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: Sure do wish I was a bird. 'Make this trip from Sleepy Eye to Walnut Grove quicker than you can say "apple pandowdies."
] Isaiah Edwards
: Ha ha, yeah, you're right, Zeke. Ain't got no call to be complainin'. After all, you're pullin' the wagon and I'm just sittin' on it.
: My name's Edwards, Isaiah. Buffalo Bill
: Bill, Buffao. Isaiah Edwards
: Bill Buffalo. Buffalo Bill
: No, not Bill Buffalo. Your name Edwards Isaiah?
Reverend Robert Alden
: [about Blanche. At the time, Rev. Alden doesn't know she's an orangutan
] Who's with her now? Isaiah Edwards
: Well, nobody's with her right now. She's taking a nap. Reverend Robert Alden
: Isaiah, you can't leave a 3-year-old alone like that. Isaiah Edwards
: Well, she's kinda special... Reverend Robert Alden
: I don't care how special she is. At 3, you gotta watch'em. We'd better get over to your place right now. Isaiah Edwards
: Good, good. Reverend Robert Alden
: Poor child. How is she taking her father's death? Isaiah Edwards
: Well she hasn't said anything, one way or the other. Reverend Robert Alden
: Keeping it all inside, I'm known them like that. She have any relatives? Isaiah Edwards
: Yeah, but they don't live in this country. Reverend Robert Alden
: An immigrant? All alone in this... Isaiah, I'm so glad I could help. Isaiah Edwards
: Oh yeah, me too.
: Oh this ain't a monkey, this here's some kinda ape.
: I'd just as soon be drunk than drowned! Charles Ingalls
: Right now, I'd say you're half and half.
: I couldn't live her kind of life. I'd feel like a hypocrite. Caroline Ingalls
: I don't understand what you mean. Isaiah Edwards
: She's a God-fearing person. I'm not. It's as simple as that. Oh, I'm not saying there ain't no God. Just saying that he ain't never had any time for me so I ain't got no time for him. Caroline Ingalls
: Do you believe in anything? Isaiah Edwards
: Yes ma'am. I believe in me. That's not enough for Widow Snider. Caroline Ingalls
: Is it enough for you? Isaiah Edwards
: You tell me something, ma'am. You tell me why God let my wife and daughter die.
] Isaiah Edwards
: Well, I'll be gone by the time you get back from church tomorrow. I hate goodbyes. So it's better all the way around if I'm just gone. Caroline Ingalls
: Mr. Edwards, do you know what you're doing? You're punishing God. And if you go on punishing Him for what happened in the past, you aren't going to have any room for the future. Ii'd be so sorry if you did that.
: Ol' Dan Tucker was a fine ol' man, washed his face in a fryin' pan. Combed his hair with a wagon wheel, died with a toothache in his heel. Get out of the way for Ol' Dan Tucker. He's too late to get his supper. Supper's over and dinner's cookin'. Ol' Dan Tucker just a standin' there lookin'... OHHHHHHHHHH!
: There goes a day's wages. Lars Hanson
: Two days' wages. Isaiah Edwards
: What do you mean two days' wages? Lars Hanson
: You told me to put you down for two! Isaiah Edwards
: Did I say that? Lars Hanson
: Yes. Isaiah Edwards
: Now what are you doing listenin' to me? Lars Hanson
: I won't anymore.
: Youre gonna break my head with that piece of lumber! Dr. Hiram Baker
: Well, I sure am unless you get back!
: Find the ball? Charles Ingalls
: Yeah. Isaiah Edwards
: Well good, then all I swallowed is my tobacco.
: I think you better tell him. John Sanderson
: Uh... Mr. Edwards, I didn't want to say anything because you said you've built lots of tree houses. Isaiah Edwards
: Oh, hundreds is all. John Sanderson
: Well, I think you forgot something on this one. Isaiah Edwards
: What's that? John Sanderson
: A door, or a hole, or something so we can get in.
: You think I'm wrong? Isaiah Edwards
: Yeah, I think you're wrong. You've always had a family. You don't know what it's like to be alone. Well, I do. I lost my wife and daughter... a part of me died too, and that part of me ain't never gonna come to life again. Oh, I know. Happy go lucky Mr. Edwards to all you folks. Just having fun and laughing all the time - just like them young one's laughing now. Let me tell you something. It's different when you're alone. When you lie in bed at night and listen to the silence and you pray to God y ou can hear the sound of your loved one sleeping. Alright... You made your choice. Just don't expect me to tell you it's right. Charles Ingalls
: And don't expect me to tell you you're right. You made your choice. You want to be alone.
