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Quotes for
Mort (Character)
from Madagascar (2005)

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Madagascar (2005)
Gloria the Hippo: Aww, you poor little baby, did that big mean lion scare you?
Mort the Mouse Lemur: Mm-hmm.
Gloria the Hippo: He did? He's a big fat old puddy-tat, isn't he?
Mort the Mouse Lemur: [gurgling and lifting arms up to be picked up]
Gloria the Hippo: Come on, mama hold you. Awww!
Melman the Giraffe: They are so cute from a reasonable distance.
Gloria the Hippo: Look at you! Aren't you the sweetest thing... aww I just wanna dunk him in my coffee!
Mort the Mouse Lemur: [giggling cutely]

Mort the Mouse Lemur: King Julian! What are they?
Mort the Mouse Lemur: WHAT ARE THEY?
Julian: They are... aliens! Savage aliens! From the savage future!
Maurice: They've come to kill us! And take our women! And our precious metals!
Mort the Mouse Lemur: [begins weeping]
Julian: Get up Mort! Do not be near the King's feet, okay!

Mort the Mouse Lemur: They are savages! Tonight we die.
Julian: The feet! I told you about - I told you to - I told you - didn't I tell him about the feet?
Maurice: He did tell you about the feet.
Mort the Mouse Lemur: [cutely] E-he.

Random Lemur: I like them!
Mort the Mouse Lemur: I like them, I like them! I liked them first! Before I even met them I liked them! As soon as I met them I liked them right away! You hate them compared to how much I like them!
Julian: Oh shut up, you're so annoying!

Mort the Mouse Lemur: I'm steak! Me me me me me me me me!

Julian: [Mort grabs Julian's foot] What did I tell you about the feet! Maurice didn't I tell him about the feet!
Maurice: He did tell you about the feet.
Mort the Mouse Lemur: [cutely] He he!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Misfortune Cookie/Lemur See, Lemur Do (#1.16)" (2009)
King Julien: Maurice! Mort!
Maurice: Is there something wrong, your majesty?
King Julien: Yes! Why didn't you tell me it was my birthday?
Maurice: Yeah, it's not your birthday.
King Julien: Of course it is. Otherwise why would you get me this ginormous present?
Maurice: We didn't give you a present.
Mort: I did.
Maurice: No, you didn't!
Mort: No, I did!... I didn't.

King Julien: You want me to play hide and seek with Lemmy?
Mort: Uh-huh. Is good idea. You like?
King Julien: I like. I can show you my seeking technique and also my counting technique. I invented a few new numbers I think you will like.
[Covers eyes]
King Julien: One, twolien, three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine-ten, meleven...

Skipper: This is madness. Utter madness! That robot has to be decisive, forceful, able to take down an armed space squid from 50 yards.
Private: Right.
Skipper: You can't boogie your way out of a Martian invasion. Those space squids play for keeps.
Private: But what can we do about it?
Skipper: We need to extract that robot away from Julien's sick schooling, and teach him the penguin way.
Kowalski: Yes! We are getting a robot!
Skipper: Affirmative.
Private: But how do we get the robot away from Julien?
Mort: [Steps out of the shadows, speaks in onminous tone] Leave that to me.
Skipper: Um... okay.
Mort: [Cheerful] Really?

Maurice: Your majesty, this isn't healthy. You need to shake this off.
King Julien: What's the use? I shall never be shaking this or even my booty ever again.
Mort: Foot hugging time! Yay!
[Hugs Julien's feet]
Maurice: Look at Mort hugging your feet! Doesn't that make you crazy? Doesn't that make you want to do something? Anything?
King Julien: It's not the same without my Lemmy.

King Julien: Maurice, I worry about those penguins. What could make them believe in curses?
Maurice: Short of that penguin meeting a foul end, nothing.
King Julien: Aha, but what if we made Freako...
Maurice: Rico.
King Julien: ...Rico meet a foul end? That would make them believe.
Maurice: Probably, but it wouldn't be a curse.
King Julien: Wouldn't it, Maurice? Are you sure?
Maurice: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
King Julien: And I'm pretty not. No, no, wait! I'm pretty. Very, very pretty. So pretty! Mort, tell me I am pretty.
Mort: You are pretty.
King Julien: Thank you. See, Maurice? Mort agrees with me. Case closed.
Maurice: All right. What did you have in mind?

