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Quotes for
Julien (Character)
from Madagascar (2005)

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"The Penguins of Madagascar: Misfortune Cookie/Lemur See, Lemur Do (#1.16)" (2009)
King Julien: Take note, Maurice. Tonight, chow mein is my main chow.

King Julien: Maurice! Mort!
Maurice: Is there something wrong, your majesty?
King Julien: Yes! Why didn't you tell me it was my birthday?
Maurice: Yeah, it's not your birthday.
King Julien: Of course it is. Otherwise why would you get me this ginormous present?
Maurice: We didn't give you a present.
Mort: I did.
Maurice: No, you didn't!
Mort: No, I did!... I didn't.

Kowalski: When did you get a robot?
King Julien: Oh, do not be pretending, because I know it was you that sent this machine to mock me. Quit it!
Skipper: Well, Ringtail, we are working on a mocking you scenario.
Kowalski: Operation: Mock Julien.
Skipper: But it's still in the lab. It's still at Mach 2. We like to get to Mach 8 before implementation.

King Julien: You want me to play hide and seek with Lemmy?
Mort: Uh-huh. Is good idea. You like?
King Julien: I like. I can show you my seeking technique and also my counting technique. I invented a few new numbers I think you will like.
[Covers eyes]
King Julien: One, twolien, three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine-ten, meleven...

Kowalski: Fortunes are mere superstitions.
King Julien: Yes, these stitions are super, and that is why you must listen to them! This is a curse. Your friend has been given a misfortune cookie!
Private: A what?
King Julien: A misfortune cookie. It is like a regular fortune cookie, except it is filled with hate, and bile!... and sugar... and evil!
Private: Oh! That doesn't sound good. Except for the sugar part.
King Julien: You need the sugar, or the bile will overwhelm the flavor.

Skipper: Kowalski, report.
Kowalski: The robot...
Rico: Boom.
King Julien: Aaaagh! What - what has been done by you to my poor Lemmy?
Kowalski: Well, we... It was an accident.
Private: We didn't mean to blow him up.
Rico: Kablamo!
King Julien: He was the only robot I was ever loving.
Skipper: We're sorry, Ringtail. We just knew what was best.
Rico: Kablamo!
King Julien: Kablowing him up was the best?
Rico: Kablamo!
Skipper: Okay, we said we knew what was best. We just didn't do what was best.
[Julien leaves, crestfallen]
Rico: [Sadly] Kablamo.

Skipper: Don't play dumb with me, ringtail!
King Julien: Who says I am playing?

Maurice: Your majesty, this isn't healthy. You need to shake this off.
King Julien: What's the use? I shall never be shaking this or even my booty ever again.
Mort: Foot hugging time! Yay!
[Hugs Julien's feet]
Maurice: Look at Mort hugging your feet! Doesn't that make you crazy? Doesn't that make you want to do something? Anything?
King Julien: It's not the same without my Lemmy.

King Julien: How dare you accusing me of such outrageousness, like a snake!
Maurice: Yo, we got a snake to bit Rico! This'll convince those pen...
[Sees Skipper]
Maurice: Oh, well, forget it.

King Julien: Maurice, I worry about those penguins. What could make them believe in curses?
Maurice: Short of that penguin meeting a foul end, nothing.
King Julien: Aha, but what if we made Freako...
Maurice: Rico.
King Julien: ...Rico meet a foul end? That would make them believe.
Maurice: Probably, but it wouldn't be a curse.
King Julien: Wouldn't it, Maurice? Are you sure?
Maurice: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
King Julien: And I'm pretty not. No, no, wait! I'm pretty. Very, very pretty. So pretty! Mort, tell me I am pretty.
Mort: You are pretty.
King Julien: Thank you. See, Maurice? Mort agrees with me. Case closed.
Maurice: All right. What did you have in mind?

King Julien: Come closer! Closer! A little more closer! Wait, okay, that's too close. Take a step back, a little half step. Right there.

King Julien: Look how it mocks me in silence! It's like a mini mime!

King Julien: I will teach you everything about being a lemur king: the bossing, the bragging, but most of all, the boogieing!

King Julien: You still have many important things to learn, such as... the Mambo! The Moonwalk! The Egyptian! The Electric Noodle! The Robot! No, more jerky, you know, like a robot. I would think that would be easy for you.

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (2008)
Julien: [pops out from a cake] Hey, freaks! You will be glad to learn that I am coming with you!
Alex: Oh ho ho, no, thank you.
Julien: Oh, *yes*, thank you. It's *my* plane!

Julien: [as the plane dives] Raise your arms, Maurice! It's more fun when you raise your arms up like this, ah ha ha ha!

Julien: [after Melman has announced he has only 48 hours to live] If I, King Julien, that's my name, had only two days to live, I would do all the things I always wanted to do.
Melman: Like what?
Julien: I'd become a professional whistler. I'm pretty fantastic right now, but I would do it professionally.
[Tries to whistle, but all that comes out is a long raspberry]
Julien: Another thing I would do is invade a neighboring country, and force my own ideology on them, even if they didn't want it.

Julien: Whatever happened to the separation of the classes?
Maurice: I'm sure this whole democracy thing is just a fad.

Julien: [Mort wants to go on the plane] Stop him! He's carrying scissors and hand cream!

Gloria: Julian, stop this! This is crazy!
Julien: Oh, suddenly throwing a giraffe into a volcano to make water, is crazy!

Julien: [the animal herds are running towards the fiery volcano, planning on sacrificing Melman to the gods in hopes of creating water] Hurry up, before we come to our senses!

Julien: [referring to the fiery volcano] I'd jump in myself, if I weren't so good at whistling.
[proceeds to whistle terribly]

Julien: I don't know why the sacrifice didn't work. The science was so solid.

Julien: New York! It's a bit of a dump. Are you sure we're not in New Jersey?

Julien: Please, go over there please

Julien: Ha,ha,ha! I like laughing! It's such a nice experience!
Melman: [Melman pokes his head in] Whoa.
Julien: Exuse me, this is first class. It's nothing personal, it's just that we're better than you.

Julien: Do you mind going back? This is first class.
Julien: It's nothing personal, it's just that we're better than you.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: All Choked Up/Little Zoo Coupe (#1.11)" (2009)
King Julien: I can taste the taste of victory. It is yummy in my tummy.

Kowalski: Are you challenging us to a race?
King Julien: Am I? Yes! You understand what I am doing before I am even doing it!

Maurice: [as they put Mort inside Rico to defuse the bomb] The birds have gone carnivore!
King Julien: Quick, we must flee! Maurice, distract them by being eaten!

King Julien: Winner gets the loser's car.
Private: Why would you want two cars?
King Julien: One for commuting, one for weekend errands around town.
Skipper: Better stock up on subway tokens. We race tonight at 12 o'clock!
King Julien: Make it... midnight! Wait, wait. When's my pedicure?
Maurice: Midnight.
King Julien: Can we make it 12:15? Does 12:15 work for you?
[Kowalski looks at his board and nods to Skipper]
Skipper: Fine. 12:15.

Skipper: Are you ready to have your lunch handed to you?
King Julien: Why, yes, that would be nice. I would like a BLT, hold the T, and... Oh, this is some of your trashy talk, is it? Well, I too can talk of the smack!

