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Quotes for
Dr. John Becker (Character)
from "Becker" (1998)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Becker: Cooked (#2.23)" (2000)
Dr. John Becker: Every time a guy figures out the rules you women change 'em. You know if we're attentive all of a sudden we're smothering, if we need you we're co-dependant, if we don't need you we're emotionally cut off. You know if we dare ask you what the rules are you say 'If you don't know I'm certainly not gonna tell you.'

Dr. John Becker: Jake, do you have any idea what just happened here?
Jake Malinak: Well if you don't know, I'm certainly not going to tell you.

Margaret: [Answering the phone] Dr.'s Office.
[In an accent]
Margaret: Oh no I sorry, Margaret had to go out of town.
Dr. John Becker: So how is Mrs. Recinos?
Margaret: Stubbornly clinging to life.

Dr. John Becker: Okay, what should I do?
Margaret: Well if you don't know, I'm certainly not going to tell you.

"Becker: Saving Harvey Cohen (#1.18)" (1999)
Dr. John Becker: [to Margaret while looking at travel brochures] What were you thinking?
[slaps brochures on counter]
Dr. John Becker: Too hot. Too cold. Too stupid. Mexico? I mean, What's the point. a few weeks, they'll all be up here.

Linda: Doctor Becker, do we ever acknowledge our patience birthdays?
Dr. John Becker: Only when they stop having them.

Dr. John Becker: Melvesky better have a damn good reason for not being here.
Margaret: He died last year.
Dr. John Becker: Alright then, that's a damn good reason.

"Becker: Really Good Advice (#4.5)" (2001)
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Becker, I didn't know you had a cell phone.
Dr. John Becker: I only use it for emergencies-like proving you wrong.

Dr. John Becker: [as date is leaving in disgust from his changed personality] Come one Beth, you gotta believe me. I don't care about your day. I don't care about your feelings. And you know what? That dress makes your ass look huge!

Dr. John Becker: [as he is leaving Reggie's diner] And you! When are you going to fix my damn stove?
Bob: You're on the list.
[after Becker leaves]
Bob: Like there's a list.

"Becker: Larry Spoke (#1.14)" (1999)
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [Becker has just finished an anti-religion rant, stood up from a lunch counter seat, and been narrowly missed by falling plaster from the ceiling] What do you have to say now, Becker?
Dr. John Becker: If that was really God, would he have missed me?

Dr. John Becker: Are you on any hallucinogens or narcotics?
Boyd Crossman: No, but if you think it would help.

Dr. John Becker: [to heart patient waking up in hospital] Milton?
Prof. Fowler: Seeing you here, I know I can't be in Heaven. What's going on.
Dr. John Becker: You've had another heart attack, but your OK. I don't know how you keep doing it.
Prof. Fowler: I bought the extended warrantee on my Buick and I intend to use it.

"Becker: Breakfast of Chumpions (#4.2)" (2001)
Dr. John Becker: Let me tell you, Margaret. For the first time in my life, I'm a winner.
Margaret Wyborn: Yeah, nothing screams "winner" like a six-foot man on a two-foot bike.

Detective Cross: [in the middle of Becker's tirade] Before you finish, you might want to look at this.
Dr. John Becker: What? What am I looking at?
[Car in video erupts into flames from his cigarette]
Dr. John Becker: Never mind.

"Becker: The 100th (#5.6)" (2002)
Dr. John Becker: Tony's gay.
Chris Connor: Damn! The good ones are always taken, and the other ones are, well... you.

Dr. John Becker: It's about Chris and a lesbian nurse.
Bob: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! That's my favorite bedtime story.
Dr. John Becker: All I know is, if they get together, I'm screwed.
Bob: Oh, so you know how it ends.

"Becker: Once Upon a Time (#5.11)" (2003)
Dr. John Becker: [ten years previously, holds out a bottle of Scotch] Would you like a drink?
Margaret Wyborn: No thanks.
Dr. John Becker: Alcoholic.
Margaret Wyborn: Job hunting.
Dr. John Becker: When I was looking for a job, all I wanted to was drink.

