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Quotes for
Orthopox (Character)
from Destroy All Humans! (2005) (VG)

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Destroy All Humans! 2 (2006) (VG)
Pox: Crypto the mothership has been destroyed, and I've been blown to smithereens! Luckily I was able to download a incredible copy of perfect mind into this "Holopox" just before the ship blew up!
Crypto: Wow, that IS lucky!

Pox: I shall continue my repairs on the saucer and then I shall... I don't know, order a virtual pizza or something. Brains, I hate this.

Pox: The scriptures say Arkvoodle will return when enough people believe in his image.
Crypto: You mean like Tinkerbell?
Pox: Er... something like that.

Pox: They're working from an abandoned prison island in the middle of the bay.
Crypto: Prison island? The KGB are holed up in Australia?

Space Traffic Control: I'm sorry sir, but I've never heard of you.
Pox: Never heard of... I'm Orthopox 13 man! The Orthopox 13! The conqueror of Zargon 5? The Hero of the battle of Tharsis Mons? The winner of the Xanthrax-47 cruelty award six years running? I'm the second most senior fleet commander in the entire Furon Navy! I was enslaving hyper-dimensional insectoids on the dunghills of Beedleblat while you were still in short pants! And you've never heard of me?

Crypto: For God's sake Pox, the name of the game is Destroy All Humans, not 'play some record and keep the kids off drugs.'
Pox: Do you think you might be able to, maybe, for the next thirty seconds... Concentrate!

Pox: This is the great Furon Leader Orthopox...
Crypto: Yeah, that was the great hot air bag and this is Cryptosporidium.
Pox: Crypto... did you just call me an airbag?
Crypto: Hot being the operative word baby... you're hot... hot!

Orthopox-13: Here we are, scene 1. I looked pretty good that day.
Crypto: You're a
Crypto: hologram, you look like crap.
Orthopox-13: Crypto, watch your language you
Orthopox-13: [bleep] !

Crypto: Hey, Pox, you know, I've been thinking and, well, I bet that all of this really cuts back on all of your practical jokes, don't it?
Orthopox-13: Oh, sure, point out that I'm dead again! It just gets funnier every 50th time you do it, doesn't it?

Orthopox-13: Ah, Albion, where the city never sleeps and the locals never floss...

Orthopox-13: Crypto, If you can here me, meet me in the park. That humans tampering seems to have damaged some of your equipment. No, I'm not talking about your new package!

Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe: You honestly think you're the only... the only...
Crypto: The only what?
Orthopox-13: Leave it, Crypto. The man was in the throes of a violent demise and obviously in no state to talk. You've had your fun, now let's get out of here quick!

Orthopox-13: The White ninjas have pieces of our precious mothership and their planning to blow them up!
Crypto: Ninjas again? What are ninjas doing in 1969?
Orthopox-13: Just go with it. Who doesn't love ninjas?

Orthopox-13: I'm picking up a signal in the ocean to the south.
Crypto: Yeah? What kind of signal?
Orthopox-13: A radiation signature, emanating in gamma waves from the creature's tortured brain.
Crypto: Tortured?
Orthopox-13: Yes. It's as if the monster is crying out, "Kill me! Kill me!"
Crypto: That's gotta be the most pathetic thing I ever heard. So, you want me to hunt down this monstrosity and put it out of its misery?
Orthopox-13: Actually, I want you to read its mind and enter it the source of its cognitive distress, so we can get it some help and over time teach it confidence and self-esteem.
Crypto: You've gotta be kidding me.
Orthopox-13: [shouting] Of course I am, you mutation! Now go kill that thing!
Crypto: Okay, okay, but how do I find it?
Orthopox-13: Do I have to... You get in your saucer and fly to the spot marked on your radar. Look for bubbles on the water. That's a pretty good sign there's a MONSTER!
Crypto: So, then, what? I just drop some fat boys into the water and blow it up?
Orthopox-13: Unfortunately, no. Your saucer's weapons are ineffective underwater. You'll have to figure out some way to get the beast to surface first.
Crypto: And then I play a little whack-a-lizard. Got it.

