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Quotes for
Big Suze (Character)
from "Peep Show" (2003)

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"Peep Show: Conference (#4.2)" (2007)
Jeremy Usborne: What do you see in Johnson?
Big Suze: I just like him.
Jeremy Usborne: Come on, is it because he's black?
Big Suze: What? No! I hadn't even noticed.
Jeremy Usborne: Well, you're making a mistake, Suze, because he's terrible at being black. I'm a better black man than he is.
Big Suze: That sounds almost...
Jeremy Usborne: Look, Suze, being black isn't about the colour of your skin, it's about vibe, about hanging out, kicking back, smoking a number, fighting prejudice and negative stereotypes wherever you find them, yeah? I'm down with all that, is Johnson? I mean, what's Johnson done for black people lately?
Big Suze: You mean, apart from his mentoring and his community work?
Jeremy Usborne: Yeah, apart from that.

[Big Suze has come along with Johnson and the lads to a lap dancing club]
Big Suze: I've always wanted to come somewhere like this! I love the funny women taking their clothes off and you lot just gawping!

Johnson: Where's Mark? And what the hell are you doing here?
Jeremy Usborne: I know my rights. I've spoken to my friends at the Citizens Advice Bureau. Pay up or I shall make a disturbance!
Johnson: [getting out his wallet] OK, sure, fine, if it'll make you feel any better. Here, £380. Cash. Will that do?
Jeremy Usborne: I'll take it. And you know what? This means nothing to me. I haven't got a penny in the world, Suze, but this means nothing to me without you!
[he throws the money out of the window]
Jeremy Usborne: There, you see? Now do you see? That's how I feel. Now will you go back out with me?
Big Suze: Er, no, Jez. I'm just not really that into you.
Jeremy Usborne: In that case... if you'll excuse me.
[he climbs out of the window]


"Peep Show: Mugging (#3.1)" (2005)
Big Suze: Stu's my man, my hunk of monk!

[Jeremy has gone to Michelle's to have a threesome and unexpectedly finds Big Suze there, but it turns out she's only Michelle's new lodger and the person who's really going to join Michelle and Jeremy in the threesome is some frumpy, unfriendly woman who won't even speak to him]
Jeremy Usborne: [voiceover] I will have had a threesome. I will have had a threesome.
Big Suze: So, Jez. A threesome. That'll be nice. My friend Jen did a threesome once, she said she cried for about an hour afterwards but I'd still definitely like to try it sometime.


"Peep Show: Burgling (#5.1)" (2008)
Jeremy Usborne: So, what shall we have to drink, to celebrate?
Big Suze: Well, a Barolo is always nice.
Jeremy Usborne: [voiceover] Shit. Can't ask how much. Restaurant, you have to pretend you're infinitely wealthy for some reason.
[he starts looking through the wine list]
Jeremy Usborne: [voiceover] OK, flicking, looking. If only I knew the name of any other wine. What's a wine? Is the one Hannibal Lecter drinks real or a joke?

[Mark, Jeremy, Big Suze and Heather are in the flat with a teenage burglar Mark has caught]
Big Suze: This is quite a weird date, Jeremy. It's even weirder than when you took me to Laser Quest and tried to hump me in the dark.


"Peep Show: Sistering (#3.4)" (2005)
[Big Suze is staying in Mark's room and she invites Mark to sleep in the bed with her]
Big Suze: Do you know what you are, Mark? A big, cuddly grouch ball. It's like sharing a bed with Fozzie Bear or Oscar the Grouch.
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Maybe something could happen. In the same bed, human nature might take its course.
Big Suze: You're kind of like a modern-day eunuch, aren't you, Mark?
Mark Corrigan: Yes, I suppose so.

Big Suze: You don't, do you, have feelings for me, Mark?
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] This is it. Go for it. Tell her. Betray Sophie, destroy Jeremy.
[to Big Suze]
Mark Corrigan: No. God, no, as you know, I'm in love with Sophie.
Big Suze: Right. Because I thought...
Mark Corrigan: Honestly, Suze, I like you, sort of, but not even really that much. I mean, you're very, you know... horsey. You're the horsey type. Not that I've got a chip on my shoulder, but you're sort of a throwback, a kind of a Marie Antoinette figure. Let them eat cake. Not that she ever said that, it's a mistranslation, but... you know, big, stupid posh-head, that's you.


"Peep Show: Shrooming (#3.3)" (2005)
Jeremy Usborne: Mark's going to Frankfurt, and I thought maybe, if you fancied, magic mushroom party at my place.
Big Suze: Oh, I don't know. Magic mushrooms? Sounds a bit scary.
Jeremy Usborne: Oh Suze, it's not scary. You just lose a sense of who you are and all that shit.
Big Suze: Will I still be able to play the piano?
Jeremy Usborne: Of course, Suze, they're mushrooms, they're completely natural. Nothing natural ever hurt anybody, that's a scientific fact.
Big Suze: I suppose in a way it's the sort of thing I should be doing. If it's something I don't want to do, then it's probably something I should definetely try, you know what I mean?
Jeremy Usborne: Yeah, exactly. I mean, if people only did everything they wanted, everyone would just spend all day sitting on the carpet, watching the poker channel, wanking and eating those expensive German biscuits.
[Suze gives him a look]
Jeremy Usborne: Probably.