties.
Captain Duke Hauser: You love my panties.
[pause]
Roadblock: That's an interesting choice of a joke. Of all the things you could say...
Captain Duke Hauser: Alright, okay, I'm just saying...
Roadblock: You love my panties?
Captain Duke Hauser: Are you going to shut up?
Roadblock: What does that mean?


"G.I. Joe: Once Upon a Joe (#2.10)" (1986)
[Duke tastes a spoonful from a pot on the stove]
Duke: Yuck! I've tasted laundry soap better than this!... Come to think of it, this IS laundry!

Duke: [to Leatherhead and Frog-Face] You two bozo brothers couldn't bring home the bacon even if they worked on a pig farm!

Duke: Boys, boys, boys! Come here! I want to talk about food!
Leatherhead: Yummy! When do we eat?
Duke: We don't, we're all out of food! Unless one of you boys wants to go to town to by some hamburgers!
Shipwreck: [narrates] So first, he sent Leatherhead to pick up the grub. But on his way he met the big bad Cobra, who struck his weakest spot and made off in a flash with the cash!


"G.I. Joe: Renegades: Revelations: Part 2 (#1.26)" (2011)
Cobra Commander: Vandalism will not be tolerated, Sergeant Hauser.
Duke: Name's Duke, DeCobray.
Cobra Commander: And you will address me... as Commander! Cobra Commander!


"G.I. Joe: Resolute: Part 2 (#1.2)" (2009)
[as Snake-Eyes goes to confront Storm Shadow]
Duke: You can go with him, or stay with me; your call. Make it now.
Scarlett: You mean stay with the unit.
Duke: You heard what I said.


"G.I. Joe: Renegades: The Anomaly (#1.21)" (2011)
Nicky Lee: All right, grunts. Eyes sharp, try to keep up.
Conrad Hauser: Who died and made you Scarlet?
Nicky Lee: No offense, Duke, but this is MY turf!


G.I. Joe: Valor vs. Venom (2004) (V)
Link: Felt good being back in action. Wouldn't mind a chance to help out and do it again.
Hawk: Welcome aboard, Dr. Talbot.
Hi-Tech: See? I told you so. When we get back to HQ, I'll fit you for your own gauntlet.
Duke: Speaking of gauntlets...
[tries to give Hawk the gauntlet he's wearing]
Hawk: You keep that one. You earned it, Duke.


"G.I. Joe: Renegades: Fire Fight (#1.10)" (2011)
Conrad Hauser: Contrary to popular belief, we don't like blowing stuff up... it just works out that way!


"G.I. Joe: The Wrong Stuff (#1.49)" (1985)
Scarlett: [after viewing Cobra Television Network] You don't think anyone will watch that garbage.
Lady Jaye: Some people will watch anything Scarlett.
Duke: That's not the worst of it Lady Jaye, some people will believe anything.


"G.I. Joe: The Traitor: Part 2 (#1.47)" (1985)
[last lines]
Mrs. Rudat: Now that my Dusty's a Joe again, will somebody explain what happened?
Duke: Easy enough, Mrs. Rudat. Chemists told us our new armor treatment was unstable. Sooner or later, Cobra would have figured that out. When Cobra agents approached Dusty, he came to me. We cooked up the whole trader routine... Cause we wanted Cobra to get the armor treatment. But a Cobra bomb put me in a coma. I was the only one who knew that Dusty's defection was never for real.
Mrs. Rudat: You poor, poor boy.
Dusty: Aw, Mom.


"G.I. Joe: The Great Alaskan Land Rush (#1.52)" (1985)
Duke: First we freeze, now we bake.
Scarlett: Now I know how a TV dinner feels.