"The Penguins of Madagascar: All Choked Up/Little Zoo Coupe (#1.11)" (2009)
Kowalski: You need to get to the bottom of the stomach.
Mort: Down the spiral staircase?
Kowalski: Take the elevator. It's quicker.

King Julien: Oh, metal wiseman. Show me who is the smartest of all creatures?
[Robot points right; Julien quickly moves to where he's pointing]
King Julien: That is right! Yes, me.
Mort: Oh, make the shiny man do magic again!
King Julien: Now show me who has the most attractive bottom?
[Robot points left; Julien moves his butt to where he's pointing]
King Julien: Amazing! How does it know?

Skipper: Well, Rico, looks like it's game over. I never thought it would end this way, but I just want you to know... I love you, you crazy knucklehead.
Kowalski: I also love you, in the same way expressed previously... dude.
Private: [Hugging Rico] I love you too, Rico!
[Rico starts to retch]
Mort: [Inside Rico] And I love this popcorn. It's a little wet, though.
[Rico's stomach rumbles]
King Julien: Eh, what is that noise?
Skipper: [breaking down] I'm not good with words - well, actually, neither are you - but I just wanna say... you are my brother!
Kowalski: That's poetry, Skipper.
King Julien: I don't know about him, but this mush is making me want to blow chunks.
Skipper: Do you mind?
Private: Wherever the sun lays its head, there the land will whisper, "Rico. Rico."
Kowalski: [breaking down] Okay, now that's poetry!
[They all cry and hug each other; Julien joins in; they all glare at him]
King Julien: I just want to see a penguin throw up.

King Julien: Who is burping up the stinking fog of lint, and spit, and unspeakable things from a kitten, and... Oof! I don't even want to know what that fart was.
Mort: Ooh, it smells like the circus!
[the penguins take Mort]
Mort: Am I going to the circus too?
[They shove Mort down Rico's throat]
Mort: Why is the circus so dark and smelly? Hey, there's popcorn down here. Hooray!

Kowalski: Okay, do you see the bomb?
Mort: Um, I see and old squeaky toy. Wait, I see it! I see the bomb!
Kowalski: Good. Now separate the blue and yellow wires from their sheating, reverse the polarity, and splice both to the ground lead, which should be a slightly thicker copper wire. Am I going too fast for you?
Mort: Um, okay. Which of the colors is blue?
[the penguins sigh exasperatedly]
Mort: Is this the blue one?
[Rico shrieks]
Kowalski: No, I believe that's a kidney.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Out of the Groove/Jungle Law (#1.22)" (2009)
Mort: [Pops out of briefcase] Case open! REPLACE WITH:
King Julien: Without the electrically power, the zoo has now become... a jungle! And who is the king of the jungle?
King Julien: Okay, I'll give you a hint. He is also the king of the zoo and the outlying mid-town area. And it is me. Okay, no more hints.
Skipper: Negative! There is no such thing as jungle law.
King Julien: Oh, really? Perhaps everyone here might want to hear the opinionings of a certified jungle lawyer.
Maurice: [Wearing a tie and seating next to a briefcase, reading some papers] Ahem. All hail King Julien! Case closed.
Mort: [Pops out of briefcase] Case open!

King Julien: [Voiceover] But those baboons, they would not listen to sabotage... I mean, reason.
Darla: Did you drop that fuzzy bag of stank into our habitat?
King Julien: That is a wild accusation!
Darla: Y'all saying you didn't do it?
King Julien: Oh, no, I did it. I just think the accusation is... wild!
Darla: Uh-huh. Now I'm gonna say this slow, because I can tell y'all got a bad case of the stupids...
King Julien: Maurice, how did she see the royal medical report?
Darla: Y'all apologize for skunking us, or my gals and I are gonna make us a couple of lemur coats.
Mort: Ooh, can I have one?
[Maurice whispers in Mort's ear]
Mort: I cancel my order.

Skipper: [starts dancing] That ain't right! Kowalski, analysis.
Kowalski: Skipper, you seem to be shaking your booty.
Private: Quite impressively, I might add.
Rico: Uh-huh!
Skipper: I'm not doing this. Something's making me dance.
King Julien: You... you have my groove! It is not all bye-byed after all! Yes!
Skipper: Get it outta me!
King Julien: I don't know how.
Darla: Guess who does.
Mort: Is it Santa?
Darla: Yea... what? No! I'm the only one who can fix this. But am I gonna?
Mort: Santa would.
Darla: Well, I ain't Santa!
Private: What if Julien apologized?
Darla: That's all I'm asking.
King Julien: Have I not made my policy on apologizing clear? It is for the weak and wrong.
Skipper: Listen, Ringtail. I'm about to show you how weak and wrong you are. Apologize now.
King Julien: Uh-uh.
Skipper: Okay then. Let's dance!

