Brisco County Jr.
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Brisco County Jr. (Character)
from "The Adventures of Brisco County Jr." (1993)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: Pilot (#1.1)" (1993)
Brisco County Jr.: [alias "Kansas"] Pete, put the gun down.
Pete Hutter: They say I'm the fastest draw west of the Colorado. You care to try me, Kansas?
Brisco County Jr.: I don't know. I'm not that good at geography.

Amanda Wickwire: You're not an outlaw?
Brisco County Jr.: No.
Amanda Wickwire: Then who are you?
Brisco County Jr.: Brisco County.
Amanda Wickwire: Is that where you're from?
Brisco County Jr.: No ma'm, that's who I am.

Brisco County Jr.: You'll have to excuse Comet. He doesn't know he's a horse.

Brisco County Jr.: Well, you had one hell of a funeral, Dad. Governors from three states and two territories showed up. I'm sorry I missed it. I'm, ah, I'm sorry I missed a lot of things. But I'm gonna finish the job you started. You can count on that. John Bly has to be caught... so I hope you're looking out for me up there. I can use all the help I can get.

Pete Hutter: You ready?
Brisco County Jr.: Pride comes before a fall, Pete.
Pete Hutter: So does an ounce of lead in a brainpan.

[conversation on board a runaway stagecoach]
Dixie Cousins: What do we do now?
Brisco County Jr.: Well, I can swing out, get a good foothold and climb up to the top of the stage. And then if I'm real careful and God is on my side, I could leap onto the back of the rear horse and work my way out to the lead team, taking care not to fall beneath their thundering hoofs. Then reach out, grab the bridle of the lead horse and rein them in to a safe and steady stop.
Dixie Cousins: Oh, my!
Brisco County Jr.: Or... we can jump!

Dixie Cousins: You like the bed? It comes from France.
Brisco County Jr.: Louis the Fourteenth?
Dixie Cousins: No. I think Louis was the Ninth or Tenth. But then, a lady never counts.
Brisco County Jr.: Oh? Then what are those notches on your bedpost?

Brisco County Jr.: Which one of you is Aristotle Poole?
Socrates Poole: That's Socrates Poole.
Brisco County Jr.: Oh, sorry. I guess that's a common mistake.
Socrates Poole: Not at all.
Brisco County Jr.: Well, it is if you flunked Greek philosophy two years in a row.

Socrates Poole: You're not quite what I expected, Mr. County.
Brisco County Jr.: Well, expectations lead to disappointment, Socrates. That's why I try not to have any.
Socrates Poole: You almost cost us both our jobs. They do not like to be called robber barons, you know.
Brisco County Jr.: Well, of course they don't. It isn't exactly a compliment.

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: Socrates' Sister (#1.5)" (1993)
Lord Bowler: Help Brisco I can't swim!
Brisco County Jr.: Try standin' up

Lord Bowler: What happen t' Gravesend, who put a dang lake here?
Brisco County Jr.: Damn.
Lord Bowler: Alright damn lake.
Brisco County Jr.: Damn, as in water barrier. The Army put it in last spring. It was in all the papers.

Brisco County Jr.: Ok now... Bend over and chew on this.
Iphigenia Poole: I beg your pardon!
Brisco County Jr.: The straps
Iphigenia Poole: Chivalry is dead!

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: Bye Bly (#1.20)" (1994)
Lord Bowler: People say I lack patience. Maybe they're right. Because right now I feel like mangling you into something that a cat wouldn't recognize as a fur ball.
Brisco County Jr.: Funny thing is, he's not even mad yet.

Lord Bowler: Damn!
Brisco County Jr.: Now, it's just anatomy guys.
Lord Bowler: Yeah, it sure looks real good on her.

Socrates Poole: [after Karina enters the time gateway] Where exactly, did she go?
Brisco County Jr.: Back to the future.

