Stuart Miller
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Quotes for
Stuart Miller (Character)
from "Stacked" (2005)

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"Stacked: Pilot (#1.1)" (2005)
[first lines]
Gavin P. Miller: Stuart. Did you read this? Random House is coming out with the complete annotated Faulkner collection - Stuart, that is not funny!
Stuart Miller: Lets take a vote. Everybody who thinks it's funny put your hand on your chin.
Gavin P. Miller: Why do you keep messing with my cardboard cut-out?
Stuart Miller: Well, why is that creepy thing still in our office?
Gavin P. Miller: Because I might decide to have another signing for my book.
Stuart Miller: What for? Mom already has a copy.

Stuart Miller: Why do you torment yourself with a constant reminder of your failure?
Gavin P. Miller: It wasn't *my* failure; it's society's. My book was universally praised and no-one bought it. Meanwhile Britney Spears spits out a novel and 'Oops, I Wrote It Again' tops the best seller list.

Stuart Miller: Books on human behavior can be found under 'Psychology' and 'Self-Help' and my name is Stuart, and I can be found under 'Dangerous Men'.
Skyler Dayton: So can I. That's why I need the book.

[last lines]
Stuart Miller: Oh, come on, let's hire her. She could be great for this place; add a little life around here.
Gavin P. Miller: Don't be ridiculous! Do we really want someone who's going to recommend books based on the authors' pictures?
Stuart Miller: So what!
Gavin P. Miller: She chose College of the Desert guy over Edward Berlinger!
Harold March: Edward Berlinger? I just read about him.
Gavin P. Miller: Yes, he's probably won another award.
Harold March: No, they found his wife's head in his freezer!
Skyler Dayton: Really! Hah!
Gavin P. Miller: We open at ten. Don't be late.
Harold March: Dear God! He strangled her with his Nobel prize.

Stuart Miller: God, she's so beautiful.
Gavin P. Miller: I suppose. But I prefer a different kind of woman. Like Charlotte. She can speak four languages; she can converse on world affairs.
Stuart Miller: She can frost a martini glass just by touching it.

"Stacked: A Fan for All Seasons (#1.3)" (2005)
Stuart Miller: Believe it or not, Harold, I *have* dated attractive women.
Harold March: Really?
Stuart Miller: Yeah. Yes, really. Remember Jeanine?
Harold March: Jeanine? If we found life like that on Mars we'd have left it there.

[first lines]
Stuart Miller: Hey! Katrina. How was the Aerosmith concert?
Katrina: Oh, you got me. I couldn't see a thing.
Stuart Miller: I thought you spent all that money on eighth row seats.
Katrina: Yeah, well, a woman's basketball team had seventh row. A point guard named Sandra offered to put me on her shoulders, but then I realized she meant *after* the concert.

Harold: I used to have groupies.
Stuart Miller: What?
Harold: All the guys at NASA did during the space race, especially during launchings. I wonder what it was. There's something about a three hundred foot rocket blasting into space really gets the girls going.

[last lines]
Katrina: What was that about?
Stuart Miller: Looks like the third time this week he's gotten screwed.

"Stacked: Beat the Candidate (#1.2)" (2005)
[first lines]
Stuart Miller: [Skyler's showing up for her first day of work] Hey... there she is. 10 a.m. on the dot. Ready for your first day, huh?
Skyler Dayton: I can't believe how early you guys open. It's like working on a farm.

[Skylar is wearing a short party dress]
Gavin P. Miller: Uh, Skylar that is quite an outfit.
Skyler Dayton: Oh, I'm sorry. Too much?
Gavin P. Miller: Too little!
Stuart Miller: Just right.

Katrina: Sorry I'm late. It took me a little while getting ready this morning.
Stuart Miller: You wear makeup?
Katrina: And heels, and a thong.
[Stuart mutters inaudibly]
Katrina: If Malibu Barbie thinks she can walk right in here and become the bookstore hottie, well then, she has got another think coming-
[sees Skylar]
Katrina: Oh God, even I want a piece of that.

[Gavin is about to fire Skyler]
Gavin P. Miller: I, uh, need to have a word with you in the office.
Skyler Dayton: Oh-oh. Just like in school. I used to always get called into the principal's office because my little plaid skirts were too short.
Stuart Miller: [mutters to Gavin] Why don't you just kill me?

"Stacked: Two Faces of Eve (#2.2)" (2005)
[first lines]
Katrina: [reading newspaper] "Your tendency to put other people's needs ahead of your own will serve you well in the coming weeks." Oh my God, it's totally true; I do tend to put other people's needs ahead of my own.
Stuart Miller: Read mine; I'm a Capricorn.
Katrina: Hold on, I'm not finished with me yet.

