Simon Camden
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Quotes for
Simon Camden (Character)
from "7th Heaven" (1996)

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"7th Heaven: Who Nose? (#4.10)" (1999)
Simon Camden: [to the guys huffing in the hall] Hey, you guys are going to get a huge headache if you do that.
Pete Lawrence: It's called huffing. It makes you you feel like you're walking on clouds, right? Wanna try it... or are you too PURE? Didn't think so.
Mitch: Hey, Camden, you say a word to anyone, and your life will be hell.

Pete Lawrence: Spray paint makes it faster and it's a lot of fun.
Simon Camden: How do you breathe around that stuff?
Pete Lawrence: Oh, you'll get used to it, actually, you'll probably start to like it after a while.
Simon Camden: Where are the guys?
Pete Lawrence: Oh, uh... they decided to catch a breather.
Simon Camden: We could use a breather, too.
[Pete laughs]
Simon Camden: What?
Pete Lawrence: You're too PURE to understand.

Mrs. Jasper: Pete Lawrence collapsed on his way into school. His nose was bleeding and he was having trouble breathing.
Simon Camden: I didn't know it was serious or at least this serious. I thought it can only make your nose bleed.
Reverend Eric Camden: A bloody nose is the least of it. Huffing causes liver damage and kidney failure. Heart failure.
Simon Camden: Can you die from it?
Reverend Eric Camden: Kids do every year.

Simon Camden: I've never heard of huffing before. Why would anyone find that fun?
Annie Jackson-Camden: I don't know.

Reverend Eric Camden: [to Simon] I talked to Mrs. Jasper. Pete told his mom about the other guys and the huffing. Principals' is meeting with the boys and their parents tomorrow... Pete promised to call each of the guys and explain why he ratted them out. No one is going to think it was you.
Simon Camden: I don't care if they do.
Reverend Eric Camden: Good for you.

Simon Camden: How's Pete?
Reverend Eric Camden: The doctor said there wasn't any permanent damage, but when he's better he'll have to go though a detox program to get the chemicals out of his system. And I recommended that he and his parents meet with a family counselor.

Pete Lawrence: [to Simon when he visits him in the hospital] Just go away.
Simon Camden: I can't.
Pete Lawrence: Why?
Simon Camden: Because your mom thinks I did this to you.
Pete Lawrence: Yeah. I let her think that.
Simon Camden: I know. And it's okay. You must have been scared, and you had to tell your mom something. When you're feeling better, you can tell her the truth.
Pete Lawrence: If I do, I'll get all my friends in trouble.
Simon Camden: And that's better than getting one innocent guy in trouble. Look, under normal circumstances, I wouldn't mind taking the wrap for a friend, but you and your buddies have to stop huffing, or eventually, they're gonna end up just like you, or maybe even worse.


"7th Heaven: Johnny Get Your Gun (#3.7)" (1998)
Simon Camden: Excuse me.
Johnny Morton: Oh, hey, little buddy. Am I in your way?
Simon Camden: It's not buddy. It's Simon Camden. You're Johnny, I presume?
Johnny Morton: So you've heard of me. That's good. Have you also heard that this is my girlfriend Deena?
Simon Camden: I believe that's was your girlfriend. Deena was your girlfriend. She's my girlfriend now.
Johnny Morton: Yeah, we'll see about that, buddy.

Johnny Morton: Listen, Mighty Mouse, stay out of this, or I'm going to take you out of it!
Simon Camden: Take me out of it?
Johnny Morton: [makes a gun with his fingers] Get it?
Simon Camden: You're gonna shoot me?
Johnny Morton: Yeah, maybe. All of a sudden you'll turn around and see a .38 Special pointed right at you.
Johnny Morton: [chuckles]
Johnny Morton: Yeah, I just might do that. You'll have to look over your shoulder everywhere you go.

Simon Camden: This is all my fault. I shouldn't have said anything.
Lucy Camden Kinkirk: It's not your fault. It's not your fault at all. If you hadn't said anything, something worse could have happened. He could have shown up at school with that gun! Johnny's a kid with a bad temper. A bad temper and a gun. That's a really bad combination.

