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: I supposed you're all wondering why I, po, The dragon warrior, has called you here. We're going on a mission. Now, I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm gonna give it to you straight, 'cause straight's the way I shoot. It's going to get rough, but no matter how bad it gets, I know I can count on you five. You're the best there are. You ready to do this?
: "whatever you say, Po." "You're the best, Po." "We don't let you down, Po." "Well, hey!" "Po?"
: Yes, Tigress?
: "Well, it - I - it's just that I - "
: It's okay, tigress. Don't be shy.
: "Oh, fiddle-dee-dee, Po." "I think you're the most bodaciously awesome warrior in all the - " Gi-yah!
: I was just, uh, uh, kind of, uh, what, uh... oh.
: Sorry, had to give the troops a little pep talk before we go.
: Taking mantis to the fest. First timer. Gonna show him the ropes.
: Yep. But us regulars just call it the fest. 'Cause it's all cool and stuff.
: I go every year.
: No, it's not. And they're not geeks, they're just really big fans.
: Action figures!
: Historical recreations! Oh, I almost forgot... I made us Oogway masks. Hmm? Eh?
: What? No, come on! No, no, don't listen to these guys. They're just a bunch of sticks of mud. You're gonna love it.
: Okay, okay, forget the masks. No masks. But you gotta come! It's gonna be a day you'll never forget.
: Trust me.
: So long mud stickers. You don't know what you're missing.
: You mean, "the fest"?
: What? Ah, wh - but wait a minute! Why?
: See, I know those words, I'm just not sure they mean.
: But - but master Shifu! I go every year!
: No. He said the dragon warrior couldn't go in there. he didn't say about someone dressed up like the dragon warrior.
: Look, it's simple. I'm not me. I'm just a really big fan of me dressed up like me. And you're not you. Just someone dressed up like you. Someone super-tiny... like a mantis. Anyway, problem solved!
: We're at the fest! Ooh!
: These costumes are awesome.
: Ooh, there's chiwan the oatfish. And mistress gao woo the semi-invisible and, whoa, master prawn with simulated prawn thingies
: The fest!
: What are you talking about?
: Whoa, not - not you guys. Some other geeks, that, yeah, they were outside and we... they didn't have the figures and, uh, uh, come on, mantis. You don't wanna get on the wrong side of the fest-goers.
: Let me show you around.
: This is where you can buy all the latest action figures. This is high-quality stuff. you can't get this just anywhere.
: And over there's the stage where they recreate famous kung fu battles and - whoa! It's me. He's - he's dressed like me.
: The exact moves aren't important, mantis. It's the sprint that counts
: Whoa, awesome!
: I have a - a belly fat guy I use in town.
: Me too. 'cause he's some awesome.
: bring it.
: Kick of fury!
: Battle hand!
: Ming neck peel!
: Eye punch!
: Side swipe!
: Kiki toe thrust!
: No, you don't.
: That's not how you do the paralyzing touch points.
: No, it's not!
: That's for costume fighting, mantis. This is action figure fighting. Totally different thing.
: Did not!
: I think I'd know about the paralyzing touch points, 'kay? Trust me, those weren't paralyzing touch points. These are paralyzing touch points. Pew pew pew pew.
: What you were doing was totally not that. So, my guy wouldn't have been paralyzed, and he'd have beat up on your guy. So I win.
: Well, you better hurry, 'cause in the real world, the paralysis becomes permanent after an hour. What a poser, huh, mantis. He didn't even know that - Mantis?
: Oh, no you - I paralyzed mantis!
: Mantis, paralyzed you! I'm so sorry. Ha, uh, are you okay?
: Oh, right, you can't talk. You're paralyzed. Okay, um, I'll undo it. Only, I haven't learned yet. okay, okay, uh, we have an hour. Don't panic. um... Dah, mantis! Snap out of it, buddy. Gah, yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay. Uh, someone here can help. Uh, know how to undo the paralyzing touch points?
: Mantis? Oh, no. Mantis? Mantis? Where are you?
: Dad, I'm in big troub - is, uh, that my underwear?
