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Quotes for
Kamesennin Muten Roshi (Character)
from "Dragon Ball" (1986)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Dragon Ball: The Magic Begins (1991)
Yamcha: That was dirty! You fight dirty! You're no gentleman!
Turtle Man: Oooooh, but you're a sneaky little thief! You want to steal my magic cloud! You asked for this!

Yamcha: Someone told me your kung-fu is very nice... and he wants to challenge you! If he beats you, then he'll be famous!
Turtle Man: So someone wants to challenge me... Who is he? Tell me, who is he?
Yamcha: He'll be here very soon...
[points at a boat carrying Monkey Boy, Seetou, Jen-Jen and Piggy]
Turtle Man: Oh? He's coming now? Okay, I'll show him!

[Turtle Man goggles Seetou]
Turtle Man: [drooling] Oh, my... you're beautiful... curves in the right places... what a beautiful figure! Oh, my whole body's itching, I'm itchy, well, here, and itchy there...
[starts scratching himself]
Turtle Man: I'm itching all over for you!

[Roshi summons the Nimbus]
Son Goku: What is that?
Yamcha: You're stupid!
Son Goku: You know, do you?
Yamcha: It's his magic cloud!
Turtle Man: Right! I captured this cloud many, many centuries ago, and I imbued it with magic powers and turned it into my private car! And the magic cloud has one specialty: people who are dishonest and have an impure mind, will never be able to get on it!
Bulma: So then, you can sit on it?
Turtle Man: ME?... Of course I can! I'll show you now!
[jumps on the Nimbus]
Turtle Man: See that? I'm an honest man! My mind is pure too! That's why I'm able to get on this cloud! Right, go! Move it! Fly!
[the Nimbus throws him off]
Turtle Man: Goddamn you lazybones, how dare you make a fool out of me in front of a pretty girl!

Turtle Man: So what do you think of my magic cloud, then?
Son Goku: Not bad! It's obedient!
Turtle Man: Hmmmm. But it's not obedient with me, though... You lazybones, you're no good! Ah, you're no use! I'll give you away, to HIM!

Turtle Man: You have a Dragon Pearl?
Bulma: Yes, I have a Five-Star Pearl!
Son Goku: My granddad had one too, but the baddies stole it from him!
Pansy: My home had one too, and the baddies stole it from us!
Bulma: Now these baddies have three Pearls, and they're trying to find the other four Pearls! We heard that your kung-fu was good, and we came to ask you to help us stop the evil monsters!
Pansy: [goes on her knees] They destroyed our village! Master, please help us stop these evil people!
Turtle Man: Get up, there's no need for that! Don't you worry! That monster may have three Pearls, but they're no good unless you get all seven of them together, you know that? And without me, he'll never be able to achieve what he wants!
Bulma: Why's that?
Turtle Man: Because I have in my possession a Two-Star Dragon Pearl! Without it, how can he get what he wants, eh?
[presents it]

[Westwood tries to escape]
Turtle Man: Westwood, without my permission, you can't leave this island no matter how hard you try!

[Westwood hands over his Pearl]
Bulma: A Six-Star Pearl. Oh, thank you!
[Seetou kisses Westwood, who falls over in shock]
Turtle Man: Aah, what a useless boy! Useless youngsters! I would give my life, to have a girl kiss me!

Turtle Man: [cackles] My pretty little lady, do you want to have this Dragon Pearl?
[holds out his own Pearl]
Bulma: If you're willing to part with it, of course I'll take it!
Turtle Man: I'm gonna let you have it, but... uh... you have to do something for it!
Bulma: So what do you want?
Turtle Man: I've been living on this remote island for all my life, and I've never seen a girl as pretty as you! So I... so I... well... I want... I want to see you without any clothes on!
Oolong: How dare you, you dirty old man! How can you think of something as low as that?
Son Goku: Master, that's too much!
Turtle Man: Hey, kid, sex is human nature!

Son Goku: Magic cloud, you can go home now! When I need you I'll call you, okay?
[the Nimbus dissipates into OK letters and vanishes]
Turtle Man: Goddamn you! Goddamn you, son of a jerkball! I've treated you for so many years! When I served you, I had to toss for hours to please you! But now you jump when he tells you to jump and fly when he tells you to fly, you jerk? Why do you treat me like this? You got that, fouled-up bitch?