Lucy Camden Kinkirk: [after Eric is shot] I just wish somebody would have told me what was going on.
Simon Camden: Mom and Dad were hoping they wouldn't have to scare the rest of the family. Besides, what would you have done anyway?
Ruthie Camden: Well, for one thing, I wouldn't have been running around yelling "Ba-Boom!"

Reverend Eric Camden: [to Simon] Are you in some kind of trouble?
Simon Camden: I'm not sure about that either. See, the thing is, is that he's probably trying to scare me. But Deena's boyfriend said that he was going to shoot me.


"7th Heaven: It Happened One Night (#3.15)" (1999)
Simon Camden: What was that?
Mary Camden: Tuna helper.
Simon Camden: So you were supposed to put tuna in it.
Lucy Camden: He's right. It was just the helper.
Mary Camden: [pauses] We were supposed to add the tuna?

Rev. Eric Camden: Simon, do not, under any circumstances, let Ruthie out of your sight. She's planning to run away.
Simon Camden: You do see that she's just crying out for attention, don't you?
Rev. Eric Camden: Yes, and your mother and I are doing everything we can to give her the attention that she needs, but our hands are kind of full right now, so we were hoping you could give her some of yours. Scratch that, a lot of yours. All of yours.
Simon Camden: Well, hey, I'm a team player.
Rev. Eric Camden: I'm delighted to hear it.

Ruthie: I don't care what anyone says about the twins. They're not cute.
Simon Camden: Well, of course they're not cute! Compared to you, who is?
Ruthie: I'm not buying it. Get away from me.
Simon Camden: Come on. If you come back in the house with me, I'll give you a cookie. Two cookies. Cookies and ice cream!... money? Cold, hard cash?
Ruthie: I liked you better when you ignored me.

Simon Camden: [about the twins' crying] You know, they could have colic. Results in constant, uncontrollable crying. It's enough to make any parent feel like a failure.
Annie Camden: [whispers to Eric] Make him leave.
Rev. Eric Camden: [to Simon] Colic doesn't generally come until after the first month, and before you go around making any more observations, why don't you take care of your sister and your dog like we asked you to, because one of them ran away and one of them peed on the kitchen floor.
Simon Camden: Fine. But it takes a village, my friend!


"7th Heaven: Broke (#5.6)" (2000)
Simon Camden: [to Mary when she wants to borrow money] No, no, no!
Mary Camden: I will drive you on dates or anywhere you want to go.
Simon Camden: Your car seats two. Where's my date supposed to sit, in the trunk?

Simon Camden: What are we gonna do about this?
Lucy Camden: We're gonna let Mary handle it. It's her problem, not ours.
Ruthie Camden: Please don't let them put Mary in jail again.
Simon Camden: You say to let Mary handle it, but she's not. We're the ones getting the calls, and sooner or later Mom and Dad are gonna find out. And deadbeat or not, she's still our sister.

Simon Camden: This isn't Mary. I'm her brother Simon.
Credit Card Collector: Well, when Mary gets in, would you tell her that if she doesn't pay these bills immediately, we will involve the local authorities
Simon Camden: Wait, you mean the police?
Credit Card Collector: Yes. You can't just charge for merchandise and not pay your bills; there are laws. And if we have to, we'll enforce those laws to recoup our losses.


"7th Heaven: ...And a Nice Chianti (#3.5)" (1998)
Mary Camden: Upstairs. The three of you. We need to talk.
Ruthie: Who squealed?
Simon Camden: It wasn't me.
Ruthie: Lucy. Big surprise. Hey, where's the pregnant chick who stole Matt's car?
Annie Camden: Kitchen. And show some respect.

Annie Camden: Wait a minute. Why are you all together? What happened to the bus?
Lucy Camden: I just change my mind, that's all. Too many freshmen.
Simon Camden: Actually, I was going to walk home today, but I lucked out when Mary saw me and stopped to pick me up. By the way, she's not such a bad driver when Dad's in the car, you guys may want to take that under consideration.

Mary Camden: I got it! I got my learner's permit. And Dad got me my own set of keys. Congratulate me!
Lucy Camden, Simon Camden: Congratulations.
Ruthie: Ditto.