: Dad, you have to help me. I accidentally paralyzed mantis, and it's gonna become permanent in an hour. And now I can't find him.
: I accidentally paralyzed mantis, and it's going to become permanent in an hour, and now I can't find him.
: Master shi...
: Master Shifu? Shifu
: I... what? Don't be ridiculous, I'm someone dressed up *like* Master Shifu. Po
: I know it's you. Nobody can fake that cute little nose.
: I know it's you. Nobody can fake that cute little nose.
: I know, I'm sorry, but listen, this is important, I lost...
: Oh, okay. But seriously, we're running out of...
: Understood, but I...
: But - why would I do that?
: How's that working out for you?
: That's - mantis! That's what I was trying to telling you. I accidentally used the paralyzing touch points on him, and now I can't find him!
: Wha - me? I was trying, but you had to whine about your whole "poor me" story and then... you're my master and hey, hi, ho, how are you? He asked with deepest respect.
: After I paralyzed mantis, I put him right here.
: Hey, taotie.
: Give us mantis, taotie!
: Yeah, we've only got a few minutes before he's permanently paralyzed - ooh...
: Why would we do that?
: Ow, ohh!
: Ah, ooh, ow, uhh, ooh!
: Ah, ooh, oh!
: Ow! stop it.
: Whoa, not there. Ooh, ow, eh!
: Mantis? Oof!
: Uh, ah!
: Huh? Gotta reach mantis. Running out of time. Move, you gotta move.
: Oh, look, I'm sorry, I just gotta...
: He's getting away. Must stop taotie.
: Help me fest fans. You're my only hope!
: Mantis! Oh, thanks bian zao.
: Does it have to be the tigress?
: Oh, why isn't he moving?
: Mantis, more than anything I wish you could just jump and - and punch me and kick me and, ah... knock me over.
: Still worried about being a geek?
: Just you and me.
: Load-bearing wall.
: Lemon slice! Arms akimbo!
: You wanna get something to eat? Shifu
] ... Yeah.
: [serving a noodle bowl to a customer into which he accidentally pitched a throwing star
] Careful, that soup is... sharp!
: There is no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness.
: [exhausted after fighting Po
] You... can't defeat me! You... you're just a big... fat... panda!
[He throws a weak punch, Po catches his hand by the finger
: I'm not a big fat panda. I'm THE big fat panda.
[he raises his pinkie
] Tai Lung
] The Wuxi finger hold! Po
: Oh, you know this hold. Tai Lung
: You're bluffing. You're bluffing! Shifu didn't teach you that! Po
: Nope. I figured it out. Skidoosh.
[he flexes his pinkie and a golden shockwave ripples out over the valley
: The Wuxi finger hold! Po
: Oh, you know this hold? Tai Lung
: You're bluffing. You're bluffing! Shifu didn't teach you that. Po
: Nope. I figured it out. Skadoosh!
: Legend tells of a legendary warrior whose kung fu skills were the stuff of legend.
: He was so deadly, in fact, that his enemies would go blind from over-exposure to pure awesomeness!
: It is said that the Dragon Warrior can survive for months at a time on nothing but the dew of a single ginko leaf and the energy of the universe. Po
: I guess my body doesn't know I'm the Dragon Warrior yet. Gonna take a lot more than dew, and universe... juice.
: The Furious Five! You're so much bigger than your action figures! Except you, Mantis. You're about the same.
: The Sword of Heroes! Said to be so sharp you can get cut just by looking at - Ow!
: Are you ready? Po
: I was born read...
[Viper attacks, Po is flung and lands on his head
: I'm sorry, Brother! I thought you said you were ready. Po
: That was awesome! Let's go again!
: Ow! I thought you said acupuncture would make me feel *better*! Mantis
: Trust me, it will. It's just not easy finding the right nerve points under all this... Po
: Fat? Mantis
: Fur! I was gonna say fur. Po
: Sure you were. Mantis
: Who am I to judge a warrior based on his size, I mean, look at me!