Harold: What's your portfolio like?
Stuart Miller: Well, I do have a pretty healthy savings account.
Harold: There's nothing healthy about savings accounts! Canadian football generates more interest.

Stuart Miller: Women are so shallow. All they care about is money.
Katrina: Not all women only care about money.
Stuart Miller: Well, the super-hot ones do.

"Stacked: The Day the Music Died (#2.14)" (2006)
[first lines]
Katrina: Oh, hey, Stuart. I got a cool idea that I think could really help business. What if we printed cute little quotes on our coffee cups?
Stuart Miller: Doesn't Starbucks do that?
Katrina: Yeah, so?
Stuart Miller: So your cool idea is to take somebody else's cool idea.
Katrina: Oh, like this is the first bookstore in the world. Right. Besides, they'll never find out.
Stuart Miller: Oh yeah? A thief who doesn't get caught is still a thief.
Katrina: That's good. It's a lesson. You are on a cup.

Stuart Miller: This is turning into quite the art district, huh. The music shop next door, that antique store down the street, us, the muffler shop on the corner.
Skyler Dayton: How's a muffler shop artsy?
Stuart Miller: Well, it's run by those two lesbians; that's kind of artsy.

[last lines]
Roger: I have always toyed with the idea of opening a high-end linen store; they're all over the Hamptons. I had breakfast next to Clare Danes once.
Skyler Dayton: Oh, I love her.
Gavin P. Miller: Linens, yes! Linens are quieter than cork. Follow your dream, Roger. Open a linen store.
Roger: Well, I guess it could be fun.
Gavin P. Miller: Well, then it's settled. All these guitars and amps are going away. For Tim.
Stuart Miller: Yeah.
Roger: Yeah, I'll put the duvets by the door and shams here next to the register, and over here, cashmere throws.
Skyler Dayton: Oh, I love cashmere. Add fire, instant romance.
Roger: You are my new best friend!

"Stacked: Gavin's Pipe Dream (#1.4)" (2005)
[first lines]
Stuart Miller: Hey, Harold.
Harold: Stuart, I was cleaning my old NASA stuff out of the garage, and I found six cases of Tang. Do you want it?
Stuart Miller: No, I don't want your old Tang. The astronauts really drank that stuff?
Harold: No, they hated it! That's why I'm stuck with all this Tang.

[last lines]
Stuart Miller: No, Skyler!
Jenny Wasserman: What's wrong, honey?
Stuart Miller: Uh, it's just a dream, bad dream. Sorry I woke you, Jenny.
Jenny Wasserman: It's okay. Go back to sleep, Stephen.

"Stacked: The Headmaster (#2.13)" (2006)
Gavin P. Miller: Do you know what goes on in public schools? Th-there's drugs, there's violence, and apparently everybody's running around having sex.
Stuart Miller: Wow. Really is different than our junior high.
Stuart Miller: High school.
Stuart Miller: College.
Stuart Miller: Now.

Skyler Dayton: Private schools are no picnic. I went to an all-girl Catholic school, and I had a terrible time.
Stuart Miller: Wouldn't still happen to have that uniform, would you?
Skyler Dayton: Yeah, but it'd be really short and tight on me. Kinda reminds me about when I used to misbehave and get spanked with the ruler. Is that pretty much the picture you're looking for, Stuart?
Stuart Miller: I would've preferred a tickle fight, but yeah.

"Stacked: Romancing the Stones (#2.9)" (2006)
Gavin P. Miller: What're you doing?
Stuart Miller: Just, uh, typing up some employee evaluations.
Gavin P. Miller: Uh-huh.
[checks computer]
Gavin P. Miller: Hm, I didn't know we had Asian twins working here. Someone should tell them about the dress code.
Stuart Miller: I was googling a Chinese restaurant; this just came up. Apparently what those girls are doing is also called a Twin Dragon.

[last lines]
Harold: Gavin, I, I, I,I just want to say I'm glad you're back and your operation was a success.
Gavin P. Miller: Thanks, Harold. It really was pretty routine.
Harold: Not true. Anything can happen when you go under the knife. Mixed-up charts for example; you could go in for a gall-bladder surgery and come out with a sex change.
Gavin P. Miller: Oh come on, that doesn't happen.
Harold: Happened to my nephew. Tragic. Didn't let it get him down, though; he just threw on some strappy sandals and a tube top, and strutted out of that hospital determined to make the best of it.
Stuart Miller: He packed a tube top for gall-bladder surgery?
Harold: And a pashmina and a pair of thigh-high boots. The weather in San Francisco is very unpredictable.

