Hansel
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Quotes for
Hansel (Character)
from Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

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Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
[from trailer]
Hansel: Some people will say that not all witches are evil, that their powers could be used for good. I say burn them all!

[to Mina and Ben, as they approach the witch's house]
Hansel: Whatever you do, don't eat the fuckin' candy.

[From Trailer]
Hansel: Me and my sister... we have a past. We almost died at the hands of a witch. But that past made us stronger. We'd gotten a taste of blood. Witch blood. And we haven't stopped since.

[Hansel's timer goes off]
Mina: Are you alright?
Hansel: Yeah. When I was a kid, a witch made me eat so much candy, I got sick. Something happened to me. I have to take this injection every few hours or else I die.
[Injects Himself]

Hansel: When you see my signal, unleash hell.

Gretel: Wow, this is amazing. And, uh, weird.
Hansel: It's a little creepy.
Gretel: You really keep all this stuff?
Hansel: [trying to end the conversation] All right, well...
Ben: I just have SO many questions, do you mind?
Hansel: [still trying to end the conversation] You know, we have...
Gretel: Oh no, no no no, you go ahead.
[smirks as Hansel kicks her under the table]
Ben: All right, uh, okay, uh, how do you best kill a witch?
Gretel: [innocently] Hansel?
Hansel: [pauses to glare at Gretel] Uh, cutting off their heads tends to work... and ripping out their hearts... and skinning them is also nice...
Gretel: Yeah, but burning them is the best way, 'cause it's the only way to be safe.
Ben: Burning, yeah, of course!
Hansel: [muttering into his mug] Burn 'em all...

Hansel: We learned a couple of things while we were trapped in that house. One, never walk in to a house made of candy. And two, if you're gonna kill a witch, set her ass on fire.

Hansel: Revenge doesn't change the past. It won't bring our parents back. But it sure as hell feels good.

Hansel: Who the fuck is Edward?

[Hansel and Mina are bathing in a pool of healing waters]
Hansel: I got it. You know, the last time I was in waters like this, I came across a formidable serpent witch. She mostly looked like a toad, but she could breathe underwater, which made her difficult to track. She was deadly.
Mina: [swims up to Hansel and silences him] Shh. You talk too much.
[kisses Hansel and seduces him]


Bewitched Bunny (1954)
Bugs Bunny: And pray, what are your names, my poor children?
Gretel: [smiling] My name is Gretel.
Hansel: And my name is Hansel.
Bugs Bunny: [entirely puzzled] Hansel? Hannnsel? Hansel?

Bugs Bunny: Run for your dear little lives. She is a witch, and means to eat you for her supper!
Gretel: Ach!
Hansel: Und himmel!
Gretel, Hansel: [in unison, to the Witch] Ahhh, your mother rides a vacuum cleaner!


Hansel & Gretel (2002)
Hansel: My rock collection, remember?
Wood Faerie: That's the oldest trick in the book!


The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm (1962)
Hans: Don't you worry, sir. I'll be just as good a master to you as you were to me.


"Once Upon a Time: True North (#1.9)" (2012)
Hansel: We did all that? For an apple?


Hansel & Gretel Get Baked (2013)
Gretel: You know it'd be nice if you could be a little more supportive.
Hansel: You're adopted.