: [walking towards Po
] Ah! I see that you have found the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom! Po
: [Po turns around with a lot of peaches stuffed in his mouth
] Is that what this is? I'm so sorry! I just thought it was a regular peach tree! Oogway
: I understand. You eat when you are upset. Po
: Upset? I'm not upset. Why, what makes you think I'm upset? Oogway
: So why *are* you upset? Po
] I probably sucked more today than anybody in the history of kung fu. In the history of China. In the history of sucking!
: I just ate, so I'm still digesting, so my kung fu may not be as good as later on.
: Believe me, citizens, you have not seen anything yet! Po
: I know!
: [intercepting Po, who is fleeing the temple after learning he has to face Tai Lung soon
] You cannot leave! A real warrior never quits! Po
: Watch me!
[tries to run around Shifu
: Come on! How am I supposed to beat Tai Lung? I can't even beat you to the stairs! Shifu
: You will beat him because you are the Dragon Warrior!
[pokes Po in his stomach
: You don't believe that!
[Shifu swipes at his hand with Oogway's stick
: You never believed that! From the first moment I got here, you've been trying to get rid of me!
[Shifu knocks him to the ground
: Yes! I was! But now I ask you to trust in your master as I have come to trust in mine. Po
: You're not my master. And I'm not the Dragon Warrior. Shifu
: Then why didn't you quit? You knew I was trying to get rid of you, yet you stayed! Po
: Yeah, I stayed. I stayed, because every time you threw a brick at my head, or said I smelled, it *hurt*; but it could never hurt more than every day of my life just being *me*! I *stayed* because I thought, if anyone can change me, can make me... *not* me, it was you! The greatest kung fu teacher in all of China! Shifu
: But I can change you! I *can* turn you into the Dragon Warrior! And I will! Po
: Come on! Tai Lung is on his way here right now! And even if it takes him a hundred years to get here, how are *you* gonna change *this* into the Dragon Warrior? Huh? How? How? How! Shifu
: I don't know!
: I don't know. Po
] That's what I thought.
: No! The Legendary Urn of Whispering Warriors; said to contain the souls of the entire Tenshu Army! Po
: [whispering to the urn
] Hello? Shifu
: [from behind Po
] Have you finished sight-seeing? Po
: [stunned, thinking the voice had come from the urn
] Oh, sorry! I should've come to see you first! Shifu
: My patience is wearing thin. Po
: Oh. Well, I mean it's not like you were going anywhere.
: [looking around at the historical artifacts in the palace
] Wow! I've only seen paintings of that painting!
: Maybe I should just quit and go back to making noodles. Oogway
: Quit, don't quit... Noodles, don't noodles... You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.
: [breathing heavily
] I know you're trying to be all mystical and Kung Fu-ey, but could you at least tell me where we're going?
: [after being hit in the crotch
] Oh! My tenders!
: [checking to make sure Shifu is okay after his fight with Tai Lung
] Master! Shifu! Shifu, are you okay? Shifu
] Po. You're alive!... Or we're both dead. Po
: No, Master I didn't die. I defeated Tai Lung! Shifu
: You did?
[Po nods and smiles
: Wow. It is as Oogway foretold, you are the Dragon Warrior. You have brought peace to this valley and... and to me. Thank you, thank you Po. Thank you, thank you.
[slowly lays his head back down, seemingly dead
: No! No no no, don't die, Shifu please! Shifu
: I'm not dying, you idiot!
[he catches himself
: Ah, Dragon Warrior. I am simply at peace.
[lays down and folds his hands together, smiling
: Finally. Po
: Ooh, so um, I should... stop talking? Shifu
: If you can.
[Po lies down next to Shifu; long pause, then
: Wanna get something to eat? Shifu
] ... Yeah.
[after hiking up into the mountains, Shifu and Po stop at a pool of water
] You... dragged me all the way up here... for a bath?
[he scoops up some water
: Panda, we do not wash our pits in the Pool of Sacred Tears. Po
: The Pool of-?
[he quickly shakes the water off his paw
: This is where Oogway unraveled the mysteries of harmony and focus. This... is the birthplace of kung fu.