Orthopox-13: The saucer's sensor is picking up significant radiation levels all around you Crypto. Either Gastro's gout is acting up or there must be some fuel rods nearby.

Crypto: Hey Pox, I had something I wanted to ask you but I guess it's kinda 'immaterial' now.
Orthopox-13: Oh, yes have your fun. But my time and my new clone body will come.
Crypto: Listen, I hate the KGB as much as the next guy but don't we have any other enemies.
Orthopox-13: Not on Earth. Besides, they've been roughing up some of my Yakuza poker buddies. I want you to find all the KGB agents in the Yakuza headquarters and destroy all of them. Are you in?
Crypto: Poker reference, nice. You're quite a card.
Orthopox-13: Let's just stop right there.

Orthopox-13: Excelent Crypto! You've collected all the Nexus crystals. And I owe Gastro a fiver.

Orthopox-13: That cinches it Crypto! You destroyed the Blisk Base. I''ve half a mind to put you up for a medal. But only half.

Crypto: Have you seen the blonde babushka? She was supposed to meet me here.
Orthopox-13: No I haven't. As a matter of fact you haven't even properly introduced us.
Crypto: Yeah well I'm trying to impress her.

Orthopox-13: And why don't you... torture some hippies?
Crypto: For information?
Orthopox-13: No, for prosperity. Of course for information you dolt! Now get out there and cause some trouble!

Crypto: Hey Pox, you got a cushy job here, I do all the work and you sit around eating bon-bons.
Orthopox-13: In case you hadn't noticed Cryptosporidium... I have no body!
Crypto: And nobody cares about you... heheh, get it Poxy?
Orthopox-13: I loath you.

Crypto: What do we know about the Blisk, aside from they're ugly as sin?
Orthopox-13: They are indeed a most repulsive race, and incredibly vicious. Further, they treat their workers very badly and have offensively short tempers.
Crypto: Any resemblance to present company is completely coincidental.

Orthopox-13: Oh, we're doomed! We'll never get that pure DNA back to the home world now! Our race will clone itself right into the genetic trash bin of history! Oh, tragedy!... Unless...
Crypto: Unless...?
Orthopox-13: If we overload the laser guidance system, the weapon might veer off target!
Crypto: Laser guidance system? What laser guidance system?
Orthopox-13: The dishes, Crypto. Overload the dishes!
Crypto: Do the dishes, protect the Earth, save the Furon DNA, got it. Man, whatever happened to destroying all humans?
Orthopox-13: Let this be a lesson to you, Crypto: the best laid plans can be derailed by an unexpected case of the crabs! Now, go!

Orthopox-13: Crypto! You need to increase the intensity of those radar emissions! Perhaps if you cross the beams... Oh, no, wait, that would be bad.
Crypto: I'm a little fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing.
Orthopox-13: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously, every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. Total protonic reversal.
Crypto: Right, that's bad, got it.
Orthopox-13: No, no, there's no use for it. We're just going to have to take the risk. Do it, Crypto! Cross the beams! Cross them for all your worth!
Crypto: You asked for it!

Crypto: Hey, Poxy, what's it like being one of the floating dead?
Orthopox-13: It's quite peaceful actually. No distractions, certainly no violence or destruction. Frankly it's boring the phlegm off me. Aaaah! I want a new clone body!
Crypto: I almost feel sorry for the poor guy. Almost.

Orthopox-13: Using Poxlab, I've created a new virus that will infect and kill the Blisk.
Crypto: Catchy.
Orthopox-13: Let's hope so. I've arranged for it to be delivered to the moon by a courier company... Oh, what's the name? The North American Shipping Association. Anyway, everyone else calls them NASA. You wouldn't believe the cost of shipping to developing galaxies. I should mention, though, there have been some, er, complications.
Crypto: Okay, I'll bite, what kinda complications?
Orthopox-13: The delivery men are refusing to land without clearance from their master, a fellow called "Houston". They're just hovering there, waiting for orders.
Crypto: And lemme guess: we're gonna give them those orders, right?
Orthopox-13: Exactly.
Crypto: Yeah, I'm a regular Rich Little. Okay, let's get contagious.