Dr. John Becker: Ten years. That's the longest successful relationship I've ever had with a woman.
Margaret Wyborn: It probably helped that I got to go home every day.
Dr. John Becker: I suppose you expect me to give you a raise.
Margaret Wyborn: No need. I gave myself one.
Dr. John Becker: How much?
Margaret Wyborn: Well, more than you would give me, but less than I deserve.
Dr. John Becker: No, seriously. How much?

"Becker: Physician, Heal Thyself (#1.8)" (1999)
Dr. John Becker: Well, I see a lot of fans on the wall, but I don't see any actual degrees.
Dr. Chang: Pre-med, Cornell. Med school, Johns Hopkins.
Dr. John Becker: Oh, yeah. Well, I went to Harvard.
Dr. Chang: I taught at Harvard.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Great, now if you are done 'measuring.'

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [after typical argument with Becker, and he leaves] What I wouldn't give to hear a screech and a thump right now!
Dr. John Becker: [screech, but no thump] You missed me, ya bastard!

"Becker: Love! Lies! Bleeding! (#1.12)" (1999)
Linda: ...Now, if you two will excuse me, I need to go clear my head.
Dr. John Becker: [Linda leaves, To Margaret] That shouldn't take to long.

Dr. John Becker: I know I know, it's Valentine's day, I swear, you know, the only person who ever celebrate this day right was Al Capone.

"Becker: Someone's in the Kitchen with Reggie? (#5.1)" (2002)
Dr. John Becker: Last night after we kissed, I came over here and I slept with Reggie, so I don't think it's going to work out between us.
Chris Connor: Wow!
Bob: Why doesn't he just kick a dog while he's at it.

[reading Reggie's message]
Customer: When I woke up this morning I realized that going to bed with you was the best thing I've ever done.
Dr. John Becker: This is kind of embarrassing... Go on.
Customer: It made me see just how desperate I really was.

"Becker: Activate Your Choices (#1.15)" (1999)
Dr. Sondra Rush: This is Tom. Tom's the lawyer who handled my divorce.
Dr. John Becker: Oh, really.
[takes money out of his wallet and gives it to Tom]
Dr. John Becker: Well, here you go, Tom. Now, you've got it all.

Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: So, Becker. Did you go see her?
Dr. John Becker: Well, I know I said I wouldn't. But I did.
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: [holds out her hand toward Jake] Twenty bucks.
[Jake gives her a bill]
Jake Malinak: Did you sleep with her?
Dr. John Becker: No, I didn't.
Jake Malinak: [holds out his hand toward Reggie] Hah! Give it right back!

"Becker: What's Love Got to Do with It? (#6.1)" (2003)
Chris Connor: Just to set the record straight, I don't love you.
Dr. John Becker: Well, I don't love you! I don't even know what made me think I could like you. You're so cute and sweet and nice and perky.
Chris Connor: Oh! Well, it's better than being a cranky old fart!
Dr. John Becker: I'm not cranky! There's just certain things that irritate me.
Chris Connor: Yeah, everything irritates you! You wouldn't know happiness if it bit you in the ass!
Dr. John Becker: Oh, yeah, why don't you bite me in the ass?
Chris Connor: Oh, why don't you bite yourself in the ass? Your head's right there, anyway!
Dr. John Becker: Just go away, would you?
Chris Connor: I'm going! Good night!
Dr. John Becker: Good night!
Chris Connor: No, no, good *night*!
Dr. John Becker: You wanna have dinner with me some time?
Chris Connor: I'd love to!

"Becker: Papa Does Preach (#5.7)" (2002)
Jim: Jerry left a note for you on the palm of my hand.
Dr. John Becker: [reads Jim's palm] Well, there's no call for that kind of language.

"Becker: Pilot (#1.1)" (1998)
Dr. John Becker: White trash is the one natural resource this country will never run out of!

"Becker: Thank You for Not Smoking (#5.17)" (2003)
Dr. John Becker: [about diner's new smoking ban] You can't do that. You gotta give a guy a warning.
Chris Connor: What? Can't you read? There's one here on the package.
Dr. John Becker: Yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple of rats get emphysema, it's supposed to change my life?

"Becker: Beckerethics (#3.7)" (2000)
Dr. John Becker: So I'm having a great morning; guy cuts me off, I run him into the sidewalk; bum tries to spit clean my windshield, I splash him with a puddle, it's all good.