[cut to a vision of the yinyang and young Oogway mastering kung fu
: [leaping to the top of a rock
] Do you want to learn kung fu? Po
: Yeah! Shifu
: Then I *am* your master! Po
] Okay! Shifu
: Don't cry. Po
: [wiping his nose
: [standing before a training dummy
] Hey, what you got? You got nothing because I got it right here. You picking on my friends? Get ready to feel the thunder. Come out with the crazy feet. What you goin' to do about the crazy feet. I'm a blur! I'm a blur! You never seen *Bear* style!
: [after the Furious Five bowed to Po in his dream
] We should hang out. Po
: The secret ingredient is... nothing! Po
: Huh? Mr. Ping
: You heard me. Nothing! There is no secret ingredient. Po
: Wait, wait... it's just plain old noodle soup? You don't add some kind of special sauce or something? Mr. Ping
: Don't have to. To make something special you just have to believe it's special.
[Po looks at the scroll again, and sees his reflection in it
: There is no secret ingredient...
: Noodles? You were really dreaming about noodles? Po
: Yeah. What else would I be dreaming about?
[hands a customer a bowl of soup with a throwing star in it
: Oh, careful, that soup is... sharp. Mr. Ping
: Oh, happy day! My son finally having the noodle dream! This is a sign, Po! Po
: Uh, a sign of what? Mr. Ping
: You are almost ready to be entrusted with the secret ingredient of my secret ingredient soup. And then you will fulfill your destiny and take over the restaurant just as I took it over from my father, who took it over from his father, who won it from a friend in a game of mahjong!
: But dad, didn't you ever, I don't know, want to do something else? Something besides noodles? Mr. Ping
: Actually, when I was young and crazy, I thought about running away and learning how to make tofu. Po
: So why didn't you? Mr. Ping
: Oh, because it was a stupid dream! Can you imagine *me* making tofu?
] Mr. Ping
: No! We all have our place in this world. Mine is here, and yours is... Po
: I know. Here. Mr. Ping
: [throws Po bowls of soup to catch
] No, it's at tables two, five, seven and twelve. Service with a smile!
: I see you like to chew. Perhaps you should chew... on my fist!
[smashes fist on table
] The warrior said nothing, for his mouth was full. Then he swallowed...
: ...and then he spoke! "Enough talk, let's fight!"
: [sitting down to eat
] After you, Panda. Po
: What? Just like that? No sit-ups? No ten-mile hike? Shifu
: I vowed to train you, and you have been trained. You are free to eat.
[Po sits and picks up his chopsticks
[Po lifts a dumpling to his mouth, but it is snatched away
: Hey! Shifu
: I said, you are free to eat. Have a dumpling.
[Po tries another dumpling, it is snatched away again
: You are free. To eat. Po
: Am I? Shifu
: ARE you?
[Po slurps up noodles, one ends up draped on his nose like Shifu's mustaches. Everyone starts chuckling
: What? Mantis
: Oh, nothing... Master Shifu. Po
: Oh, yeah, yeah.
: You will never be the Dragon Warrior, unless you lose 500 pounds, and brush your teeth!
[everyone except Tigress laughs
: What is that noise you're making? Laughter? I never heard of it! Work hard, panda, and maybe someday, you will have ears like mine.
[he holds two bowls over his head to look like Shifu's ears
[after completing his training
: You have done well, Panda. Po
: Done well? Done well? Ha, I've done awesome!
: The sign of a true hero is humility. But, yes, you have done...
[elbows Po, causing him to stagger
: ... awesome.
: Let us begin. Po
: What? Well, uh, I don't know if I can do *all* those moves... Shifu
] Well, we'll never know unless we try, will we? Po
: Well, maybe we could start out with something more at, you know, my level. Shifu
: And what level is that? Po
: Uh, well, I'm not a master but, let's just say zero, level zero. Shifu
] There is no such thing as level zero. Po
: Well, what about that?
[He indicates a small dummy
: That? We use that for training children, and for propping the door open when it's hot. But, if you insist...
