Gavin P. Miller
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Quotes for
Gavin P. Miller (Character)
from "Stacked" (2005)

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"Stacked: Pilot (#1.1)" (2005)
[first lines]
Gavin P. Miller: Stuart. Did you read this? Random House is coming out with the complete annotated Faulkner collection - Stuart, that is not funny!
Stuart Miller: Lets take a vote. Everybody who thinks it's funny put your hand on your chin.
Gavin P. Miller: Why do you keep messing with my cardboard cut-out?
Stuart Miller: Well, why is that creepy thing still in our office?
Gavin P. Miller: Because I might decide to have another signing for my book.
Stuart Miller: What for? Mom already has a copy.

Stuart Miller: Why do you torment yourself with a constant reminder of your failure?
Gavin P. Miller: It wasn't *my* failure; it's society's. My book was universally praised and no-one bought it. Meanwhile Britney Spears spits out a novel and 'Oops, I Wrote It Again' tops the best seller list.

Gavin P. Miller: Professor, is it just me, or are the world's standards deteriorating?
Harold March: Ah, standards can kiss my ass! Standards keep people from taking chances. In the space program we had a poster up on the wall back when we were building Apollo. It said: if you wanna make an omelette, you gotta break a few eggs. The astronauts did not like that poster.

[last lines]
Stuart Miller: Oh, come on, let's hire her. She could be great for this place; add a little life around here.
Gavin P. Miller: Don't be ridiculous! Do we really want someone who's going to recommend books based on the authors' pictures?
Stuart Miller: So what!
Gavin P. Miller: She chose College of the Desert guy over Edward Berlinger!
Harold March: Edward Berlinger? I just read about him.
Gavin P. Miller: Yes, he's probably won another award.
Harold March: No, they found his wife's head in his freezer!
Skyler Dayton: Really! Hah!
Gavin P. Miller: We open at ten. Don't be late.
Harold March: Dear God! He strangled her with his Nobel prize.

Stuart Miller: God, she's so beautiful.
Gavin P. Miller: I suppose. But I prefer a different kind of woman. Like Charlotte. She can speak four languages; she can converse on world affairs.
Stuart Miller: She can frost a martini glass just by touching it.


"Stacked: Beat the Candidate (#1.2)" (2005)
[Skylar is wearing a short party dress]
Gavin P. Miller: Uh, Skylar that is quite an outfit.
Skyler Dayton: Oh, I'm sorry. Too much?
Gavin P. Miller: Too little!
Stuart Miller: Just right.

Gavin P. Miller: She doesn't fit in here. This place isn't called Hooters, it's called *Stacked*.

[last lines]
Gavin P. Miller: Skylar, I'll see you tomorrow. Brent, you're fired.
Brent: I don't get it.
Skyler Dayton: I do!

[Gavin is about to fire Skyler]
Gavin P. Miller: I, uh, need to have a word with you in the office.
Skyler Dayton: Oh-oh. Just like in school. I used to always get called into the principal's office because my little plaid skirts were too short.
Stuart Miller: [mutters to Gavin] Why don't you just kill me?

Skyler Dayton: Are you firing me?
Gavin P. Miller: I am enabling you to seek other- Yes, I'm firing you.
Skyler Dayton: Wow. I've never been fired before... by a guy.


"Stacked: Gavin's Pipe Dream (#1.4)" (2005)
Gavin P. Miller: Nice rack.
Skyler Dayton: Well, thank you, Gavin. I was beginning to think you didn't even notice.
Gavin P. Miller: Oh no! No no no no no! I was, uh, I was referring to the new, uh, magazine rack. I would never make a comment like that about your, uh, your... You see, I'm your boss, and, uh, it's my job to provide you with a safe work environment free from any sort of sexual innuendo.
Skyler Dayton: Well, it must be really *hard*. Oh no, I *blew* it already.
Gavin P. Miller: Very cute, Skyler.
Skyler Dayton: Sorry. Won't happen again.
Customer #1: Can I get some help?
Skyler Dayton: Coming!

Skyler Dayton: Oh God, for a second there I really thought I was dying. My whole life flashed before my eyes.
Gavin P. Miller: Huh, that's terrifying.
Skyler Dayton: No! It was amazing. I've done a lot of really fun things.

Skyler Dayton: Aren't you going to tell me about our sex dream?
Gavin P. Miller: Please let's not talk about this.
Skyler Dayton: Oh, come on, what was it like? Cuffs? Hot wax? Feathers? Or did the sex get kinky?