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: High Treason: Part 1 (#1.26)" (1994)
Brisco County Jr.: We heard you were alive Pete.
Lord Bowler: We Just didnt believe it, We saw you get killed by that chinese death star, with our own eyes.
Pete Hutter: Well thats the thing about your chinese death stars, An Hour later and your alive again.

Prof. Albert Wickwire: [coming out of his workshop after an explosion coughing] Brisco!
Brisco County Jr.: Hello Professor
[getting off his horse walking over to shake Wickwires hand]
Brisco County Jr.: Are you ok?
Prof. Albert Wickwire: Yeah, working on a new kind of balloon,it uses hydrogen for lift, Wonderful stuff, but a little ubstable
[coughing words, Oh the humanity]

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: High Treason: Part 2 (#1.27)" (1994)
Brisco County Jr.: Uh, we heard you were alive, Pete.
Lord Bowler: We just didn't believe it. We saw you get killed by that Chinese death star with our own eyes.
Pete Hutter: Well, that's the thing about your Chinese death stars. An hour later you're alive again.

Socrates Poole: [Climbing down a ladder] Brisco!
Brisco County Jr.: Socrates what are you doing here?
Prof. Albert Wickwire: I thought you could use the help, And I needed someone to pass gas for me.
Lord Bowler: Uh ain't that something you supposed to do by yourself?
Prof. Albert Wickwire: Impossible, the cabins too large.

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: Showdown (#1.10)" (1993)
Brisco County Jr.: Bowler, you get men stationed on all the high points in town.
Annie Cavendish: What do I do?
Brisco County Jr.: Annie, get your gun.

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: Deep in the Heart of Dixie (#1.11)" (1993)
[Lord Bowler is dressed up like a nun to hide from outlaws]
Brisco County Jr.: Now that's what I call a real bad habit.

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: Brisco in Jalisco (#1.4)" (1993)
Brisco County Jr.: Correct me if I'm wrong, Pete. Weren't you killed in a gunfight?
Peter Hutter: I was only gut shot. I healed, I'm stronger now with less appetite.
Brisco County Jr.: You could be a pioneer in the field of weight loss.
Peter Hutter: Weight loss? Why would anyone want to lose weight?

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: No Man's Land (#1.3)" (1993)
Brisco County Jr.: [seeing the tank] What is that thing?
Lord Bowler: Your basic mobile battle wagon. Socrates hired me to get it back.
Brisco County Jr.: How you gonna do that?
Lord Bowler: I have no idea.

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: Brooklyn Dodgers (#1.19)" (1994)
Lord Bowler: Brisco we can't just keep running like this!
Brisco County Jr.: I know, i know, since they got our guns you got any better ideas?
Lord Bowler: [gun shots] Run faster!

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: Mail Order Brides (#1.14)" (1993)
Brisco County Jr.: You wouldn't be dumb enough to shoot me with all those soldiers out there, would you Bill?
Phil Swill: I'm Phil. *He's* Bill. And I just might be dumber than you think.

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: Ned Zed (#1.21)" (1994)
Brisco County Jr.: [as they ride off] You know something Bowler, this trip has taught me something.
Lord Bowler: What's that?
Brisco County Jr.: The more I learn the less I know.
Lord Bowler: Yeah I hear you Brisco and I understand what you mean.
Brisco County Jr.: You do?
Lord Bowler: Yeah, at the rate we learnin thangs, we won't know nuthin in no time.

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: Stagecoach (#1.22)" (1994)
Peter Hutter: Hello Brisssco.
Brisco County Jr.: Pete Hutter what are you doing out here?
Peter Hutter: Exercising my constitutional right to make the best possible living in a free market economy.

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: Riverboat (#1.6)" (1993)
[after a murder attempt]
Brisco County Jr.: How's it going, Hatchet? Miss me?
Hatchet: By a couple of inches...

"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.: Wild Card (#1.23)" (1994)
Enzio Tataglia: [Sitting at a table in the middle of town] In my country we have a saying "If you yodel in the forest , the yoohoo that you yoohoo will be the yoohoo that you get back."
Brisco County Jr.: Where were you from again?