: Finally... oh, yes... at last, the power of the Dragon Scroll is *mine*...
[He opens the scroll - and stares at it
] Tai Lung
: It's nothing! Po
: It's okay. I didn't get it the first time either. Tai Lung
: What? Po
: There *is* no secret ingredient. It's just you.
: Who are you? Po
: Buddy, I... am the Dragon Warrior!
[bows over, panting from the stairs
] Tai Lung
] Tai Lung
: He's a panda! You're a panda! What are you gonna do, big guy? Sit on me? Po
: Don't tempt me.
: When you focus on kung fu, when you concentrate... you stink.
: But perhaps that is my fault. I cannot train you the way I have trained the Five. I now see that the way to get through to you, is with this.
[pulls out a bowl of dumplings
: Oh great, 'cause I'm *hungry*! Shifu
: [laughs and pulls the bowl away
] Good. When you have been trained, you may eat.
[He eats a dumpling
: Let us begin.
[Tai-Lung's nerve strikes are only tickling Po
] Stop! I'm gonna pee!
] What are you pointing at? Oh! Okay. Sorry, I just wanted to see who the Dragon Warrior was. Oogway
: How interesting. Tigress
: Master, are you pointing at... me? Oogway
: Him. Po
[Moves around, Oogway's finger follows him
: You. Po
: What? Oogway
: [Raising Po's arm with his stick
] The universe has brought us the Dragon Warrior! Po
: What? Tigress
: What? Shifu
: WHAT? Mr. Ping
: Look, you don't belong here. Po
: Yeah. Yeah. I know. It's just... All my life I have dreamed of... Crane
: I mean you don't belong here, in this room. This is my room. Property of Crane.
: You don't belong here. Po
: Right, I know. This is your room. Tigress
: No, I mean you don't belong in the Jade Palace. You're a disgrace to kung fu, and if you have any respect for who we are and what we do, you will be gone by morning.
: [after awkward pause
] Big fan.
: [after a long battle against Master Shifu, he allows Po to eat. Po tosses away the dumpling
] I'm not hungry... Master.
: Yeah, ha-ha-ha!
: They're five MASTERS! I'm just one me! Shifu
: But you will have the one thing no one else has!
: Do you really think I'm ready? Shifu
: You are... Po.
[Po gazes upon the Dragon Scroll and screams...
: It's blank! Shifu
: What? Po
: Here, look!
[Po holds out the scroll
: No, I am forbidden to look upon...
[Sifu grabs the Scroll and looks for himself
: Blank!... I don't, I don't understand...
: Hey, guys... Tigress
: [bowing low before Po
[the rest of the Five follow suit
: Master?... Master Shifu!
: That's my boy! That beautiful kung-fu warrior is my son! Po
: Thanks, Dad.
: You are not the Dragon Warrior! You will never be the Dragon Warrior until you learn the secret of the Dragon Scroll! Po
: [looking up at the scroll
] Oh. So, how does this work, do you have a ladder or a trampoline or something? Shifu
: You think it's that easy, that I'm just going to hand you the secret to limitless power? No! One must first master the very highest level of kung fu, and that is clearly impossible when that one is someone like you! Po
: Someone like me? Shifu
: Yes! Look at you!
: This fat butt! Flabby arms! Po
: Ow! Those are sensitive in the flabby parts. Shifu
: This ridiculous belly! Po
: Hey! Shifu
: And your utter disregard for personal hygiene! Po
: Now wait a minute, that's a little uncalled for! Shifu
: Don't stand that close, I can smell your breath! Po
: Listen, Oogway said that I was...
[Shifu grabs his finger
: The Wuxi finger hold! No, not the Wuxi finger hold! Shifu
: Oh-hoho, you know this hold. Po
: Developed by Master Wuxi in the third dynasty, yes! Shifu
: Oh, then you must know what happens when I flex my pinky... Po
] No no no no! Shifu
: You know the hardest part of this? The hardest part... is cleaning up afterwards. Po
: Okay, okay take it easy... Shifu
: Now listen closely, panda. Oogway may have picked you, but when I'm through, I promise you, you're going to wish he hadn't! Are we clear? Po
: Oh, yeah! We're clear, we're clear, we're so clear! Shifu
] Good. I can't wait to get started.
