Dahlia Malloy
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Quotes for
Dahlia Malloy (Character)
from "The Riches" (2007)

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"The Riches: This Is Your Brain on Drugs (#1.9)" (2007)
[first lines]
Dahlia Malloy: Why didn't you come to bed last night? Huh? What's the matter with you?
Wayne Malloy: I saw the little baggy your friend K left you last night. The one with the white powder in it?
Dahlia Malloy: She left it.

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] Of all the assholeholic things you've done, this is the most assholeholic.

Dahlia Malloy: [to Cael, Di Di and Sam] Okay, do not go upstairs. Your Dad's got food poisoning.

Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] Now, Kimmy, you know how to work the Google thing, huh? Can you find out what a person's supposed to do when another person's done a shit load of meth. Is it the one where you pack their head in ice?
Kimmie: Huh?
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] I'm giving an anti-drug talk at my kid's school. Okay?
Kimmie: Okay.

Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich, to Cherien's Mother] It's nice having a Momma. Even a bull shit one like you.

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] Shoosh!

Dahlia Malloy: [to the children] She's senile.
Cherien's Mother: You're not Cherien.
Dahlia Malloy: Well, mostly senile. It's Cherien's Mom.
Di Di Malloy: Wait, I thought she was in a nursing home.

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] I'm not lying, Wayne. I told you I'm off that shit.

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] Oh, no. No, no. Hey, I was gonna flush it.

Wayne Malloy: [finding Dahlia's cocaine] How big a supply is this? A month? A week?
[Wayne snorts the cocaine]
Dahlia Malloy: No, Wayne! No, no!

Dahlia Malloy: Are you trying to blow this whole thing to Hell?
Wayne Malloy: How do you like it? Watching someone you love self-destruct.

Wayne Malloy: I've messed up your whole life.
Dahlia Malloy: All I've wanted is a messed up life with you.


"The Riches: Operation Education (#1.2)" (2007)
Sam Malloy: [about their new social security cards] So how do we use these cards?
Wayne Malloy: We use them to enroll you kids in school.
Dahlia Malloy: Would you stop scaring them?
Wayne Malloy: I'm serious.
Dahlia Malloy: So am I.

Dahlia Malloy: [talking about sending the kids to school] Oh, Wayne, it will kill their tiny minds.

Wayne Malloy: [handing Dahlia a credit card] It's F.E.O.
Dahlia Malloy: For Energetic Orgasms?
Wayne Malloy: No. For Emergencies Only.

Dahlia Malloy: Di Di, what's your name?
Di Di Malloy: My name's Delilah Rich from Tampa.
Dahlia Malloy: Hobbies?
Di Di Malloy: Fencing, skiing, racquetball and sex.
[Dahlia slaps her on the shoulder]
Di Di Malloy: Ow! Chess.
Dahlia Malloy: Cut the sass!

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] They don't just give it to you, Wayne! This American dream. They don't just give it to you with a big old ribbon and a bow. If we want it, we gotta take it.

Wayne Malloy: [reading a Shakespeare quote] "We know what we are, but not what we may be". - William Shakespeare.
Dahlia Malloy: [to the kids] I don't know that means, but y'all take notes.

Dahlia Malloy: Cael, do y'all wanna go to private school or not?
Cael Malloy, Di Di Malloy: No.
Dahlia Malloy: Well, ya are.

Dahlia Malloy: There ain't nobody gon' tell me I don't care about my kids.
Di Di Malloy: You can't lose it.
Dahlia Malloy: Yeah, we will.

Sam Malloy: [pretending to be Sam Rich, about Jane Fedley] We can't leave her. Her bird is missing.
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] Miss Fedley is an adult. I'm sure she can manage.

Jane Fedley: I want to repay you
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] There's nothing you can do, Jane.

Jane Fedley: Oh, Cherien...
Dahlia Malloy: I got the kids into Rosemere.

[last lines]
Wayne Malloy: Your rock. Big hit.
Dahlia Malloy: No shit?


"The Riches: Pilot (#1.0)" (2007)
Dahlia Malloy: What y'all think about my hair?
Di Di Malloy: It's different.
Dahlia Malloy: Wow, you've grown up girl... beautiful
Cael Malloy: That's some real bad hair, Ma.

