Lily van der Woodsen
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Quotes for
Lily van der Woodsen (Character)
from "Gossip Girl" (2007)

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"Gossip Girl: Much 'I Do' About Nothing (#1.18)" (2008)
Rufus Humphrey: And here we go. Are you sure about this?
Lily van der Woodsen: Ask me again and I'll change my mind.
Rufus Humphrey: I love you, Lily.
Lily van der Woodsen: I love you too, Rufus.

Rufus Humphrey: It's Bart.
Lily van der Woodsen: That's what I was afraid of.
Rufus Humphrey: Do you want me to answer it?
Lily van der Woodsen: Do you want me to kill you?

Lily van der Woodsen: Rufus, what are you doing here? I thought we had security.
Rufus Humphrey: You want them to throw me out?
Lily van der Woodsen: Well, I'd like the option considering how much I'm paying them.


"Gossip Girl: Despicable B (#5.21)" (2012)
Rufus Humphrey: Apparently you had a dinner here tonight... so I read from a news feed about having your own sister arrested.
Lily Van Der Woodsen: Carol hurt this family with her scam with Ivy too badly for her to just get away with it. She had it comming for a long time.
Rufus Humphrey: You sound just like your mother.
Lily Van Der Woodsen: Well, I'll take that as a compliment. My mother would have done anything to preserve our family name in high society.
Rufus Humphrey: Right, and no matter what the actually consequences to actual family members. I'll bet you even paid off that nurse to testify against Ivy in court today so that she would lose her case. Now with Carol out of the picture, you are the sole heir to your mother's wealth and power. You manipulated everything to your own advantage after I bluntly told you not to.
Lily Van Der Woodsen: So what if I did? Wouldn't you do anything to protect your family?
Rufus Humphrey: No, I wouldn't. Not this low and underhanded way. I thought we'd grow old together, but if this is the person who you want to be... then I don't want to have anything to do with it.
Lily Van Der Woodsen: Rufus, are you saying you'd like a divorce? Because where exactly are you going to find some other wealthy Upper East Side woman to take care of you the way I have? Not to mention, I now have the money and resources to take everything away from you... including that loft in Brooklyn you love so much.
Rufus Humphrey: Spoken like a true Rhodes. The evil spirit of CeCe does live within you. You just made my decision for us to spend more time apart much easier.

William Van Der Woodsen: [into a phone] I did as you asked. I tricked Carol into signing over her half of the Rhodes estate to me. So, I'll sign Carol's half of the estate over to you when I get back to the apartment.
Lily Van Der Woodsen: [into a phone] Good. We both know that Carol does not deserve any part of my mother's money, and getting it away from her is the least you deserve for what I found out about you two today.
William Van Der Woodsen: I can understand you leaving Carol to rot in jail and you tricking Ivy with a bribe into helping you, but you are going to take care of Lola, right? That was the deal.
Lily Van Der Woodsen: What kind of a monster do you think I am? Do you think that just because she's a product of one of your many extramarial affairs that I would punish Lola by cutting her out too? I wouldn't do that.
William Van Der Woodsen: Why is it that I don't believe you?
Lily Van Der Woodsen: [smirks] See you soon.

Lily Van Der Woodsen: Nothing ruins a family reputation faster than a money fight.


"Gossip Girl: All About My Brother (#1.16)" (2008)
Lily van der Woodsen: Well, if Serena's indiscretions were as PG as Jenny's, I wouldn't have needed the botox.

Lily van der Woodsen: Really, Rufus, what were you thinking? You threw her a surprise birthday party and had her face painted on a cake with a tiara?
Rufus Humphrey: It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lily van der Woodsen: So did flannel and acid wash-jeans, but they weren't flattering either.

Lily van der Woodsen: Where do you think your going?
Serena van der Woodsen: I can't talk right now mom I'll explain later.
Lily van der Woodsen: If you invite an old friend to our quiet family dinner I expect you to stay and eat. You know how I always loved when Georgina came around.
Georgina Sparks: I ran into Lily in the lobby. You totally forgot to tell her I was coming over for dinner.
[kisses Serena on the cheek]
Georgina Sparks: Did you get my present?


"Gossip Girl: Woman on the Verge (#1.17)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Don't send her away.
Lily van der Woodsen: Blair, it's, it's not polite to interrupt.
Blair Waldorf: I don't care who hears, just don't send her away.
Lily van der Woodsen: Excuse me. Thank you Blair but it's not exactly your business what I do with my daughter. If anything your one of the reasons that I'm having to take such strong actions.
Blair Waldorf: I say this with all due respect Lily but you have no idea what your daughter's been going through. She's in a lot of pain. And I don't think the pain's gonna go away if she goes away.
Lily van der Woodsen: I don't understand what your trying to tell me.
Blair Waldorf: Serena has a secret. And she's been holding on to it for a long, long time and now it's finally catching up with her. I'm out of my league here. I can't do anymore than I've done and it's not enough. She needs you.
Lily van der Woodsen: I saw the video she doesn't need me she needs boundaries.
Blair Waldorf: What you saw isn't the whole story.