: My fist hungers for justice!
[his stomach gurgles
: That was my... fist.
: Kung-fu staring contest! GO!
[stares at the viewer for 16 seconds
: You guys look amazing, by the way...
: This could be the end of Kung Fu. Po
: But I just got Kung Fu! Shifu
: And now, you must *save* it!
: [stares up a long passage
] Ah. My old enemy... stairs!
: The only reason you are still alive is that I find your stupidity mildly amusing. Po
: Well thank you, but I find your evilness extremely annoying! Shen
: Who do you think you are, Panda? Po
: Who do you think I am, Peacock?
[both laugh for an extended time, each taking turns
: Why are we laughing?
: Your story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn't make you who you are. It is the rest of your story, who you *choose* to be. So, who are you, panda? Po
] I am Po. And I'm gonna need a hat.
: How did you find peace? I took away your parents! Everything! I scarred you for life! Po
: See, that's the thing, Shen. Scars heal. Shen
: No they don't. *Wounds* heal. Po
: Oh, yeah. What do scars do? They fade, I guess? Shen
: I don't *care* what scars do! Po
: You should, Shen. You gotta let go of that stuff from past, because it just doesn't matter! The only thing that matters is what you choose to be now. Shen
: You're right. Then I choose *this*!
[Shen attacks Po with his knives; they fight until Shen accidentally dislodges his destroyed cannon and is crushed by it
: I hope this turns out better than your plan to cook rice in your stomach by eating it raw and then drinking boiling water... Po
: This is nothing like that plan. Tigress
: How? Po
: Because this one is gonna work.
: The peacock was there the last time I saw my parents! He knows what happened! Where I came from! Who I am.
: Look, I'm going. I have to know. The hardcore can't understand.
[Tigress lunges at Po
: Tigress, no!
[Tigress hugs Po; Crane's jaw drops
: The hardcore DO understand. But I can't watch my friend be killed.
: [to the rest
] We're going. Crane
: Uh, maybe you can't watch *me* be killed? Tigress
: Stop being a wimp. Monkey
: ...And, she's back.
: So, how did it go? Did you save China? Po
: Yep. Mr. Ping
: Well, I knew you would! That's why I had these signs made! "My son saved China - you too can save! Buy one dumpling, get one free!"
: So that was stealth mode? Po
: Yeah, to be honest, not one of my stronger modes.
: How can kung fu stop something that stops kung fu?
: [On seeing a poor person being mistreated by a wolf over cooking rice
] Po, do something. Po
: How am I suppose to help her cook rice without getting caught?... Wait, I have a better idea!
: Shen! A panda stands between you and your...
[cut to Shen, who can barely hear Po say "destiny"
[cut back to Po
: Prepare yourself for a hot...
[cut again to Shen, who can still barely hear anything
: They must be close. I can feel a Kung Fu chill riding up my spine. Viper
: Sorry, Po. It's just me.
: Are you willing to die to find the truth? Po
: You bet I am...! Although, I'd prefer not to.
: I threw up around the third floor, so you might want to clean that up. You guys got an evil janitor around here or something?
: Impressive, Dragon Warrior! What's your plan? Po
: Step one, free the Five! Viper
: What's step two? Po
: Honestly, I didn't think I was gonna make it this far. Tigress
: Po! Po
: Uh, stop Shen before he gets to the harbor!
: At the first sign of trouble, I'll give you a signal. Ka-Ka! Kee-Kee! Po
: You mean like Crane does? Monkey
: Yeah. Crane
: Excuse me? When have I ever make that noise?
] I am Po... and I'm gonna need a hat.
: [Tigress catches him beating up the ship's mast
] Uh, I'm... training. Tigress
: The mast is not a worthy opponent.
[flips through the air and lands beside Po with her hand extended toward him
: I am ready. Po
: Okay. So serious...