"7th Heaven: Life and Death: Part 1 (#7.21)" (2003)
Simon Camden: If you ever do anything to hurt Ruthie... ever... I'm gonna find out about it. I know where you live.
Peter Petrowski: Okay.

Lucy: Oh, hey, um... what's your hurry? I want you to meet someone.
Simon: [to Christine] Hi, sorry, I have to kill someone.
Lucy: Wait. Simon, this is Christine, she's a friend of mine from school, she's going to be staying with us for a couple nights.
Simon: [to Christine] It's nice to meet you, I still have to kill someone.


"7th Heaven: It Takes Two, Baby (#3.1)" (1998)
Simon Camden: [to Ruthie] Just in case what isn't better?
Ruthie Camden: My morning sickness.
Simon Camden: Oh, give it up already.
Ruthie Camden: MOMMY!
Rev. Eric Camden: Simon, be nicer to your sister. This isn't easy on her and she's just a little girl.
Simon Camden: You say it like it's a weakness or something.

Rev. Eric Camden: [to Ruthie] You know, maybe your tummy will be feeling better by lunchtime. Mommy's always is.
Ruthie Camden: Give me an extra paper bag, just in case it isn't.
Simon Camden: Just in case what isn't?
Ruthie Camden: My morning sickness.
Simon Camden: Oh, give it up! You're not sick, you're not tired, and you're not fat. You're just trying to get attention.
Ruthie Camden: MOMMY!
[runs upstairs]
Simon Camden: [to Eric] Yeah. Whenever they're hurt, they run to Mommy, even when Dad is standing right there.


"7th Heaven: Sin... (#4.7)" (1999)
Mary Camden: This can't happen. This is my senior year and I have a scholarship to play basketball. I mean, somebody has to do something.
Simon Camden: Why did he lock you guys out?
Matt Camden: Mom had two babies, Dad just had a heart attack, and now this? They have enough going on without having to worry about without the stuff. You're supposed to be the oldest. How can Mom and Dad trust that you can keep an eye on everyone else when you can't keep an eye on yourself?
Mary Camden: Oh, boy. One more lecture on how it is to be the oldest. How many times do I have to hear this stuff from you?
Matt Camden: Until you get it right.
Mary Camden: Go away! And take your lemony-scented self with you.

Simon Camden: It's not like I hurt anyone.
Annie Camden: I don't care. It's an incredible rude and vulgar gesture that should never be shown in public or anywhere else for that matter. You're lucky you still have those fingers!
Simon Camden: My friends and I do that kind of things to each other all the time, and no one cares. It's... It's a guy thing.
Annie Camden: It is not a guy thing.
Simon Camden: How would you know?
Rev. Eric Camden: You know, I'll admit that there was an unfortunate element of bad timing at work. On the other hand you know, your mom and I aren't fans of that particular gesture. I's disrespectful. It's rude and obscene.
Simon Camden: But I was just hanging out. Being one of the guys.
Rev. Eric Camden: I get it. I really do. There's something great about hanging out with just the guys you know, as long as being one of the guys doesn't mean being swayed by the guys. 'Cause for some reason a lot of guys do really stupid things when they're with the other guys, you know? Things that they wouldn't even think of doing if they were alone. And I just don't want you to lose your great ability to think and make decisions for yourself.


"7th Heaven: The Kiss (#5.13)" (2001)
Matt Camden: Why can't Robbie move out? I mean, he has a job, he makes good money. It's not like he can't get another place to live, I'll help him get another place to live.
Simon Camden: He doesn't want another place to live. He likes it just fine where he is, in Hello Kitty-ville.
Matt Camden: But this is our house, our family, Robbie has a family of his own.
Simon Camden: I know, Lucy made out with half of them.

[Eric and Annie makes out as Simon enters]
Rev. Eric Camden: [to Simon] You know, it's polite to knock.
Simon Camden: If you're gonna make out on top of the desk it's polite to lock the door.


"7th Heaven: No Funerals and a Wedding (#1.4)" (1996)
Matt Camden: Renee named her baby after grandma.
Simon Camden: She named her baby Grandma?

Simon: Hey, where's Grandpa?
Eric: I'm sorry Simon, but... he's gone.
Simon: Wow, him too?