Lily van der Woodsen: Get out of my way Rufus
Rufus Humphrey: No.
Lily van der Woodsen: Get out of my way
Rufus Humphrey: No.
[Lily hesitates then kisses him passionately]


"Gossip Girl: Chuck in Real Life (#2.7)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: What? I'm not doing anything, I thought we were just sharing memories of what a close family we are. I remember this one time, um, when I was eleven, Eric and I wanted a white Christmas, luckily, Mom's husband was a raging coke-head so he left blow everywhere!
Lily van der Woodsen: Oh my god...
Eric van der Woodsen: It wasn't everywhere, just on the smooth, shiny surfaces.

Lily van der Woodsen: Eric, my darling, you are always honest with me. It isn't true, is it?
Eric van der Woodsen: I know Serena's timing sucked... but she did pretty much raise me all those years.
Lily van der Woodsen: Oh...
Eric van der Woodsen: You just weren't here, you know?
Lily van der Woodsen: ...I wasn't that bad!
Eric van der Woodsen: Our ringtone for you was Since U Been Gone. Vanya the doorman used to sign our permission slips from school.
Lily van der Woodsen: Well, there was a lot going on in my life. And I did the best I could - just like I'm doing now.
Eric van der Woodsen: But now it's like you want us to go from zero to Brady in sixty seconds. We're not there yet.
Lily van der Woodsen: Oh, I know, but I just thought if...
Eric van der Woodsen: You don't become a family just by telling people you are; you become a family because you wanna be one.


"Gossip Girl: You've Got Yale! (#2.16)" (2009)
Lily van der Woodsen: [to Chuck] Did you really try to buy anthrax with his credit card?
Chuck Bass: The black market isn't what it used to be.
Lily van der Woodsen: And you got him on Megan's list?
Chuck Bass: If only his apartment were few blocks closer to the playground.
Lily van der Woodsen: Look, I understand why you try to do these things, but we have got to do something that is not illegal.

Lily van der Woodsen: [sighs] The bastard is untouchable.
Chuck Bass: Well, what should we do?
Lily van der Woodsen: Time to get dirty, I'm all ears.
Chuck Bass: Let me educate you.


"Gossip Girl: Pilot (#1.1)" (2007)
Serena van der Woodsen: Let me guess, you told everyone Erik's just visiting Grandpa in Rhode Island.
Lily van der Woodsen: Your Aunt Carol in Miami.
Serena van der Woodsen: So you're actually hiding him. He tries to take his own life and you're worried it's going to cost you mom of the year?
Lily van der Woodsen: Serena, you've been gone. Doing who-knows-what with God-knows who.
Serena van der Woodsen: I told you, boarding school was not like that!
Lily van der Woodsen: As happy as I am to have you home, you have no idea what it's been like.

Lily van der Woodsen: Why is my daughter going to one of your concerts?
Rufus Humphrey: 'Cause we're awesome.


"Gossip Girl: Victor/Victrola (#1.7)" (2007)
Lily van der Woodsen: [sees Rufus dusting the ceiling] Well... this is a new strain of obsessive compulsive.
Rufus Humphrey: The new art piece projects up to the ceiling.
Lily van der Woodsen: Oh, still doing anything to get a girl on her back, huh?

Chuck Bass: Nathaniel, your position in my esteem has been replaced by your voicemail. So Bart didn't go for Victrola but seems I've already bought the house out for tonight and it's not a party without my people or any people I'll see you there.
[Chuck goes and sits on the ground]
Lily van der Woodsen: Long night?
Chuck Bass: Alfonso made me an omlette, I may have washed it down with a or two.
Lily van der Woodsen: Father didn't go for your business proposal?
[Chucks shakes his head no]
Lily van der Woodsen: Come on.
[Lily helps him up]
Lily van der Woodsen: Let me help you.
Chuck Bass: He was born poor, I was born loaded but if the only way to impress him was if I started with nothing then why doesn't he just take it all away.
Lily van der Woodsen: Because he loves you. No good parent likes to see his child go without.
Chuck Bass: I had the idea. I did the work. He tells me I can't be committed and he's the one screwing 25 year olds, when he's supposedly committed to you.
Lily van der Woodsen: We're newly committed as recent as last week.
Chuck Bass: I wonder why he was pawing some asian chick in his limo yesterday.
Lily van der Woodsen: How could I be surprised really. Excuse me.


"Gossip Girl: Memoirs of an Invisible Dan (#5.4)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: Hey, everyone, thank you so much for coming.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: I only have five minutes.
Blair Waldorf: This better be really important.
Nate Archibald: What is this about?
Lily: Is everything alright?
Charlie Rhodes: This isn't about me, right?
Rufus Settle: Yeah, what's going on, Dan?
Chuck Bass: This is going to be fun.