: You! You're mine! Wolf Boss
: I'll tell you what's gonna be yours. My fist in your plush cuddly, super soft face!
[suddenly Monkey and Crane jump on the two wolf soldiers
] Wolf Boss
[he runs away
: Get him!
: [as they're fighting
] Is that all you got? 'Cause it feels like I'm fighting a big old fluffy cloud! Po
: Well, this cloud is about bring the thunder!
: [to Po as they are surrounded by wolf soldiers
] Guess nobody told you, you mess with the wolf, you get the fangs! Wolf Boss
: [he hits Po in the stomach
] I've hit you twice. What are you gonna do now? Po
: [he looks undefeated at Wolf Boss but then suddenly shouts
] We surrender!
: I'm not freaking out, I'm freaking *in*.
: Greetings, panda. We meet at... Po
] Hey, how ya doin'? Shen
] Eh - hey.
: Dad, there's something you should know. While I was gone, I found the village where I was born. I found out how I ended up in that radish basket. Mr. Ping
: You did? Po
: I know who I am. Mr. Ping
] You do? Po
: ...I'm your son. Mr. Ping
: Oh... Po
: [picks him up and hugs him
] I love you, Dad. Mr. Ping
: I love you too, son.
: And now, to free the Five!
[takes off his hat
: Disc of Destruction!
[He throws his hat... which doesn't go far and lands on a roof right in front of him
: Okay... take aim!
: [spotting the Wolf Boss
] Isn't that the guy who hammered you in the face? Po
: I hate that guy.
: Tell me what happened that night. Shen
: What night? Po
: THAT night! Shen
: Oh, that night? Po
: YES! We're talking about the same night, right?
: Nothing's unstoppable except for me when I'm stopping you from telling me something's unstoppable.
[rushing off to save the Musicians' Village
: No snack stops this time. Po
: Ha-ha-ha! "Snack stops"!
[scoffs, then follows her
: Wait, are you serious?
: I found out that my dad... isn't really my dad. Tigress
: Your dad, the goose?
] That must have been quite a shock.
Master Storming Ox
: Like I said, you are not getting me out of this cell!
[Sees that he and Croc are out of the cell
] Master Storming Ox
: Oh. Po
: Yes! Ha ha, woo-hoo! All right, let's go! Master Croc
: [the Masters ignore Po and walk to another cell
] I get the top bunk.
: Yes. Yes, I am and the dragon warrior doesn't let a broken heart get in the way of helping those in need.
: Ha! Lu-shi
: Po. Po
: Junjie, let Lu-shi's... friend go. Junjie
: Tigress! Tigress
: I was able to get free, just in time, by the looks of it. Po
: You're never gonna give on us, are you. Oof! Tigress
: In your dreams, Panda.
: Po, thank you so much for saving my brother. Po
: Your brother? Your brother? I thought he was your boyfriend.
: You ready to do this? Po
: Oh, I was born read - ah! hold on ahh! Just a sec. Okay I'm... good Monkey
: Stilt fu Po
: Unguarded moment! Po
: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Monkey
: Hiya... Monkey
: I call that pillars of the ouch. Monkey
] Good name. Mr. Ping
: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Hey you two! You're supposed to be Stilt-walking ads for my shop. I'm not paying you to messing around. Po
: You're not paying us all. Mr. Ping
: Good thing too. Monkey
: Still not sure how guys on stilts help advertise noodles. Mr. Ping
: It's how the restaurant business works. Now Stilt-walk, you monkey.
: Well, I may be stuck here, but at least I've got a nice view. There's the jade place... and the bamboo forest and a cute girl, an old dude, some bandits. Po
: bandits! Monkey
: [kung fu shout
: Shakaboo - ahh!
: You heard the lady. ha! Monkey
: Yah! Po
: Wow, She's even cuter close up Po
: Whoa. Flying goat surprise. Po
: Cute and knows kung Fu? Chen
: A little. Don't mess with the goat girl. Seriously, don't Po
: whoa, whoa, I'm not a band... Chen
: I'm just kidding. no, I'm not! Po
: Oof! Chen
: Mess with the goat, you get the hooves.