Skyler Dayton: You probably don't even make a sound during sex.
Gavin P. Miller: [yells] What I do during sex is between me and me alone!
Skyler Dayton: That doesn't surprise me.


"Stacked: iPod (#2.5)" (2005)
Gavin P. Miller: I'm freaking out! Turns out this woman I've been seeing is not exactly who she said she was.
Harold: Huh huh, I've, I've been there. It's quite awkward. The key is to check for an Adam's apple.

Gavin P. Miller: I'm just not interested in dating some girl in her early twenties.
Skyler Dayton: Do you realize what you just said has never been spoken by a man in the entire history of the world?

Gavin P. Miller: What you did was bad, very, very bad.
Carrie: Oooh, you wanna spank me?
Gavin P. Miller: Yes! I mean no! Would you stop talking like that!

[last lines]
Skyler Dayton: Hey, Kat, where should I put 'Sweet Valley High'? Romance?
Katrina: I think Gavin likes to put it in Young Adult.
Skyler Dayton: [all but Gavin laugh] That was good.
Gavin P. Miller: OK, this is getting old.
Skyler Dayton: Oh, and we know that you don't like it when things get old.
[more laughter]
Skyler Dayton: Oh, come on, Gavin, look at this way: you dumped the head cheerleader; you stood up to the captain of the football team; it's every guy's high school fantasy.
Gavin P. Miller: Huh. Never thought of it like that. Not that I didn't have my moments in high school. I dated a cheerleader then.
Stuart Miller: Flag girl.
Gavin P. Miller: Same thing.
Stuart Miller: At band camp.
Gavin P. Miller: Shut up!


"Stacked: The Ex-Appeal (#1.5)" (2005)
Gavin P. Miller: The guy cheated on you left and right; he's completely meretricious.
Skyler Dayton: Professor?
Harold: Meretricious: it's a word people use to say "Hey, look at me. I know the word meretricious."

[last lines]
Gavin P. Miller: Go get your costume.
Stuart Miller: Yeah.

Gavin P. Miller: Did you know one of the very few species of animals that mate for life is the whooping crane... and the ugly guy.


"Stacked: You're Getting Sleepy (#2.10)" (2006)
Gavin P. Miller: Thanks for sending me those sand yams, by the way. You know, I, uh, I canned them and made candied sand yams.
Zoey: I'd love to taste them.
Gavin P. Miller: Oh, you can. I canned them.
Zoey: You can can candied sand yams?
Gavin P. Miller: You can. You can can candied sand yams.
Katrina: This is the worst Dr. Seuss book ever.

[last lines]
Harold: You two are perfect for each other.
Gavin P. Miller: Wow! Thank you. Still all those mean things did just roll right off your tongue, didn't they.
Harold: Believe me, if I had given you my approval it would have been the kiss of death.
Gavin P. Miller: Wow. I do like Zoey.
Harold: Well, welcome to the family.
[he kisses Gavin on the forehead as Skyler enters]
Skyler Dayton: Eeuw. At least I thought I was kissing Bono.

Zoey: So how is Charlotte? She's so great!
Gavin P. Miller: Oh, didn't you hear? We got divorced.
Zoey: Thank God!
Gavin P. Miller: Why does everyone always say that?


"Stacked: Crazy Ray (#2.4)" (2005)
Skyler Dayton: [about Gavin's new story] I kinda had a few problems with it.
Gavin P. Miller: Problems? What kind of problems?
Skyler Dayton: Oh, just a little... with the story, and the characters, and the setting.
Gavin P. Miller: Is that all?
Skyler Dayton: And the dialog.

[last lines]
Gavin P. Miller: There's a kernel of an idea there. I'm going to get some of this down.
Skyler Dayton: Yeah.
Gavin P. Miller: Thanks.
[he leaves]
Stuart Miller: You know, that really is a great idea.
Harold: It was when I saw it on 'Murder, She Wrote'.


"Stacked: The Headmaster (#2.13)" (2006)
Gavin P. Miller: Do you know what goes on in public schools? Th-there's drugs, there's violence, and apparently everybody's running around having sex.
Stuart Miller: Wow. Really is different than our junior high.
[pause]
Stuart Miller: High school.
[pause]
Stuart Miller: College.
[pause]
Stuart Miller: Now.

Gavin P. Miller: So, how'd it go with Keenan? You look tired; that's good. Late night?
Skyler Dayton: Yeah, very late. It was so bad I had to go on another date after him to make sure I was still into men.