King Julien: So, did that sticky them up? Tell me yes.
Maurice: Um, okay. Yes.
King Julien: Yes! Wait. Maurice, are you just telling me what I want to hear?
Maurice: Yes.
King Julien: Yes! Wait... no!

King Julien: Oh, metal wiseman. Show me who is the smartest of all creatures?
[Robot points right; Julien quickly moves to where he's pointing]
King Julien: That is right! Yes, me.
Mort: Oh, make the shiny man do magic again!
King Julien: Now show me who has the most attractive bottom?
[Robot points left; Julien moves his butt to where he's pointing]
King Julien: Amazing! How does it know?

Skipper: Well, Rico, looks like it's game over. I never thought it would end this way, but I just want you to know... I love you, you crazy knucklehead.
Kowalski: I also love you, in the same way expressed previously... dude.
Private: [Hugging Rico] I love you too, Rico!
[Rico starts to retch]
Mort: [Inside Rico] And I love this popcorn. It's a little wet, though.
[Rico's stomach rumbles]
King Julien: Eh, what is that noise?
Skipper: [breaking down] I'm not good with words - well, actually, neither are you - but I just wanna say... you are my brother!
Kowalski: That's poetry, Skipper.
King Julien: I don't know about him, but this mush is making me want to blow chunks.
Skipper: Do you mind?
Private: Wherever the sun lays its head, there the land will whisper, "Rico. Rico."
Kowalski: [breaking down] Okay, now that's poetry!
[They all cry and hug each other; Julien joins in; they all glare at him]
King Julien: I just want to see a penguin throw up.

King Julien: [after the robot blows up] He was the only one who truly appreciated my bottom.
[One of the robot's arms land behind Julien, pointing at his butt]
King Julien: Hey! He's still loving my booty!

King Julien: Who is burping up the stinking fog of lint, and spit, and unspeakable things from a kitten, and... Oof! I don't even want to know what that fart was.
Mort: Ooh, it smells like the circus!
[the penguins take Mort]
Mort: Am I going to the circus too?
[They shove Mort down Rico's throat]
Mort: Why is the circus so dark and smelly? Hey, there's popcorn down here. Hooray!

King Julien: It is the most handsomest thing I have ever seen... except for me, which goes without saying, but I said it anyway. Why? I don't know!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: All King, No Kingdom/Untouchable (#1.24)" (2009)
King Julien: Hello, friendly penguins! Eh, I was wondering if you could make this melon split open for me.
Skipper: Rico, slice.
[Rico spits out a knife and hacks the melon in two with it]
Skipper: There you go, Ringtail. Service with a psycho smile.

King Julien: No one loves me!
Skipper: Oh, now that's not...
King Julien: ...as much as *I* love me.
Skipper: Oh. Well, that is true.

King Julien: Time for party games. I will start by making balloon animals.
[Blows up long balloon]
King Julien: This one is an earthworm.
[Blows up another one]
King Julien: Tapeworm.
[Blows up a third]
King Julien: And here is a hookworm.
[Balloon deflates]
King Julien: Make that a flatworm.

King Julien: I don't like this telling other animals what to do. That is my niche.

King Julien: Excuse me, little froggy. I believe you are a little confussed. I am the one who is telling the other animals what to do.
Barry: Oh?
King Julien: Yes. That is because I am king. However, you can apply for an internship.
Maurice: We are currently accepting applications for the spring semester.
[Hands Barry a form]
King Julien: But until you are properly internalized, you must cease the bossing around.
Barry: Oh, really? Cease this!

King Julien: Are you going to pummel Barry until he's all squishy?
Skipper: That's the general idea.
King Julien: Yes! I'm King Julien, and I approve this plan.

Private: How can we touch someone who's untouchable?
King Julien: It is a riddle, like which do you eat first, the chicken or the egg? I say the eggs, because they are breakfast foods.
Maurice: That's not the way it goes.
King Julien: So you're saying the chicken first? It does make a nice base for the eggs.

King Julien: This half of the kingdom is for me and my king things, and that half is for you two.
Maurice: This is much less than half!
Mort: I like it.
King Julien: Of course it's smaller. There is only one of me and two of you.
Maurice: That means we should have more and you should have less.
King Julien: The king never has less. That's the law.

King Julien: Make way for the party king, man!
Bada: Hold on there, chief. We have to see if you're on the list.
Bing: There's no Party King on the list.
Bada: Wait, I have a King Julien on the list.
King Julien: Yes, that is me!
Bada: Yeah, you're on the "absolutely not a guest" list.

King Julien: Maurice, the zoo is full of many fantastical things. Did you know, for instance, free gum under all the seats? Watch, I'm going to blow a bubble.
[Tries to blow bubble, but accidentally spits out gum into Maurice's face]
King Julien: You can keep that.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Assault and Batteries (#1.5)" (2009)
King Julien: Be giving it up, flightless bird. I already have three batteries.
Skipper: But your noisemaker needs all four, and the only way you're getting this one is if you pry it from my cold, dead flippers.
King Julien: Ugh! Sounds gross... but doable!

King Julien: Not in the face! Please spare my moneymaker!

King Julien: Skipper, if only one of us makes it out of here, then let it be... Joey.
Skipper: Joey?
King Julien: Yes. Without the beatings, this place isn't half bad.

Maurice: Oh, my feet are killing me.
King Julien: Not as much as I will if you stop dancing.
Maurice: But your majesty, we just can't boogie-oogie-oogie like you.
Mort: I wanna go to bed!
King Julien: No! Last week the baboons shook their shiny red buttocks eighteen hours straight. I will not be outpartied.

Joey: Come down here, you bludgers, before I chuck a wobbly.
King Julien: Have you never heard such a mangling of the language with which we are speaking?

King Julien: Everyone I care about made it! Happy ending! But what is this feeling I am feeling? It is not a happiness.
[Sees Joey beating up Skipper]
King Julien: It is a feeling that I have not done all I could have done. I do not like it. How do I make it go away?

King Julien: Okay, crazyish idea. You help me get out of this place.
Skipper: Team up, with you?
King Julien: I was thinking more like you do all the work, and I will watch with anticipation.

King Julien: Come back here, you music hater!
Skipper: I don't hate music! I hate noise!

King Julien: You must take the music inside of you, swish it around and spit it out through your tail. Just do as I do. Take in the music...
[Music stops]
King Julien: Hey, not all the music, you greedies!
Maurice: It wasn't us.
King Julien: Then what else could make our boomy box stop booming?

Skipper: We made it! Up high!
[Offers a high-five]
King Julien: Yes, it is.
Skipper: Down low?
[Juilen just looks at him]
Skipper: Too slow?
King Julien: You. You are too slow.
Skipper: Never mind.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Out of the Groove/Jungle Law (#1.22)" (2009)
Mort: [Pops out of briefcase] Case open! REPLACE WITH:
King Julien: Without the electrically power, the zoo has now become... a jungle! And who is the king of the jungle?
King Julien: Okay, I'll give you a hint. He is also the king of the zoo and the outlying mid-town area. And it is me. Okay, no more hints.
Skipper: Negative! There is no such thing as jungle law.
King Julien: Oh, really? Perhaps everyone here might want to hear the opinionings of a certified jungle lawyer.
Maurice: [Wearing a tie and seating next to a briefcase, reading some papers] Ahem. All hail King Julien! Case closed.
Mort: [Pops out of briefcase] Case open!