"Stacked: The Third Date (#2.11)" (2006)
[first lines]
Kevin: Here's your book, Mr. Miller; I'm sorry it took so long.
Stuart Miller: Kevin, there's like ten books here. And not one of them is the one I asked for.
Kevin: Oh, it isn't?
Stuart Miller: Nope.
Kevin: I'm so sorry. I forgot which book you wanted, and I didn't want to bother you. I remembered it had the word, uh, 'Under' in the title, and so I brought all the books I could find with that word.
Stuart Miller: Kevin, I said you could find it 'under' Biographies.
Kevin: You did? I'm so stupid. OK, I'm on it.
Stuart Miller: Hey, Kevin! You know the name of the book?

[last lines]
Kevin: [mimicking Skylar] I'm Skylar. I've blond hair. Toodle-loodle-loo.
Skyler Dayton: [laughing] That's great, Kevin.
Kevin: When I walk I shake my booty like this. Teedle-leedle-lee.
Skyler Dayton: [laughs] I do shake my booty like that, right?
Kevin: I dress like a teenager, even though I'm forty years old.
Skyler Dayton: Ha ha ha-ha-ha. You're fired!
Stuart Miller: Cheedle-leedle-lee,

"Stacked: Nobody Says I Love You (#2.1)" (2005)
[last lines]
Stuart Miller: Can I help you?
Customer: Yeah, I was in here earlier buying some books.
Stuart Miller: Hm. Need to return something?
Customer: No, no. It's just you said something to me as I was leaving.
Stuart Miller: Oh, yeah. About that, sorry, I was just...
Customer: [puts finger on Stuart's lips] Shhh. Milford Hotel. Lake and Green.
[puts key card in Stuart's hand]
Customer: Room 27.

Harold: Skyler came in this morning and greeted each of us by saying "I love you." Stuart took it romantically and made an ass of himself.
Stuart Miller: Oh God, how am I ever going to look her in the eye?
Gavin P. Miller: Shouldn't be a problem; it's not where you usually look.

"Stacked: Goodwizzle Hunting (#2.7)" (2005)
Harold: Like they say: reach for the stars.
Stuart Miller: Thanks, Harold.
Harold: Which, when you think of it, is insane. You're not even tall enough to change a light bulb.

[last lines]
[they are in bed]
Stuart Miller: Wow!
Katrina: Yeah. Sorry about the spurs.
Stuart Miller: No problem. Happy birthday.
Katrina: Thanks. This won't be weird at work tomorrow, will it?
Stuart Miller: Absolutely.
Katrina: Yeah.

"Stacked: The Ex-Appeal (#1.5)" (2005)
[last lines]
Gavin P. Miller: Go get your costume.
Stuart Miller: Yeah.

"Stacked: Heavy Meddle (#2.6)" (2005)
[first lines]
Stuart Miller: Are you ready for the health inspector?
Katrina: Oh, relax, it's Otis. Otis loves me. Mostly because he's a sugar junkie and I give him free sweets. It's hard for him to be a stickler for hygiene when he's the one who licks the bowl.

"Stacked: Crazy Ray (#2.4)" (2005)
[last lines]
Gavin P. Miller: There's a kernel of an idea there. I'm going to get some of this down.
Skyler Dayton: Yeah.
Gavin P. Miller: Thanks.
[he leaves]
Stuart Miller: You know, that really is a great idea.
Harold: It was when I saw it on 'Murder, She Wrote'.

"Stacked: iPod (#2.5)" (2005)
[last lines]
Skyler Dayton: Hey, Kat, where should I put 'Sweet Valley High'? Romance?
Katrina: I think Gavin likes to put it in Young Adult.
Skyler Dayton: [all but Gavin laugh] That was good.
Gavin P. Miller: OK, this is getting old.
Skyler Dayton: Oh, and we know that you don't like it when things get old.
[more laughter]
Skyler Dayton: Oh, come on, Gavin, look at this way: you dumped the head cheerleader; you stood up to the captain of the football team; it's every guy's high school fantasy.
Gavin P. Miller: Huh. Never thought of it like that. Not that I didn't have my moments in high school. I dated a cheerleader then.
Stuart Miller: Flag girl.
Gavin P. Miller: Same thing.
Stuart Miller: At band camp.
Gavin P. Miller: Shut up!

"Stacked: After Party (#2.8)" (2006)
Gavin P. Miller: So what happened?
Stuart Miller: We sort of, uh... di-i... did it.
Gavin P. Miller: What!
Stuart Miller: It just happened.
Gavin P. Miller: Oh, my God!
Stuart Miller: Then it happened two more times. It was like I was a teenager again. Except I wasn't alone.

"Stacked: Darling Nikki (#2.3)" (2005)
[last lines]
Skyler Dayton: Why did you pick me over her?
Stuart Miller: I suppose, I didn't want to make you look bad.
Skyler Dayton: Oh, I don't care about that. I wanted to get you a little more action.
Stuart Miller: You mean I just dumped her for nothing.
Skyler Dayton: Pretty much.
[Kat takes a shot of his face]
Katrina: Now that's a good picture.