Wayne Malloy: [to Dale about the money] You gonna put it in the safe or wipe your ass with it?
Dahlia Malloy: Be nice, boys.
Wayne Malloy: Something tells me your Daddy never told you the combination.
Dale Malloy: He told me how to open it Wayne.
Wayne Malloy: What's the combination Dale? Does it have a two in it? Is it one of those numbers you can count up to?
Dale Malloy: Outside, outside! Enough with the damn bell daddy! Let's get something straight. I am the new boss, He is the old boss. That man doesn't take a piss without my help! You look at me when I am talking to you.
Wayne Malloy: What the hell did you promise Jenny Dannegan?
Dale Malloy: That marriage is good for the whole family. If we can get in bed with the Dannegans, we are in serious kush. It is good for all of us.
Wayne Malloy: It is not good for me.
Dale Malloy: I say, she marries him.
Wayne Malloy: I say you marry him.
Dale Malloy: I had her Wayne! All up in the ass!
Wayne Malloy: Who? This Jenny Dannegan?
Dale Malloy: Your wife!
Wayne Malloy: Oh? And where did all of this ass-having take place?
Dale Malloy: In my room.
Wayne Malloy: Oh, your mama's room? Hey I'll tell ya' where your heading Dale. In your dreams. You lost. I won. Get over it.

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] Now who buys a house on the internet?

Wayne Malloy: This life we're living, we can't live it anymore.
Dahlia Malloy: What kind do you want to live Wayne?
Wayne Malloy: I don't know.
Dahlia Malloy: You should have thought of that before you took the money, Wayne.
Wayne Malloy: Maybe.

Dahlia Malloy: We're going home.
Di Di Malloy: Home?
Cael Malloy: She means camp.
Di Di Malloy: What about Dad?
Dahlia Malloy: Your Dad's staying here.
Di Di Malloy: Well fine, then I'm staying here too.
Wayne Malloy: Don't be stupid, go with your Mother.
Di Di Malloy: She doesn't give a shit about me. I'm staying here. If we run into any more trouble, we'll just find ourselves some more dead buffers.
Wayne Malloy: Stop it, Di Di.
Dahlia Malloy: [reaching for her arm] Come on, baby.
Di Di Malloy: No, I said I'm staying. Don't push me. - I know more than you think.

Ginny Dannegan: We're gonna have ourselves a wedding. Our boy and your girl.
Wayne Malloy: Our daughter is a precious gem.
Ginny Dannegan: Dale said it.
Dahlia Malloy: Since when does Dale make the rules?

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] You wanna pretend to be the dead guy? You wanna wear his suits and you want me to be his dead wife?

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] You know what happens if they find us? You know what happens to me? I go back to prison.

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] Once again I listen to you, and it's all turned to shit.

Dahlia Malloy: I've been in jail for 2 years. All you had to do was deal with being free.

Sam Malloy: They look friendly.
Dahlia Malloy: They always look friendly to your face.

Dahlia Malloy: I don't need much, but I need you.


"The Riches: Anything Hugh Can Do, I Can Do Better (#1.10)" (2007)
[first lines]
Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] Baby, gotta get up.

Dahlia Malloy: And you know what else I been thinking, Wayne. We need to get us an Ishka. We need to clear all this shit out, do a cleansing. All of us, together. Remember, like that time in Kentucky, we went into the river, with all the snow on the rocks?
Wayne Malloy: Now?
Dahlia Malloy: Yeah. I'm sure there's a cold river around here somewhere.
Wayne Malloy: No.
Dahlia Malloy: Yeah. Cleansing, baby, cleansing.
Cael Malloy: Now?
Dahlia Malloy: Yeah. Oh come on, let's just do it.
Cael Malloy: School bus is gonna be here any minute.
Di Di Malloy: Mom, you know I got a math quiz today. I can't just go jump into a river. Sorry.
Sam Malloy: It's library day, I gotta return my books, otherwise I can't get new ones.
Cherien's Mother: Banana.

Nina: Jim and I have been doing a lot of talking since your dinner party, Dahlia. I guess you can say that we've come to an understanding. Neither of us wants to downscale at this stage of our lives. And there's Zeny to think about. So... we're sharing the house. That's about all we're sharing.
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] Wow. Well, I do not know how you're doin' it.
Nina: [holding up a joint] Weed.

Dahlia Malloy: [to Di Di] You have completely lost touch with what's important.

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] So, this is it, huh? The American Dream?

Wayne Malloy: Well, I had a chat with Di Di. It seems that she and Eric had sex once, and she used... um... you know... birth control. It made me feel better. We had sex when you were fifteen.
Dahlia Malloy: We were married, Wayne. We were in love.

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] I don't know how to be myself here, Wayne.

Dahlia Malloy: I don't know what the rules are.
Wayne Malloy: Neither do I baby. Neither do I.

Dahlia Malloy: You still got your job at Panco, baby.
Wayne Malloy: Don't want it.

[last lines]
Dahlia Malloy: How'd it go in court, today?
Wayne Malloy: I won.
Dahlia Malloy: I'm sorry.


