Maynard G. Krebs
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Quotes for
Maynard G. Krebs (Character)
from "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis" (1959)

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"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: Soup and Fish (#1.30)" (1960)
Sabrina Armitage: Ah, you speak French!
Maynard G. Krebs: Yeah, I took it in school last year.
Sabrina Armitage: Didn't you just adore it?
Maynard G. Krebs: Yeah! I flunked! The passing grade was 70, I got a 43, and the teacher wouldn't give me the benefit of the doubt!
Dobie Gillis: Maynard...
Maynard G. Krebs: I mean, a measly nine-point difference and he flunks me!
Dobie Gillis: Maynard! You also flunked math!

Sabrina Armitage: It'll be a rather formal party, so naturally we're dressing!
Maynard G. Krebs: "Naturally?" There's, like, laws in this town!

Maynard G. Krebs: You gotta save me, good buddy! I mean, when I meet a chick face-to-face, I get cold feet clear up to my skull!
Dobie Gillis: Maynard, you'll have to get used to girls sooner or later!
Maynard G. Krebs: How's about later, when I'm, like, too old to care?
Dobie Gillis: Maynard. Girls aren't gonna hurt you!
Maynard G. Krebs: Oh, no? They let you spend money on 'em, they take away all the seats on the bus, and they giggle about you in the girls' locker room! Ohhhh, no; I'm steering clear of foreign entanglements!
[Venice enters]
Venice West: Sabrina-chick! I've been burrowing through all the record stores, and they are square, girl! Just square! Strictly Nowheresville!
Maynard G. Krebs: "Nowheresville?"
Venice West: Like, way out in Stick City, man! WAY out!
Maynard G. Krebs: Ooh, I hear my people calling!
[Venice and Maynard walk over to each other]
Venice West: You in-in, Daddy-O?
Maynard G. Krebs: The innest, girl!
Venice West: Who ya dig on the horn?
Maynard G. Krebs: Dizzy Gillespie, who else?
Venice West: On the 88's?
Maynard G. Krebs: Thelonious Monk, natch!
Venice West: Like, cool!
Maynard G. Krebs: Like, cool!
Venice West: Like, hi!
Maynard G. Krebs: Like, hi!
[They embrace and sit at the park bench together]
Dobie Gillis: Like, that's the strangest mating call I've ever heard!


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: The Ugliest American (#4.4)" (1962)
Maynard G. Krebs: [suspiciously eying the Amazon natives] Dobe, I tell you those Indians are phonies! I ain't never seen one of 'em chasing John Wayne.

Clydene Quigley: [attempting to calm the frightened Dobie and Maynard, who are surrounded by Amazon natives] The natives aren't here to hurt us. They're just here to look us over.
Maynard G. Krebs: That's just what General Custer said.


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: What Makes the Varsity Drag? (#4.6)" (1962)
Roadblock Jahurski: Gillis, I warned you not to see my ladyfriend Lottie Lee on penalty of instant mayhem.
Maynard G. Krebs: Golly, Mr. Roadhouse, that must have slipped Dobie's mind because him and Lottie Lee have been out day and night.
Dobie Gillis: Maynard!

Maynard G. Krebs: [while impersonating Dobie in the football huddle] "Homerun Gillis is ready to sink that basket!"


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: The Call of the Like Wild (#4.35)" (1963)
Amelia: [Dobie and Amelia are sitting on a bench flirting when suddenly Amelia is distracted] Dobie, do you smell something strange?
Dobie Gillis: Yeah, like somebody set fire to an old innertube.
Amelia: [jumping to her feet, looking enraptured] Oh, no. It's the call of the wild. Glorioski, it makes me feel tingly all over. Rrrruff!
Dobie Gillis: [Dobie stands and swaggers over to her] Yes, I often have that effect on girls. It's a dangerous power, but some of us must live with it.
Amelia: [ignoring Dobie, glancing about her] It's coming closer. It's so wild, savage and primitive!
Maynard G. Krebs: [enters scene] You growled?

Gina Lololasagna: Kiss me, my beautiful antipasto!
Maynard G. Krebs: Will you give me a nickel?
Gina Lololasagna: A nickel? I give you my Oscar, my Emmy!
Maynard G. Krebs: Miami? Oh, I'd rather have Cleveland. That's a town in Indiana.


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: Dobie Versus the Machine (#2.21)" (1961)
Dobie Gillis: What I need now is somebody extra-wise, super-intelligent, a kind of combination of Einstein and Plato and Baruch and Shakespeare...
Maynard G. Krebs: [enters scene] You rang?
Herbert T. Gillis: No offense, Maynard, but if he rang, never was there such a wrong number.


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: Dig, Dig, Dig (#3.6)" (1961)
Dobie Gillis: Dad, I want to go on a dig during my summer vacation.
Herbert T. Gillis: A what?
Dobie Gillis: A dig.
Winifred Gillis: A dig?
Herbert T. Gillis: A dig?
Maynard G. Krebs: [enters room] Dig? I hear my people talkin'!


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: Like Oh, Brother (#3.22)" (1962)
Hawley: Helping these kids is very important to us. I want to stop every one of them from growing up to be a crummy, shaggy, no-good bum.
Maynard G. Krebs: [enters room] You rang?