"Becker: P.C. World (#1.10)" (1999)
Dr. John Becker: I said I didn't like loud music, all-right, all-right, I don't like rap music. Is that OK with you? I don't like polka music either, but I like Polish Sausage. I hate Chinese Checkers but I love French Fries. I hate Belgian waffles, love German Shepherds, Can't stand English muffins. Here's a real puzzler, hate Danish Cheese, Love Cheese Danish.

"Becker: DNR (#6.13)" (2004)
Chris Connor: Well, then... then... then just tell me what's going on.
Dr. John Becker: Nothing's going on, nothing's going on. At least, I don't think there is. I don't know, it's just... I feel different.
Chris Connor: What do you mean, "different"? Are you okay?
Dr. John Becker: Yes, I'm okay! It's... at least, I think I am, you know? I... I don't know, I just... lately, I've been thinking about a lot of things. You know, my work, my friends, you. None of it's perfect, but... none of it's exactly horrible, either.
Chris Connor: [smirks] I know *I'm* flattered. John, what are you trying to say?
Dr. John Becker: It's... it's like all the irritating things that people do - you know, cutting me off in traffic, disagreeing with me - it just doesn't seem to bother me as much. And then tonight, the patient I've been visiting, Mr. Gordon, he passed away.
Chris Connor: Oh, I'm sorry.
Dr. John Becker: Uh, thanks. I mean, it happens. But, you know, the point is that he was... he was okay with dying. He was able to look back at his life and feel good, you know, content. Lately, I think I... I think I've been feeling... kind of that way, you know? I guess what I'm trying to say is I... I think I might be... I don't know... happy.
Chris Connor: Wow. No wonder you've been so upset. Bet this is really hard for you, isn't it?
Dr. John Becker: Well, it is new.
Chris Connor: You do understand that most people work their whole lives to feel happy. It's considered a *good* thing.
Dr. John Becker: I know, I know. I'm dealing with it.
Chris Connor: I'll help you any way I can.
Dr. John Becker: Thanks. I don't know, I guess we'll just take it one day at a time.
[looks down at a man in the street]
Dr. John Becker: [shouting] Hey! You moron, what the... How'd you like it if I took a whiz on your front porch? Go pee in the park like everyone else!
Chris Connor: Feel better?
Dr. John Becker: Yeah, a little.

"Becker: Get Me Out of Here (#4.6)" (2001)
Dr. John Becker: [to Reggie, after having stripped off all his clothes] You know, I can't stay here talking to you. I've got to get back to the office.
[walks out]

"Becker: Let's Talk About Sex (#4.16)" (2002)
Kenny: My sister says you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex.
Dr. John Becker: Yeah, well, your sister's an idiot.
Kenny: That's what my dad says.

"Becker: Stumble in the Bronx (#2.8)" (1999)
Margaret Wyborn: So, somebody finally shot you?
Dr. John Becker: Yeah. You know, Margaret? I always thought it would be you.
Margaret Wyborn: So did I.

"Becker: Dog Days (#4.4)" (2001)
Dr. John Becker: I'm surprised you showed up.
Marty: I'm surprised you're really a doctor. I thought your job was making people miserable.
Dr. John Becker: No, that's just a hobby.

"Becker: The Trouble with Harry (#3.12)" (2001)
Dr. John Becker: Linda, don't you ever think before you talk.
Linda: No, I like to hear it first with everyone else!

"Becker: Dr. Angry Head (#3.9)" (2000)
Dr. John Becker: You see... no expectations, no disappointments.

"Becker: The Ghost of Christmas Presents (#4.10)" (2001)
Linda: Becker, what're you doing with all those oranges?
Dr. John Becker: Quit asking, it isn't any of your business. Besides, I've got some bigger fish to fry.
Jake Malinak: I don't smell any fish, I do smell oranges though.
Dr. John Becker: You don't even know what orange is, you're blind. Anyway, I'm a doctor you guys. I got to cut open these oranges, take out the filling, and then put them back together. It's doctor training; you philistines couldn't comprehend. Toodalloo!
Jake Malinak: I'm gonna break your legs Becker. Christmas is cancelled.

"Becker: Crosstalk (#2.22)" (2000)
Dr. John Becker: Look, I, I, I realize you priests are obliged to come to the hospital and make your rounds, so I'll tell you why don't just leave your time card here, I'll punch, and then, then you can tell God you were here.