Skipper: This is going to end very badly for you, Your Majesty. And when this jungle law does fail, I will have four sweet, sweet words for you.
King Julien: Oh! "I love King Julien"?
Skipper: No. "I told you so."

King Julien: I demand to talk to my jungle lawyer!
Maurice: Dude with a briefcase?
[Kicks briefcase aside]
Maurice: Haven't seen him.

King Julien: [Voiceover] But those baboons, they would not listen to sabotage... I mean, reason.
Darla: Did you drop that fuzzy bag of stank into our habitat?
King Julien: That is a wild accusation!
Darla: Y'all saying you didn't do it?
King Julien: Oh, no, I did it. I just think the accusation is... wild!
Darla: Uh-huh. Now I'm gonna say this slow, because I can tell y'all got a bad case of the stupids...
King Julien: Maurice, how did she see the royal medical report?
Darla: Y'all apologize for skunking us, or my gals and I are gonna make us a couple of lemur coats.
Mort: Ooh, can I have one?
[Maurice whispers in Mort's ear]
Mort: I cancel my order.

Skipper: [starts dancing] That ain't right! Kowalski, analysis.
Kowalski: Skipper, you seem to be shaking your booty.
Private: Quite impressively, I might add.
Rico: Uh-huh!
Skipper: I'm not doing this. Something's making me dance.
King Julien: You... you have my groove! It is not all bye-byed after all! Yes!
Skipper: Get it outta me!
King Julien: I don't know how.
Darla: Guess who does.
Mort: Is it Santa?
Darla: Yea... what? No! I'm the only one who can fix this. But am I gonna?
Mort: Santa would.
Darla: Well, I ain't Santa!
Private: What if Julien apologized?
Darla: That's all I'm asking.
King Julien: Have I not made my policy on apologizing clear? It is for the weak and wrong.
Skipper: Listen, Ringtail. I'm about to show you how weak and wrong you are. Apologize now.
King Julien: Uh-uh.
Skipper: Okay then. Let's dance!

Skipper: Well, Ringtail, I believe it's time I said a few words.
Private: Oh, no. He wouldn't. Not now.
Skipper: I... told... you... that this plan was brilliant!
King Julien: Say what?
Skipper: What his Majesty knew was that the biggest danger in a crisis situation was blind panic. So he set up this post-apocalyptic-wasteland scenario to keep our minds off of the blackout. Genius!

Private: Skipper, you gave up an "I told you so." That's the most noble thing I've ever seen.
Skipper: Sometimes, Private, you just have to set your sights a little higher.
King Julien: Yes! Praise me, for I am so much greater than any penguin could ever be!
Skipper: Rico, set the sights a little higher.
[Rico launches a watermelon from a catapult; it lands on Julien]
King Julien: Aah! I've been meloned!
Skipper: All hail the king.

Burt: [attacking King Julien] Peanut head! Peanut head!
Kowalski: We're only here to talk, friend. Straight turkey, no judgements.
Maurice: Are you crazy? The dude's head doesn't even look like a peanut!
King Julien: What? How dare you insult my gloriously peanut-shaped head!
[Burt sticks his trunk over Julien's head]
Kowalski: Oh, golly!
Maurice: That ain't right.

King Julien: [after being taken out of Burt's trunk] I have seen my entire life and many gigantic nose nuggets pass before my eyes. Thank the sky spirits that's over.

King Julien: Yes, we all like chaos and mayhem. But we need orderly chaos and nice mayhem.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Happy King Julien Day! (#1.3)" (2009)
King Julien: In a few hours, we celebrate the biggest holiday of the year.
Marlene: Christmas in July! Except it's not Christmas... and it's not July.
King Julien: See how playfully they tease me, Maurice.

King Julien: Up next, the King Julien Day traditional tossing of the fruit.
Private: Tossing of the fruit?
Marlene: Tossing it where, exactly?
[Marlene gets a melon to the face]
Maurice: At you, exactly.

Maurice: Look, you don't understand how important this is. You want King Julien to be happy on his day. One time everyone forgot about King Julien Day, and let me tell you...
King Julien: [Flashback] Which forgetter is next for the whooping? Come on, I want you to hurt like I do! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Maurice: Oh, I couldn't sit right for a week. Trust me, you do not want him to freak on you!

King Julien: Because what is a party without cake? I guess it would still be a party, but it would feel like something is missing. Something cakey.

King Julien: It is time to celebrate me and the many moods of me. Today, festive me.

King Julien: Now I shall make you all feel inferior, which is proper.

Mason: [interpreting for Phil] Pineapple upside-down cake, glazed with brown booger.
[Phil signs]
Mason: My mistake. Brown sugar.
King Julien: Eh... just in case, next!

King Julien: Do I see bugs in there?
Marlene: Lemurs like bugs. Right?
King Julien: Yes, ordinarily. But I'm on a low-tick diet.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Penguiner Takes All (#1.6)" (2009)
Kowalski: If by some statistically remote chance you do win, the rewards will be glory and respect.
Private: And a little swagger in your step.
King Julien: These prizes sound cheap. As your king, I already own glory and respect. Don't I?
Maurice: Glorify!
Mort: Respectify!
King Julien: See? But not a TV. Yes! Long have I wanted a box with tiny shouting people inside.

King Julien: When I win, this hi-fi will be my-fi.
Skipper: We'll see about that. Actions speak louder than words.
King Julien: [Speaking through megaphone] And this speaks louder than actions!

King Julien: Those silly-billy penguins cannot be beating me. It is unpossible.
Skipper: Think again, lemur. The unpossible just became possible.

King Julien: Are you a penguin or a chicken? This calls for harsh mocking.
King Julien: [clucking like a chicken] Mock! Mock! Mock-mock-mock!

Skipper: Lemur! One last game. All or nothing.
King Julien: But I have the all and you have the nothing. So, how does that work?
Skipper: Kowalski, options.
Kowalski: Sorry, Skipper. We lost my options clipboard two nights ago.
King Julien: Righty-o. Maurice, options.
Maurice: They could swear their undying loyalty to you.
King Julien: Groveling, obeying, and combing the knots out of my tail?
Maurice: That'd be the idea.
King Julien: Ooh, I likey!
Skipper: We accept those terms.

Skipper: We demand a rematch.
King Julien: [Watching TV] Shh. Dan from San Diego is going for the $15,000. Foolishly, if you ask me.
Skipper: Now.
King Julien: Loser says what?
Skipper: Now!

[Julien is watching the TV he won from the penguins]
TV Announcer: Did you pay too much for auto insurance?
King Julien: It is very possible. Tell me more.
[the signal goes to static; Julien turns to Mort, who is on top of the set, holding the antenna]
King Julien: Mort, no slacking! How am I to know if I have auto-paid too much?

King Julien: I like winning. It suits me. Like losing suits them. The loser penguins.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Go Fish/Miracle on Ice (#1.13)" (2009)
Skipper: They're scoring again! Defense!
King Julien: Uh-uh-uh. It must be a cheer.
Skipper: [Cheering unenthusiastically] De-fense. De-fense. King Julien needs to play defense. Rah.
King Julien: Which fence? I see no fence.

