Philoctetes
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Quotes for
Philoctetes (Character)
from Hercules (1997)

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Hercules (1997)
Meg: Is Wonderboy here for real?
Phil: What are you talkin' about? Of course he's real.
[gets a proper look at her]
Phil: Whoa! And by the way, sweet cheeks... I'm real, too.

Phil: I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus. A lot of "yeuseus." And every one of those bums let me down flatter than a discus. None of them could go the distance.

[after almost getting knocked down by a chariot]
Phil: Hey, I'm *walkin'* here!

Phil: Yeah, I had a dream. I dreamed I would train the greatest hero there ever was. So great the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars for everyone to see. And everyone would say, "That's Phil's boy." That's right. Ah, but dreams are for rookies, kid. A guy can only take so much disappointment.

Phil: Careful, that's part of the mast of the Argo.
Young Hercules: *The* Argo?
Phil: Ya. Who do you think taught Jason how to sail? Cleopatra?

Phil: Listen to me. I've seen 'em all, and I'm telling you - and this is the honest to Zeus truth - you got something I've never seen before.
Hercules: Really?
Phil: I feel it right down to these stubby bowlegs of mine. There is nothing you can't do, kid.
[the door bursts open and a swarm of fan girls mobs Hercules]
Fan Girl #1: There he is!
Fan Girl #2: I touched his elbow!
Fan Girl #1: I GOT HIS SWEAT BAND!
Hercules: [goes down] Phil... help!

Phil: Kid, listen to me. She's...
Hercules: A dream come true?
Phil: Not exactly.
Hercules: More beautiful than Aphrodite?
Phil: Aside from that.
Hercules: The most wonderful...
Phil: She's a fraud! She's been playing you for a sap!
Hercules: Stop kidding, Phil.
Phil: I'm not kidding.
Phil: I know your upset about today, but that's no...
Phil: You're missin' the point!
Hercules: I love her!
Phil: She don't love you! She's nothing but a two-timin'...
Hercules: Stop it!
Phil: Low-down, lyin', schemin'...
Hercules: Stop it!
[hits Phil]

Phil: I thought you were going to be the all-time champ, not the all-time chump.

Hercules: So what's in Thebes?
Phil: A lot of problems. It's a big, tough town. Good place to start building a rep.
[Suddenly, a woman's scream is heard]
Phil: Sounds like your basic DID: a damsel in distress.

[the Hydra appears]
Hercules: Phil, what is that thing?
Phil: Two words:
[Hydra shrieks]
Phil: Am-scray!

[Hercules has been trying to kill the hydra, which now has umpteen heads]
Phil: Will you forget the head-slicing thing?

Phil: [singing] So you wanna be a hero, kid? Well, whoop-dee-do. / I've been around the block before with blockheads just like you / Each and every one a dissapointment / Pain for which there ain't no ointment / So much for excuses / Thou' a kid of Zeus is / Asking me to jump into the fray / My answer is two words...
[Hit by lightning]
Phil: Okay.

Phil: What's the matter? You never seen a satyr before?
Young Hercules: Uh, no. Can you help us? We're looking for someone called Philoctetes.
Phil: Call me Phil.

Phil: And then there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all, the build, the foot speed. He could jab. He could take a hit. He could keep on comin'. But that furshlugginer heel of his! He barely gets nicked there once, and kaboom! He's history.

Phil: [training Hercules in knife-throwing] Rule number 95, kid: concentrate.
[Hercules misses the targets and pins Phil against the wall with his knives]
Phil: Rule number 96: aim!

Phil: The one and only Thebes. The Big Olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.

Street Salesman: Hey, Mack...
[opens his coat]
Phil: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Street Salesman: You wanna buy a sundial?

Burnt Man: Hey, isn't that the goat-man who trained Achilles?
Phil: Watch it, pal!
Tall Thebian: Yeah, you're right. Hey, uh, nice job on those heels! Ya missed a spot!
Phil: You... I got your heel! Right here!
[Phil head-butts the Tall Thebian]

Phil: Keep your toga on, pal.

