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Quotes for
China Smith (Character)
from "The New Adventures of China Smith" (1954)

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"China Smith: The Bamboo Coffin (#1.1)" (????)
[first lines]
China Smith: [narrating] The Straits Settlement Rubber Company of Singapore expected to increase their business this year because Mr. Colo wouldn't be around to interfere. Mr. Colo was a rubber thief. Mr. Colo went to prison, complements of Mr. Smith. And if he steals any more rubber, he'll go back to prison, complements of Mr. Smith. Mr. China Smith, that is - at your service.

[Morley is having a run of bad luck playing roulette]
Morley: The tide will change - it's a law of nature.
China Smith: The tide isn't wired.
Croupier: Do the gentleman care to complain about the wheel?
China Smith: Would it do the gentleman any good? House rules - squeeze them until they scream.
Morley: Do you really mean the game is dishonest?
China Smith: You'd get a better split from a river pirate.

[China drags Morley, who has been drugged, into his hotel room]
China Smith: When it comes to learning about native dives, experience counts more than advice.

China Smith: I happen to be in the market for rubber myself - quite a lot of rubber. I could use, say...
Gresham: Sorry, all contracted for - have been for quite a number of years and another four years to go and expect to renew.
China Smith: The interests I represent will outbid anybody. Perhaps a certain amount could be *diverted* your way - for the right price.
Gresham: Very interesting offer. Your people must be desperate for rubber.
China Smith: Just... eager.

China Smith: Hey, Captain Bligh!
Sampan Captain: Why you call me that, Mr. Smith? Name no Captain Bligh.
China Smith: Name no Mr. Smith, either.

[a sampan captain has just provided China with valuable information]
Sampan Captain: You got a dollar, Mr. Smith?
China Smith: A dollar? I thought they wiped out piracy, you pirate.
[Smith hands the sampan captain a coin]
China Smith: Here - and may your sampan never sink... within sight of land.

[Smith is having his bloody bullet wound treated]
Chapman: Mr. Smith, what happened?
China Smith: Knicked myself shaving.

Morley: Do you realize what will happen if your theory is proved correct?
China Smith: Mm-hmm. They'll hang you.
Morley: Yesss. But first, Smith, you'll get a bamboo coffin. Yes, that's an old Malay expression. The bandits leave all bodies in the jungle. After two days, there aren't even any bones.


"The New Adventures of China Smith: The Bible of Mr. Quaile" (1954)
Maggie: Then what is your price, Mr. Smith. A man like you always has one.
China Smith: That I have - a kind word, an honest gesture, a feeling heart - the kind of currency you don't seem to carry around.

Quaile: What do you know about Bibles?
China Smith: Bibles? Well, more than a heathen but less than a priest.

[Quaile wants to hire Smith to steal his bible back from a Communist colonel]
Quaile: I know it's dangerous...
China Smith: Dangerous? For two thousand dollars, it's ridiculous. Getting in and out of North Indochina is tough enough.
Quaile: Twenty-five hundred.
China Smith: And that's to burgle an army officer's house, too?
Quaile: Three thousand and all expenses.
China Smith: Including burial?
Quaile: Four! I'd go myself, but... Will you please help me?
China Smith: You just hired a Smith! It's a fine nice word, "please". And you'd have saved yourself some money if you'd used it sooner.

Quaile: That man - I think he works for a man named Banning. I made the mistake of showing him my Gutenberg Bible. He and his niece have been after it ever since.
China Smith: You'd do well to show it to them again - if only to let them read the Commandments.

China Smith: [narrating] There's one problem about having the reputation as a troubleshooter - someone's always handing you trouble.

[last lines]
China Smith: [looking heavenward] A gun and a Bible - it's a wonder he puts up with us.

China Smith: As I started to say, Maggie, I'd love workin' for you - or the other chap - but I don't work both sides of the street at once.
Maggie: I no longer believe in fairy tales, Mr. Smith. Neither the one about Santa Claus nor the one about honor among thieves.
China Smith: After a long, hard life, I've found them both to be true.
Maggie: I'll match what this man offers to pay you, so you'll collect twice. Is it a deal?
China Smith: No deal... and it must be shocking to find out there *is* a Santa Claus.


