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: [on what patriotism means to him
] Oh, many things. But mostly, it means bombs. As an American, I'm proud to be bombing that terrorist country. You knock down two of our skyscrapers, and we bomb you. Simple.
: Mess with America, and we answer with three little words: Boom. Boom. And boom.
[Dana is not wearing a bra, causing her nipples to poke through her top
] Harvey Lipschultz
: It's OBSCENE! Dana Poole
: It's NOT obscene! You just have a problem with the female body. Harvey Lipschultz
: Young lady, the female body... Steven Harper
: HARVEY! Harvey Lipschultz
: Look at those breasts. Dana Poole
] Why are you looking, you PERV! Harvey Lipschultz
: I will NOT tolerate this DISRESPECT!
[Kevin is protesting the inaccuracies of the class textbook
] Kevin Jackson
: Jefferson used to sleep with his slaves. The book don't say nothin' about that. They don't even say how he even had slaves. Washington neither. So I don't see why I should bust my *black ass* reading about a bunch of lies. Harvey Lipschultz
: Well, you see Mr. Jackson, my job is to see that you get your BLACK ASS into college. And whether these things in these books be lies or not, your achievement tests that you will be taking are standardized. And you'll have to know all these untruths in order for you to pass them, and how many slaves Jefferson had sex with will not be on the test. And if you fail American History, Mr. Jackson, you'll be sitting here again next year. And you'll have to listen all over again to what my *shriveled, white, JEWISH ASS* has to say!
[pointing at a midget
] Harvey Lipschultz
: It's a trick!
[addressing the players on the football team
] Harvey Lipschultz
: When I was a young boy, there was this baseball player. And the players didn't want him to play because he was different. But when he finally did make it into the game, they found that he could hit and run and catch better than all of them. His name was Jackie Robinson. And he paved the way for the black man to get into the game of baseball, making it a better game. What if it were to turn out that this homosexual could run faster, hit harder and throw that football straighter? We won't know that. We won't know that unless that first team of courage invites him to join the game. And I would like to think that that team of courage lives right here at Winslow High. Gentlemen, there is nothing more American than football. Be proud. Welcome the gay linebacker into your shower.
: All through history, when men look at women, they want to have sex. Now, God did this on purpose to ensure the survival of the human species. And he also gave women lumps, known as breasts, to inspire in man the penile urge to procreate. Now, this was very good for mankind, but not for womankind. Now, how could she succeed in this world, and how could she be respected for all her values, when men just want to mount her? Research eventually showed that it was those dangling bouncing breasts that cause special excitement to the man's blood flow. It was determined that the brassiere could stop this dangling, bouncing motion. The man would be less likely to objectify the woman and she would have a fighting chance at equality. You must harness your bosoms in order to squash the discrimination by the male gonads. This country can never maximize its potential until you can achieve equality. That's why I must make a rule, right here, and right now: wear a bra, for the good of the country.
: I can't keep up with this! First they were negroes. Then they were colored. Then they were black. Now they're African-Americans. Why don't I just avoid all controversy and just call them African-American black colored negroes?
[Harvey has just found out that he has an African American son
] Louisa Fenn
: Harvey, I'm half-black. Harvey Lipschultz
: Am I your father? Louisa Fenn
: No. My father was black. My mother's white. I'm a mulatto. Harvey Lipschultz
: You're a cookie?