King Julien: None may touch the royal feet! NONE!

King Julien: All right, you all need to do everything that I am telling you, starting with paying close attention to what I am saying right now... Right now... Now.

Skipper: It turns out the cheerleader is not that crucial to hockey.
King Julien: So the game did not rest on my regal shoulders?
Skipper: Well, no, but it does now. Ringtail, this whole game has come down to you.
King Julien: Then I shall not be letting you down. I shall only be letting you up. Make way for King Julien, champion hockey... guy.

King Julien: You probably couldn't get the ball into the hooppy thingy.
Kowalski: It's called a puck
King Julien: Oh, okay. You probably couldn't never get the ball into the puck thingy.

King Julien: You dummy rats shall never score a homely run.

Maurice, Mort: Every time the penguins score, it's King Julien we adore!
King Julien: Bring me on!
Skipper: You're not supposed to cheer for yourself.
King Julien: Oh, I'm not. They are.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Launchtime/Haunted Habitat (#1.1)" (2009)
King Julien: What is all the commotion? I was having a dream where I was the last mammal on Earth.
Mort: Was I in it?
King Julien: Yes, but you were roadkill.
Mort: But, I was in it!

King Julien: [singing] Oh, spirit of the night / Who may or may not bite / You bring the otter fright / You bring the otter fright, though you are out of sight / Go away, go away!
Maurice: Go way away!
King Julien: I say don't stay!
Maurice: I say don't stay!
King Julien: Go away, go away!
Maurice: Go way away!
King Julien: I say don't stay!
Maurice: I say don't stay!
The Skipper: Come on, men. Let's leave this to the tiny dancer, and get us some shut-eye.
King Julien: My ghost mojo is working! Can you feel it.

King Julien: Obviously, this is a new ghost, since the old ghost was eliminated by me, your king.
The Skipper: Your little song and dance did bubkes!
King Julien: Oh? And what did you do? Double bubkes! So shut up.

Mort: But I don't want to go into the haunted place!
King Julien: Be brave, Mort, like me.
Roger: Hello!
[the lemurs run away screaming]
Roger: What's the matter with the guy in the funny hat?
The Skipper: I wish I knew, Roger. I wish I knew.

King Julien: Hello? Neighbors? I wish to borrow your toothbrushes to scratch my hard to reach regions. If you agree, say nothing at all.
Maurice: I guess they agree.

The Skipper: Looks like we've got an intruder, boys. Commence Operation: Hammerhead.
King Julien: Excuse me, hammer whose head, exactly?

Mort: [Cradling Julien's ankles] What if it was a ghost?
King Julien: Then you can touch the ghost's feet!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Driven to the Brink/Friend-in-a-Box (#2.14)" (2010)
Maurice: Mort sure likes that game.
King Julien: Yes. It keeps Mort from annoying me by touching the royal feet, so I like it too.
King Julien: I don't like it!
Maurice: But I thought you didn't like Mort touching your feet.
King Julien: Yes, but I love rejecting Mort. It makes me feel all kingly. But how am I to feel kingly now?
Maurice: Uh, the crown? The throne? The big fits of the crazies?
King Julien: Yes, those help, but the rejecting Mort... ah, that's the sweet stuff, man.

King Julien: Maurice, my yoyoyo is defective!
Maurice: Yo-yo. Two yos.
King Julien: Well mine has three yos, maybe more, but it is not working, so no-yos.
Maurice: [Takes yo-yo and does tricks with it] Seems fine to me. You just need practice.
King Julien: Practice is for those who are not perfect.

Kowalski: It's starting. The traditional first steps of the potty dance.
King Julien: I never learned that dance, because, you know, I just go wherever I am.
[Kowalski steps aside]
King Julien: What? I'm the king. It's cool

King Julien: You must be wondering about that.
Kowalski: I pass no judgement on you lemurs and your sick, depraved habits.

Private: Looks like someone got a new circuit board.
Kowalski: Yes, state of the art processor, hollah!
Private: So where did you get it?
Kowalski: Uh, I...
Private: Come again?
Kowalski: I got it from...
Private: You got it from where?
Kowalski: I took it from Mort's video game, all right? I stole from poor, innocent Mort to fuel my own scientific ambitions! But it was totally worth it. See?
[Turns on psychotron]
Private: [thoughts transmitted from psychotron] Oh, Kowalski. How could you?
Skipper: [Thoughts transmitted from phsychotron] This side of you makes me want to throw up in my beak!
Rico: [Thoughts transmitted from psychotron] Fiiiiish!
Kowalski: [Thoughts transmitted from psychotron] They're right. I'm a monster. A selfish monster!
Kowalski: Oh, what have I done?
[Throws psychotron across room; King Julien enters and poses next to psychotron]
King Julien: [thoughts transmitted from psychotron] I would look good in pantaloons.
King Julien: Yes, I agree with the voice that sounds like me. Pantaloons would accent my regality, but that is not why I'm here.

King Julien: Maurice, who is disturbing the royal sleep? Who? Who?
Mort: Is it the penguin in the car? Because I think it's the penguin in the car.
King Julien: Whoever it is, I want it stopped. Maurice, do something.
Maurice: What am I supposed to do?
[Rico smashes the car]
Maurice: Other than that, which I totally did.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Needle Point/Eclipsed (#1.14)" (2009)
King Julien: Why is the blue sky not sky-bluish?

King Julien: You, you are the nicest guy around here. Make me be nice! I command you!
Private: That wasn't very nice.
King Julien: And you are failing already!

Skipper: Sounds like the sky spirits are sending you a message.
King Julien: But I am being extra crazy nice.
Skipper: New York sky spirits are fickle pickles.

Mason: King Julien, you are truly inspiring.
King Julien: I know, it is from the dancing.
Mason: Yes, well we were just talking to the sky spirits...
King Julien: Word up. The sky spirits love me. Peace out, sky spirits! Uh, wait, wait, wait. Conversing?
Mason: Yes. Phil translates, actually.
Mason: [to Phil] Begin countdown.
Mason: [back to Juilien] And they are about to send you a message... right... about... now!

King Julien: Just waiting for you to roll over so I can fluff up your pillow.
Skipper: Not necessary.
King Julien: It is okay, I'm prepared to wait all night.
Skipper: I like a hard pillow.
King Julien: Oh, I could be your pillow. My bottom is very soft and plushy, you know.

Mason: Ah, Sunday morning.
King Julien: Sunday morning? Uh-uh, no! It is still Saturday night, baby! The sky spirits told me.
Mason: Sky spirits?
King Julien: Yes. They give me signs because I am the king. See that cloud up there? It says to me "party with the pansies."
Mason: Chim-panzees, and we were enjoing a quiet morning, if you don't mind.
King Julien: Oh, I do mind, mister. That cloud up there says party time, so it's time to party, mister. Mort, crank up that conga rhythm!
Mason: Oh, please, not conga.
King Julien: [singing] I am the Conga King / Doing the conga thing / Tail up and tail down / Grab my bottom and sing! / Let's all go conga-ga! / More fun in conga-ga! / You can't stop conga-ga! / Grab my bottom and sing!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Gone in a Flash (#1.0)" (2008)
King Julien: Gimme, gimme, gimme! I said gimme! What part of "gim" or "me" do you not understand?