"Stacked: Romancing the Stones (#2.9)" (2006)
Gavin P. Miller: What're you doing?
Stuart Miller: Just, uh, typing up some employee evaluations.
Gavin P. Miller: Uh-huh.
[checks computer]
Gavin P. Miller: Hm, I didn't know we had Asian twins working here. Someone should tell them about the dress code.
Stuart Miller: I was googling a Chinese restaurant; this just came up. Apparently what those girls are doing is also called a Twin Dragon.

[last lines]
Harold: Gavin, I, I, I,I just want to say I'm glad you're back and your operation was a success.
Gavin P. Miller: Thanks, Harold. It really was pretty routine.
Harold: Not true. Anything can happen when you go under the knife. Mixed-up charts for example; you could go in for a gall-bladder surgery and come out with a sex change.
Gavin P. Miller: Oh come on, that doesn't happen.
Harold: Happened to my nephew. Tragic. Didn't let it get him down, though; he just threw on some strappy sandals and a tube top, and strutted out of that hospital determined to make the best of it.
Stuart Miller: He packed a tube top for gall-bladder surgery?
Harold: And a pashmina and a pair of thigh-high boots. The weather in San Francisco is very unpredictable.


"Stacked: Nobody Says I Love You (#2.1)" (2005)
Harold: Skyler came in this morning and greeted each of us by saying "I love you." Stuart took it romantically and made an ass of himself.
Stuart Miller: Oh God, how am I ever going to look her in the eye?
Gavin P. Miller: Shouldn't be a problem; it's not where you usually look.

Gavin P. Miller: So what you're saying is Skyler just came in here this morning and told everybody she loved them. What kind of new-agey nonsense is that? This is a place of business, not some hippy love-in.
Katrina: Hippy love-in?
Harold: [sternly] Hey! We were going to change the world!


"Stacked: After Party (#2.8)" (2006)
[first lines]
Gavin P. Miller: Morning, Harold.
Harold: Morning.
Katrina: God. Harold, you look terrible.
Harold: My neck went out. I'll be fine.
Skyler Dayton: You poor thing. What happened?
Harold: Ach, got together with some of my college chums from the old M.I.T. gymnastics team. I did my famous scissor kick dismount and didn't stick my landing.
Skyler Dayton: Seriously?
Harold: Oh, of course not! I'm sixty-seven years old and I sneezed!

Gavin P. Miller: So what happened?
Stuart Miller: We sort of, uh... di-i... did it.
Gavin P. Miller: What!
Stuart Miller: It just happened.
Gavin P. Miller: Oh, my God!
Stuart Miller: Then it happened two more times. It was like I was a teenager again. Except I wasn't alone.


"Stacked: Poker (#2.12)" (2006)
[about a "Girls Gone Wild" tape Charlotte found in Owen's bedroom]
Gavin P. Miller: They're wrong because they paint an unreal portrait of what women are like.
Owen: Well, I think that's the point, Dad. If girls took their tops off when I walked down the street, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Or, we'd be having it outside.

Skyler Dayton: Which one's you?
Gavin P. Miller: I'm Sexy Lisa 5.
Skyler Dayton: What, you're that little character? The girl in the halter top?
Gavin P. Miller: Yeah. It's been proven that men underestimate women players.
Skyler Dayton: Is *anyone* on the Internet actually a woman?


"Stacked: Heavy Meddle (#2.6)" (2005)
Skyler Dayton: OK, this is what we do. We got to hook Harold up with somebody else so he can forget about Stella.
Gavin P. Miller: But... You can't just distract him with another shiny object. He's not a kitten.
Skyler Dayton: I know. He's a man. They're easier.


"Stacked: Two Faces of Eve (#2.2)" (2005)
Gavin P. Miller: You have no idea how painful it is to end a marriage.
Skyler Dayton: Actually...
Gavin P. Miller: Your *own* marriage.


"Stacked: The Day the Music Died (#2.14)" (2006)
[last lines]
Roger: I have always toyed with the idea of opening a high-end linen store; they're all over the Hamptons. I had breakfast next to Clare Danes once.
Skyler Dayton: Oh, I love her.
Gavin P. Miller: Linens, yes! Linens are quieter than cork. Follow your dream, Roger. Open a linen store.
Roger: Well, I guess it could be fun.
Gavin P. Miller: Well, then it's settled. All these guitars and amps are going away. For Tim.
Stuart Miller: Yeah.
Roger: Yeah, I'll put the duvets by the door and shams here next to the register, and over here, cashmere throws.
Skyler Dayton: Oh, I love cashmere. Add fire, instant romance.
Roger: You are my new best friend!