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: Hey, what do you say we both be independent together, huh? Rudolph
: You wouldn't mind my - red nose? Hermey
: Not if you don't mind me being a dentist. Rudolph
: [shaking hands with Hermey
] It's a deal.
[Rudolph, Yukon, and Hermey are traveling through thick fog
] Yukon Cornelius
: This fog's as thick as peanut butter! Hermey
: You mean pea soup. Yukon Cornelius
: You eat what you like, and I'll eat what I like!
: Why weren't you at elf practice? Hermey
: Just fixing these dolls' teeth. Head Elf
: Just fixing...? Now listen: we have dolls that cry, talk, walk, blink and run a temperature. We don't need any chewing dolls! Hermey
: But I just thought I'd find a way to - to fit in. Head Elf
: You'll never fit in! Now you come to elf practice, learn how to wiggle your ears, chuckle warmly, go "Hee-Hee" and "Ho-Ho", and important stuff like that. A dentist! Good grief!
] Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit. You can't fire me, I quit. Seems I don't fit in.
: Hermey! Aren't you finished painting that yet? There's a pile-up a mile wide behind you! What's eatin' ya, boy? Hermey
: Not happy with my work, I guess. Head Elf
: What? Hermey
] I just don't like to make toys. Head Elf
: Oh, well, if that's all... What? You don't like to make toys? Hermey
: [sadly again
] Nnno. Head Elf
: [to the other elves
] Hermey doesn't like to make toys! Elves
: [whispering to each other, then chorusing to Hermey
] Hermey doesn't like to make toys. Shame on him! Head Elf
: Do you mind telling me what you do want to do? Hermey
: Well, sir, someday, I'd like to be a... a dentist. Head Elf
: A - dentist? Hermey
: Well, we need one up here. I've been studying. It's fascinating; you've no idea. Molars and bicuspids and incisors... Head Elf
] Now listen, you: you're an elf, and elves make toys.
[shoving the dentistry book away and shoving the cart that Hermey was painting back to him
] Head Elf
: Now, get to work!
] Head Elf
: Ten minute break!
[Hermey smiles, but then the head elf jumps him
] Head Elf
: Not for you! Finish the job, or you're fired!
: I am the official sentry of the Island of Misfit Toys. Hermey
: A jack-in-the-box for a sentry? Charlie-In-The-Box
: Yes. My name is... Rudolph
: Don't tell me: Jack. Charlie-In-The-Box
: No, Charlie. That's why I'm a misfit toy. My name is all wrong. No child wants to play with a Charlie-In-The-Box, so I had to come here. Hermey
: Where's "here"?
: You're going to stay with me and we'll all be rich with the biggest silver strike this side of Hudson Bay. Silverrrrrrr! Hermey
: I thought you wanted gold. Yukon Cornelius
: I changed my mind.
: Okay, you can open a dentist office, next week, after Christmas. Hermey
: Come here, open your mouth. Head Elf
: [groaning as he opens his mouth
] Ah... Hermey
: Oh, dear! I'd better set an appointment up for you a week from Tuesday, 4:30 sharp!
: No, I just can't. It's like he said, I'll never fit in.
[goes to the workshop window and opens it, then climbs onto the sill in preparation to climb down
: I - I guess I'm on my own now.
[he jumps down
: [about the Bumble
] Don't let this big blowhard scare you anymore; just walk right past him.
: Don't tell me I need a root canal. Hermey the Elf, D.D.S
: You need a root canal. King Moonracer
: I asked you not to tell me that.
[setting off from the island of Misfit toys.
] Hermey the Elf, D.D.S
: Looks like rough weather ahead - maybe we should turn back. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
: I kind of hate to miss my date with Clarice. Hermey the Elf, D.D.S
: That doe certainly has you head over hooves, doesn't she? Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
: Who told you? Hermey the Elf, D.D.S
: Everyone in Christmas town knows. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
: They do? Hermey the Elf, D.D.S
: Haven't you told each other? Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
: Well, not in so many words. Hermey the Elf, D.D.S
: Well, last time I counted, it was just three.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
: The idea was to dress up as a toy, Hermey. Hermey the Elf, D.D.S
: I'm a misfit molar.
: But not all was love and warmth at the North Pole. Discontent had begun to spread among the androgynous elfin workforce. Hermey the Elf
: It was all about the coke, man! Santa had us elves hide the blow in the crappy wooden toys. Then he'd make the drop, and the sale was complete. He tried using some different ways to sneak the product in. You ever see a yeti when a dozen condoms of coke burst in his belly? It's a bad scene, man.