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Quotes for
Larry Finkelstein (Character)
from "Dharma & Greg" (1997)

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"Dharma & Greg: Dharma Drags Edward Out of Retirement (#2.20)" (1999)
Larry Finkelstein: [trying to remember his friend's name] What's that place called, where monks live?
Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: What, he lives in an abbey?
Larry Finkelstein: That's it!
[calling out]
Larry Finkelstein: ABBY, what's my friend's name?

[last lines]
Larry Finkelstein: [opening his "sporting goods" package] Oh, I don't have the shoes for this...

Larry Finkelstein: You bought stocks?
Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: None of these companies are hurting the environment...
Abby O'Neil: How do you know?
Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Because they're too busy going out of business.


"Dharma & Greg: Mr. Montgomery Goes to Washington (#1.8)" (1997)
Dharma: [to Abby and Larry] Hey, guess what I'm doing!
Larry: Acid?

Dharma: Sit down, come on. I have some really great news. Sit, sit, sit.
Abby O'Neil: What? What? What?
Dharma: Okay. So you know how Greg just won this really big case?
Abby O'Neil: Yeah.
Larry: [unsure] Yes.
Abby O'Neil: I told you about it.
Larry: I said yes!
Dharma: Anyway, because of that, he's been asked to run for Congress.
[Abby and Larry don't respond; Dharma chuckles nervously]
Dharma: So, say something. What do you think?
Larry: If this is a joke, tell me now... because my arm is numb and somebody might have to pound on my chest.

Andy: Hey... how long can you drive around in a Volkswagen minibus with shag carpeting on the walls?
Larry: 32 years next March.


"Dharma & Greg: Like, Dharma's Totally Got a Date (#2.8)" (1998)
[At the beginning of an arbitration between Greg's mother Kitty and Dharma's father Larry, with Pete as the arbitrator, Larry begins his opening statement with a reading of the U.S. Constitution and begins to read the Magna Carta]
Greg Montgomery: I object!
Larry Finkelstein: On what grounds?
Greg Montgomery: On the grounds that you-you, you scared my mother, she fell down, went boom, end of story! Why are you making this so complicated?
Larry Finkelstein: Your honor, that's not an objection. That's a speech!
Pete Cavanaugh: That's quite right, Mr. Finkelstein. Objection overruled.
Greg Montgomery: Uh, permission to approach the bench?
Pete Cavanaugh: For what purpose?
Greg Montgomery: To kill you.
Pete Cavanaugh: Denied. Continue, Mr. Finkelstein.

[Kitty reluctantly admits that her $1.5 million dollar lawsuit against Larry was initiated when her tailbone injury forced her to use an inflatable donut cushion while sitting next to the mayor at a fundraiser and the cushion made a sound imitating flatulence]
Larry Finkelstein: Would the plaintiff please demonstrate for the court how the alleged sound was allegedly made?
Kitty Montgomery: I most certainly will not!
Larry Finkelstein: Your honor?
Pete Cavanaugh: The witness will comply, under the, uh..."this-I-gotta-see" rule.


"Dharma & Greg: A Night to Remember (#3.18)" (2000)
Larry Finkelstein: [quotes his grandmother from when he was a boy] ... which is Yiddish for take your hand out of your bathing suit before you go blind.

[last lines]
Greg Montgomery: Hi Larry, what's up?
Larry Finkelstein: [goes over and sniffs the dog] Jiffy Lube! I left the van at Jiffy Lube!
[runs back out]


"Dharma & Greg: A Girl Can Dream, Can't She? (#2.23)" (1999)
Greg Montgomery: Larry, you have *got* to fix the wall.
Larry Finkelstein: You mean the hole. Because the wall around the hole, that's okay.


"Dharma & Greg: Papa Was Almost a Rolling Stone (#5.3)" (2001)
Dharma Finklestein Montgomery: [about his recording rejection letters] You were just ahead of your time.
Larry Finkelstein: You know, that's what they said about my spray-on gravy.


"Dharma & Greg: The Official Dharma & Greg Episode of the 1998 Winter Olympics (#1.17)" (1998)
Larry: [referring to a stuffed grape leaf] Hey, how do you keep this lit?


"Dharma & Greg: It Never Happened One Night (#2.21)" (1999)
Jane: [about divorce settlement] Can I hide it in your shed and say it was stolen?
Larry Finkelstein: Come on, Pete's a smart man, he's not going to believe our shed was stolen.


"Dharma & Greg: Daughter of the Bride of Finkelstein (#1.18)" (1998)
Larry Finkelstein: See these shoes? Eighteen dollars.
Edward Montgomery: For both of them?


"Dharma & Greg: See Dharma Run (#2.16)" (1999)
Greg Montgomery: The San Francisco Board of Supervisors does not wage war.
Larry Finkelstein: Of course not, they send our young boys.