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: Quick, tell a lie! Pinocchio
: What should I say? Donkey
: Say something crazy, like, "I'm wearing ladies underwear!" Pinocchio
: I'm wearing ladies underwear. Pinocchio
: Are you? Pinocchio
: I most certainly am not! Pinocchio
: [nose extends
: It looks like you most certainly am are! Pinocchio
: I am not! Pinocchio
: [nose extends
: What kind? Gingerbread Man
: IT'S A THONG!
: It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
: What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say, "You have the right to remain silent." Nobody said I have the right to remain silent! Shrek
: Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity. Puss-in-Boots
: [camera shows just Puss
] I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad. Gingerbread Man
: Shrek? Donkey? Puss-in-Boots
: [looks up to see fairy tale creatures above him
] Too late.
: Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man! We got a big order to fill.
: IT'S ALIVE!
: Do you still know the Muffin Man? Gingerbread Man
: Sure, he's down on Drury Lane. Why? Shrek
: Because we're going to need flour. Lots and lots of flour.
[Harold takes the spell meant for Shrek, and is blasted until only his armour remains
] Princess Fiona
: Oh, Dad... Queen
: Harold... Pinocchio
: Is he... oh...
[there's a "ribbit"
] Gingerbread Man
: He croaked...
[Harold, the Frog King, clambers out of his armour
: ...Harold? Princess Fiona
: ...Dad? King
] I had hoped you would never see me like this... Donkey
: [to Shrek
] Huh - and he gave *you* a hard time! Shrek
: Donkey! King
: No, no, he's right - I'm sorry, to both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona, but I can see now she already has it. Shrek, Fiona - will you accept an old frog's apologies, and my blessing?
[Shrek and Fiona bow their heads in assent
: Harold... King
: I'm sorry, Lillian - I just wish I could be the man that you deserve... Queen
: [taking him in her hand
] You're more that man today than you ever were - warts and all...
: I hate these ball shows. They bore me to tears! Flip over to Wheel of Torture. Pinocchio
: I'm not flipping anywhere, Sir, until I see Shrek and Fiona.
: Oh, wow. Terrifying. I don't know how I'm gonna sleep now. Princess Fiona
: Happy Halloween, everyone. Donkey
: Oh, man. Gingerbread Man
: [to Donkey
] I thought you said this was gonna scare 'em.
: Buckle up, everybody. The quicker I scare the wits out of you, the sooner I can be home, cozy in my bed. Unless anyone else thinks they've got what it takes. Pinocchio
: Oh! Oh! Pick me, pick me! I have a scary story! Wolf
: This isn't the one about you getting trapped in the petting zoo again, is it? 'Cause that's not scary. Pinocchio
: Actually, if you look at it with *my* perspective... Gingerbread Man
: Hey, guess what, Pinocchio, no one cares! Get ready to send these jokers home, Shrek, 'cause I've got a doozy, and it's all true! Ahem. It was a dark and stormy night...
: Wait! More sugar. Muffin Man
: But that is not the recipe. Gingerbread Man
: Trust me, Muffin Man, this girl's gotta be real sweet. I want someone who will love me forever. Muffin Man
: I must warn you, Gingy. No one has ever made cookies with this much sugar. You are tampering with forces far beyond your comprehension! Gingerbread Man
: Just put her in the oven.