: No it ain't alright. It ain't alright at all. Look Charles, I got mad at you the other day because... well, I wasn't mad at you. I was made at me. You were right. I was alone because I made that choice. Don't ask me why, I don't know. Guilt... Fear... I don't know. If I knew the reason, I wouldn't be where I am right now... It's just that I think these children oughta stay together. Grace, I know this ain't the time or the place, but if we're gonna have ourselves a family, we oughta get ourselves married. I love you.
: Hansen was telling this story about a couple who were celebrating twenty-five years of wedlock. The wife... she was chatting on about the courtship and the wedding way back then. Finally, she turned to him and she said..."Horace, do you love me still?" He said, "My dear, that's the way I love you best."
: They say the way to a man's heart is threw his stomach. Isaiah Edwards
: You must be collecting hearts the way Geronimo collected scalps. It's downright shameful! Grace Snider
: Oh, I admit it! I have been shameful! Using poor, innocent Dr. Baker to make you jealous just so you'd break down and invite me to the spring dance. Well, if you're not gonna ask me, I'm going to have to ask you. Well? Yes or no? Isaiah Edwards
: Never could resist your cherry pie.
: Ain't this a fine how do you do? Grace Snider
: Isaiah, you're early! Isaiah Edwards
: What, you got this worked out like a railroad time table? Easy eight o'clock, I roll in at nine? Dr. Hiram Baker
: What the devil are you talking about? Isaiah Edwards
: Oh, don't play innocent with me! I caught you two at dead rights! Grace Snider
: He was just trying to get a piece of dust out of my eye
[Doctor Baker ays the same thing at the same time
] Isaiah Edwards
: Well, maybe I should put something in your eye like a fist!
: Laura! Just what do you think you're doing? Laura Ingalls
: Laura! Just what do you think you're doing? Caroline Ingalls
: Spit? Do you consider that a worthy accomplishment, Mr. Edwards? Isaiah Edwards
: Well, I don't know how worth it is, ma'am, but it sure comes in handy in a stiff breeze.
: Well, you may say I made his acquaintance when I came out of the saloon... uh... when I was coming out of the hotel in Independence. Charles Ingalls
: Independence? You went all the way to Independence in this blizzard? You gotta be mad! Isaiah Edwards
: Well, that's been said before. Well anyway, there he was. There he was just a standing there with his pack mule. Laura Ingalls
: Reindeer! Isaiah Edwards
: Well, he uses a pack mule out here. It's more practical. Well, I recognized him right away. Recognized him by his big, white beard and big, round belly. Although he wasn't jolly enough to be doing any ho ho hoing. Well the ol' gent, you see, he just... he just brightened right up when he seen me. 'Hello Edwards,' he says. He says you remember them pair of red mittens I give you when you was just a sprig in Tennessee? ' 'Ohhhhh... kept me warm many winters!' says I. He says uh... hear you're living down on the Vertical River now. Yeah. He says you don't happen to know them Ingalls girls, do ya? Laura Ingalls
: And you said yes! Isaiah Edwards
: Sure did, right away! Well, to make a long story short, Ol' Santa says he's mighty worried about being able to cross the street with the weather being bad and him not being so spry anymore. So he asked me to fetch those presents to you.
: You're not peakin', are ya? Can't stand for no peaking!
: Safe? Safe? How can you call him safe? He was out from me to you! Rev. Robert Alden
: Now Isaiah, this was a close decision. The Good Lord helped me make the right decision. Isaiah Edwards
: Well, that's wonderful, but the Good Lord wasn't leading by two runs! We were! Rev. Robert Alden
: Isaiah, this is Sunday! Let's not question Divine Guidance. Isaiah Edwards
: [Looking up into the heavens
] Oh, if this had been Saturday, Willie would have been out!
: Zack Taylor, that boy that just walked out of here is more of a man than you'll ever be! And he cares a hell of a lot more about this town. Because he remembers it when it was a town full of friends and neighbors who really cared about each other - who were willing to work together no matter how tough it got. You told him to come back here when he's a man. Well you see, he can't do that... because he's dying. But he came back here, because of all the places in the world, this place... this town... is where he wanted to spend his last days. And you all think you got it tough. I'm just sorry he saw what happened to this town.
: Well, well Gentlemen, it sounds to me like we have the basis for a possible wager here. Isaiah Edwards
: Now you're talking there, Montey. You put up the money and I'll put up my snakeball. Sherwood Montague
: That's Mr. Montague. And I'd hardly call your snakeball a sound investment.
