J.J. Evans
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Quotes for
J.J. Evans (Character)
from "Good Times" (1974)

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"Good Times: The Evans Get Involved: Part 2 (#5.2)" (1977)
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: ...my name is J.J. Evans, M.D.
Nurse: Doctor of Medicine?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Dazzler of Mademoiselles!

Michael: [J.J. comes out of the bathroom dressed as a space man] What is that?
Thelma: I think it's a U.F.O-Unidentified Fool Object.
J.J.: I'm Captain J.J. from the planet Ghetto. I'm straight as an arrow and right on course, don't mess with me 'cause I'm known as "The Force".

Thelma: You know Willona, I want be extra special for the carnival! What should I wear?
J.J.: Try wearing a paper sack over your head!

Willona: Mrs. Gordon, wait, we couldn't help but notice all those bruises on Penny's back.
Mrs. Gordon: Oh those, Penny's at the awkward age, she's always falling down. Isn't that true dear? Didn't you fall down?
Millicent 'Penny' Gordon: Uh, uh huh! One time I fell out of a tree and I fell on my pussy cat and uh... I squished him.
J.J.: That pussycat sure leads a tough life.
Thelma: What about the burn on her arm?
Millicent 'Penny' Gordon: I told them I bumped into the stove, Mama.
Mrs. Gordon: You know, I've told Penny a dozen times to stay away from that stove but she...
Willona: That stove should be locked up before it kills somebody.

Willona: [mimicking Mrs. Gordon] 'Isn't it true, dear? Didn't you fall down?' Who does that sucker think she's fooling?
J.J.: Yeah, she fell, her mama helped her down.
Thelma: Now wait a minute, J.J., why're you accusing her mother?
Willona: WHAT?
Thelma: I mean maybe Penny's telling the truth.
J.J.: Yeah, and maybe Andrew Young is afraid to open his mouth.

Thelma: J.J., we have no proof, Penny said she fell.
J.J.: You'd say you fell down too if your mama was Muhammad Ali.

Willona: I just hope she's too beat to beat on Penny.
Michael: Beat on her? You think her mother does THAT to her?
Willona, Thelma: Yes/No.
Willona: We didn't see it but I'm sure she did.
Michael: Oh, well then you're talking about is ALLEGED child beating.
J.J.: Here's the way it comes down, Michael. The alleged mama took her alleged fists and hit the little kid's alleged back, and left a mess of alleged bruises that were LEGIBLY clear.

J.J.: [to the rude nurse at the front desk] I hope your dog dies.

Nurse: Mr. Edwards, room number 3, please.
Mr. Edwards: You can let the little girl have my turn.
Nurse: I'm sorry, I can't do that, you know rules are rules.
[Mrs. Lopez yells at her in Spanish]
Nurse: What's that supposed to mean?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Let's just say it means to HELL with the rules.
Mrs. Lopez: Si!

"Good Times: The I.Q. Test (#2.7)" (1974)
Florida Evans: [J.J. painted a picture of Michael] Why'd you paint him in a nightgown?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: That's no nightgown, that's a Supreme Court judge's robe.
Florida Evans: Why's it purple?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: That purple symbolizes something.
James Evans, Sr.: What's it symbolize?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: It symbolizes that I ran out of black paint.

Michael Evans: One question asked "a mother, father and two children live in a residence with 5 bedrooms. The mother and father sleep in one bed and the two children each have their own bedroom. How many guest bedrooms are there?" How many kids in the ghetto are going to know what a guest bedroom is?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Yeah, the only time we get a guest room around here is when somebody puts a sleeping bag in the bathtub.
Florida Evans: And a lot of kids in the ghetto don't have their own bedrooms either.