King Julien: A little more to the left, Mort.
Mort: Your left or my left?
King Julien: Mine, of course! I'm the king. All the lefts are mine, silly Mort.

King Julien: [Eats Maurice's banana] Nicely done, Maurice. Now peel me a grape.
Maurice: But that was...
King Julien: Grape, Maurice, grape. Not lip.

King Julien: Maurice! Where are you and your booty, which is quite large and usually easy to see?

King Julien: Here, Maurice. Just to show you that I am the bigger lemur - not in actual pounds, of course, but in the other kind of biggerness - eat the banana.
[Throws slice of banana at camera]
King Julien: Oh, so now it's a hunger strike too, is it? You're not going to get to me. You're not going to... eat the banana!

King Julien: See, this is what happens when you question my kingly authority.
Mort: [hugs Julien's ankles] I question nothing!
King Julien: I question why you touch the feet!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Mort Unbound/Roomies (#1.15)" (2009)
King Julien: [Throwing away fruit] Boring. Don't like. Don't want. Don't care. Used to like but not any more. Pass. Wait! Was that a mango. So sweet and tangy and juicy and sweet. Did I say sweet twice? Doesn't matter. A mango can be sweety sweet.

King Julien: ...And that is when I decided to dedicate my life to the most importantest thing in all of the life, me. Are you getting all this?
Maurice: [drawing a picture of Julien with steam coming out of his ears] Huh? Oh, yeah. I got it. I got it all.
King Julien: Okay. Chapter two...

Mort: I'm normal me again... And I like me!
King Julien: Yes, and I hope you learned a lesson of value. Being a bully is no good.
Maurice: Wait a minute! You used Mort to bully everyone else!
King Julien: Maurice, we don't play the blame game here.
Private: Ahem!
[King Julien looks up and notices the giant Private glaring at him]
King Julien: All of the blame is mine! Just don't sit upon me!

Joey: Why do you lot want my hay? You blokes don't even eat the stuff.
King Julien: No, but there's something else I like to do with it.
[Makes macramé Julien out of a blade of hay]
King Julien: Make macra-mes.

King Julien: That was a great idea I just had. I must compliment my brain. Good idea, brain. Thanks, I think it was nice that you had an idea that you didn't pull out of your booty. Hey, do not speak ill of the booty! Oh, booty, booty, booty! Shut up about the booty! You shut up about the shutting up! Fine, then I am not talking to you! And I am not talking to you! Stupid brain.

Mort: Gimme banana!
King Julien: Maurice, do something!
Maurice: Like give him a banana?
King Julien: Don't be ridiculous, Maurice.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Otter Gone Wild (#1.18)" (2009)
King Julien: Oh, hello. Did you miss me?
Skipper: Not as much as you might think.

King Julien: Uh, where did the cage come from?
Kowalski: Sorry, that is classified information.

King Julien: Outside, outside, outside! What is the big deal? Where is...
[Trips and gets his head stuck in a tree]
King Julien: Hey, where is the outside?
Kowalski: We could leave him there.
Skipper: Tempting, but it violates the penguin code.
Kowalski: Oh, yeah.

King Julien: Why are you eyeing my delicious thighs and robust rump? Wait. You are not going to ransom me. You are going to eat me! Eat me if you must, but I will give you terrible indigestion, and gas unlike any ever!

King Julien: Marlene is in love with me... which makes perfect sense, really, I am a catch... but why does it have to happen when she is snarly and gross?

King Julien: Now that you are much less growly, I accept your invitation of courtship.
Marlene: What?
King Julien: Don't you remember being madly in love with me?
Marlene: No! Ew! Ew!
King Julien: You know what? I think you do remember, and you are playing it off. That's it, you are trying to play it off and lift yourself higher, but it is not working. See? Everyone's looking. The female of the species, any species, who is understanding them?
Skipper: I hear ya, brother.
[They all leave, leaving Marlene behind in the cage]
Marlene: Um, guys? I thought we were getting snow cones. Guys?

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Two Feet High and Rising (#1.7)" (2009)
King Julien: Wait! This is a very serious proclamation that I am proclaming! See, it's posted right here, on the plastic volcano. And anyone who is daring to be touching my beautiful feets shall be banished from my kingdom forever!
Maurice: Ever... ever... ever!
King Julien: What are you doing?
Maurice: Echoing you for dramatic effect.
King Julien: Oh, nice. I like it.

Maurice: Wait. You mean Mort is exiled? For eternity?
King Julien: Forever or for eternity, I'm flexible. But the no-feet-touching law must be of zero tolerance.

Skipper: Cheese and crackers! Struggling will just make it worse!
King Julien: What? I can't hear you over my frantic and panicked struggling!

King Julien: Attention, people. I am hereby decreeing that my new no-feet-touching decree is a decree I am un-decreeing forever.

King Julien: That's it! Groom me! Groom me like you mean it! Give me all the grooming you've got!

King Julien: There, it is time to be beholding the newly scrubbed and freshly cleaned royal...
Mort: Feet!
[Mort tackles Julien's feet]
King Julien: No, Mort! Not the minty-fresh feet!

Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (2012)
King Julien XIII: [in a train] Hey, this is not first class!
Maurice: Oh! Definitely coach.

King Julien XIII: [to a female bear] Has anyone ever told you that you look like a supermodel, albeit a fat, hairy one, who smells?
[the Bear eats him... and pulls him out by his tail]
King Julien XIII: Whoa-ha-ha!

King Julien XIII: Sonya! I miss you, baby! I miss your stinky kisses!

King Julien XIII: [Waiting for the signal to turn off the casino master switch] Now?
Maurice: Not yet.
King Julien XIII: Okay?
Maurice: No!
Maurice: Now!
King Julien XIII: [Sticking pencils in his nose, ears and mouth] Uh, I'm a little busy right now.
Maurice: Just pull the switch!
King Julien XIII: Okay, fine.

King Julien XIII: It is clear that I am just an emotional whoopee cushion for you to sit on. When you look for where I am, I won't be there!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Over Phil/Miss Understanding (#1.25)" (2009)
King Julien: All right, this is no good. It's time for Plan H.
Maurice: Don't you mean Plan B?
King Julien: No, no. Plans B through G are far too ridiculously dangerous. Plan H is for Mort to go down to the under the ground electrically power cables and not come out until the smoothie machine is working again.
Mort: I like Plan H. Whee!
[Jumps into grate]
King Julien: Good, Mort. Now start pulling things off other things and putting them into new things. I'm sure it will work itself out eventually.

King Julien: Save the king! The others are optional.

Private: Let's try a little role playing. Pretend I'm Phil.
Mason: A bit of a reach, but very well.
Private: Now pretend I just made a mess.
Mason: Oh, Phil, another mess, which I have to clean up.
King Julien: No, no! That is all wrong!
[Jumps around like a monkey]
King Julien: Ooh, ooh! I sure do like a tire swing! Ooh!
Skipper: It's uncanny.
Kowalski: I know.
Private: Now do me!
King Julien: Okay
[Jumps like monkey again]
King Julien: Ooh, ooh! I sure do like stinky fish! Ooh!

