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: Is Wonderboy here for real? Phil
: What are you talkin' about? Of course he's real.
[gets a proper look at her
: Whoa! And by the way, sweet cheeks... I'm real, too.
: I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus. A lot of "yeuseus." And every one of those bums let me down flatter than a discus. None of them could go the distance.
[after almost getting knocked down by a chariot
: Hey, I'm *walkin'* here!
: Yeah, I had a dream. I dreamed I would train the greatest hero there ever was. So great the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars for everyone to see. And everyone would say, "That's Phil's boy." That's right. Ah, but dreams are for rookies, kid. A guy can only take so much disappointment.
: Careful, that's part of the mast of the Argo. Young Hercules
: *The* Argo? Phil
: Ya. Who do you think taught Jason how to sail? Cleopatra?
: Listen to me. I've seen 'em all, and I'm telling you - and this is the honest to Zeus truth - you got something I've never seen before. Hercules
: Really? Phil
: I feel it right down to these stubby bowlegs of mine. There is nothing you can't do, kid.
[the door bursts open and a swarm of fan girls mobs Hercules
] Fan Girl #1
: There he is! Fan Girl #2
: I touched his elbow! Fan Girl #1
: I GOT HIS SWEAT BAND! Hercules
: [goes down
] Phil... help!
: Kid, listen to me. She's... Hercules
: A dream come true? Phil
: Not exactly. Hercules
: More beautiful than Aphrodite? Phil
: Aside from that. Hercules
: The most wonderful... Phil
: She's a fraud! She's been playing you for a sap! Hercules
: Stop kidding, Phil. Phil
: I'm not kidding. Phil
: I know your upset about today, but that's no... Phil
: You're missin' the point! Hercules
: I love her! Phil
: She don't love you! She's nothing but a two-timin'... Hercules
: Stop it! Phil
: Low-down, lyin', schemin'... Hercules
: Stop it!
: I thought you were going to be the all-time champ, not the all-time chump.
: So what's in Thebes? Phil
: A lot of problems. It's a big, tough town. Good place to start building a rep.
[Suddenly, a woman's scream is heard
: Sounds like your basic DID: a damsel in distress.
[the Hydra appears
: Phil, what is that thing? Phil
: Two words:
[Hercules has been trying to kill the hydra, which now has umpteen heads
: Will you forget the head-slicing thing?
] So you wanna be a hero, kid? Well, whoop-dee-do. / I've been around the block before with blockheads just like you / Each and every one a dissapointment / Pain for which there ain't no ointment / So much for excuses / Thou' a kid of Zeus is / Asking me to jump into the fray / My answer is two words...
[Hit by lightning
: What's the matter? You never seen a satyr before? Young Hercules
: Uh, no. Can you help us? We're looking for someone called Philoctetes. Phil
: Call me Phil.
: And then there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all, the build, the foot speed. He could jab. He could take a hit. He could keep on comin'. But that furshlugginer heel of his! He barely gets nicked there once, and kaboom! He's history.
: [training Hercules in knife-throwing
] Rule number 95, kid: concentrate.
[Hercules misses the targets and pins Phil against the wall with his knives
: Rule number 96: aim!
: The one and only Thebes. The Big Olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.
: Hey, Mack...
[opens his coat
: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Street Salesman
: You wanna buy a sundial?
: Hey, isn't that the goat-man who trained Achilles? Phil
: Watch it, pal! Tall Thebian
: Yeah, you're right. Hey, uh, nice job on those heels! Ya missed a spot! Phil
: You... I got your heel! Right here!
[Phil head-butts the Tall Thebian
: Keep your toga on, pal.
: [running behind Hercules
] I'm right behind ya, kid!
[lagging after, panting
: Whoo. I'm way behind ya, kid. I got a fur wedgie.
: But if I don't become a true hero, I'll never be able to rejoin my father Zeus. Phil
: Hold it. Zeus is your father, right? Young Hercules
: Uh-huh. Phil
] Zeus, the big guy. He's your daddy. Ha-ha-ha. Mr Lightning Bolts. "Read me a book, would you, Da-Da?" Ha-ha-ha. Zeus. Phil
: [mimics Zeus
] "Once upon a time... " Ha-ha-ha. Young Hercules
: It's the truth. Phil
: Rein it in, rookie. You can get away with mistakes like those in the minor decathalons, but this is the big leagues.
: I need your help. I want to become a hero, a true hero. Phil
: Sorry, kid. Can't help ya. Young Hercules
[Hercules rips out the door trying to open it
] Young Hercules
: Uh, sorry. Why not? Phil
: Two words: I-am-retired.
: Kid, kid, kid. How many horns do you see? Hercules
: Six? Phil
: Ah, close enough. Let's get you cleaned up.
: Nymphs, they can't keep their hands off me.
[Hercules and Phil get on Pegasus and fly off. Hercules is distracted thinking of Meg
: Hey, watch it!
[dodges a branch
: Watch it!
[turns Hercules head
: Keep your goo goo eyes on the...
[another branch hits Phil, he falls off of Pegasus and hits his head on the ground
] That's it! Next time I drive...
: Don't you pea brains get it? This kid is the genuine article!
: Phil! Phil, Hercules needs your help. Phil
: What does he need me for when he's got friends like you? Meg
: He won't listen to me. Phil
: Good! He's finally learned something. Meg
: Look, I know what I did was wrong, but this isn't about me, it's about *him*. If you don't help him now, Phil, he'll die.
: [while Hercules is fighting the River Guardian
] Use your head!
[Hecules runs and hits the River Guardian with his head
: Not bad. Not what I meant, but not bad.
: ...I hearby dub thee junior heroes. Donald Duck
: Hey, what do you mean "Junior Heroes"?
: Two words: you-guys-ain't-heroes.
: Kid, I've got two words of advice for you: attack!
: You rookies still don't understand what it takes to be a true hero. Goofy
: So, what does it take? Hercules
: Well, that's just something you'll have to find out for yoursevles. Just the way that I did.
: I still can't believe that squirt actually beat Cerberus. Hercules
] Just between us, I'd already worn Cerberus down by the time the little guy jumped in. Phil
] My lips are sealed.
: Here! Right this way.
: Achellos is very hot tempered, an impetuous young man. He will not hesitate to challenge Hercules. Philoctetes
: Tell me, do you seriously expect Achellos to be able to kill the son of Zeus himself? Licos
: In all likelihood, the one to parish will be Achellos.
: What's with you? Hercules
: I'm no hero, Phil. I told a lie. Phil
: Whoah. Hercules
: *I lied*!
[Hercules has discovered that the Hydra has demolished the Coliseum
: [looking around
] I failed... Megara
: It's not your fault! Hercules
: I left everyone unprotected.
[slams the ground
: Hades was right. I'm just a... a washout. Philoctetes
: Aw, come on, champ! I didn't train you to think like that. Megara
: Wonderboy... Sora
: Phil's right. This is no time to beat yourself up. Hercules
: I'm some hero...