Son Goku: Why didn't you tell us you had a Pearl?
Oolong: My teacher told me not to tell anyone!
Turtle Man: Where is your teacher?
Oolong: Oh, he's very famous! Everybody knows him, including every dog, and even every cat, because...
Turtle Man: [knocks his head] Just say it!
Oolong: The Pig Fairy! My teacher said if I showed the Pearl, people would steal it! He said I must find you guys! That's why I used Jade to meet up with you! I think, now the time is right, so I showed the Pearl to you!

King Horn: Give me the Pearl if you wish to stay alive!
Turtle Man: Come and get it, if you can!

King Horn: Give me the Pearl, or I'll kill him!
Son Gohan: Don't give it to him, if you do we all die! Go!
Son Goku: Master, please give him the Pearl, or he'll kill Grandpa! Please!
Turtle Man: But your grandpa's right, if I give him the Dragon Pearl we'll all die anyway!

Son Gohan: [about King Horn's Dragon Pearls] I suspect they're inside his stomach...
Turtle Man: Hmm...
Son Gohan: Turtle Man, are you thinking of getting that Dragon Pearl inside his stomach, too?
Turtle Man: Right! When the seven Pearls mix, he'll explode!

Turtle Man: Magic cloud!
[the Nimbus appears in the sky and Roshi leaps on it]
Turtle Man: [jumps on the cloud] Magic cloud, now I order you to take me to the four corners of the world and find me pretty girls! Hah! Come on!... Hey, lazybones, don't wanna move, do ya? GO!
[the Nimbus takes off... sweeping the Turtle Man out from under it]
Turtle Man: You idiot! I'll get you for this!

Turtle Man: But then, why'd Westwood tell me one of you wanted to fight me?
Son Goku, Bulma, Oolong, Pansy: WESTWOOD?

[Piggy disguises himself as Seetou]
Oolong: Darling...
Turtle Man: So, have you made a decision yet?
Oolong: [seductively] Oh, yes I have...
Turtle Man: Oh...?
Oolong: Come here!
[Roshi lets out a whoop and starts to dance with Seetou]

[dazed after seeing Seetou topless]
Turtle Man: She's so sexy... she's just incredible... I've never been so crazy about a girl... she's wonderful! I've finally really lived!

[an attack from Zebrata obliterates Roshi's home]
Turtle Man: JESUS! How dare you blow up my house like that!

[a turtle shell is seen floating on the water]
Pansy: Master!
Bulma: Master!
Oolong: Master, you're still alive!
Turtle Man: [wading out of the ocean, half-naked] Are you kidding? Nobody can get rid of ME that easily!... But still, my house is destroyed, and my Dragon Pearl stolen! These people will not get away with this!

Son Goku: Westwood, why are you following us?
Yamcha: Don't forget, one of those Dragon Pearls you lost belonged to me in the first place. I have a right to look for it too, you know!
Turtle Man: Good! You're welcome to join our group!

Turtle Man: So, then, every one of us here all have a relationship with a Dragon Pearl, is that right?
[everyone agrees]
Son Goku: [to Piggy] Hey, you don't!
Oolong: Uh... you're right! I don't have a Dragon Pearl, I've no relationship with it...

Turtle Man: Now we own the last Pearl that monster needs... let's go get him!

Turtle Man: Turtle shot!


"Dragon Ball: Penguin Village (#3.2)" (2002)
Goku: Quick, untie me!
Launch: [struggling] This rope is so tight!
Master Roshi: There's a new invention, it's called a knife!

Launch: [seeing her friends tied up] Is this a new game? Where'd you get the blue rope?
Bulma: Yeah, it's called staying alive!
Master Roshi: Quick, grab the bomb and throw it out of the house!
Launch: Why is there a clock on the floor?
Bulma: That's no clock, it's a highly explosive bomb!
Launch: [holding the bomb] This house was spick and span when I left it. I don't appreciate things being left out.