King Julien: Did someone say party? Oh, yeah, baby! I am ready to...
[Sees Phil's habitat full of garbage, with Joey, Bada and Bing wallowing in it]
King Julien: Eh, this is a little, eh, lowbrow for the king, you know.

King Julien: Maurice, why is that penguin wearing a pretty pink bow on his head and shouting at the sky spirits? And also I have a follow-up: How come I do not have a pretty pink bow?

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Popcorn Panic (#1.12)" (2009)
Skipper: Failure is not an option.
King Julien: Which is fine by me, because I do not intend to fail. I vow to do the opposite of fail.
Marlene: You mean succeed?
King Julien: No, I will not suck seed. No one will be sucking seed.

King Julien: Something smells fishy.
Maurice: Yeah, I don't know about these guys.
King Julien: No, I mean they stink of actual fish, Maurice. Open a window!

Skipper: Keep your stiking opposable thumbs off our popcorn!
King Julien: This is ours. Mort found it. Right, Mort?
Mort: [Under bag] Uh-huh.
King Julien: Finders keepers. Ha ha!
Skipper: Kowalski, legal analysis.
Kowalski: He's got you, Skipper. It's the Finders Keepers Treaty of 1859.
Skipper: Blast! Secure another bag, men.

Skipper: Maybe you didn't get the memo, punk, but This zoo operates on democratic principles, and I don't think we put you in charge. Did we?
[Kowalski shakes his head]
King Julien: How could I not be in charge? Being in charge is what kings do. So shut up.

King Julien: Okay, my kingly plan is coming to me. First, obviously, we must get rid of that insane zookeeper Alice.
Skipper: Negatory. You'll just get more Alices in her place.
Kowalski: A lot more Alices.
Skipper: Give us the number, Kowalski.
Kowalski: 42.
Skipper: Good. You can show me your math later.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Operation: Plush and Cover (#1.2)" (2009)
King Julien: Maurice, there are Morts here, there and everywhere! I must be dreaming! The most horrible dream inside my head! Quick, pinch me! Now bite me! Now slap my face and spank my right buttock!

Skipper: [Popping sounds are coming from a crate] Evasive action. We have enemy movement.
Private: Skipper, we're taking fire!
Skipper: We're also giving some. Right, Rico?
[Rico spits out a flame thrower and aims it at crate]
Skipper: Steady, boys. Get ready to toast this marshmallow!
[Crate opens to reveal Julien with a popcorn container]
King Julien: Ha ha! Popcorn anyone? It's fresh.
Private: Julien?
Kowalski: How did he get here?
King Julien: I mailed myself super platinum premier overnight express. This is how a king is to be rolling.

King Julien: Now, who has the honor of carrying my luggage?
Skipper: Rico, stamp his royal highness "return to sender."
[Rico wraps Julien in bubble wrap]
King Julien: Okay, you win. Forget the luggage.

King Julien: What have I done, Maurice? I already miss having that annoying Mort around so that I can hate him.

King Julien: No need to drop to your knees to thank and worship me.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: The Hidden/Kingdom Come (#1.10)" (2009)
Marlene: The new neighbors, they took Mort! He's gone!
[All gasp]
King Julien: Who's Mort? Oh, my easel. Right. I too am gasping in horror, but on the inside. Because, you know, I need that easel.

Skipper: Listen up, lemur. Maurice ate those bad nuts. He went off the deep end.
Kowalski: He's turned the lemur habitat into an armed fortress.
Private: He's enslaved the entire zoo!
King Julien: I cannot be believing my ears. Maurice ate my lychee nuts!

King Julien: I would love to join you in the meeting of the neighbors, but I am far too busy with... Maurice, what am I far too busy with?
Maurice: Posing for your royal portrait.
Mort: I'm an easel.
King Julien: Mort.
Mort: Yes?
King Julien: Shut up a little, okay?
Mort: Okay.

Private: But if you're all cured, why are you still in the hospital?
King Julien: Because this vibrating bed is awesome!

King Julien: What is Mort doing in the royal portrait? Paint him out now before my eyes smell him forever!

Merry Madagascar (2009) (TV)
Santa: King Julien, you are officially off the naughty list.
King Julien: What? No! You can't take me off the naughty list! I *am* the naughty list! What's the naughty list?

King Julien: What's so special about Julianuary if everyone gets to have something?

King Julien: You see, Julieniary is all about the joy of giving... to me!

King Julien: Hello? Haven't you ever heard of knocking? I could've been naked in here.

King Julien: Making her happy makes me feel happy. It gives me a warm, tingly feeling inside. Like pinworms!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Paternal Egg-Stinct (#1.4)" (2009)
King Julien: I demand custody of J.J. Look at all the danger you have heaved upon him.
Skipper: Heaved? You're the heaver! The egg was aces 'til you pilfered him!
King Julien: But I pilfered J.J. while he was on your watch, so you are responsible for my irresponsibility.

Marlene: [to King Julien] You laid an egg?
Kowalski: Highly improbable. Mammals don't lay eggs. Unless... are you part platypus?
King Julien: What? You are a partapuss.

Maurice: You should just let it go. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure whatever is in that egg, it ain't one of us.
King Julien: Oh, really, Mister Smarty-booty? And where else would J.J. come from but an egg?
Maurice: Well, mammals usually come from...
[Whispers in Julien's ear]
King Julien: [Spit take] Do not gross me out with nonsense, Maurice!

King Julien: Longly have I wished for an heir to my throne. And now the spirits have delivered to me a son.
Marlene: Delivered to you?
King Julien: Yes, indirectly. I shall call him Julian Jr., J.J. I will raise him to be like me: handsome, intelligent, and most of all, humble.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Mr. Tux/Concrete Jungle Survival (#2.6)" (2010)
King Julien: Ooh, he just made things interesting. Everyone, be interested!
Skipper: Don't tell me you're betting on this nutball!
King Julien: Well, technically I'm losing everything to this nutball, but I can't let that distract me from my game.

Private: Instant telescope.
King Julien: [Takes telescope] Thank you, dumpy penguin. You see, in camping, you can make a fire with just a... piraty looky tube.
Maurice: Don't you need sunlight for that?
King Julien: Why would I need sunlight to do this?
[hits kindling with telescope]
King Julien: Make fire, you looky tube!
[Hands the destroyed telescope back to Private]
King Julien: This one's defective.

Amarillo Kid: You better be on your game, Mr. Tux, or this here animal farm won't be worth a toothless sidewinder on Easter Sunday.
King Julien: And the trash talk is inscrutable.
Maurice: He's gonna blow up the zoo?
Mort: Ooh! High stakes!

King Julien: I know this camp-time activity. The only way to untangle us is to work together as a team. So everybody shut it, and I will be the team.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Tangled in the Web (#1.8)" (2009)
King Julien: I want to watch animals on the computer. Well, I want to watch me on the computer, you know. Eh, what is a computer?
Mort: I like computers!
King Julien: So you know?
Mort: No, but I don't have to know... to like!