James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: [Thelma hits J.J]
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Hey Ma, you see that?
Thelma Evans: [mocking J.J]
Thelma Evans: Hey Ma, you see that?
James Evans, Sr.: Hey Junior, you see this?
[raises fist]

"Good Times: No More Mr. Nice Guy (#5.13)" (1978)
Thelma Evans: Look at the grade Michael got on his paper!
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: A F? Not bad!
Thelma Evans: Not bad?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: That's nothing, I once got a K!
Michael Evans: A K?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Yeah, a K for cruddy.
Michael Evans: JJ, cruddy is spelled with a C.
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Well, it was a spelling test.

James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: All right, Michael, this is it. I've had enough of your mess here. Now if you don't go, you're going to be in for the most cruel and inhumane punishment you've even been in for in your life!
Michael Evans: Now what are going to do?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Michael, if you don't go, I'm going to make you stay here and eat Thelma's dinner.

"Good Times: The Evans Get Involved: Part 3 (#5.3)" (1977)
Millicent 'Penny' Gordon: Surprise! I'm back!
Michael Evans: What happened to Mrs. Carpenter?
Millicent 'Penny' Gordon: I ditched her.
Michael Evans: How?
Millicent 'Penny' Gordon: Easy. When we were in the elevator I pressed the B button for basement, then I scooted out right before the doors closed. Mrs. Carpenter, she's a nice lady, but I don't want to go to a new home, I want to stay right here with you, J.J.
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Penny, I can't take care of you.
Millicent 'Penny' Gordon: I know, you're a lover, not a mother, but Willona, if you wouldn't mind having me, I'd love to stay with you.

James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: [When J.J. shows Penny his imitation of a fly getting sprayed with Black Flag] Spray can...
[turns his head and hisses like a can spraying]
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Fly...
[walks around the apartment flapping his arms]
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: [sings] Zo what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day... I've got...
[coughs and hacks and falls on the couch convulsing and kicking]
Millicent 'Penny' Gordon: That was great, J.J. Die again!

"Good Times: The Witness (#6.10)" (1978)
J.J.: Sweets, this can't be a social call.
Sweet Daddy: Why not, J.J.?
J.J.: You mean it is?
Sweet Daddy: Naw!
J.J.: I didn't think so.
Sweet Daddy: But, Sweet Daddy is mad, and is very upset that you don't think of me as just 'plain folk'.
J.J.: Well, Sweets it's hard to think of some people as plain folks, like Jack The Ripper, Attilah The Hun, Darth Vader!
Sweet Daddy: Boy, don't you be calling me no Darth Vader, boy!
[Sweet Daddy grabs J.J. and starts to shake him]
Willona: [yells] Hey!
Penny: [Penny runs up to Sweet Daddy] You let go of J.J.!
[Penny kicks Sweet Daddy on his ankle]
Sweet Daddy: Owww! Oh lord! I sure hope she didn't hit a diamond
[Sweet Daddy pulls up his pants leg, and nurses a jewel encrusted ankle bracelet]
Willona: Penny! Penny, I'm shocked at you! Nice young ladies don't go around kicking other people!
Sweet Daddy: Right On!
Willona: But, a pointy headed orangutang is
[snaps her fingers]
Willona: cool with Mama!
[to Sweet Daddy's bodyguards, who are blocking the front door]
Willona: Move, goons!
[Penny pushes past them]

J.J.: Hey, Sweets, this can't be a social visit can it?
Sweet Daddy: Oh, no? Why not, J.J.?
J.J.: You mean it is?
Sweet Daddy: [Sweet Daddy pulls J.J. by his elbow] No!
J.J.: Uh, I didn't think so.
Sweet Daddy: But, Sweet Daddy is mad, and I am very offended that you don't think of me as just-plain folk.
J.J.: Well, Sweets, it's tough to think of some people as plain folks. I mean like, Jack The Ripper! Attila The Hun! Darth Vader!
Sweet Daddy: Don't you be calling me no Darth Vader, boy!
[Sweet Daddy grabs J.J. by the front of his sweater]
Penny: [Willona and Penny run over to help J.J] You let go of J.J.!
[Penny kicks Sweet Daddy on his ankle]
Sweet Daddy: Ow! Oh, my goodness! I sure hope she didn't hit a diamond!
[Sweet Daddy lifts up his pants leg, nursing a jeweled ankle bracelet]
Willona: Penny! Penny, I'm shocked at you. Nice young ladies do not go around kicking other people.
Sweet Daddy: Right On!
Willona: But, a pointy headed orangutan is cool with Mama!
[to Sweet Daddy's bodyguards]
Willona: Move goons!