Mort: You have feet. Give Mort feet. Mort need feet!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Two Feet High and Rising (#1.7)" (2009)
Skipper: Recruit, I'm gonna mold you like a lump of wet clay.
Marlene: Yeah, have fun with that.
Mort: Oh, goody! I'm wet clay.

Skipper: Suit up, men!
[to Mort]
Skipper: You too, Private.
Private: But I'm Private!
Skipper: All right, he's Private Number Two.
Mort: I like number two!

Private: Say it with me: They're just feet, not love.
Mort: They're just feet, not love.

King Julien: There, it is time to be beholding the newly scrubbed and freshly cleaned royal...
Mort: Feet!
[Mort tackles Julien's feet]
King Julien: No, Mort! Not the minty-fresh feet!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: The Falcon and the Snow Job/The Penguin Stays in the Picture (#1.29)" (2010)
King Julien: A predator! Quick, Maurice! Activate the falcon shield!
Maurice: Right away, your highness.
[Maurice puts Mort tied to a stick in front of Kitka]
Skipper: What's with Sad-eyes?
Maurice: [Smears sauce on Mort] Barbecue sauce?
Mort: I'm yummy with cornbread.
King Julien: If you still have room for dessert, you can eat the dumpy one too. He will not mind.
Maurice: [Stammering] Say what?

Kowalski: As I was saying, the culprit is...
King Julien: Me! I confess! I did it! Mort was camera-hogging all the glory, so I got rid of him! Who knew the depths of my depravity?
Maurice: No, you didn't! I was with you the whole time.
King Julien: Oh. Well in that case, disregard my previous apology.
Mort: Even though I am a ghost, I still have your feet. Yay!

Private: [to ghost Mort, after finding the real Mort safe and sound] So...
Mort: I am a figment of your guilty imagimanation.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Mr. Tux/Concrete Jungle Survival (#2.6)" (2010)
Private: You mean you're not coming with me?
Skipper: This is your test, Private. No weapons, no help, you don't even get to know where you are.
Mort: I know where we are! I found a map on the way.
Maurice: You did not! That's a kiddie menu you found in the gutter.
Mort: I live in the hamburger.

Mort: I can't look! But I must peek.

Amarillo Kid: You better be on your game, Mr. Tux, or this here animal farm won't be worth a toothless sidewinder on Easter Sunday.
King Julien: And the trash talk is inscrutable.
Maurice: He's gonna blow up the zoo?
Mort: Ooh! High stakes!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Mort Unbound/Roomies (#1.15)" (2009)
Bada: Yo, Bing.
Bing: Yeah, Bada?
Bada: We got us a trespasser.
Bing: No. We got us a thief. You know what we do to thieves around here?
Mort: Kissies and huggies?
Bada: Nope. Thieves get bounced.
[Bounces Mort out of the gorilla habitat]

Mort: I'm normal me again... And I like me!
King Julien: Yes, and I hope you learned a lesson of value. Being a bully is no good.
Maurice: Wait a minute! You used Mort to bully everyone else!
King Julien: Maurice, we don't play the blame game here.
Private: Ahem!
[King Julien looks up and notices the giant Private glaring at him]
King Julien: All of the blame is mine! Just don't sit upon me!

Mort: Gimme banana!
King Julien: Maurice, do something!
Maurice: Like give him a banana?
King Julien: Don't be ridiculous, Maurice.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: All King, No Kingdom/Untouchable (#1.24)" (2009)
Mort: Whee! I'm jumpy! Maurice, come be jumpy!
Maurice: Mort, I'd love to, but I have a bazillion royal duties to attend to.
Mort: Hee-hee! You said doodies!
Maurice: No, things I have to do for the king. Du-ties.
Mort: It's still funny!

King Julien: This half of the kingdom is for me and my king things, and that half is for you two.
Maurice: This is much less than half!
Mort: I like it.
King Julien: Of course it's smaller. There is only one of me and two of you.
Maurice: That means we should have more and you should have less.
King Julien: The king never has less. That's the law.