"Becker: Limits & Boundaries (#1.16)" (1999)
Keisha: Yea, we have to say grace.
Dr. John Becker: we don't. This is Chinese food. They don't say grace in China.
Keisha: Why not.
Dr. John Becker: Because, if you do, they run you over with a tank.

"Becker: City Lights (#1.7)" (1998)
Dr. John Becker: [on phone when Linda's dog starts licking him] Margaret!
Linda: [runs in] Sorry. He got out of the storeroom. He learned how to work a doorknob.
[tries to open door]
Dr. John Becker: Push, then pull!

"Becker: Another Tricky Day (#4.11)" (2002)
Dr. John Becker: Yea right, astrology what a load of crap.
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: You don't think people's lives are effected by the stars?
Bob: Wait, are we talking about planets or celebrities? Because clearly when Brad Pitt is in town traffic is tied up for hours.
Linda: I love Brad Pitt.
Bob: Me too! But in a totally non-gay way.

"Becker: Chock Full O'Nuts (#6.8)" (2003)
Dr. John Becker: Either reopen the facility or make some arrangements to take care of these people!
Deputy Secretary: And I told you I can't help.
Dr. John Becker: But you're the Deputy Secretary of Social Services!
Deputy Secretary: It's just a title.
Dr. John Becker: Damn it, listen, you're in charge here. You're responsible. You work for the city.
Deputy Secretary: You're not listening. I can't help. Nobody can help. That facility is not going to reopen and I'll tell you why. There is no money. There's no money because the federal government cut taxes, which is all anybody seems to care about anymore. That means less money for the state, which means less money for the city, which means we had to cut services, which means fewer cops, fewer firemen, bad air, bad water, and crappy schools which will turn out yet another generation of voters who are too stupid and greedy to think about anything else besides cutting taxes! So don't you come in here and tell me to fix your problem because there's not a damn thing I can do about it!

"Becker: Regarding Reggie (#1.22)" (1999)
Dr. John Becker: What is with women and shopping?
[while lighting a cigarette]
Dr. John Becker: It's like an addiction.

"Becker: Blind Injustice (#5.9)" (2002)
Dr. John Becker: And by the way, anything you say can and will be held against you.
Man: Oh yeah, well up yours.
Dr. John Becker: See, that'll be held against you.

"Becker: Hanging with Jake (#4.7)" (2001)
[to Margaret, about Mr. Hayes' fertility problems]
Dr. John Becker: Let's put it this way: *you* have a higher sperm count.

"Becker: Partial Law (#1.17)" (1999)
Dr. John Becker: That's easy for you to say. You ever been robbed?
Margaret: Oh, please, I have lived in New York my whole life. I was held up on prom night, by my date!

"Becker: Much Ado About Nothing (#4.23)" (2002)
Dr. John Becker: So..., what's going on around here?
Jake Malinak: Well, Reggie just split-up with her imaginary boyfriend.
Dr. John Becker: Wow, even the pretend ones dump you.

"Becker: Spontaneous Combustion (#6.4)" (2003)
Dr. John Becker: [after Ming insulted Becker] Is that how you treat all your good customers?
Ming: When you come in at 5:59 just for the early bird special, and then use so many coupons I end up owing you money, you are not a good customer.

"Becker: Subway Story (#6.12)" (2004)
Naomi: He would have been forty... today.
Dr. John Becker: Who? Who would have been forty?
Naomi: My son.
[Becker hesitates, then turns back and sits next to Naomi]
Naomi: It's funny. He got to work early that morning and called me just to chat about... dinner that weekend, the trip he was planning, the weather. It was such a beautiful September day. He said he could see practically all of Manhattan from his office. He loved that view. Then he had to go to a meeting. Didn't even say goodbye, just said he'd call me later. I did the dishes, I made coffee... and then I... just happened to turn on the TV. Ever since, I've thought of all things I would have said if I'd... known... I'd never talk to him again.
Dr. John Becker: I'm so sorry.
Naomi: [starts to cry] I've been telling myself to come down here ever since... since it happened. Now I've finally made it and... I can't go up there. I'm afraid to look and... and see... all that emptiness...