"Gossip Girl: O Brother, Where Bart Thou? (#2.13)" (2008)
Lily van der Woodsen: [Lily looks at an article about Bart's death] What a nice photo. Remind me to send a thank-you note to the photo editor.


"Gossip Girl: Bad News Blair (#1.4)" (2007)
Rufus Humphrey: [surprised to see Lily] It's been almost 20 years.
Lily van der Woodsen: And you still don't know women.


"Gossip Girl: It's a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World (#3.20)" (2010)
Chuck Bass: [to Lily] I want to apologize. My absence has been inexcusable.
Lily van der Woodsen: Well, I know my situation brings up a lot of issues for you. You've had to deal with so much loss.
Chuck Bass: But I'm not gonna lose you. I'm here for you, every step of the way.


"Gossip Girl: In the Realm of the Basses (#2.14)" (2009)
Jack Bass: I get Bart dying has been difficult. But the way things've been handled the last couple weeks, you shut away like Gloria Swanson, my nephew MIA in a Thai bordello, my big brother may not've won parent-of-the-year, but I doubt he'd be too happy.
Lily van der Woodsen: Well, you needn't worry yourself anymore. Chuck is my stepson. I'll take care of him.
Jack Bass: Was your stepson. And as Chuck's last living relative, I have to say... I don't feel comfortable leaving him in this situation.
[blissfully unconcerned]
Jack Bass: You should eat. People grieving tend to neglect their health.


"Gossip Girl: Last Tango, Then Paris (#3.22)" (2010)
Lily van der Woodsen: Jenny? Rufus, teenage girls are a nightmare. As soon as they realize that you'll love 'em no matter what they do, you lose all of your power. You just have to wait till they finish college. Or in the case of Serena, rebel and not go.


"Gossip Girl: Roman Holiday (#1.11)" (2007)
Lily van der Woodsen: When you two are done hiding up here I'm taking you both out for dessert.
Serena van der Woodsen: Can't mom I'm busy.
Lily van der Woodsen: But this is important for our family it'll just be the three of us.
Serena van der Woodsen: Mom anytime you say it'll just be the three of us it means your dating someone new. Whoever it is I don't care I'll just see him at the wedding.
Lily van der Woodsen: Fine, fine then I wil just tell you who it is because your going to be seeing him around from now on, it's Bart Bass.
Serena van der Woodsen, Eric van der Woodsen: Bart Bass!
[Serena and Eric say in unison]
Serena van der Woodsen: Mom you can not date Bart Bass.
Lily van der Woodsen: You just said a moment ago you didn't care who it was.
Serena van der Woodsen: That was before I knew who it was.
Eric van der Woodsen: He only has one facial expression he scares me.
Serena van der Woodsen: And he raised Chuck that scares me.
Lily van der Woodsen: Oh, Serena as usual your being overly dramatic. I'm not marrying Bart, this is very casual and regardless I'm not asking your permission.


"Gossip Girl: Poison Ivy (#1.3)" (2007)
Lily van der Woodsen: [after Serena spent the night in her brother's hospital room] Why sleep there? It's not like he can even see you. His eyes are closed.
Serena van der Woodsen: Do you have one maternal bone in your entire body?


"Gossip Girl: School Lies (#1.12)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: Tell me that Rufus is that important to you. Tell me that whatever the two of you have is the most important thing in your life. Because that's what Dan is to me mom. The most important. I would rather be Chuck's step-sister than Dan's. Please don't do this to me
Lily van der Woodsen: Dan really means that much to you?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah. He does.


"Gossip Girl: The Blair Bitch Project (#1.14)" (2008)
Lily van der Woodsen: [to Serena] Don't leave your dirty package on the table.
Chuck Bass: If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that...
Bart Bass: Chuck, that's enough.


"Gossip Girl: Ex-Husbands and Wives (#3.21)" (2010)
Lily van der Woodser: [to Eric] Well, you know, after five marriages, the last thing I want to do is put you and Serena through another divorce.
Eric van der Woodsen: It might sound cold, but they do get easier.
Lily van der Woodser: Rufus is different, you know? He's been like a father to you.
Eric van der Woodsen: And I-I love him. But if you think he cheated on you, you can't stay with him because of me. You have to stay with him because you still love him and because you think you guys can work through this. It doesn't matter who you end up with as long as you're still here.


"Gossip Girl: Valley Girls (#2.24)" (2009)
Rick Rhodes: You're late.
Lily Rhodes: Sorry, I couldn't find any parking.
Rick Rhodes: That's what the valet is for.
Lily Rhodes: Yeah, but it also costs $2, and I just spent my last $11 on gas to fill up my car.
Rick Rhodes: Here to hit your dad up for some cash?
Lily Rhodes: What? No! So... Christmas was weird without you.
Rick Rhodes: You know how important fourth quarter is of retail. Someone's got to keep Tower Records in business or it just might go under.