King Julien: Tell me more about this "People want to watch me" thing.
Marlene: They get on the internet and vote for their favorite animal. You know, back in my old aquarium, I was voted most popular three years in a row.
King Julien: Which is not interesting to me because it is not about me. See how that works?
Marlene: Maybe you didn't hear me.
[Pulls out three trophies]
Marlene: Three-time national internet popularity champion right here!
King Julien: [Seeing his reflection on one of the trophies] Ooh, I can see me, but wider. I would very much like to have it!
Marlene: Since I'm no longer in competition - scandal, long story - I can help you, if you want.
King Julien: Silly otter. I do not need this thing called help.
Marlene: Mmm, okay. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.
King Julien: Yes, yes, but I don't change my mind. I have people for that.

King Julien: I can feel my interweb popularity skyrocketing!

King Julien: Marlene, what are you doing here?
Marlene: I live here?
King Julien: Really? Who knew? I didn't.
Marlene: Julien, you never visit. You must really be stinking up the internet.
King Julien: Yes... I mean, no! I could not be more popularlest. Everybody is loving the king that is me.
Marlene: Okay, I'll let you get back to that.
King Julien: Yes, I guess I really should... They hate me! They hate me! I must have the shiny trophy, and that roly-poly penguin is hogging all the glory that should be the king's! Help me! Please, please! I'll say it one more time, Please!
Marlene: Okay, since you are pathetically begging.
King Julien: I'm not sure I would say pathetic.
Marlene: I would.
King Julien: All right, it's just a word. Help me now.
Marlene: Okay, here's what I see. Lights, music, artsy hats, a performance that'll knock'em dead!
King Julien: Yes! And if they're dead, they can't vote for that ridiculous penguin.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Tagged (#1.20)" (2009)
King Julien: Maurice, fetch me the royal thermometer.
Maurice: [Holds up a frozen Mort] Thermometer says...
Mort: C-c-cold!
King Julien: We must ask the sky spirits to turn this freezy wind toasty. Oh, great sky spirits...
[the wind freezes Julien]
Maurice: Maybe you should say pretty please?
Mort: The royal feet are frostbited!
[Hops toward Julien's feet]

King Julien: We must thank the sky spirits for providing to us this warm coziness we are now enjoying. If there's ever anything I can do, any...
[Walkie-talkie hits Julien]
Skipper: [Through walkie-talkie] There is something we need you to do.
Maurice: You offered.
King Julien: Uh, Hi, howdy,sky spirits? I never thought you would sound like a testy penguin.
Skipper: Clam up and listen to me?
King Julien: A lot like a testy penguin, actually.
Skipper: Your kingdom is about to blow up in one hour and 47 minutes.
King Julien: Ooh, a vengeful sky spirit!
Skipper: It's me, Skipper, you idi... Will you just listen to me?

Skipper: Listen up, Ringtail. You have one hour and twelve minutes to install that cooling device.
King Julien: Is that including lunch, coffee breaking and the royal siesta?
Skipper: Kowalski's gonna walk you through it, step by step, so you must do exactly what he says.
King Julien: I am royalty! No one can tell me exactly what to do.
Skipper: Then how about you order Kowalski to tell you exactly what to do?
King Julien: Okay, yes. That would work.

King Julien: Mort, now is the time for you to volunteer a little bit.
[Mort is blown away by a spray of steam]
King Julien: [to Maurice] Well, I guess it's all up to...
[Maurice is knocked out by a falling box]
King Julien: ... me?

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Roger Dodger/Skorca! (#1.17)" (2009)
Private: No, you don't understand! This orca was gigantic, and it came from the sky!
Maurice: A sky orca?
King Julien: A skorca! That is what the cool people will call it now, because we take two words and make them one, because it's so hip, you know. Skorca! Aaah! Who can be safe from the terror that swims the skies? No one! All who agree, vote by getting panicky... now.

King Julien: The excitement is giving me the tinglies. Maurice, scratch me here 'till the tinglies go away.

Kowalski: A flying orca. It's like our worst nightmare brought to life.
Skipper: Interesting theory. Then whose nightmare is the giant waffle cone sundae?
[Points to giant balloon of ice-cream cone]
King Julien: Flee for your lives! How can we be safe from Two-scoopula, the ice-cream that walks like a man?
[Rico hands him a spoon]
King Julien: Oh, I guess that would do it.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Can't Touch This/Hard Boiled Eggy (#2.3)" (2010)
Skipper: Fallen lemur, what happened?
Maurice: I don't know. Something came flying out of nowhere and wham, I'm flat on my butt.
King Julien: And I am left to apply my own eye vegetables, which is the real tragedy. Mort, weep for me. My eyes are exhausted from all the cucumbering.
Mort: [Tries to cry, but when he can't puts onions on his eyes] My eye vegetables are burny!

King Julien: Eggy? Is this my J.J, whom I raised from a little lemur egg to be a mighty lemur prince?
King Julien: [singing] Me and my J.J. / With me he will stay-ay / And we will...
Skipper: Great! Now that's in my head all day.

King Julien: Let me see if I am standing under this. You want to borrow Mort to help a guy I care nothing about, so he can get to a "fa-arm"?
Skipper: That is the plan.
King Julien: No! You cannot borrow Mort!
Mort: Yay! King Julien loves me!
King Julien: You cannot borrow Mort because "borrow" means you will be bringing him back. Bye-bye, Mort.
[Pushes Mort away]
Mort: See? That's a love shove.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: The Falcon and the Snow Job/The Penguin Stays in the Picture (#1.29)" (2010)
King Julien: A predator! Quick, Maurice! Activate the falcon shield!
Maurice: Right away, your highness.
[Maurice puts Mort tied to a stick in front of Kitka]
Skipper: What's with Sad-eyes?
Maurice: [Smears sauce on Mort] Barbecue sauce?
Mort: I'm yummy with cornbread.
King Julien: If you still have room for dessert, you can eat the dumpy one too. He will not mind.
Maurice: [Stammering] Say what?

Kitka: I can't watch!
King Julien: Okay. Then I will describe it to you in really boss sound effects. Check it out. Flang! Scraw! Ook!

Kowalski: As I was saying, the culprit is...
King Julien: Me! I confess! I did it! Mort was camera-hogging all the glory, so I got rid of him! Who knew the depths of my depravity?
Maurice: No, you didn't! I was with you the whole time.
King Julien: Oh. Well in that case, disregard my previous apology.
Mort: Even though I am a ghost, I still have your feet. Yay!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Zoo Tube/Snakehead! (#1.27)" (2010)
King Julien: By the power infested in me by... me, I christen thee King Juilen Aye-Aye. That's fancy talk for "two".

King Julien: Yes, there certainly are dumber animals here. Like that guy.
[Points at polar bear plush toy]
King Julien: Idiot-o! Yes, I'm talking about you. See? He doesn't even get it.

Kowalski: Turns out they don't make giant space ladders. Skipper, would you?
[Skipper slaps Kowalksi]
Kowalski: So instead we'll build this. A satellite transmitter. We'll need a satellite dish, telescope, cell phone, flashlight, egg timer, toilet plunger, and a treadmill.
[Rico barfs out egg timer, flashlight and plunger]
Kowalski: And we still need the satellite dish, cell phone, telescope and treadmill.
[Rico tries to regurgitate them but can't]
King Julien: Here, let me try.
[Squeezes Mort; he farts]
King Julien: Oh, Mort! Oh, that burns my nose!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Kaboom and Kabust/The Helmet (#2.9)" (2010)
King Julien: That was the most awesomest thing I have ever seen that wasn't me.

