Ted Maltin
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Quotes for
Ted Maltin (Character)
from Jingle All the Way (1996)

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Jingle All the Way (1996)
Ted Maltin: Howard, I'm of the mind set you can never do too much to make a child's Christmas magical.

Ted: Howard, they say it might get icy later. You might wanna wrap some chains around those tires.
Howard Langston: [muttered to him softly as he drives backwards] Maybe I should wrap some chains around you.
Ted: What?

[Howard is trying to reach his wife on the phone, but Ted is over and answers]
Howard Langston: Can I talk to my wife?
Ted: I think she is in the shower, Howard.
[with a fresh attitude]
Ted: Do you want me to go check?
Howard Langston: NO!

Ted Maltin: [to Liz in the car] Here, have some non-alcoholic eggnog.

Ted: [when an attempt to flirt with Liz ends with her hitting him over the face with a jug of eggnog causing it to splatter him] Well... that didn't exactly go as well as I'd hoped.

Ted: [in a humiliated state, arriving after Turbo Man reveals himself as Howard] What's going on?
Johnny: Look, Jamie's dad is Turbo Man.
Ted: [appalled, then takes Johnny away] Let's get outta here!
Johnny: But Dad, you smell like barf!

[on the day before Christmas Eve, after having failed to make it to his son's karate class, Howard has just gotten home, and got out of his car, and in kind of a guilty mood, starts heading towards his house]
Ted Maltin: [from Howard's roof] Hey, neighbor!
Howard Langston: Ted, what the hell are you doing on my roof?
Ted Maltin: What's Ted doing on your roof?
[we suddenly see him light up the whole house]
Ted Maltin: Ta-da! I had some extra lights in the garage, and since you didn't put up any yourself, I just thought "What the hey?" Why not spread a bit of Christmas cheer around the neighborhood?
Howard Langston: [sarcastically] Gee, Ted, how thoughtful!
Ted Maltin: Hey! I'm sorry you missed the karate class today, but don't worry, I got it all on video for you.
Howard Langston: [sarcastically] What would I do without you?

[In a friendly tone, Howard tries to pet Ted's reindeer, and the reindeer tries to attack Howard's hand]
Ted Maltin: Wow, that's odd. Reindeer are usually such gentle animals. There must be something about you he doesn't like! Aftershave or something.