Admiral Cyclosporasis: I could just dispatch another fleet commander who can get the DNA without having his mothership blown to qwarks!
Orthopox-13: Another com... but Admiral... this whole mission was my idea! I selected the target planet... I drew up the briefing manuals... I defended the plan in front of the entire war council! You can't take this detail away from me!
Admiral Cyclosporasis: Don't tell me what I can and can't do Commander. Hold tight, and I'll send someone to pick you up... as soon as I can spare the rescue pod.

Ivan Oranchov: Savages. Degenerates. There's only one way to deal with such people.
Orthopox-13: What in the...
[the mothership blows up]
Ivan Oranchov: Revolution.

Orthopox-13: You'd better destroy those blimps quickly Crypto, or our Bay City brain farm will turn into a den of unmotivated degenerates sitting in front of their 'TV' screens, twiddling their thumbs... Ahem!

Orthopox-13: Crypto, what if it's true? What if you are... The One?
Crypto: Well, I did take a red pill this morning.

Crypto: Pox we got a problem. Bongwater must be drinking his own revelade because the Freak says he's planning to fumigate Bay City with giant blimps.
Orthopox-13: Great galaxies! That's so moronic it might just actually work.

[during the Kojira Kaiju battle]
Orthopox-13: Crypto, let that creature have it with everything you got!
Crypto: Arkvoodle-dammit! What's the deal here Pox? The more stuff that thing knocks down, the more it regenerates!
Orthopox-13: Well, it HAS to have a weak spot somewhere! Find it and hit it hard! You don't want to lose the big one in front of your little ninja groupies, do you?
Crypto: I don't give a damn about my little ninja groupies! I'm worried about getting my ass stomped!

Crypto: Hey, Pox, it just occurred to me. Who's running the country while I've been away? Hasn't anyone noticed the President missing?
Pox: Well, you never did spend much time at the oval office anyway, so I installed a limited mechanism to keep the humans alive while you were away.
Crypto: What kind of mechanism?
Pox: Oh, just a limited functional machine. It smiles, waves, occasionally spouts inspiring patriotic speeches about world peace and other such nonsense.
Crypto: Heh, guess the monkeys wouldn't know the difference.
Pox: Actually, your Approval Rating has tripled since I made the switch.

Crypto: Hey, Pox, do you ever notice? There seems to be a lot of crates lying around. Just random crates. I mean, what could they all be for? You can't tell me anybody needs this many crates just lying around. I guess if they were being used for something, then... then I could understand. So many crates...
Pox: I think they got the hint, Crypto.

Orthopox-13: Holy hookers of Arkvoodle!

Orthopox-13: Albion is full of tunnels, pipes, and excavations galore. It's like a moldy sponge, built atop noxious Swiss cheese.

Crypto: [about Kojira] Look, Pox, explain this monster to me. The Ivans can't even make a decent wristwatch. How the hell did they come up with the technology to turn a summer intern into that?
Orthopox-13: I've been trying to figure that one out myself, and I keep coming to the same conclusion. They did it.
Crypto: What are you suggesting?
Orthopox-13: I'm not sure, but there's more than good, old-fashioned, Russian can-do spirit working.
Crypto: You're telling me. Those people have all the initiative of a normal convention.

Orthopox-13: Don't do anything rash.
Crypto: Rash? Me? Nah, I got a cream for that; cleared it right up!

