Robert Ironside
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Quotes for
Robert Ironside (Character)
from "Ironside" (1967)

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"Get Smart: Leadside (#4.23)" (1969)
Leadside: Splendid, then phase 2 is about to be completed: the destruction of Control. There's just one thing that's disturbing me...
Kelley: What is that, Leadside?
Leadside: We're traveling at approximately 65 miles an hour, am I correct?
Norman: Yes.
Leadside: And we're all here, you Norman, Kelly, and me?
Kelley: So what's disturbing you?
Leadside: Who's driving the van?

Maxwell Smart: Leadside, you told me you couldn't walk!
Leadside: No, I can't walk, but I can run.
Maxwell Smart: But that's impossible.
Leadside: No, the injury to my spine is a unique one. As long as I am moving with any velocity, I'm alright, but as soon as I stand still or try to walk, I collapse.

Leadside: No tricks, Mr. Smart, we have to get down to the business at hand: phase three.
Maxwell Smart: And just how do you propose to phase three me, Leadside? One shot and all those Control agents will come rolling in here like oranges.

Leadside: [Norman has just fallen out the window] Norman! My mother gave me Norman.


"Ironside: Eat, Drink and Be Buried (#1.4)" (1967)
Doris Keller: Kooks. Is it a sick enough world for you?
Robert T. Ironside: World's fine. People keep messing it up.

Det. Sgt. Ed Brown: Chief, it'll take time.
Robert T. Ironside: Query: Why are the young always worried about time? They got a corner on it. Now move!

Officer Eve Whitfield: I can't shake the feeling there's something between her and Vic Durant.
Robert T. Ironside: That's what we need; another complication. A love affair?
Officer Eve Whitfield: I don't know. It's hard to pin down. Little things. A small glance. An attitude. The unsaid things.
Robert T. Ironside: You sound like a Victorian novel! Or a bad case of woman's intuition.
Officer Eve Whitfield: Well, don't knock it. It's come in handy before.
Robert T. Ironside: At Swarthmore, maybe. Here we graduate to facts only.
Officer Eve Whitfield: [Annoyed, stands up to leave] Well, I can butter my own coffee!
Robert T. Ironside: [Chuckling] Don't go away mad!


"Ironside: The Taker (#1.5)" (1967)
Robert T. Ironside: I want to see if there was anybody else who might have wanted to kill Andy.
Det. Sgt. Ed Brown: Every man he arrested, I'd say.
Robert T. Ironside: You'd be wrong. Those crooks don't take it personally any more than prizefighters or ballplayers or any other pros. They beat each other's brains out and when the bell rings or the whistle blows, so much for that. It's only the amateurs who hold grudges.

Adrienne May: Would you like a drink?
Robert T. Ironside: Why thank you. Straight, please, on the rocks. One of the benefits of my unofficial status is that I can drink during business hours. Always did anyway if I felt like it. But now I have the virtuous feeling that I'm not breaking any rules.

Mark Sanger: I drink during the day I'm shiftless. You belt one down with a beautiful doll and it's all in the line of duty.
Robert T. Ironside: I couldn't phrase it any better myself.


"Ironside: The Tormentor (#2.24)" (1969)
Robert T. Ironside: Sick minds are not in short supply.


Ironside (1967) (TV)
Robert Ironside: [Inspecting a small envelope] Some miscellaneous nuts.
[Looks at Ed]
Robert Ironside: Some miscellaneous nuts?
Det. Sgt. Ed Brown: I tagged that one myself.
Robert Ironside: I don't believe it. You wrote "some miscellaneous nuts"?
Det. Sgt. Ed Brown: Well, what's the matter with it?
Robert Ironside: Why nothing at all. Except that in police work there is no such things as "some," numbers are important. And miscellaneous means a lot of different things, and these are all the same. And nuts is too general and happens to be incorrect. Otherwise, a splendid piece of labeling. One, two, three, four, five, six. Not some miscellaneous, just six. Now, six what? Not nuts, what?
[Toss the object to Ed]
Robert Ironside: Ed, what is that?
[Ed inspects it and then tosses it to Eve]
Robert Ironside: That's right, Miss Whitfield has had the benefit of an expensive classical education, perhaps...
Eve Whitfield: It's an acorn.
Robert Ironside: An acorn. Exactly. Six acorns. Now, what do we know about acorns? Come, come. Has no one ever told you that mighty oaks from little acorns grow? The acorn is the fruit of the oak, but do you see any oaks in among those sycamores. The nearest oak is a hundred yards from those sycamores. Now, query: how came those acorns among those sycamores?


"Ironside: Due Process of Law (#1.27)" (1968)
Robert T. Ironside: [Looking at a piece of potential evidence outside a door, behind which a hostage may be held] This is a peppermint candy wrapper; break the door down.
Mark Sanger: This candy wrapper looks like a street car transfer.
Robert T. Ironside: Looks like a candy wrapper to me; must be the generation gap.


"Ironside: The Past Is Prologue (#1.13)" (1967)
Det.Sgt. Ed Brown: Chief, is it true that you're ruthless?
Robert T. Ironside: Only when I want something.


"Ironside: Programmed for Danger (#3.9)" (1969)
Officer Eve Whitfield: [after surviving a dangerous undercover job] The truth is, I was terrified. But I knew that if I had shown how really frightened I was...
Det. Sgt. Ed Brown: You hear that Chief? Fearless and dauntless - I'd say she's our girl.
Officer Eve Whitfield: What?
Robert T. Ironside: Well, Eve, it seems there's this night club owner who's hiring topless waitresses without a license. Now, if you'd care to volunteer...