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: Some people will say that not all witches are evil, that their powers could be used for good. I say burn them all!
[to Mina and Ben, as they approach the witch's house
: Whatever you do, don't eat the fuckin' candy.
: Me and my sister... we have a past. We almost died at the hands of a witch. But that past made us stronger. We'd gotten a taste of blood. Witch blood. And we haven't stopped since.
[Hansel's timer goes off
: Are you alright? Hansel
: Yeah. When I was a kid, a witch made me eat so much candy, I got sick. Something happened to me. I have to take this injection every few hours or else I die.
: When you see my signal, unleash hell.
: Wow, this is amazing. And, uh, weird. Hansel
: It's a little creepy. Gretel
: You really keep all this stuff? Hansel
: [trying to end the conversation
] All right, well... Ben
: I just have SO many questions, do you mind? Hansel
: [still trying to end the conversation
] You know, we have... Gretel
: Oh no, no no no, you go ahead.
[smirks as Hansel kicks her under the table
: All right, uh, okay, uh, how do you best kill a witch? Gretel
] Hansel? Hansel
: [pauses to glare at Gretel
] Uh, cutting off their heads tends to work... and ripping out their hearts... and skinning them is also nice... Gretel
: Yeah, but burning them is the best way, 'cause it's the only way to be safe. Ben
: Burning, yeah, of course! Hansel
: [muttering into his mug
] Burn 'em all...
: We learned a couple of things while we were trapped in that house. One, never walk in to a house made of candy. And two, if you're gonna kill a witch, set her ass on fire.
: Revenge doesn't change the past. It won't bring our parents back. But it sure as hell feels good.
: Who the fuck is Edward?
[Hansel and Mina are bathing in a pool of healing waters
: I got it. You know, the last time I was in waters like this, I came across a formidable serpent witch. She mostly looked like a toad, but she could breathe underwater, which made her difficult to track. She was deadly. Mina
: [swims up to Hansel and silences him
] Shh. You talk too much.
[kisses Hansel and seduces him
: And pray, what are your names, my poor children? Gretel
] My name is Gretel. Hansel
: And my name is Hansel. Bugs Bunny
: [entirely puzzled
] Hansel? Hannnsel? Hansel?
: Run for your dear little lives. She is a witch, and means to eat you for her supper! Gretel
: Ach! Hansel
: Und himmel! Gretel
: [in unison, to the Witch
] Ahhh, your mother rides a vacuum cleaner!
: My rock collection, remember? Wood Faerie
: That's the oldest trick in the book!
: Don't you worry, sir. I'll be just as good a master to you as you were to me.
: We did all that? For an apple?
: You know it'd be nice if you could be a little more supportive. Hansel
: You're adopted.