: Listen here, I got this little bit of money here. I can take it in there and double it up. It wouldn't take me more than ten minutes. Charles Ingalls
: It wouldn't take you more than ten minutes to loose it. Isaiah Edwards
: Oh, at least let's go in and take a look around. Charles Ingalls
: Oh, you go ahead. I'll tell Grace where you are. She'll be happy to hear about it. Isaiah Edwards
: Oh no. Hold it, hold it... Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all.
: I said I was sorry. I won't do it again, I promise! Did you hear me? I said I promise. Grace Snider Edwards
: You've promised before. Isaiah Edwards
: Well it's different this time. I didn't do this for fun. I did this so we could get some flour and some bacon... Grace Snider Edwards
: That's just an excuse and you know it! You'll never change. Isaiah Edwards
: Why'd you marry me in the first place if you wanted me to change? I mean, why didn't you just up and marry somebody who was already the way you want me to be? Grace Snider Edwards
: 'Cause I fell in love with you, that's why.
[Smiles at him
] Grace Snider Edwards
: Go to sleep. Isaiah Edwards
: Yes, my Dear.
: What happens if you find gold on Mrs. Edwards' claim? Isaiah Edwards
: Well, I guess I'll have to fess up that I married her for her money. Oh, she'll love that! I married her for her money.
: Doc ain't slept a wink. I never seen a man work so hard.
] Isaiah Edwards
: 'Course some folks don't care if he kills himself trying to save that child. Mrs. Oleson
: Whatever caused him to do that, Mr. Edwards, will never make up for what he didn't do. Nelson "Nels" Oleson
: I'll get your order. Isaiah Edwards
: [About Harriet
] Like talking to a Chinese pack mule. Mrs. Oleson
: What did you say? Isaiah Edwards
: You heard me. Mrs. Oleson
: You're rude. Isaiah Edwards
: You're ugly.
: This here calls for a celebration. Everybody into the restaurant! Everything's on Mrs. Oleson!
: [About the mule Doc Baker treated
] And he's got a jackass for a patient. Isaiah Edwards
: That's right. He's got you, and the mule too. Mrs. Oleson
: Oh shut up, you old reprobate! Isaiah Edwards
] And you're still ugly! Mrs. Oleson
: Shut up!
: If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is a liar and a thief! Isaiah Edwards
: Well I can't deny telling a few stories now and then, but I ain't never taken nothing. Lars Hanson
: No, no, it has nothing to do with you. It is the Galendars, they are both liars and thieves. Isaiah Edwards
: I don't rightly know what you're talking about. Lars Hanson
: You know that load of lumber that Charles delivered? You know what they did? They sold it to Henderson three dollars cheaper! And I lose both the lumber and the order. Isaiah Edwards
: No matter about that, they still gotta pay you for it. Lars Hanson
: Oh yeah, they pay, they lie, that's what they do! And they are not even ashamed. Isaiah Edwards
: Well you'll have to have a talk with'em... Lars Hanson
: No, Nels Oleson already tried. You know what they did? They took almost $20 of his merchandise. Isaiah Edwards
: Well you don't just take something without paying for it. Lars Hanson
: They say they pay, that way it is credit. You can't put a man in jail for his bills.
: Someone oughta take a switch to'em, and a big'un. Back in Duvall County, we had some fellas who wouldn't do nothin' but take them down to the creek and... Lars Hanson
: No, no, I've seen this sort of thing before. They get tired and then they move on. That is better, that way nobody gets hurt. Isaiah Edwards
[Hanson walks away
] Isaiah Edwards
: 'Least you coulda done was let me finish my story. It was a pip.
Carl Sanderson Edwards
: How do you figure what a poem's worth? Isaiah Edwards
: Oh, I don't know. I guess the figure it up about the same way they do corn. Except they don't go by the bushel, isn't that right, John? John Sanderson Edwards
: Yep. They set it up on the scale and weigh it out. 16 poems, 428 lines, three and a quarter pounds... comes to $7.10 exactly!
John Sanderson Edwards
: A soaring hawk... Isaiah Edwards
: What? John Sanderson Edwards
: Just studying that hawk up yonder. Isaiah Edwards
: Oh yeah, a chicken hawk. John Sanderson Edwards
: What do you suppose is going on in his head? Isaiah Edwards
: What? John Sanderson Edwards
: What's he thinkin'? He's got a brain like we have. He's got a heart. What do you think is going on in his head while he's looking down on us pitching hay?
: If you stay, they'll hang ya. You don't come, I'll shoot ya. Isaiah Edwards
: If that's my choice, I'm coming.
