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[Autolycus is refusing to help Joxer and Gabrielle
: Autolycus, an innocent person is going to die! Autolycus
: No he isn't, because he's leaving.
: A good thief, like a good lover, takes his time... has patience.
: I'm not as dumb as he looks.
: There's a concept called personal space. Look into it.
: Distracts me? A beautiful woman lying naked in a bathtub?
: ...Where was I?
: There's a lot we can learn from each other, you know. Autolycus
: Sure. Hey, why don't you start by teaching me how to disappear without a trace? Joxer
: Okay! First, you...
: Hey! Autolycus
: [to Gabrielle
] Why is he here? Gabrielle
: He knows Jett. Autolycus
: No, in a grander sense - why is he here?
: Ah, another day, another defilement.
: Choose the one drink you wouln't give your worst enemy, and give me a double.
: [while Xena is possessing him
] Hello, ladies - I'm quite mad.
: [about to take over Autolycus's body
] Let go and hold on. Autolycus
: Let go and hold on? HEY!
: Autolycus. I wouldn't have picked you for a party boy... Autolycus
: Well, call me sentimental, but, uh, I hear the words, "cake and ice cream" and I'm there!
: Aren't you going to stick around for the official announcement? Autolycus
: Oh, no. You haven't seen me cry. Believe me, it's not a pretty sight. Iolaus
: You're going to be okay, aren't you? Autolycus
: Oh, sure, eventually. All I have left right now is one shiny memory.
[Autolycus leaves; Hercules and Iolaus look at each other, then rush to where the Sapphire of Antioch is displayed. The jewel is gone
: One shiny blue memory! Iolaus
: Herc, wait. You know, things have gone so badly for him, why don't we let him keep it for a while? Hercules
: Yeah, you're right.
[they pause a few moments
: Okay, that's long enough!
[they rush after Autolycus
: Talk is cheap. I have an expensive ear.