Master Roshi: Who are you?
General Blue: [laughs] Someone you should fear, old man!
Master Roshi: You're not scary. You're sick!
General Blue: On the contrary. I've never felt better.
[picks up the Dragon Balls]


"Dragon Ball: Deadly Battle (#3.18)" (2002)
[Bulma angrily hits Krillin over the head for sliding off her top]
Bulma: [furiously, takes Krillin by the shirt] Normally, I deplore violence--but in your case I'll make an exception!!
Krillin: I understand you're upset, but there's one thing you must know: I love you!
Bulma: [hits him on the head] Ugh!
Master Roshi: [holds his bloody nose] Boy, you've got some nerve for pulling a stunt like that!
Krillin: [in guilt] Forgive me, master, I was just only trying to help Yamcha.
Master Roshi: It was reckless!
[then smiles]
Master Roshi: And I loved every minute of it.
[Krillin and Roshi laugh]

Bulma: Where are you taking us? Answer me! I don't have time for this!
Master Roshi: And neither do I. I'm a busy man. There's a new exercise video at home that is in desperate need of my attention.

Krillin: Master Roshi, since you and Baba are related, maybe you can put in a good word for us and she can tell our fortune without any more fighting.
Bulma: That's right. Family helps each other out.
Puar: No more fighting sounds fine with me.
Upa: That sounds great.
Goku: Hmm?
Fortune-Teller Baba: Are you kidding me? For family, I charge double!
Master Roshi: What? You would refuse your own brother?
Fortune-Teller Baba: You bet.


"Dragon Ball: Goku's Rival (#1.14)" (2001)
Master Roshi: Do your legs hurt? Cause you've been running all through my dreams!
Mermaid: Pardon?... I don't have legs.
[Roshi sees the girl is a mermaid, and collapses]
Master Roshi: [awkward laugh] So, you're a mermaid, are you?
Master Roshi: [thinking to himself] I knew there was something fishy about this...
[looks at the mermaid's skimpy top]
Master Roshi: [thinking] I guess i can still try with her human half...
Master Roshi: Well, I'm like a turtle and you're part fish, so what do you say you and me go inside and learn more about our species?
[smack! the mermaid hits him and dives into the water]

Krillin: So who are you anyway, his pupil?
Goku: Yeah, I'm Goku!
Krillin: Hmm, doesn't seem that you like fighting.
Goku: I like marshmallows!
Krillin: What's that gotta do with anything?
Goku: Well, I'm hungry. And your bald head looks like one.
Krillin: What did you say? Didn't you know that everyone who's serious about martial arts shave their head? Look at Master Roshi, he shaves!
Master Roshi: Nope, I'm naturally bald.


Dream 9 (2013) (TV)
Rin: Just a flock of perverts...
Brook, Master Roshi, Franky: Thanks for the compliment!
Rin: It wasn't a compliment!

[Master Roshi and Brook collapse in the desert, Nami and Rin try to aid them]
Nami: Hey, are you all right?
Rin: Get it together!
Master Roshi, Brook: No, this is the end.
[Both sit up... ]
Master Roshi: [to Nami] Pafu pafu, maybe if you could give me some milk to drink...
Brook: [to Rin] Maybe if you showed me your underwear...
Nami, Rin: IN YOUR DREAMS!
[both kick Roshi and Brook]
Android 18: They are such pests!


"Dragon Ball Z: Find the Dragon Balls (#6.2)" (2002)
Yamcha: Hey, these clothes are expensive! I'm not jumpin' in there!
Bulma: What kind of lame excuse is that? Just take them off and go in your underwear!
Yamcha: Heh heh heh. See uh... that poses a problem. Uh... I'm not wearing any. Heh...
Bulma: Yeah, right! I bet you're just chickening out! Hmmm... What about you?
Master Roshi: Aheh aheh... I'd definitely go if I didn't have this cold. Aheh.
Bulma: The men are scared.
Android 18: Well, I'm not. But I don't feel like getting wet right now... so no.
Bulma: Least you were honest about it, unlike certain others I know!

