Sir Hiss
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Quotes for
Sir Hiss (Character)
from Robin Hood (1973)

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Robin Hood (1973)
Hiss: Sire, sire, they may be bandits.
Prince John: Oh, poppycock. Female bandits? What next? Rubbish. Um, um, my dear ladies, you have my permission to kiss the royal hands. Whichever you like, first.

[after being stuffed into a barrel full of ale]
Hiss: Please! Please! I don't drink!

Little John: [after sitting on Hiss] Oh, excuse me, Buster.
Hiss: Buster? You, sir, have taken my seat!
Prince John: [laughs] Hiss, with you around, who needs a court jester?

Hiss: I tried to tell you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. Your traps just never work. And now look what you've done to your mother's castle.

Prince John: Robbed! I've been robbed! Hiss! You're never around when I need you!
[clears his throat]
Prince John: I've been robbed.
Hiss: Of course you've been robbed!

Prince John: One more hiss out of you uhm Hiss. And you are walking to Nottingham.
Hiss: [to himself] Snakes don't walk, they slither. Hmph. So there.

Prince John: Taxes! Taxes! Beautiful, lovely taxes! Ah-hah! Ah-hah!
Hiss: Sire, you have an absolute skill for encouraging contributions from the poor.
[chuckles]
Prince John: To coin a phrase, my dear counselor, rob the poor to give the rich.

Hiss: Sire, taxes are pouring in, the jail is full. Oh and good news, Sire. Friar Tuck is in jail.
Prince John: [Angry] Friar Tuck? It's Robin Hood I want, you idiot! Oh, I'd give all my gold if I could get my hands on. Did you say, Friar Tuck?
Hiss: Did I? Y-yes, I did.
Prince John: Yes, yes! I have it, Hiss! I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood.
Hiss: Another trap?
Prince John: Yes, you stupid serpent. Friar Tuck will be led to the gallows at the village square, don't you see.
Hiss: B-But Sire! Hang Friar Tuck? A man of the Church?
Prince John: Yes, my reluctant reptile, and when our elusive hero tries to rescue the corpulent cleric
[laughs evilly]
Prince John: my men will be ready.
[laughs evilly]

Hiss: [Prince John is sucking his thumb] Sire, if you don't mind my saying, you see you have a very loud thumb.
[starts to hypnotize him]
Hiss: Hypnosisss can cure you of your psychosis so easy.
Prince John: [Snaps out of it and screams] No, no! None of that!
Hiss: Well, I was only trying to help.
Prince John: I wonder. Silly serpent.
Hiss: Silly serpent?

Prince John: That insolent blackguard. Oooh! I'll show him who wears the crown!
Hiss: I share your loathing, Sire. That scurrilous scoundrel who fooled you with that silly disguise, who dared to rob you and made you look so utterly ridiculous.
Prince John: Enough!
[swings at Hiss, who dodges him]
Prince John: Hiss, you deliberately dodged.
Hiss: But, but, but Sire, please.
Prince John: Stop sniveling and hold still.
[Hiss holds still while Prince John hits him]
Hiss: [dazed] Thank you, Sire.

Hiss: [hisses in Prince John's ear after Little John steals the diamonds from his rings]
Prince John: [screams and chuckles] Hiss oh you have hissed your last hiss.
Hiss: [gulps after his neck has been tied into a knot and has a dirty look after Prince John puts him in his basket]
Prince John: Suspicious snake.

[the Sheriff of Nottingham enters the castle singing]
Sheriff of Nottingham: He throws an angry tantrum if he cannot have his way / He calls for Mom and sucks his thumb and doesn't want to play / Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!
[to Sir Hiss]
Sheriff of Nottingham: [speaking] Am I right?
Hiss: [chuckles] That's P.J. to a "T". Let me try, let me try.
[lowers his voice]
Hiss: [singing] Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!
[sees an angry Prince John peeking behind a door, with a glass jug of wine in his hand, shrivels]
Hiss: The Fabulous, Marvelous, Merciful, Chivalrous.
Sheriff of Nottingham: Oh, you've got it all wrong, Hiss. The Sniveling, Groveling, Measely, Weaseling.
Prince John: [shouts] Enough!
[throws the glass jug at the Sheriff, but it hits the wall and the wine rains down on him]
Sheriff of Nottingham: But, but Sire, it's a big hit. The whole village is singing it.
Prince John: Oh, they are, are they? Well, they'll be singing a different tune. Double the taxes! Triple the taxes!
[grabs Sir Hiss by the neck]
Prince John: Squeeze every last drop out of those insolent musical peasants.

Hiss: What cheek! Creepy? Buster? Long one? Who does that dupey duke think he is?

Hiss: How nobly King Richard's crown sit on your royal brow.
Prince John: Doesn't it? King Richard?
[wrings Hiss' neck]
Prince John: I told you never to mention my brother's name!
Hiss: A mere slip of the forked tongue, Sire.

Prince John: What is the next stop Sir Hiss?
Hiss: Let's see. I. Oh the next stop is Nottingham, sire.

Prince John: Hiss! You're never around when I need you!
Hiss: Coming, coming.
[begins singing 'For I'm a Jolly Good Fellow' until Prince John uncorks the barrel he's in]
Hiss: Oh! there you are old boy! P.J., you're not going to believe this, but the stork is really Robin Hood.
Prince John: Robin Hood?
[screams angrily]
Prince John: [ties Hiss around a pole]
Prince John: Get out of that if you can.

[Prince John and Hiss have just been robbed by Robin Hood and Little John]
Hiss: I knew it! I knew this would happen! I tried to warn you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. You just had to.
[Prince John is about to hit Hiss with his mirror]
Hiss: Ah! Ah! Ah! Seven years bad...
[Hiss yelps as the mirror crashes right down on him]
Hiss: Luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.
Prince John: Ahh! Mommy!
[sucks his thumb and gets mud all over it]
Prince John: I've got a dirty thumb.

Hiss: A perfect fit, Sire! Looks most becoming! You look regal, dignified, sincere, masterful, noble...
Prince John: Don't overdo it, Hiss!

Prince John: My trap is baited and set! And then, revenge! Ahh.
[screams so loud it almost blows off Hiss' skin]
Prince John: Revenge!
Hiss: Shh! Not so loud, sire! Remember, only you and I know, and your secret is my secret.