"The New Adventures of China Smith: The Tidewalker" (1954)
China Smith: [narrating] The China seas hold peril enough for a ship far from home. There's typhoons and reefs and treacherous waters and when a freighter is pulled off the high seas and impounded, it's little short of legal piracy. It's a sad state of affairs for the owner, hereafter to be known as the Countess Van Eidel. How can a lady get her ship back? Well now, she can try the illegal services of China Smith - an honest man, to be sure.

China Smith: Once you forbade me to steal the Mokahama, but times have changed since then. Now I'm thinking it's our best solution and if you'll but rely upon my judgement, I'll take her out at four bells. But how far she'll get is up to the angels and the luck of the Irish - which hasn't been the best of late.

Norodam: You are a singularly well-informed man, Mr. Smith. I think I would like to know more about you. What brought you here? Who are you?
China Smith: I am a man named Smith - William Smith. I was brought here by the winds and the tides. I am a drifting log, Mr. DeLott... a tidewalker, which is little better than a beachcomber. And if that tells you nothing¸ it's an honest answer at least, which is more than you gave me!

Shell: These monkeys won't shoot. I say we take 'em.
China Smith: It's an appetizing thought, but Mr. Nordom is a man of influence in Saigon. I expect he could have us shot in the back and convince the court it was suicide.

[Smith barges into Mr. Nordam's office and finds it empty]
China Smith: Ah, he's the one. A back way out... and I'll be usin' it myself if you don't mind.
Miss Giong: I'm sure that we prefer that you did.
China Smith: And a pox on you, Miss Giong.


"The New Adventures of China Smith: The Sign of the Scorpion" (1954)
China Smith: [narrating] There's a saying among the Chinese that the past is as clear as a mirror and the future is dark as lacquer. Still, there are those who will try to predict and those who will be frightened by the prediction. The commodore's wife, for one. And I'm willing to set her fears to the Commodore's life at rest - for a small fee, of course. I be China Smith - a man's whose future is completely unpredictable.

Aban: You wish to consult the stars The secrets of the future and the meaning of life are hidden therein, Mister... Smith.
China Smith: And did you find my name in the stars?
Aban: There are no mysteries to those who look for their answers in the heavens. I am Aban.
China Smith: Well, then this will come as no surprise to you.
[Smith punches Aban in the nose]

Mrs. Tilson: Now all you have to do is guard him every moment until the 13th. That's the danger spot, you know.
China Smith: I expect there's little to worry about. I already had a talk with the man who threatened the commodore.
Mrs. Tilson: You discovered who it is? So quickly?
China Smith: Well, the Commodore knew where to find him.
[Smith glances at his fist]
China Smith: I did no more than, ah, deliver the message.

[last lines]
China Smith: Sure now, I'll be around as long as you need me.
Mrs. Tilson: Oh, I'm so relieved. Thank you. Thank you very much, Smythe.
China Smith: Smythe is it? China Smythe?


"China Smith: Kris of Death (#1.14)" (1952)
Kuala: You've caused us much trouble, Mr. Smith.
China Smith: It was nothing.

Col. Salisbury: Mr. Smith, am I correct in assuming that is the bribe money?
China Smith: You are indeed.
Col. Salisbury: Then you won't mind turning it over to Major Winters.
China Smith: I mind a great deal, Colonel, but I'm outnumbered.

China Smith: [narrating] Singapore is a free port. That's a heathen lie! You pay for everything here - and if you pay enough, you can buy anything... or anybody. Even a British army officer - if you can believe what you hear in the native cafes. And this may be true. At least the British army has hired a renegade beachcomber named China Smith to investigate the rumors. Now how would I be knowing all this? I'm China Smith.


"China Smith: Killer in the Kampong (#1.13)" (1952)
China Smith: I'll give Kai Yee a fair chance - no tricks, no traps. If he's content with a fair tribute he can have it. The company is willing to pay it and I'll not stand in a man's way to turn a dishonest dollar... as long as it's not my own.

[first lines]
China Smith: [narrating] The city of Singapore is only a stone's throw from the deep forest of the Malayan Peninsula. Alive with wild animals and guerilla bandits, this tropical jungle takes its daily toll of dead men. Now the Perak Company is anxious to come to an understanding with a certain Malayan bandit named Kai Yee and they need someone to deal with him. Now that somebody is me - China Smith by name.