"Good Times: God's Business Is Good Business (#1.4)" (1974)
James Evans, Sr.: Sam, I want you to meet my eldest son, James Jr. Junior, this the Reverend Sam.
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Is that your Cadillac out there? That's the biggest hog I ever seen!
Reverend Sam: Well son, the Lord watches over me.
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Well, He must've blinked, because one of your hubcap's is missing!

"Good Times: The TV Commercial (#1.11)" (1974)
J.J.: [demonstrating to Florida how to do a TV commercial] Hi y'all out there in TV land. This is Florida Evans - star of stage, screen, and the ghetto - here to tell you about Vita-Brite Health Tonic. My husband James used to have slow blood. He would cut himself shaving on Monday and wouldn't start bleedin' till Thursday. But NOW...
James: ...now, thanks to Vita-Brite Health Tonic, my blood is fast, fast, FAST! Now I bleed all the time!

"Good Times: Too Old Blues (#1.1)" (1974)
Michael Evans: [to the furniture movers] You're upsetting my sister. Thelma, please don't faint!
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Thelma's gonna faint?
Michael Evans: Thelma, PLEASE don't faint.
Thelma Evans: Oh my! I do feel weak! All the blood is rushing from my head!
[falls on the floor]
Michael Evans: Get back, give her air.
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: This poor child ain't had nothing to eat for the last two weeks, except for some rotten oatmeal.
Thelma Evans: Where am I?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Marshall Fields. Oh! Did you hear that? The poor child thinks she's in Marshall Fields!

"Good Times: Michael the Warlord (#4.4)" (1976)
Thelma Evans: What's a jacket doing in the oven?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: I don't know, beats me, first we're picking cotton, now we're cooking it.

"Good Times: The Baby (#3.7)" (1975)
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: [hangs up] I got the vet hospital by mistake.
Florida Evans: Are you sure?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: I must've, he told me to put Loretta in a cardboard box and let nature take its course.

"Good Times: Black Jesus (#1.2)" (1974)
Michael Evans: Hey, Thelma, how do you like this?
Thelma Evans: [takes close look at JJ's painting] What is it?
Michael Evans: Don't show your ignorance. This is Black Jesus.
Thelma Evans: Black Jesus, my foot. That's Ned the Wino.
Michael Evans: You mean the dude who's always walking up and down the street drinking wine and preachin'?
Thelma Evans: Ned the Wino, better known as the Ghetto Prophet.
Michael Evans: Yeah, he's always predicting the end of the world and asking for a dime for some wine, so he can die happy.
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Which he does every night.

"Good Times: Stomach Mumps (#6.6)" (1978)
Florida: [about Willona] What is wrong with that woman? Doesn't she know that every year, one million teenaged girls get pregnant in the country?
J.J.: Imagine how many get pregnant in the city.
Florida: J.J., out of that million, over 13,000 are ages 14 and under. It's a sad day when kids have to guess about sex because their parents are too scared to explain it to them.

"Good Times: Bye, Bye, Bookman (#5.9)" (1977)
Michael Evans: [on Bookman finding another job] Yeah, but where do you put a man who's lazy, mouths off, and never keeps his promises?
James 'J.J.' Evans, Jr.: Send him to Washington.

"Good Times: The Visitor (#1.9)" (1974)
James: [Mr Stonehurst needs to take some aspirin] Say, how about washing them down with a little muscatel?
Mr. Stonehurst: Muscatel?
J.J.: Yeah, that's the champagne of the people. It don't sparkle, it don't bubble. It just kind of... lays there.