Android 18: [to Roshi] Hey, the plane's settled. You can get up now.
[the crash threw Master Roshi between Android 18's legs]
Master Roshi: [blabbering] Hey, thank you so much, my head almost hit the wall, I think you may have saved my life, I was thrown viciously, just like this...
[pushes his head into 18's chest]
Master Roshi: [nuzzling] If anyone stopped me with these things it was you, I don't know how I can repay you, I could have cracked my head open, but this is so soft and nice, thank you so much...
[18 grabs his head in a vise grip]
Master Roshi: Let go! Please, I was only trying to tell you something!
Android 18: How to be a lecherous old man?
Master Roshi: [grabs her breast] No, I was just trying to show you how these floatation devices saved my life...
[18 spins him away]


"Dragon Ball Z: What Is the Tournament? (#4.51)" (2000)
Chiaotzu: Can anyone he wants enter the competition?
Trunks: He'll take on anyone who challenges him. And he expects to have a battle with each of us... one by one.
Master Roshi: Of course. You know what he's trying to do. I do. His plan is to eliminate the competition once and for all.
Yamcha: Well, I kind o' like the idea of another martial arts tournament. I mean, hey. I think I'll dominate.
Puar: Yeah! Lets get 'im!
Yamcha: Yeah!
Oolong: Just make sure you don't get another hand through your stomach.

Mrs. Briefs: Now wasn't there a martial arts tournament a long time ago?
Master Roshi: That's correct. Ah yes. I believe I'll explain since I once won the tournament myself.
Puar: What? Master Roshi? I never knew you won it.
Oolong: Oh, you just had to get him started.


"Dragon Ball: The Strong Ones (#3.22)" (2002)
[Goku's tail is grabbed and is being beaten by his masked opponent]
Upa: [sobbing] Won't somebody help him?
Bulma: Cut the dramatics, Roshi. Who is he? Tell us!
Krillin: Who cares about him? Upa's right. We have to save Goku!
Yamcha: Master Roshi?
Master Roshi: We have no choice but to watch this play itself out.
Upa, Krillin: Huh?
Bulma: No!
Puar: Mommy!
Yamcha: Say what? Why?
Master Roshi: Because as hard as it is to accept, it isn't our place; the living have no jurisdiction here. The man Goku is fighting, he's not of this world. As impossible as this may sound, that masked man is really Gohan - Goku's deceased grandfather.
[Goku's friends freak out in shock]


Dragon Ball Z: Battle of Gods (2013)
Kuririn: Bulma, how old are you now?
Bulma: So rude, do you think I'll tell you?
Android 18: The winner of the bingo contest gets a castle and plane, right?
Bulma: Yeah, or if it's a bother you can get the cash value...
Chi-Chi: As expected from one of the world's wealthiest! Would Goku come for the bingo contest at least?
Kame-sen'nin: Bulma, do you have any porn as a prize?
Bulma: NO!


"Dragon Ball Z: Out from the Broken Sword (#6.13)" (2002)
Android 18: [groans] Fusion...
Master Roshi: I tell ya, it's enough to drive someone crazy, isn't it?
Android 18: I even dreamed about it last night: Puar was trying to fuse with the Ox-King!


"Dragon Ball: The Legend of a Dragon (#2.5)" (2002)
Master Roshi: The legend, as I was told, goes something like this: In the beginning, there was only one Dragon Ball. It was huge, I mean REALLY huge. It had to be - it held all of the mystical energies of the universe. An ancient tribe discovered it, and was inspired by its magnificent power. They built a shrine around it, and protected the orb by placing it in the mouth of a giant dragon statue, said to be its eternal guardian. You should have seen the detail on this thing. It was INCREDIBLE: scales made of ruby, teeth of pearl... Speaking of pearl, they say there was this one native girl...
Bulma: GET ON WITH IT!
Master Roshi: Yes, well... The tribe enjoyed years of prosperity, until one day: evil paid a visit to the village in the form of a band of thieves. These agents of darkness stormed the temple in an attempt to steal the Dragon Ball for their own selfish gain. They were shocked to discover the true power of the Ball. To ensure such an attack never happened again, the Dragon Ball was divided into seven smaller orbs, and scattered across the globe. Separately, the Dragon Balls were useless, but when all seven were united, then a single voice could summon the Eternal Dragon for one wish, and one wish only. Some wishes were pure, but others were tainted by blind ambition. This led to pain and suffering, as an unjust few wished for power and dominion over mankind. But, as the story goes, there will one day come a hero who will use the Dragon Balls for goodness, and bring peace and unity to the world once more.