"7th Heaven: Dangerous Liaisons: Part 1 (#1.21)" (1997)
[Matt is going on his first date with Heather, who is deaf]
Simon Camden: What are you so nervous about? You're probably better off with a girl that can't hear what you say anyway.

Simon: [to Ginger and Grandpa Charles] So, you guys are planning to do a little travelling together, huh? Sounds... pretty neat.
Lucy: Yeah! Neat.
Matt: Really neat.
Mary: Way neat!
Eric: Yeah... Travelling can sure be...
Ruthie: Neat?


"7th Heaven: Gratitude (#9.10)" (2004)
Leah Morris: I'm Leah. Leah Morris.
Simon Camden: Hi. Simon... LeBon.
Leah Morris: Isn't that the name of the lead singer for Duran Duran?
Simon Camden: Yeah... I-I panicked.


"7th Heaven: Apple Pie (#10.10)" (2005)
Simon Camden: [to Ruthie, about Jack] He looks like a giant next to you. It'd look ridiculous if you dated him.


"7th Heaven: Drunk (#6.13)" (2002)
Simon Camden: I'm drunk? Cool.


"7th Heaven: Saturday (#1.7)" (1996)
Matt: I'm not attracted to this girl.
Eric: Right...
Lucy: Why not?
Matt: There's no reason why, I'm just not.
Simon: I don't believe you.
Matt: I'm not attracted to every woman I see.
Simon: Yes you are.


"7th Heaven: I Wasn't Expecting That! (#8.4)" (2003)
Simon Camden: The situation could get out of control, me leaving and all.
Rev. Eric Camden: What are you afraid will happen, that I'll throw myself at your legs and make a scene on the bus station?
Simon Camden: Dad, I'm not worried about you making a scene. But you do sometimes get this... moist look in the corner of your eye.
Rev. Eric Camden: And that bothers you, my moistness?


"7th Heaven: And More Secrets (#10.20)" (2006)
Simon: So... You and Lucy never called off the wedding before the wedding, did you?
Kevin: Yeah, the closer we got the more often we called it off.


"7th Heaven: No Sex, Some Drugs and a Little Rock 'n' Roll (#3.8)" (1998)
Ruthie Camden: [as Annie catches Simon drinking coffee] I'm not drinking coffee, I just stole it for him.
Simon Camden: [to Ruthie] Thanks a lot.
Annie Camden: Simon!
[grabs the phone from Lucy]
Annie Camden: Goodbye Jordan.
Lucy Camden: I had to call him to tell him I couldn't call him.
Annie Camden: [to Ruthie about her gum] Come on, spit it out.
[to Simon]
Annie Camden: You, no coffee.
[to Ruthie]
Annie Camden: You, no gum.
[to Lucy]
Annie Camden: And you, no phone. Got it? Good.


"7th Heaven: The Kid Is Out of the Picture (#8.5)" (2003)
Simon: She's going to be the hardest to leave and the hardest to hang on to because she's Ruthie and she's 13 and she's got a boyfriend. And while she understands that I want to leave the rest of the family, she doesn't understand how I can leave her but I don't think she'll hold it against me, she won't have the time to hold it against me. She's emerging from childhood to adulthood full speed ahead with thoughtful intelligence, a great sense of humor, and a high self esteem. I'd like to think I had something to do with how great she's turned out so far and I hope to remain a positive influence in her life, but here's the thing - I know she feels my pain, we're that close. And as hard as it is, I really do think it's best to put a little distance between us right now because I would never forgive myself if I put any rain on Ruthie's parade, and truthfully I know she will be just fine without me.


"7th Heaven: Virgin (#5.19)" (2001)
Simon: Great. Now everyone will know me as the Virgin Camden. Thanks Mom. Thanks a lot.
[Bangs head on table]


"7th Heaven: Love Stinks: Part 2 (#4.22)" (2000)
[Deena is going to move away]
Eric: Well, don't you think her parents will miss her?
Simon: I just asked you to adopt my girlfriend. I'm desperate!


"7th Heaven: Choices (#1.17)" (1997)
[Ruthie and Simon finds a bill on the driveway]
Ruthie: I wonder who lost it.
Simon: Obviously no one in our family, this is 50 dollars!