"The Riches: Believe the Lie (#1.1)" (2007)
Wayne Malloy: Why don't you come practice being her with me?
Dahlia Malloy: You wanna do it like a bufflewing?
Wayne Malloy: Oh, you know how buffers do it?
Dahlia Malloy: How?
[Dahlia and Wayne approach each other and become intimate]
Wayne Malloy: Once a year in a cave, standing up like polar bears!

Wayne Malloy: We can do this. People do this all the time.
Dahlia Malloy: They do? They move into dead peoples houses, steal all their stuff, pretending to be them.

Wayne Malloy: Think of the life we can have, think of the kids.
Dahlia Malloy: It's not a real one.
Wayne Malloy: We can make it real.

Di Di Malloy: You just beat up a one-armed woman.
Dahlia Malloy: Well, how was I supposed to know?
[starts to walk away]
Dahlia Malloy: I ain't never, I ain't never seen anything like that before.

Di Di Malloy: Honestly, who spends four hundred and fifty dollars on one pair of shoes...?
Sam Malloy: Try really rich guy.
Di Di Malloy: ...and she buys three or four at a time.
Dahlia Malloy: I know! And everyone of them butt ugly. No taste.
Wayne Malloy: Try rich dead guy!

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] Dougy was looking for work as a lawyer, and you've got a lunch interview today.

Dahlia Malloy: [to Nina, pretending to be Cherien Rich] You know those little pills you gave me yesterday? I was just wondering if you had like a few more.

Sam Malloy: So dad, how'd it go?
Wayne Malloy: Well, the good news is, I got the job.
Dahlia Malloy: You did? Well, what's the bad news?
Wayne Malloy: The bad news is, I got the job, and I don't know shit about the law.
Di Di Malloy: Dad, there's so many books on law upstairs. I can help brush up if you need help.


"The Riches: Cinderella (#1.8)" (2007)
Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] Wayne, this is Chunky K. She's my celly from prison.

Dahlia Malloy: [about Chunky L] She got a job, baby. She is the weekend supervisor at a sewerage treatment facility. Don't you make fun of her.
Wayne Malloy: I'm not making fun of her. When I was little, I too wanted to supervise sewerage on the weekend.
Dahlia Malloy: It was the best job she could get.

[last lines]
Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] We're turning into buffers, baby. Ain't we?

Dahlia Malloy: [to Chunky K] Man, this whole maid thing's really weirding me out.

Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich, walking in on Hugh and Chunky K] Jesus Christ, Chunky!
Hugh Panetta: What's wrong with you? Shut the God damn door!

Chunky K: You want some?
Dahlia Malloy: No.
Chunky K: If you decide you do want some, I'll just leave it right there for you.
Dahlia Malloy: Go!
Chunky K: So stop me then.


"The Riches: The Big Floss (#1.4)" (2007)
Junior: Shouldn't you turn it on?
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] You're one of those that thinks it's only working if it hurts.
[turns the switch on]
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] How's that? Like that? You like that, huh?

Dahlia Malloy: [to Ginny] Listen, you come into my house again; I will shove those Pop Tarts so far up your ass.

Wayne Malloy: What are you doing here?
Dahlia Malloy: I brought you lunch. Isn't that what every good little hosuewife's supposed to do?

Hugh Panetta: I'm guessing you're good at a lot of things. You know, I could use someone like that around here.
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] I bet you could.

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Dahlia.
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherein Rich] Wayne.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Cherien.
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherein Rich] Doug.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, pointing to Aubrey] Aubrey McDonald.
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherein Rich] How do you do, I'm Mrs. Doug Rich.

Lorraine: Rich? Mrs. Doug Rich.
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherein Rich] Yeah.


"The Riches: The Last Temptation of Wayne (#2.1)" (2008)
[first lines]
Dahlia Malloy: You don't have a plan?
Wayne Malloy: Ummm...
Cael Malloy: Shit!

Dahlia Malloy: [to Nina] Get in, Gypsy Rose Lee.

Dahlia Malloy: [to her family] We're gonna pull in the next town, we're gonna dump this piece of shit, and Cael's gonna steal us a new car 'cause that's what he does and that's what we do!

Dahlia Malloy: [to Nina] We are grifters and drifters and nomads. We are the scurge of the god damn earth. We are travelers, right?

Dahlia Malloy: [to Cael] That's nice. That's real nice. Robbing old ladies, now? Feel good? Does it feel good? That was a shitty thing to do. And let that be your comeuponce.
Di Di Malloy: Mama, I think the word is comeuppance.
Dahlia Malloy: What are you, the word police? You shut your pie hole?
[to Cael]
Dahlia Malloy: Right, that's staying in the napkin, go send me a car.