Phil: [running behind Hercules] I'm right behind ya, kid!
[lagging after, panting]
Phil: Whoo. I'm way behind ya, kid. I got a fur wedgie.

Young Hercules: But if I don't become a true hero, I'll never be able to rejoin my father Zeus.
Phil: Hold it. Zeus is your father, right?
Young Hercules: Uh-huh.
Phil: [giggling] Zeus, the big guy. He's your daddy. Ha-ha-ha. Mr Lightning Bolts. "Read me a book, would you, Da-Da?" Ha-ha-ha. Zeus.
Phil: [mimics Zeus] "Once upon a time... " Ha-ha-ha.
Young Hercules: It's the truth.
Phil: Please.

Phil: Rein it in, rookie. You can get away with mistakes like those in the minor decathalons, but this is the big leagues.

Young Hercules: I need your help. I want to become a hero, a true hero.
Phil: Sorry, kid. Can't help ya.
Young Hercules: Wait.
[Hercules rips out the door trying to open it]
Young Hercules: Uh, sorry. Why not?
Phil: Two words: I-am-retired.

Phil: Kid, kid, kid. How many horns do you see?
Hercules: Six?
Phil: Ah, close enough. Let's get you cleaned up.

Phil: Nymphs, they can't keep their hands off me.

[Hercules and Phil get on Pegasus and fly off. Hercules is distracted thinking of Meg]
Phil: Hey, watch it!
[dodges a branch]
Phil: Watch it!
[turns Hercules head]
Phil: Keep your goo goo eyes on the...
[another branch hits Phil, he falls off of Pegasus and hits his head on the ground]
Phil: [dizzy] That's it! Next time I drive...
[faints]

Phil: Don't you pea brains get it? This kid is the genuine article!

Meg: Phil! Phil, Hercules needs your help.
Phil: What does he need me for when he's got friends like you?
Meg: He won't listen to me.
Phil: Good! He's finally learned something.
Meg: Look, I know what I did was wrong, but this isn't about me, it's about *him*. If you don't help him now, Phil, he'll die.

Phil: [while Hercules is fighting the River Guardian] Use your head!
[Hecules runs and hits the River Guardian with his head]
Phil: Not bad. Not what I meant, but not bad.


Kingdom Hearts (2002) (VG)
Phil: ...I hearby dub thee junior heroes.
Donald Duck: Hey, what do you mean "Junior Heroes"?

Phil: Two words: you-guys-ain't-heroes.

Phil: Kid, I've got two words of advice for you: attack!

Phil: You rookies still don't understand what it takes to be a true hero.
Goofy: So, what does it take?
Hercules: Well, that's just something you'll have to find out for yoursevles. Just the way that I did.

Phil: I still can't believe that squirt actually beat Cerberus.
Hercules: [Aside] Just between us, I'd already worn Cerberus down by the time the little guy jumped in.
Phil: [Aside] My lips are sealed.


The Loves of Hercules (1960)
[first lines]
Philoctetes: Here! Right this way.

Licos: Achellos is very hot tempered, an impetuous young man. He will not hesitate to challenge Hercules.
Philoctetes: Tell me, do you seriously expect Achellos to be able to kill the son of Zeus himself?
Licos: In all likelihood, the one to parish will be Achellos.


"Hercules: Hercules and the Big Lie (#1.39)" (1998)
Phil: What's with you?
Hercules: I'm no hero, Phil. I told a lie.
Phil: Whoah.
Hercules: *I lied*!


Kingdom Hearts II (2005) (VG)
[Hercules has discovered that the Hydra has demolished the Coliseum]
Hercules: [looking around] I failed...
Megara: It's not your fault!
Hercules: I left everyone unprotected.
[slams the ground]
Hercules: Hades was right. I'm just a... a washout.
Philoctetes: Aw, come on, champ! I didn't train you to think like that.
Megara: Wonderboy...
Sora: Phil's right. This is no time to beat yourself up.
Hercules: I'm some hero...