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: Chester, I give you my SOLEMN word. THIS time it's not dangerous. Chester Babcock
: Not dangerous? Harry Turner
: No. Chester Babcock
: That's what 'cha said when you shot me out of a cannon, when you dropped me in a tank with an octopus, when you had me wrestle a gorilla. It's not dangerous! I'm not goin'. I'm through. I've had it. So forget it, *Charly*!
: [hands Chester a hand mirror
] Who's that? Chester Babcock
: [seeing his reflection
] I don't know, but gimme a stick and I'll kill it.
: I'll never look at another banana split.
: Why do you suppose they're sending *us* up? Harry Turner
: They wanna find out if it's gonna be safe for the apes. Chester Babcock
: [espying Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra
] The Italians have landed! Harry Turner
: That's the grape and the twig, isn't is? Chester Babcock
: Yeah, and they got the bar open. Harry Turner
: Let's break it up. Chester Babcock
: Those tourists.
Leader of the 3rd Echelon
: In that rocket, we're about to send two animals around the moon; and, if we succeed, we shall next send two men. And from the moon, that point of impenetrable power, I shall go before the United Nations and demand that they accede to our total and absolute control. Chester Babcock
: [to Harry
] I think he rolls his own.
: An hour ago she flipped over me. I don't dig it. Chester Babcock
: Well, that's understandable. An impressionable young thing falls for an elderly fellow. She probably thought you were a father figure. Harry Turner
: Father figure? Chester Babcock
: Yes, then she took another look and found out you had your father's figure.
: There must be some sensible solution to this problem. Harry Turner
: Well, of course there is. Two fellas, one girl. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, you come to my house. Chester Babcock
: Yeah. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, my house. Diane
: What about Sunday? Chester Babcock
: Everbody rests.
: No, I can see the tears forming in your wallet.
: Don't I always get you the best medical attention available? Chester Babcock
: Yeah, like that doctor you got me in Bombay last month. Harry Turner
: How was I going to know he was an elephant doctor? Chester Babcock
: You should have known by the size of his thermometer. Harry Turner
: Yes, was a bit large. Chester Babcock
: When he shook it, I was still on it.
: Happy landings, buster! Chester Babcock
: I don't know what you're so happy about. You're not mentioned in my will.
[as the neurologist plays his flute during Chester's examination, a cobra rises from its basket
] Indian Neurologist
: Oh, nothing to worry about. If he should give you a nip, it's very simple. All you do is to get hold of your bowie knife like this, make a cut on here, suck out the poison and spit it away. Very simple. Chester Babcock
: Yeah, but what if he bites me in a place I can't reach? Indian Neurologist
: That is when you find out who your real friends are.
[while agent Diane mistakenly thinks she's made her secret contact with a microfilm photographer, Chester, thinking himself a chick magnet, simply believes he's caught the eye of a beautiful, romantic woman
] Do you think we're being watched? Chester Babcock
: [noticing Harry staring at them from the bar
] Definitely. Diane
: Oh, then we'll have to hurry. Chester Babcock
: Have we got time? Diane
: If you work fast. Chester Babcock
: I'll do my best. Diane
: Good. Now, I've got the room ready at the hotel. Chester Babcock
: Good. Diane
: I've made all the arrangements. Chester Babcock
: Fine. Diane
: The shades are all drawn. Chester Babcock
: Very sensible. Diane
: And we can lock the door from the inside. Chester Babcock
: Oh, good. I'd hate to get a crowd until I get the hang of it.
[Agent Diane continues to mistakenly think she's made her secret contact with a microfilm photographer while Chester, thinking himself a chick magnet, still believes he's caught the eye of a beautiful, romantic woman
: Are you sure you've done this sort of thing before? Chester Babcock
: [suffering from amnesia
] Well, I MUST have. When do we start? Diane
: Right now. Diane
: [suddenly shouting
] Darling, it's so wonderful to see you again.
[She slips him an envelop as she kisses him
] You've got it. Chester Babcock
: [ego stroked and oblivious to the envelop
] I know it. Diane
: Don't lose it. Chester Babcock
: Don't worry. Diane
: I'll see you at the hotel. Chester Babcock
: Pull the shades and lock the door. Diane
: One final thing. Chester Babcock
: Yes? Diane
: In case I'm late, you go ahead without me.
: You got a mind like a sponge. Chester Babcock
: Yeah, don't get any ideas about squeezing it, either.
: [cracks open a fortune cookie and reads
] "You are under grave suspicion. Your partner suspects you of dishonesty." Chester Babcock
: [passing it to Harry
] Here, it's for you.
: [gazing out an airplane window
] There she lies, Chester - Hong Kong. Chester Babcock
: Yeah, what a monument to fried rice.
: Hey, we're UNDER water! That's the ocean! Harry Turner
: So? Chester Babcock
: So? We spring a little leak, we'll drown. Harry Turner
: Well, you don't have to worry. You got a built-in snorkel.
: [seeing a shark outside the porthole
] Looks like he just ate Lloyd Bridges. Harry Turner
: Don't worry. They don't eat people. Chester Babcock
: How about actors. Harry Turner
: We're safe.
: Mr. Babcock, if you leave now, you'll be running out on your fellow man. Chester Babcock
: That still leaves my fellow women.
: Chester, search your secret soul. Ask your patriotic conscience what to do. Chester Babcock
: I already did. Harry Turner
: What'd it say? Chester Babcock
: "Yankee, go home."
: My nose bleeds when I put my carpet slippers on.
: At least you can die like heroes. Chester Babcock
: Nah, but we're to old to die.
: I could love you, body and soul. Chester Babcock
: They're available, in that order.
: Who do you think they'll be shooting at - you or the schnook with the I.B.M. machine up his univac?
: Trust me and you'll come to no harm. Chester Babcock
: Trust me and I make no promises.
: How do we get out of here? Diane
: The submarine. I can handle it. Chester Babcock
: I know. I read the script.
: Those guys mean business. They're killers, murders. Chester Babcock
: Besides that, they're unfriendly.