Nina Burns: Can I come?
Dahlia Malloy: No, sweetheart. Starsky don't need no Hutch.


"The Riches: Reckless Gardening (#1.5)" (2007)
Hugh Panetta: Bullshit, I think you just wanna blow me.
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] You're right. I wanna blow you. I wanna blow you so bad, Hugh. Drop your pants. Come on now, don't be shy. That way I can take a picture of your little ol' ding dong for my sexual harassment lawsuit! That way I won't ever have to work again!

Hugh Panetta: Doug don't know you're still popping pills, does he?
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] You're a real bastard. No wonder you have nightmares.

Di Di Malloy: [about Ken] Why does he have to stay with us?
Dahlia Malloy: 'Cause, you know, a fiancé always stays with the in-laws in the run-up to the weeding. It's tradition.
Di Di Malloy: Well, I'm not gonna marry him.
Dahlia Malloy: Well it's tradition. That's all im saying. It goes all the way back to the Middle Ages in Ireland. It's your tradition.

Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich, to Hugh] I want to know how you got clean.

Wayne Malloy: Dahlia, what are you doing here?
Dahlia Malloy: Hugh offered me a job. I'm gonna take him up on it.


"The Riches: It's a Wonderful Lie (#1.11)" (2007)
Pete Mincey: [on the phone] You don't understand, we're really great friends. I was best man at his wedding. You know, the second one.
Dahlia Malloy: [on the phone, pretending to be Jolinda] I hate to be the one to tell you this, Pete. But, Doug Rich was no real friend of yours.

Dahlia Malloy: Do you ever get sick of lying?
Wayne Malloy: This is not lying. This is creative reasoning.
Dahlia Malloy: This lying is all we do now.

Dahlia Malloy: Pete! Pete!
Pete Mincey: What are you doing here?
Dahlia Malloy: We were worried.

Dahlia Malloy: I can't do it. I can't do it. I want to do it for you. I can't be a buffer.
Wayne Malloy: You're not a buffer. You're a traveler.
Dahlia Malloy: Not anymore.

Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich, to Nina] You're my friend, Nina. I would never lie to you about that.


"The Riches: X Spots the Mark (#1.7)" (2007)
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] I mean, temptation is everywhere.
Rudy Blue: Yeah.

Dahlia Malloy: [after roping Rudy in] My boobies are getting credit for this one.

Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich, to Rudy] But I gotta say, nothing turns me on more than an accomplished money making man.

Di Di Malloy: Dad, you stole forty grand from that guys' safe.
Cael Malloy: That Hugh guy can't prove anything.
Dahlia Malloy: It don't matter. He can still fire us.
Wayne Malloy: That's why we gotta get it back.


"The Riches: Virgin Territory (#1.6)" (2007)
[first lines]
Dahlia Malloy: [answering the phone] It's four thirty in the morning, what do you want?

Dahlia Malloy: The funeral is this weekend. You have to be here for the family.
Dale Malloy: I can't.

Dale Malloy: I did it for you. I did it for you. I swear, I needed you.
Dahlia Malloy: Get down on your knees.

Sam Malloy: How long are we gonna stay?
Dahlia Malloy: We get in, we get out.


"The Riches: Been There, Done That (#1.3)" (2007)
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherein Rich] We're Jewish now.
[pauses]
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherein Rich] Jesus!

[last lines]
Dahlia Malloy: I'm beat. You comin'?
[Wayne follows Dahlia to the steps. Dahlia yawns.]
Dahlia Malloy: Oh, by the way, we're Jewish.
[Wayne stares into space.]

Dahlia Malloy: Kids okay?
Wayne Malloy: Di Di's screwing around with Guitar and Cael must be out with that neighborhood kid.


"The Riches: Field of Dreams (#2.3)" (2008)
Dahlia Malloy: Nina?
Nina Burns: What?
Dahlia Malloy: I'm scared all the time.
Nina Burns: Of what, darling?
Dahlia Malloy: The feeling that something bad's gonna happen.

Aubrey McDonald: [about Dale] So, that's our new mail boy, huh?
Dahlia Malloy: [Pretending to be Cherien Rich] I guess so.

Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne] It's my fault that Dale could do this to us.


"The Riches: Waiting for Dogot (#1.12)" (2007)
Dahlia Malloy: [to Wayne, about Pete] He wants to see his friend. He wants to see dead Doug. How you gonna give him that?

Wayne Malloy: You've got to think big.
Dahlia Malloy: Oh, no, no. I am tired of thinking big. It is time to think small.