Maurice: [after breaking the throne] I'll get the glue.
Mort: To eat?
Maurice: No!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Wishful Thinking/April Fools (#2.11)" (2010)
Mort: [Biting into a penny] Ow! This gumball is too ouchy!
Private: Silly Mort. That's a penny.
Mort: Oh.
[Bites into penny again]
Mort: Aaaaooow! This penny is too ouchy!

Maurice: You've never heard of April Fools, have you?
King Julien: Yeah? Well, you've never heard of... January Jerks, have you? No, you have not!
Maurice: That's because you just made it up.
King Julien: Yeah, well... Okay, you got me there. I did make it up. But Christmas Steve, he's real.
Mort: Steve knows if you've been bad or good... and that's creepy.

Skipper: Ringtail! It's not April first.
King Julien: Silly penguin. It's always April first somewhere.
Skipper: You have no idea how a calendar works, do you?
King Julien: Of course.
[Maurice brings him a calendar with Julien on the cover]
King Julien: The Julien Calendar. Gorgeous picture of me on the top, random numbers on the bottom.
Mort: My favorite month is Julie-anuary.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: I Was a Penguin Zombie/Sting Operation (#1.23)" (2009)
Mort: The royal feet... are mine! And I will have vengance!
Mort: [Cheerful] Okay, be right back.

Mort: You want me to talk to the bees?
Skipper: Hornets, and talking ain't gonna cut it. We need you to do something more decisive.
Mort: Kisses and huggies?
Kowalski: We... need you... to go up there... and remove... the hornet's... nest!
Mort: Then can I play in the bee's house?
Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, Private: Hornets!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Can't Touch This/Hard Boiled Eggy (#2.3)" (2010)
Skipper: Fallen lemur, what happened?
Maurice: I don't know. Something came flying out of nowhere and wham, I'm flat on my butt.
King Julien: And I am left to apply my own eye vegetables, which is the real tragedy. Mort, weep for me. My eyes are exhausted from all the cucumbering.
Mort: [Tries to cry, but when he can't puts onions on his eyes] My eye vegetables are burny!

King Julien: Let me see if I am standing under this. You want to borrow Mort to help a guy I care nothing about, so he can get to a "fa-arm"?
Skipper: That is the plan.
King Julien: No! You cannot borrow Mort!
Mort: Yay! King Julien loves me!
King Julien: You cannot borrow Mort because "borrow" means you will be bringing him back. Bye-bye, Mort.
[Pushes Mort away]
Mort: See? That's a love shove.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Gone in a Flash (#1.0)" (2008)
King Julien: A little more to the left, Mort.
Mort: Your left or my left?
King Julien: Mine, of course! I'm the king. All the lefts are mine, silly Mort.

King Julien: See, this is what happens when you question my kingly authority.
Mort: [hugs Julien's ankles] I question nothing!
King Julien: I question why you touch the feet!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: What Goes Around/Mask of the Raccoon (#1.21)" (2009)
King Julien: Maurice, I am ready to shake my maker of money. Hit it!
Mort: There's nothing to hit.
King Julien: My boomybox! Where is it?

King Julien: They have less than me? And I am barely scraping by. Maurice, give to the penguin all of Mort's food. And Mort too.
Mort: I'm ever so lightly used.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Dr. Blowhole's Revenge (#1.30)" (2010)
Mort: The king's feet! The king's feet must be saved!
Maurice: Calm down, Mort. The penguins are on the case.
Mort: Bah! The king's feet need *me*!