King Julien: [Doing stand-up] But seriously, don't get me started on his cooking. Maurice's cooking is so bad...
Maurice: [Resigned] How bad is it?
King Julien: It's so bad that I wouldn't eat it!
Mort: [laughing] It's funny because it's you!
Maurice: Oh, this ain't worth a two-mango minimum.

Skipper: Gentlemen, Rico is a danger to himself and others. We never leave a madman behind.
King Julien: Too late, silly penguin! Already he is going to expand my kingdom with the most mayhemiest destructo machine ever!
[Rico stands at the lemur habitat, buzzing]
King Julien: Eh, why is he just standing there?
Skipper: You maniac! You let him go too far! He's built up too much psychotic pressure!
King Julien: Uh, what?
Private: Don't you see? Rico *is* the destructo machine!
[Rico suddenly starts destroying everything in the lemur habitat]

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Jiggles (#1.28)" (2010)
[after Jiggles absorbs Kowalski]
King Julien: Oh, so now it's a problem.
Kowalski: How could I have been so blind? What have I done?
King Julien: I'll tell you what you have done. You've gone nutso!

Kowalski: It is all clear to me now. Jiggles is a mindless monster on a ravenous rampage.
King Julien: [Running away] Best of luck with that!
Kowalski: I don't need luck. I need my friends.
Skipper: Present and accounted for.
Private: As long as you take back that hater remark.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: What Goes Around/Mask of the Raccoon (#1.21)" (2009)
King Julien: Maurice, I am ready to shake my maker of money. Hit it!
Mort: There's nothing to hit.
King Julien: My boomybox! Where is it?

King Julien: They have less than me? And I am barely scraping by. Maurice, give to the penguin all of Mort's food. And Mort too.
Mort: I'm ever so lightly used.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Wishful Thinking/April Fools (#2.11)" (2010)
Maurice: You've never heard of April Fools, have you?
King Julien: Yeah? Well, you've never heard of... January Jerks, have you? No, you have not!
Maurice: That's because you just made it up.
King Julien: Yeah, well... Okay, you got me there. I did make it up. But Christmas Steve, he's real.
Mort: Steve knows if you've been bad or good... and that's creepy.

Skipper: Ringtail! It's not April first.
King Julien: Silly penguin. It's always April first somewhere.
Skipper: You have no idea how a calendar works, do you?
King Julien: Of course.
[Maurice brings him a calendar with Julien on the cover]
King Julien: The Julien Calendar. Gorgeous picture of me on the top, random numbers on the bottom.
Mort: My favorite month is Julie-anuary.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: The Lost Treasure of the Golden Squirrel (#2.4)" (2010)
Skipper: We need you to take a look at this squirrel artifact.
Fred: Hmm.
[Looks at it]
Fred: Well, later, guys.
King Julien: Excuse me! What about the treasure?
Fred: What treasure?
Kowalski: What he means is can you tell us something about it.
Fred: Oh, you said just to look at it. Tell you. That's harder.

King Julien: Excuse me. Did I just hear the word "treasure" in among those words? Because since I held that key for 3.5 seconds, that entitles me to half the treasure.
Skipper: Kowalski, analysis.
Kowalski: 3.5 seconds divided by 9/10ths of the law equals 50% of the treasure. Well, I question his methods, but his math is impeccable.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: The Red Squirrel/It's About Time (#2.1)" (2010)
King Julien: These walls are nothing! There has not been a prison built that can hold King Julien! Wait, wait, you're locking that? Never mind.

King Julien: [Watching Skipper and Private fight for the MacGuffium] You see that, Maurice? Why can't we play passionately like that?

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Dr. Blowhole's Revenge (#1.30)" (2010)
King Julien: I too can be a spy. I have been spying on you this whole time. I would have a fancy spy car that shoots things out of the headlights - No, foglights! They would never expect it.

King Julien: I just saved the world and had the adventure of a lifetime, and no one will ever know about it.
Skipper: Welcome to my world. That makes you an honorary penguin.
King Julien: Oh, does this mean I'm your BFF?
Skipper: Uh, let's keep that code on the QT.
Mort: Yay! King Julien is a Buffalo firefighter!

"The Penguins of Madagascar: An Elephant Never Forgets/Otter Things Have Happened (#1.26)" (2009)
King Julien: Maurice, those penguins are going to meet Marlene's new boyfriend.
Maurice: Huh. Good for her.
King Julien: No, not good for her. She already has a boyfriend.
Maurice: She does?
King Julien: Yes, silly. It's me!
Maurice: You? Let me guess. Marlene doesn't know you're her boyfriend, does she?
King Julien: Well, I have been meaning to mention it to her. But it is clear to me now that I must step up my wooing.
Maurice: All right. We'll need flowers, some candy...
King Julien: No, Maurice! The only way to win this competition is to eliminate the other competition.
Maurice: All right. Well need a sack, a club, some rope...
King Julien: Yes, Maurice! Now you are thinking romantically.

Marlene: You were fighting over me? Julien, what were you thinking? I'm not some prize to be won!
King Julien: Yes, Marlene. Now that I am looking at you, especially from this unflattering angle, I realize that you are right. You are no prize.
Marlene: Wh-wh-wait. What?

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Cat's Cradle/Monkey Love (#1.19)" (2009)
King Julien: To impress this girly monkey, you must sweep her off her feet. That is how I got my many girlfriends.
Maurice: What girlfriends?
King Julien: You don't know them, they're all in Canada, but trust me when I tell you that they are made up... I mean with lipstick and powders and such, but you know, tastefully. The secret is the two words I am about to tell you now. Get ready. Wait! Those weren't the two words. And those weren't either. Or those...
Mason: Just tell us the two words!
King Julien: Okay... Roller disco!

King Julien: Now release the dogs!
[Sound of dogs barking]
Lulu: Get them off me!
Maurice: Don't you mean doves?
King Julien: Oh, that would have been better. Good to know.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Crown Fools (#1.9)" (2009)
King Julien: My head is naked, my head is nude. My head is crownless, and dark is my mood.
Marlene: Crazy poetry. 'S good stuff.

King Julien: I want my crown!
Marlene: And I have your crown. A crown that you will love as much as you love yourself because...
[Puts a novelty drinking cup with Julien's head on its lid upon Julien's head]
Marlene: It's you!
Marlene: [imitating Julien's accent] I am sensing that there is an awesome amount of fabulousness here.
King Julien: [looking at himself in mirror] It is hot with handsomeness.
Marlene: And here's the best part!
[Puts straw on Julien's mouth; he sips]
King Julien: Hmm. My need for beauty and my need for fizzy drink; both are satisfied.
[He sucks on the straw until the cup collapses]
King Julien: Ah! My little head!
[He tosses aside the cup; it lands on top of Maurice's head]
Mort: I like you hideously disfigured.

"The Penguins of Madagascar: Hello, Dollface/Fit to Print (#2.12)" (2010)
Maurice: What's going on there?
King Julien: It looks like someone is sacrificing the penguins to the volcano. Eh, these things happen.