: You really the Younger brothers? Bart Younger
: Yeah. Isaiah Edwards
: You look older.
: [the goat drank all of Mr. Edwards home-made gin
] Don't you like Fred? Isaiah Edwards
: Sure I like him, over biscuits with gravy. And if I see him again that's where he'll be.
Grace Snider Edwards
: Alright now children, how did that goat get drunk? Carl Sanderson Edwards
: Pa... Isaiah Edwards
: Don't you 'Pa' me! Now, you tell your mother! Carl Sanderson Edwards
: I was up at your thinking place, Pa. Grace Snider Edwards
: Thinking place? Carl Sanderson Edwards
: I guess Fred got sort of thirsty. He drank up all of your invention. You know, the new kind of turpentine you're inventing, with raisins and sugar. Grace Snider Edwards
: Raisins and sugar, hm? A thinking place? Sounds more like a drinking place to me. We'll talk more on this later, MISTER EDWARDS!
: I guess you better write something for me. Let's see now... uh... Feel funny saying it to you. Charles Ingalls
: Come on. Dear Grace, that's an easy way to start. Isaiah Edwards
: Alright, dear grace. Uh... Tell her everything's fun and give the young one's a kiss and uh... Charles Ingalls
: And? Isaiah Edwards
: And I love her. Don't sit there grinning like a cat in a birdhouse. Write it down.
: Better get a good night's sleep. I have a feeling the next ten days will feel like an eternity. Charles Ingalls
: Just might be. Isaiah Edwards
: You think generosity is a crime. Almanzo Wilder
: When your generosity involves my money, it is a crime.
: Now Montague, don't tell me you've got something against Christmas. Sherwood Montague
: Not Christmas, Edwards. Crass commerciality and sentimentalism masquerading as Christian love. The emphasis on gift giving is compromising our souls.
: I'd like to ask you to forgive me. Isaiah Edwards
: Me? Forgive you? Charles Ingalls
: I love you, friend. I miss you so... Isaiah Edwards
: I miss you too, Charles.
Grace Snider Edwards
: Of course not, she doesn't even know yet! Isaiah Edwards
: Oh now Grace... Grace Snider Edwards
: Isaiah, they ARE only children. And they have to be punished when they do something wrong, or else they'll never think anything they ever do is wrong. Isaiah Edwards
: What do you want me to do? Grace Snider Edwards
: It's not something that I want, but the boy has got to learn a lesson! Isaiah Edwards
: Alright. I'll tell him he can't go on the trip.
John Sanderson Edwards
: I wrote you a letter yesterday. I'd like to read it to you. Isaiah Edwards
: There ain't no need for that. John Sanderson Edwards
: Yes there is. Isn't there? Isaiah Edwards
] Yeah. John Sanderson Edwards
: Dear Mr. Edwards. It's seems so funny writing that - Mr. Edwards. I want so much to just say Pa or Dad or something, but I can't. Not unless I know that you want me to, and I just don't feel like you do. I guess it's because I'm not the kind of son you want. Maybe I could be someday. I'll try. I'll try as hard as I can to make you proud of me. But I'm afraid. Because I know in my heart that I can't do what you want me to do. Please try to understand. Please love me anyway.
: [after Mr. Edward's back goes out
] What did you do last time this happened? Isaiah Edwards
: Well as I recall, I cussed a lot. Mary Ingalls
: We'll go outside.
: If you want some advice from a friend, I'd say marry that woman. Isaiah Edwards
: That's the trouble with friends. They're always trying to give you advice!
: Well, you know what you oughta do. What you gotta do is... well... you gotta let her know how you feel. You see. Then you tell her how it's gonna be. I mean, there ain't a woman nowhere that don't appreciate a firm hand. Well now, you take Grace. I mean, she'd still be pining her nights alone if I hadn't spoke up. Yes sir! I mean, I told her how it's gonna be, I told her what was going to happen... Charles Ingalls
: Morning, Grace. Isaiah was just talking about you. We'll leave you two alone.
: Tell them if they don't start working, you'll start singing! Isaiah Edwards
: Good thing for you, Shorty... you're short!
: Alright, maybe to don't like them, but you can't just stand here and watch them die in here! Alright, maybe they asked for it! Look, my best friend's in there. I can't get them out by myself. I need your help!
: Well, there was this boy in Illinois who only had one year of schooling and five different teachers before he started out learning on his own. Isaiah Edwards
: I'm sure he turned out to be a four-footed ignoramus. Johnny Johnson
: He turned out to be President Lincoln. Isaiah Edwards
: Watch over my family for me. Isaiah Edwards
: You know I will. Glad you asked me.