Crypto: [encountering the Blisk for the first time] Hold the phone, what do these freaks want?
Orthopox-13: Wait a minute... Now that I think of it, that machinery looks suspiciously familiar... Oh my... HOLY HOOKERS OF ARKVOODLE! Crypto! Do you know who these "freaks" are?
Crypto: They're not Commie cabbage-heads?
Orthopox-13: Great galaxies, no! They're not even human! They're the enemy - OUR enemy! The enemy we Furons defeated in the Martian War! Crypto... THEY'RE BLISK!
Crypto: Blisk? Wait a minute, I thought we wiped the Blisk out!
Orthopox-13: I have no explanation! I can barely believe my sensors! But a few of them must have somehow survived!
Crypto: Not for long. Attention, Blisk: I am Cryptosporidium of the planet Furon! This planet is now a territory of the Furon Empire! And your asses belong to ME!

Crypto: Okay, what about the cosmonauts?
Pox: Well, they're just humans, of course, albeit the cream of Soviet citizenry. They think their leaders here represent some sort of shadowy Kremlin cabal. Of course, the Blisk have been playing them like puppets - not that they realize it. They're so proud! If they knew how the Blisk were using them, they'd be furious!
Crypto: Sounds to me like we need to send the cosmonauts a little wake-up call.
Pox: Hmm. Not a bad idea. A crowd seems to be assembling in the cosmonaut base. Why don't you check it out? I think it's time the puppets met their masters, hmm?
Crypto: Okay, I got it: turn the cosmonauts against the Blisk! This is gonna be fun!

Crypto: Hey, HoloPoxy, long time no see! Where ya been? Oh, that's right.
Pox: Listen, Crypto, I haven't time for your jive talkin'. We've business to tend to!
Crypto: Bark all you want, Poxy, you don't have a mothership. Hell, you don't even have a hand to slap me with.
Pox: Don't cross me, Crypto! I'm still your superior officer. And, I have friends in high places.
Crypto: If you have so many friends in high places, how come they ain't sent us another mothership yet?
Pox: That ship we'll be here very soon! And I can't talk bunk!
Crypto: Ha! If I don't make you another clone body, you're not getting *any* bunk, so there!

Crypto: [Crypto meets Pox after escaping from Ponsonby's custody] Pox, man, I have never been so glad to see you! Actually, I've never been glad to see you, but I am now.
Pox: Serves you right for trusting a human. What in the musky name of Arkvoodle happened down there?
Crypto: Well, I, uh, I ran into a little static with Ponsonby. Nothing major, a little wham, bam, thank you ma'am, and he was history and I was outta there.
Pox: Is that so? Then why didn't I hear you shooting back at him?
Crypto: Moronic monkeys, probably took the rifle apart to wipe their monkey butts with.
Pox: Or study it. Looks like they tried cracking it open with brute force, and succeeded only in breaking it. Well, have no fear; this, I can fix.

Destroy All Humans! (2005) (VG)
Orthopox: [in the Mothership, if left idle] Well, it's your electric bill. You could have thought to turn the console off. Haven't you ever heard of global warming?

Orthopox: [in the Mothership, if left idle] Oh don't mind me, I'm only a fictional character in a simulated universe, after all. I have nothing better to do, really. I'm just made up of a bunch of electrons floating around your console, and a few hundred kilobytes of data stored on your DHS disk...
Orthopox: Don't pay any attention to meeee!

Orthopox: If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.

Orthopox: We can subjugate the humans to the reign of the Furon Empire. Hahahahaha...
Orthopox: If you can bend the antenna in the direction of the Mothership me should be able to send the signal. That's the good news. The bad news is that for complex and highly technical reasons you have only three minutes to do this or very bad things will happen. Now let us never speak of it again. Now go out there and bend some rabbit ears!

Orthopox: It's time to capture one of those men in... really... dark brown and give him a good probing. What do you say... up for a little fun?

Orthopox: [in the Mothership, if left idle] May I remind you that the name of this game is "Destroy All Humans", not SCREW AROUND IN THE MOTHERSHIP!

Orthopox: [in the Mothership, if left idle] Why don't you hurry up and eat you fish and chips and watch your television!

