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Quotes for
Alice Newton (Character)
from Beethoven (1992)

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Beethoven (1992)
George Newton: Any kind of weirdness and Beethoven is gone!
Alice Newton: Weirdness? What should I watch for, hon? Wearin' my clothes around the house?

Alice Newton: I don't think words for parts of the body make very good names.
Emily Newton: He's got one of those, I looked.
Alice Newton: I'm sure he does but I don't think Daddy would want to stand on the porch at night yelling that out.
Emily Newton: But that's what you call Uncle Richard.

Devonia Pest: [after Alice picks up the kids and heads to the car] She must have snuck out while I was watching Ted and Ryce. It was hot out, so I guess she wanted to take a little swim.
Alice Newton: [furiously sighs] And where were YOU while this was happening?
Devonia Pest: I was where I was supposed to be, inside watching the other two! If Emily stayed where I put her, none of this would ever happened!
[in a rude tone]
Devonia Pest: If you ask me, what these children need is a little discipline.
Alice Newton: What these children need is their mother.
[starts the car]
Alice Newton: You're fired.
[Devonia gasps in shock]

Alice Newton: Just change your pants, George.
George Newton: I'm gonna change my pants, Alice. But if I change my pants, I gotta change my jacket! If I change my jacket, I gotta change my shirt! If I change my shirt, I gotta change my tie! I hafta change my belt! I gotta change my shoes! I gotta change my socks!
Alice Newton: Just change your pants, George.
[George throws his pants down to Alice]

Brie: Oh I just love these big dumb animals!
Alice Newton: I bet you do.

George: [after Alice has fired Devonia for not watching all of the kids] Honey, it was an accident!
Alice: So what?
George: We can't throw out the option of having a babysitter just because we had a bad one. We'll find somebody really responsible to look after the kids.
Alice: Over my dead body.

George: I really don't like our dog.
Alice: I really don't like those people, George. I don't trust them. I don't want their money. I know my opinion doesn't matter, but I'm not interested in expanding. If I had been home instead of helping you impress those morons, Emily wouldn't have fallen in the pool. And I'm not re-entering the work force, George. You're gonna have to do this on your own. And you will. Somehow, you'll make your fortune. And tucked away behind you deep in the shadows will be me and the kids.
George: That's how you see me. Suddenly, I'm a lousy husband and father. Everything was just fine until Beethoven came into our lives. I've tried to be patient, but I've had it. The dog has to go.
Alice: I'm proud of Beethoven. Those two idiots insulted your kids, they treated me like dirt, and he was the only one of us who had the nerve to give them the ride they deserved. I'm going to bed.
[she heads back inside]
George: My dream's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dog.
Alice: Your family's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dream.


Beethoven's 2nd (1993)
George Newton: Honey, I've been thinking. You been thinking?
Alice Newton: Uh-huh.
George Newton: What have you been thinking?
Alice Newton: I've been thinking, "What do you think?"

Alice Newton: I just got off the phone with Miss Anderson. You wanna tell me what's going on?
Ryce Newton: I can't.
Alice Newton: You can't? Oh, honey, yes you can. We've always been very honest with each other. What, are you skipping school to spend time with boys? 'Cause if you are, there was a time in my life ...
Ryce Newton: No, mom, no. I'm not using drugs and I'm not pregnant.
Alice Newton: Well, what's goin' on, honey?
Ryce Newton: Ted, Emily, and I have been hiding four puppies in the basement.
George Newton: [downstairs] Honey, I'm home!
Alice Newton: Don't tell your dad.

[the Newtons are having dinner, faint barking sounds are heard]
George Newton: Are those sounds coming from outside or in the basement?
Alice Newton, Ryce Newton, Emily, Ted a.k.a. Shorty: [quickly, in unison] Outside.
George Newton: [leaves the table] I-I think I'm hearing something from the basement.
[George walks down the basement, the light switch is heard turned on]
George Newton: OH, NO!
Alice Newton: Roll, anyone?

[Regina and Floyd fall into a pool of mud from Beethoven]
George Newton: Hold on!
Regina: Ugh, shut up! And don't do us any favors! Take your stinkin' puppies and stuff it!
Floyd: Yeah, stuff it!
Regina: Shut up!
Alice Newton: We're going to help you and it will be alright!
Regina: [to Floyd] You idiot!
Floyd: What, me? This whole dog business was YOUR idea!
Regina: My idea?
[the dam comes apart spilling mud and Regina and Floyd into the raging river]
Regina: [to Floyd] I HATE YOU!
Floyd: You stupid! You got me into this! It's all your fault!
Regina: No, it's not!
Floyd: I didn't even care about those dogs!
Regina: Let go of me!
Alice Newton: [to George] Well... ya hungry?

[first lines]
Emily: [gives Beethoven a piece of pork] Here, Beethoven.
Ted a.k.a. Shorty: [gives him a slightly bigger slice] Here, boy. Here's a special treat.
Alice Newton: [shows him a roasted chicken] Here, Beethoven. This is from all of us.
George Newton: Beethoven...
[holds up a giant steak]
George Newton: I want you to have this!
[George approaches to Beethoven]
Ryce Newton: Mom, we're out of toilet paper!
Alice Newton: Here!
[a roll of toilet paper wakes up Beethoven from his dream]

[after Ryce comes home and after Taylor kissed her]
Alice Newton: Hi, honey.
Ryce Newton: [smiles, not paying attention] Uh-huh...
George Newton: It's 7:30.
Ryce Newton: Uh-huh...