"7th Heaven: Faith, Hope and the Bottom Line (#1.18)" (1997)
Ruthie: You don't know everything.
Simon: Well, I know my phone number when someone asks for it.
Ruthie: And still no one calls.


"7th Heaven: What Will People Say? (#1.8)" (1996)
Bobby: Simon and Gabrielle sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Simon Camden: I never kissed her!
Bobby: Maybe it's because you have corn breath!


"7th Heaven: Highway to Cell (#10.17)" (2006)
Simon Camden: [Answers phone] Hello?
Sam Camden: Do you think it would be okay if we eat the chicken?


"7th Heaven: There Goes the Bride: Part 1 (#3.21)" (1999)
Simon: The Tooth Fairy doesn't hex. The Tooth Fairy grants wishes - good wishes.
Ruthie: The Tooth Fairy is branching out.


"7th Heaven: Bowling for Eric (#7.4)" (2002)
Simon: My life would be easier without you in it.
Rev. Camden: You don't mean that.
Simon: Yeah. I think I do.


"7th Heaven: The Magic of Gershwin (#10.14)" (2006)
Simon: Think about me and Rose. What's the first song that comes to mind?
Ruthie: "Let's Call The Whole Thing Off".


"7th Heaven: Apologize (#5.18)" (2001)
Simon Camden: You can't have dinner with Wilson, as least not without telling Robbie.
Mary Camden: And who are you?
Simon Camden: It's me, it's Simon.
Mary Camden: I meant, and who are you to tell me what to do?
Simon Camden: Simon.


"7th Heaven: Blind (#5.5)" (2000)
Simon Camden: [about his earring] But if I take it out, the hole will close up!
Reverend Eric Camden: Exactly!
Simon Camden: That's not fair. Why can't I keep the earring?
Ruthie Camden: Because you look like a girl!
Annie Jackson-Camden: You went out of the house tonight without our permission. You went to the house of someone we don't know and have never met. At that house you allowed that someone we don't know to pierce your ear.
Reverend Eric Camden: Be grateful that the only thing we're doing is making you take out your earring out.
Simon Camden: Fine!


"7th Heaven: Anything You Want (#1.1)" (1996)
Simon Camden: You know, "dog" is "God" spelled backwards.


"7th Heaven: Losers (#5.3)" (2000)
Matt Camden: [to Annie] So Ruthie caught you and Dad... um, you know?
Annie Camden: Yes. Okay? Yes!
Matt Camden: I should have seen that one coming.
Annie Camden: No, you shouldn't have, it's never happened before!
Matt Camden: Yes, it has. Um... we've all seen you. I've seen you, Mary's seen you, Lucy's seen you, even Simon has seen you. Did you do that thing where you said you were gonna check on one of the kids and then Dad said he's gonna go check on you? That usually signals the red flag and we all steer clear, but Ruthie just didn't know the signal!
Annie Camden: Well, how did the rest of you know the signal?
Matt Camden: It's kind of an obvious signal.
Annie Camden: No it isn't!
Matt Camden: Yes it is.
Annie Camden: Go to bed.
Matt Camden: I don't live here.
Annie Camden: Go to bed, anyway.
Simon Camden: [teasingly] You know, you're never too old or too smart to do what your mother says.


"7th Heaven: V-Day (#5.14)" (2001)
Simon Camden: There's a horse sticking its head in our kitchen window, isn't there?


"7th Heaven: Home Run (#10.2)" (2005)
Simon Camden: I remember when all I wanted in life was a dog. Now all I want is for life to be that simple again.


"7th Heaven: In the Blink of an Eye (#1.3)" (1996)
Annie Camden: Hey, Simon, no fighting while I'm gone.
Simon Camden: Okay. We'll wait til you get back.


"7th Heaven: The Color of God (#1.5)" (1996)
Mrs. Mosely: Amen!
Simon Camden: Amen!


"7th Heaven: With a Little Help from My Friends (#1.12)" (1997)
Simon: Now "Mac", that's a real name. And it means "son of". We can name him "MacHappy". I like that.
Ruthie: Well, I like "Bean Blossom".
Simon: Bean Blossom? What does that mean?
Ruthie: The blossom of a bean. Duh.