Cryptosporidium: [to Orthopox] You're a smart cookie. But there's a time for thought and a time for action! And this is one of those times!
Orthopox: Which?
Cryptosporidium: The second one!

[if a mission is failed]
Orthopox: Crypto!
Cryptosporidium: [agitated] What?

Orthopox: This human "Whither" says the President will appear before his subjects today. This "President" must be more integral to their social society than I expected. I have noticed a significant increase of activity surrounding the White House.
Cryptosporidium: Right, just tell me where he is and what he looks like.
Orthopox: I... er... the mothership's tracking system is broken. I think he uses those convoys of long black vehicles for transit.
Cryptosporidium: You think?
Orthopox: I can't exactly pinpoint the President from orbit, Crypto. It's not as if he walks around with a big red arrow over his head. I need you follow those vehicles so we can identify him!

Orthopox: Hmmm... passengers and compounds appear to made of carbon components. They must have gotten the soylent-green leather interior. Pricey option.

Sleepy Ernst: Soon I'll prove the human mind can be controlled by televised propaganda and then I'll start my own cable news network! Where the heck are those Majestic Agents? America ain't gonna brainwash itself!
Orthopox: We cannot allow Sleepy Ernst to turn humanity into his own supply of science guinea-pigs! They should be OUR guinea-pigs! Vaporise him Crypto!

Orthopox: Quick, he's heading to the white building! No, the OTHER white building! The one with the tall, ugly fellow with the beard! I think he's Amish or something!

Cryptosporidium: Man, I love the smell of presidential brains in the morning.
Orthopox: Just shut up and remember who set that presidential foetus of destruction upon you!
Cryptosporidium: Riiight...
Orthopox: You know who I mean.
Cryptosporidium: Oh, that Silhouette guy, right? Or chick?
Orthopox: Would you do me a favor and NOT creep me out?
Cryptosporidium: Sure.

Orthopox: Crypto, it's an ambush! Circle the wagons! Throw me a shotgun! Get the womenfolk inside! Oh... I must stop watching human television. Ah, screw it. Destroy them all!

Orthopox: Crypto, those humans are trying to destroy the film! Kill the bastards! Have they no respect for art?

Silhouette: You're probably watching... gloating.
Cryptosporidium: Pretty much.
Orthopox: It seems only fair.

Suburban Crazy: Pardon my impertinence but uh, are you an alien?
Cryptosporidium: How'd ya guess?
Suburban Crazy: Oh my prayers have been answered! On behalf of all the nations of the Earth let me welcome you, brother from another planet!
Cryptosporidium: Thanks, it means a lot to me.
Orthopox: Enough chit chat! Where is Bert Whither,crackpot human?
Suburban Crazy: You want Bert Whither? I'll take you to him.
Cryptosporidium: Perfect.

Orthopox: Here's the keys, now do try and bring it back in one piece double O... I mean Crypto.

[if the scientist leading Crypto to Bert Whither is killed]
Orthopox: Oh no! The crackpot is dead. Now you have no choice, you have to find Bert Wither on your own!

Cow: Mooo... er... brains!
Orthopox: Brains? Healthy green glow? Those human fools! Clearly they've genetically altered those pathetic gasbags and turned them into RADIOACTIVE EXPLODING ZOMBIE COWS! Show them the folly of their mad science!

Orthopox: They've sent in their cyborgs! Can Steve Austin be far behind?

Orthopox: Crypto, the 'dudes in dark' have found your saucer. I think they're meaning to destroy it this time! I'm no expert in human explosives, but I think there are enough there to breach the hull! That could destroy the entire city!

Orthopox: Now that their President is dead, the human senators are voting for a new President and the vote is agonisingly close!
Cryptosporidium: Doesn't the Vice President automatically become President?
Orthopox: Just shut up and kill those senators before they get to the Capitol!

Orthopox: I detect military units approaching from the south... with my military unit detecter-o-tron! Oh, just take my word for it!