"Dragon Ball GT: Until We Meet Again... (#1.64)" (1997)
Kamesennin Muten Roshi: Tell Shenron thanks for the Dragonballs, Goku! And I hope your journey brings you back home someday!


"Dragon Ball: Changes (#5.11)" (2003)
Bulma: What do you think of my new dress?
Launch: It's absolutely stunning!
Master Roshi: It certainly fits in all the right places! Is that cashmere? Let me feel.


"Dragon Ball Z: The Reunion (#4.26)" (2000)
Krillin: It's Bulma. She wants us to watch somethin' on TV.
Master Roshi: Why? She gonna be on a show?
Oolong: Yeah, and now she wants us all to watch so she can brag about how famous she is...
Yamcha: Ha ha ha ha. Probably.


"Dragon Ball Z: Revival (#6.3)" (2002)
Yamcha: Okay, now do you remember the spell to release him? You know all the words?
Bulma: Of course. I'm not gonna pull a Frieza and screw it up, Yamcha!
Master Roshi: Bulma... I think Frieza failed because he wore too many clothes.


Dragon Ball Z: Broly - The Legendary Super Saiyan (1993)
Master Roshi: Broccoli, just give it up! It's all over!
Oolong: Very tough. But his name's Broly.


"Dragon Ball: Tien Shinhan vs Mercenary Tao (#5.14)" (2003)
[Tien brings an unconscious Tao to Master Shen after winning the match]
Tien: He'll be asleep like this for a few days. Please, take him home and never show yourselves around me again, fake master.
Master Shen: [growls in fury] You traitor!
[Shen takes Tao and flies away]
Master Shen: You will not die peacefully, I assure you of that!
Master Roshi: It's you who won't die peacefully, you old crane!


"Dragon Ball: A Real Bind (#3.13)" (2002)
Krillin: Did I hear you say Goku's on his way to the Red Ribbon compound? By himself?
Master Roshi: Yup. That's right.
Krillin: What in the world was he thinking?
Bulma: He's obviously not thinking!
Oolong: You can say that again.


Dragon Ball Z: Lord Slug (1991)
Master Roshi: [to himself, while asleep] There, there honey. It's alright. Don't worry ladies... there's enough of me to go around.


"Dragon Ball Z: Black Fog of Terror (#3.42)" (2000)
[Marron steps out in a skintight swimsuit]
Master Roshi: [goggling] Oh YEAH! Come to Papa, baby! Old Roshi's got something to show yah...
[falls off his chair]


"Dragon Ball: Kame House: Found! (#2.19)" (2002)
[Roshi in his miniature size has been flushed down the toilet when trying to take a look at Bulma]
Master Roshi: [goes to normal size, sniffs himself, screams in disgust] P.U.! That's worst than Launch's stew!


"Dragon Ball: The Last Dragon Ball (#3.15)" (2002)
Puar: [comes back to the gang after checking out the base in shock] Yamcha! The base is deserted!
Master Roshi: The entire base? That's unbelievable!
Krillin: Goku, do you think after this, you can show me a few tips?
Goku: It was easy once I got started.
Bulma: [awestruck] I can see the headlines now: 'Evil Army Defeated By Child'!
Launch: [disapprovingly] It's just one army!
[dandelion fluff makes her sneeze in her nice form]
Launch: Huh? Silly goose! How are we gonna have a picnic without any food?
[Everyone looks at her in clueless looks]
Puar: [takes her along] Let's take a walk. I'll fill you in on all the details.


"Dragon Ball Z: Krillin's Proposal (#4.1)" (2000)
Bulma: Where's Maron?
Krillin: Well, things were gettin' complicated so I broke up with her.
Master Roshi: Oh, poor guy.
Ox King: Ah, it's a darn shame.
Oolong: Well, I don't believe it. I'll bet she dumped him.