King Julien: I just saved the world and had the adventure of a lifetime, and no one will ever know about it.
Skipper: Welcome to my world. That makes you an honorary penguin.
King Julien: Oh, does this mean I'm your BFF?
Skipper: Uh, let's keep that code on the QT.
Mort: Yay! King Julien is a Buffalo firefighter!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Happy King Julien Day! (#1.3)" (2009)
Mort: Please, King Julien Day is my most favorite holiday in the whole wide world. I love it this much!
Kowalski: That's a whole lot of love in relation to body mass.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Driven to the Brink/Friend-in-a-Box (#2.14)" (2010)
King Julien: Maurice, who is disturbing the royal sleep? Who? Who?
Mort: Is it the penguin in the car? Because I think it's the penguin in the car.
King Julien: Whoever it is, I want it stopped. Maurice, do something.
Maurice: What am I supposed to do?
[Rico smashes the car]
Maurice: Other than that, which I totally did.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Over Phil/Miss Understanding (#1.25)" (2009)
King Julien: All right, this is no good. It's time for Plan H.
Maurice: Don't you mean Plan B?
King Julien: No, no. Plans B through G are far too ridiculously dangerous. Plan H is for Mort to go down to the under the ground electrically power cables and not come out until the smoothie machine is working again.
Mort: I like Plan H. Whee!
[Jumps into grate]
King Julien: Good, Mort. Now start pulling things off other things and putting them into new things. I'm sure it will work itself out eventually.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Tangled in the Web (#1.8)" (2009)
King Julien: I want to watch animals on the computer. Well, I want to watch me on the computer, you know. Eh, what is a computer?
Mort: I like computers!
King Julien: So you know?
Mort: No, but I don't have to know... to like!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Go Fish/Miracle on Ice (#1.13)" (2009)
Maurice, Mort: Every time the penguins score, it's King Julien we adore!
King Julien: Bring me on!
Skipper: You're not supposed to cheer for yourself.
King Julien: Oh, I'm not. They are.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Popcorn Panic (#1.12)" (2009)
Skipper: Keep your stiking opposable thumbs off our popcorn!
King Julien: This is ours. Mort found it. Right, Mort?
Mort: [Under bag] Uh-huh.
King Julien: Finders keepers. Ha ha!
Skipper: Kowalski, legal analysis.
Kowalski: He's got you, Skipper. It's the Finders Keepers Treaty of 1859.
Skipper: Blast! Secure another bag, men.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Kaboom and Kabust/The Helmet (#2.9)" (2010)
King Julien: [Doing stand-up] But seriously, don't get me started on his cooking. Maurice's cooking is so bad...
Maurice: [Resigned] How bad is it?
King Julien: It's so bad that I wouldn't eat it!
Mort: [laughing] It's funny because it's you!
Maurice: Oh, this ain't worth a two-mango minimum.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: The Hidden/Kingdom Come (#1.10)" (2009)
King Julien: I would love to join you in the meeting of the neighbors, but I am far too busy with... Maurice, what am I far too busy with?
Maurice: Posing for your royal portrait.
Mort: I'm an easel.
King Julien: Mort.
Mort: Yes?
King Julien: Shut up a little, okay?
Mort: Okay.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Penguiner Takes All (#1.6)" (2009)
Kowalski: If by some statistically remote chance you do win, the rewards will be glory and respect.
Private: And a little swagger in your step.
King Julien: These prizes sound cheap. As your king, I already own glory and respect. Don't I?
Maurice: Glorify!
Mort: Respectify!
King Julien: See? But not a TV. Yes! Long have I wanted a box with tiny shouting people inside.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Tagged (#1.20)" (2009)
King Julien: Maurice, fetch me the royal thermometer.
Maurice: [Holds up a frozen Mort] Thermometer says...
Mort: C-c-cold!
King Julien: We must ask the sky spirits to turn this freezy wind toasty. Oh, great sky spirits...
[the wind freezes Julien]
Maurice: Maybe you should say pretty please?
Mort: The royal feet are frostbited!
[Hops toward Julien's feet]

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Launchtime/Haunted Habitat (#1.1)" (2009)
Kowalski: According to rumors, the previous occupant of this habitat did disappear...
Private: ...under mysterious circumstances!
Marlene: He was transfered, to Toledo.
Mort: [scared] Toledo?
[All look scared]
The Skipper: [Holding a flashlight under his face] Ohio!
[Mort screams and runs away, slamming into a wall]

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Cat's Cradle/Monkey Love (#1.19)" (2009)
Max: I can't thank you enough, you guys.
Skipper: Consider it a debt repaid, old friend.
Max: But isn't the outside wall still surrounded by Sergeant Psycho's booby traps?
Skipper: Not to worry. We've got a man on it.
Mort: [Bouncing from trap to trap] I'm expendable! Yay!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Crown Fools (#1.9)" (2009)
King Julien: I want my crown!
Marlene: And I have your crown. A crown that you will love as much as you love yourself because...
[Puts a novelty drinking cup with Julien's head on its lid upon Julien's head]
Marlene: It's you!
Marlene: [imitating Julien's accent] I am sensing that there is an awesome amount of fabulousness here.
King Julien: [looking at himself in mirror] It is hot with handsomeness.
Marlene: And here's the best part!
[Puts straw on Julien's mouth; he sips]
King Julien: Hmm. My need for beauty and my need for fizzy drink; both are satisfied.
[He sucks on the straw until the cup collapses]
King Julien: Ah! My little head!
[He tosses aside the cup; it lands on top of Maurice's head]
Mort: I like you hideously disfigured.