Orthopox: Oh no, they're at the main gate again!
Cryptosporidium: What's the good news?
Orthopox: Er... this time they're more heavily armed?
Cryptosporidium: Oh goody...

Orthopox: [to Crypto] Shall I tell you a secret? Few of our people know this, but the DNA patterns in our cloning banks are becomming more and more degraded with each new clone.
Cryptosporidium: That's bad, right?
Orthopox: Only if we want to attain our immortality through cloning. OF COURSE IT'S BAD!

Orthopox: Now, Crypto, to ensure this invasion runs smoothly it is imperative we identify the dominant life forms on this world. Those lactating bovoids are likely candidates.
Cryptosporidium: Surely you don't mean those foul-smelling gasbags beyond the fence?
Orthopox: Yes, I'm afraid I do.
Cryptosporidium: But they're covered in nipples!

Orthopox: [after Crypto scans Sleepy Ernst] We cannot allow the human race to be Sleepy Ernst's experimental guinea pigs! They should be *our* guinea pigs!

[Crypto has scanned a cow]
Cow: Moo.
Orthopox: "Moo"? Primitive, yet profound. Scan another one.

Orthopox: Alright Crypto. I've analyzed the data that you've collected, and I've found the perfect candidate for you to...
Cryptosporidium: Probe and vaporize?
Orthopox: No, abduct and bring back to the mothership.
Cryptosporidium: My way's more fun.
Orthopox: Abduct. Not vaporize.
Cryptosporidium: Okay, but humanity ain't gonna annihilate itself, all I'm saying.
Orthopox: Can I finish?
Cryptosporidium: Can I stop you?

Orthopox: I've sent Crypto-136 in search of a planet we visited many eons ago. A planet seeded with Furon DNA. But I lost contact.
Cryptosporidium: Let me get this straight: you sent me... er, him... Crypto-136 to a "hostile planet", and he's disappeared. Maybe captured. Maybe even being tortured as we speak.
Orthopox: Well, I wouldn't jump to any conclusions.
Cryptosporidium: I bet you wouldn't.

Orthopox: [in the Mothership, if left idle] Take a step outside the Mothership. There's a whole planet filled with humans just waiting to be stepped on!

Orthopox: Awww! How cute! The Robo-Prez is all hurt, and he's taking his brain stem and heading home! Poor little Robo-Prez! Everybody's so mean to him!

Orthopox: Crypto! That human law enforcement officer is attempting an unauthorized entry of your spacecraft! If those pea-brains were to get their hands on your Quantum Deconstructor, they could rip a hole in the space-time continuum! Oh, the Furonity! Vaporize them, Crypto!

Orthopox: [referring to zombie cows] They must have gathered them for study. Can't imagine what they hope to learn.

Orthopox: Now then, I know what you're thinking: what can I, a lowly novice, do to help bring about the destruction of Earth and the inevitable reign of the Furon Empire? Well, I'll tell you. It was in the earliest days of the empire we realized our species was doomed. Eons of waging war on inferior races with unregulated atomic weaponry had mutated our genes. We could not propagate due to a complete and utter lack of genitalia. Fortunately, a Furon ship happened upon Earth on its way back from destroying the Martians. Human society was young and... nubile. Sailors on a foreign planet, letting off steam, one thing led to another. Long story short: every human being alive today has buried deep in his genetic code a strand of Furon DNA. Over the eons, we've learned to clone ourselves, but with each iteration, the information degrades, and the results are increasingly... unpredictable. The Furon genes in humanity's DNA are ancient, uncorrupted. They represent the future of the Furon race. If only we can get at them...

