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Quotes for
Berg (Character)
from "Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place" (1998)

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"Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place: Two Guys, a Girl and a Gamble (#2.13)" (1999)
[Trying to help Michael with a Maths problem]
Pete Dunville: If there's three players on this side and there's nine players on this side it's
Michael Rush: 9 to 3, stop looking at me it's 9 to 3
Berg: 3 to 1!
Pete Dunville: Very good Berg, tonight you get an extra hour of TV

[after discovering Berg took Michael to the dog track]
Pete Dunville: [through his teeth] Michael go get ready for hockey practice, I need to talk to Berg
Michael Rush: Oh boy, that's never good news at my house
Berg: Me neither

Berg: Michael come here, I want to talk to you for a minute
[Michael sits on the couch]
Berg: it's my fault you cheated
Michael Rush: I didn't cheat
Berg: What?
Pete Dunville: Come on, let's go
Berg: Hold on Pete, what do you mean you didn't cheat?
Michael Rush: They thought I was cheating because I got all the answers right, they made me do the test in front of the principal, he had to apologize to me
Berg: Peter?
Pete Dunville: Just because it worked out, doesn't mean you were right
Berg: Funny I feel right

Berg: You're too young to bet!
Michael Rush: You said!
Berg: No I didn't tell you, you're going to go back tomorrow and give those shoes back to Jimmy Peterson
Michael Rush: Do I have you?
Berg: You bet your ass
Pete Dunville: Berg?
Berg: Rectum
[Michael laughs]

Kaitlin Rush: [About Michael] Boys need their toys
[Pete opens the door and Berg is twirling around a green light saber]
Berg: Luke come to the dark side of the force
Kaitlin Rush: [to Pete] He'll be fine

[Johnny has entered behind them]
Pete Dunville: Obviously you don't love Johnny the way I do
Berg: I love Johnny
Pete Dunville: I love Johnny too
Johnny Donnelly: Guys I don't know how to tell you this but I'm already in a relationship
[he smacks their butts]

Berg: Johnny wait
Johnny Donnelly: What?
Berg: Nothing


"Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place: Should I Stay or Should I Go? (#4.21)" (2001)
Roger: You don't even know Irene. To her what's important is what's inside a person and let me tell you something mister: my inside is something special.
Berg: Well, sucks for you, you weren't born inside out


"Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place: The Adventures of Captain Karma (#4.17)" (2001)
Katie: I'm Katie Connor, we went to high school together.
Berg: No, no we didn't. If there were girls who looked like you in high school, we wouldn't have need to turn off the lights at the dances.


"Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place: Pilot (#1.1)" (1998)
Pete: Hey Berg, what do you thinks gonna happen to Sharon?
Berg: I'm sure she'll settle down, have kids...
Sharon Carter: [banging on glass from inside restaurant] Get your butts back in here!
Berg: Take over Cuba...


"Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place: Another Moving Script (#3.22)" (2000)
Marti: [at the hospital] What's the quickest way outta here?
Berg: Full-blown aneurism.


"Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place: Two Guys, a Girl and a Celtic Game (#1.4)" (1998)
Sharon Carter: Are you guys nuts?
Berg: I'm nuts... this is my partner, pretzels.