Father Fyodor
Quicklinks
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
Filmographies
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Biographical
biography
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Father Fyodor (Character)
from The Twelve Chairs (1970)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
The Twelve Chairs (1970)
Ippolit Vorobyaninov: You're not worth spitting on!
Father Fyodor: Oh yeah? Well, you are!
[spits]

Father Fyodor: Oh, God! You're so strict!

Father Fyodor: A memento of your lovely home!
[to the family in Syberia, as he attempts to steal a chair, and they attempt to throw him out]

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Why are you after my chair?
Father Fyodor: It's not yours.
Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Then whose is it?
Father Fyodor: It's nationalized property. It belongs to the workers
Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Did you said the workers?
Father Fyodor: Yes, the workers.
Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Maybe the holy father is a member of the communist party.
Father Fyodor: Maybe.
Ippolit Vorobyaninov: But the party is for atheists. How can a priest join the party?
Father Fyodor: The church must keep up with the times.

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Why are you after my chair?
Father Fyodor: It's not yours!
Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Then who's is it?
Father Fyodor: It's nationalized property! It belongs to the workers?
Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Did you say "the workers"?
Father Fyodor: Yes, the workers!
Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Maybe the Holy Father is a member of the Communist Party?
Father Fyodor: Maybe...
Ippolit Vorobyaninov: But the Party is for atheists. How can a priest join the PARTY?
[Kicks the priest in the shin]
Father Fyodor: [Grimacing from the kick] Mm... The Church must keep up with the times...

Father Fyodor: What detail. What fine workmanship. What a gorgeous chairrrrr!

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [They've torn one of chairs to pieces when Vorobyaninov realizes] How did you find out about the jewels?
Father Fyodor: [pause, then] People talk.
Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Why, you disgusting creature! You used the sacred sacrement of confession to further your own ends!
Father Fyodor: Not really.
Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Well, you are just about the most contemptible creature it has even been my misfortune to meet! You're not worth spitting on!
Father Fyodor: Well, you are!
[He spits on Vorobyaninov]

Father Fyodor: [Bender is masquerading as a government official as Father Fyodor walks into the office to get information about the chairs] I am Vorobyaninov's son.
[Ostap stares at him]
Father Fyodor: His first-born. He was like a father to me.
Ostap Bender: So... you are Vorobyaninov's son.
Father Fyodor: Yes, I am.
Ostap Bender: [quickly] How old are you?
Father Fyodor: 46... 44.
Ostap Bender: Which is it?
Father Fyodor: 42... 42.
Ostap Bender: According to our records, Vorobyaninov is 53. That means that when you were born, your father was... 11.
[Father Fyodor gives an impressed whistle]

Father Fyodor: [to Madam Bruns] My dear lady... don't you understand?
[he goes totally manic]
Father Fyodor: I need those chairs!

Ostap Bender: [Father Fyodor has just handed supposed government official Ostap a pocket watch] Are you trying to bribe a Soviet official?
Father Fyodor: Oh, no, no, no, no, no... I was hoping for the best.

Father Fyodor: I want to grovel at your feet! I must grovel at your feet!
Madam Bruns: No groveling! There will be no groveling in this house! This is a Soviet household! We don't allow groveling!

Father Fyodor: [desperately trying to think of a motive to get the chairs from the Bruns] C'mon, brain!

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [Father Fyodor is on the top of a mountain, ripping a chair apart] It's very quiet... what do you supposed he's doing? Do you think he found the jewels?
Ostap Bender: In a moment, the jury will bring in a verdict.
[They wait]
Father Fyodor: Oh Lord, you're so strict!

Father Fyodor: Oh Lord... oh Lord, if this is your pun... ish... ment...
[he realizes that he's trapped on top of a mountain with no way down]
Father Fyodor: How did I get here? There's no way down... there's absolutely no way down! I'm gonna need a great deal of help to get down!
[he sees Ostap and Vorobyaninov leaving]
Father Fyodor: Boys! Oh, boys! Yoo-hoo, Vorobyaninov! I have always liked you, you know that? We come from the same village. For twenty-five years, I have been your priest... oh, for Christ's sake, get me down!
[they walk away]
Father Fyodor: Get... me... down!