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: Blue-Tail Fly (#3.13)" (1962)
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: [Exasperated, closing classroom windows to quiet the folksinging drifting in from outside] You'll forgive the interruption, my young scholars, and I use the term with my usual devil-may-care abandon, but despite appearances to the contrary, this is still a class in political science, not a jam session featuring the Kingston Trio.
Maynard G. Krebs: [Suddenly roused from his slumber and jumping from his seat] Like where? Like where? Like where, where, where?
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: Mr. Krebs...
Maynard G. Krebs: Ooh, ooh, my people have landed! Some cat said so; I heard him!
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: I'm the cat who mentioned them, Mr. Krebs.
Maynard G. Krebs: Oh, like thank you, your cap and gownship, sir. I mean, sir, you're like a real human being.
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: Mr. Krebs...
Maynard G. Krebs: And that ain't easy, considering you're a teacher.


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: The Marriage Counselor (#3.19)" (1962)
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: And now, can anyone in this class give me a concise definition of marriage? How about you, Mr. Krebs? I would like a definition that is well-reasoned and thoughtful and I withdraw the question.
Maynard G. Krebs: That ain't kind, your diplomaship. You're all the time saying I don't know the answer without giving me a chance.
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: You're absolutely right, Mr. Krebs. Forgive me.
Maynard G. Krebs: You're like forgiven.
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: Like thank you.
Maynard G. Krebs: Like you're welcome.
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: Can you answer the question?
Maynard G. Krebs: Like no.
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: Like that's what I figured! And now to return from this voyage to a lost continent...


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: The Fast White Mouse (#3.4)" (1961)
Zelda Gilroy: [Addressing Dobie] I love you in a classroom, I love you anywhere. I love you indoors, outdoors, upstairs, downstairs, backwards, forwards, I love ya!
Maynard G. Krebs: How come?
Zelda Gilroy: How come what?
Maynard G. Krebs: How come you love him? He don't love you.
Zelda Gilroy: He will. I'll get him yet.
Maynard G. Krebs: So what do you have when you have him? I mean, he's kind of puny, he ain't too bright, and he'll be bald before he's thirty.
Dobie Gillis: Thanks a lot.
Maynard G. Krebs: Like you're welcome.
Zelda Gilroy: Don't you understand, Maynard? That's exactly why I love him. He's weak and bewildered and helpless. He needs me to guide his faltering feet.
Dobie Gillis: Zelda, please, won't you get off my back?
Zelda Gilroy: Never, poopsie.


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: Baby Talk (#2.3)" (1960)
Zelda Gilroy: Dobie, get that baby out of here. You've got to.
Maynard G. Krebs: Good thinking.
Zelda Gilroy: Maybe, we could sneak her out the window.
Maynard G. Krebs: Good thinking.
Dobie Gillis: And then we could take it over to Maynard's house.
Maynard G. Krebs: Bad thinking.
Dobie Gillis: Why not?
Maynard G. Krebs: I don't exactly understand it, Dobe, but ever since I was born, my father ain't too crazy about babies.


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: The Truth Session (#3.26)" (1962)
Winnie Gillis: [sternly addressing Maynard] We went home and had a little talk about you.
Maynard G. Krebs: Yeah? What about me?
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: Well, numerous suggestions were put forward, Mr. Krebs; unfortunately, none of them legal.
Herbert T. Gillis: Yeah, tar and feathers are hard to get now.


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: And Now a Word from Our Sponsor (#4.18)" (1963)
Dobie Gillis: This college is going to get the cream of my musical taste.
Maynard G. Krebs: We're in trouble, Dobe.
Dobie Gillis: What do you mean?
Maynard G. Krebs: No, offense, Dobe, but the cream of your musical taste is Chubby Checker sings the best of Noel Coward.


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: Have Reindeer, Will Travel (#3.11)" (1961)
Maynard G. Krebs: [Brainstorming ways to get money] Hey, Dobe, what if I wrote to the president and asked him for a government loan?
Dobie Gillis: The president in Washington?
Maynard G. Krebs: Yeah! I'd say, Dear Mr. Truman...
Dobie Gillis: Oh, Maynard, his name is Kennedy now.
Maynard G. Krebs: Truman's name is Kennedy?


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: Around My Room in 80 Days (#2.8)" (1960)
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: [to Dobie and Maynard at school] Well, you saw it, boys: Paul with those dropouts.
Maynard G. Krebs: Dropouts? How come they call 'em dropouts?
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: Because they dropped out of school before they graduated.
Maynard G. Krebs: What do they do now?
Mr. Leander Pomfritt: Nothing - just loaf.
Maynard G. Krebs: [excited at the prospect of loafing all day] Yeah? How old do you have to be to be a dropout?


"The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis: Dobie Goes Beatnik (#2.4)" (1960)
Charlene: What's with him?
Joanne: He says he's a protest cat.
Maynard G. Krebs: Yeah, that's right! I'm protestin', cats all over the world are protestin', My whole social group is, like, protestin'! We're angry young men, and we're all protestin'!
Charlene: And what is it that you angry young men are so angry about?
Maynard G. Krebs: I dunno... and that's why I'm such an angry young man!