Orthopox: [Crypto has bent all of the television antennae] Cross your pods. Here we go. Beginning transmission...
[the antennae start to shake]
Orthopox: Furon signal downlink successful! Oh, this is smashing! All right, I'm increasing the power...
[the antennae now shake very fast and more violently]
Orthopox: Wait! Crypto! The signal is too strong! Humans are weak! Their minds can't take that kind of amplitude! Quickly, Crypto, you've got to bend the antennae before they...
[suddenly, the humans' heads all explode]
Orthopox: Oh, that has to hurt. Eww. Disgusting!
[the humans' heads continue to explode]
Orthopox: Crypto? Crypto! Where did you go?
Cryptosporidium: [running down a street as the screen goes black] Snack time!

Orthopox: We are living in a material world, Crypto, and I am a material... err, Furon.

Orthopox: There's a sucker born every minute! But I had mine removed.

Orthopox: What we need to do is find the dumbest most malleable human in the area. Admittedly, the competition will be fierce. You'll just have to scan them all!

Orthopox: No DNA, no upgrade. Them's the rules, partner.

Destroy All Humans: Path of the Furon (2008) (VG)
Orthopox: [on a holiday ad] Welcome to the Fourth Ring of Furon. Science, industry and leisure amongst the stars with a Furon twist. It is a vacationer's paradise for fun in the simulated sun. Ogle at the wild weird ways of Earth monkeys in our human habitat, enjoy our unique games and diversion, then gaze upon the blinding unapproachable splendor of the Emperor's Summer Palace.
Cryptosporidium: Unapproachable splendor of the Emperor's summer palace? You sound like the cruise director on Love Boat.
Orthopox: Well I have a bit of history here. Giving tours was one of my duties.
Cryptosporidium: What was the other?
Orthopox: That's... classified. And nothing you say can make me tell you.

Cryptosporidium: [saucer phone rings] What? I told you not to give out this number!
Orthopox: Crypto... it's him!
Emperor Meningitis: What? Who's there? I already told you I don't like cookies! Pox! What have you done with your body? Why are you here?
Orthopox: Er, well uh... most high Emperor Meningitis, we were sort of tooling around the neighbourhood and thought we'd drop by.
Emperor Meningitis: And and... what's that with you? Oh, your little house boy... Klepto.
Cryptosporidium: Crypto!
Emperor Meningitis: Whatever! What are you doing away from your post puppet? Why aren't you out collecting Furon DNA?
Cryptosporidium: Why aren't you sucking my blaster Methuselah?
Orthopox: Don't make him angry!
Emperor Meningitis: Sucking your blaster? What is that, some kind of innuendo?

Cryptosporidium: So Pox, I've been waiting on the generic shield tutorial. When are you gonna hit me with some random damage so we can watch my shield bar recharge?
Orthopox: Please Crypto, I've long since abandoned such childish behaviour.
Cryptosporidium: Well that's a change. It's not like you to skip any any oppurtunity to smack me around.
Orthopox: You're right.
[hits him]
Orthopox: There! Now do you feel better?

Orthopox: As it happens, I have just finished upgrading your Jetpack.
Cryptosporidium: Does it make far out sounds like in the cartoons on TV?
Orthopox: No, I omitted silly sounds in favour of performance upgrades. Your new Jetpack has more manoeuvrability and greater thrust than ever before.
Cryptosporidium: I like the silly sounds.

Orthopox: Only you would set out to destroy the world and take the scenic route.

Cryptosporidium: You know Poxy old pa sometimes you can be a real bummer.
Orthopox: Oh? I wonder if that has anything to do with me not having a body!
Cryptosporidium: Boo hoo, I'm a hologram! That crap was sad for the first five years or so but now it's starting to get on my nerves.
Orthopox: I suppose that explains your lackluster productivity of late. I think you're going native! I warn you Crypto, you have become too invested in your life among these humans.
Cryptosporidium: What invested? I'm just runnin' a little business on the side.
Orthopox: Oh I'm sure our lord and master Emperor Meningitis, the supreme ruler of the Furon Empire, will understand you setting aside your duty to collect Furon DNA from human brain stems!
Cryptosporidium: How about I cut you in for 5%?
Orthopox: Done.