: You all right? Po
: Uh... my palms are sweating, my heart is racing, and I'm tingly all over. I think she got me with the cloven-hooved, exploding head technique Monkey
: Uh, cloven-hooved, exploding head technique actually explodes your head. I think you're in love. Po
: Love? pfft. Po
: no way not this pa - did my head just explode? I can't feel my face. Oh, wait there it is, on my face.
: My daughter and I can't thank you enough for helping us in our time of need. Lu-shi is to be married tomorrow. Po
: Marr - I see.
: lucky guy. anyone I know? Lu-shi
: Well I never even met him. Monkey
: Ah, it's one of those arranged dealios. Lu-shi
: Yeah, pretty stoked about it. He's called "the dragon warrior". Po
: Head definitely exploded.
: So you trade him for plates? Mr. Ping
: and bowls. That's how the restaurant business works. Mu-shi
: Lu-shi, give Poe his present. Chen
: Yes, sir. Po, I understand that you like action figures. Po
] Yeah, well, I did. When I was a kid a long time ago. No really no... Chen
: I collected too. Po
: is that a master shifu? Chen
: The mono-brow variant. Po
: That's the rarest one there is! Chen
: I know! It's yours now or ours if you wanna go through with the whole marriage thing. Po
: Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait, Just so we're clear, You're pretty, funny, good at kung fu, you love dumplings and collecting action figures?
: Well, looks like somebody gets to plan a wedding. Can it be man? Please say yes. Po
: Go crazy. Oh, Lu-shi I'd would like you to meet... Lu-shi
: Master Tigress. Oh, my - oh, m - oh, my gosh. Lu-shi
: [nervous laugh
: I'm kind of a mega fan. no, alot. seriously, it's, like, such an honor. Tigress
: Hang on? you wanna married him? Lu-shi
: Uh-huh. Tigress
: Really? Po
: Whoa, Tigress never pegged you for the jealous type. Tigress
: jealous? you must be kid... Lu-shi
: Po. A word.
: Marriage is a big step, Po, and you just met this girl are sure you're ready? Po
: Well, we are combining our action figure collections, so there's that. Shifu
: Po, if Lu-shi is the wife of the dragon warrior, she will be kidnap target of every villain and scoundrel in the land. Po
: Wow, I hadn't thought of that. Shifu
: You'll be putting her in grave danger that's why the rules of the sacred onyk shaolin are so specific Shifu
: specific how specifically? Shifu
: You don't really know, do you. You'll have to step down as the dragon warrior Po
: Crane wants to meet with us later to go over the seating chart and - Po are you okay. Po
: Huh? oh, uh, yeah, yeah sorry Lu-shi
] You're having second thoughts. Po
: What? no way. kind of. I mean, look, meeting you was the most amazing thing that's happened to me since - since I became the dragon warrior. Lu-shi
: Do what your heart tells you, Po. Don't let me sway you Po
: oof! But It's all happening so fast. Lu-shi
: As dragon warrior, you sacrifice so much to protect the valley of peace, Po. But run from true love would be like running from the great a battle We'd always wonder what if? Po
: Huh? maybe you're right.
: Tigress, stop! Tigress
: Stay out of this panda. this how girls discuss things. Po
: Tigress, I know you're cried your little eyes out that you I aren't together Tigress
: What? Po
: Don't be a hero. see, there's a tear right th-no. wow, do you ever blink Tigress
: Look, what you and I had was a figment of your imagination. Tigress
: Had? Po
: Past tense. It's a grammar thing. look it up. Lu-shi are you hurt? Tigress
: But, Po, she is... Po
: Tigress, stop embarrassing yourself with your jealousy jealous thing that is my life, and I need to start living it for me.
: What? wait. Lu-shi, you betrayed me? Lu-shi
: Po, I... Tigress
: You're going down, Junjie. Lu-shi
: no, not just yet. the happy couple haven't opened their presents.
: Pillars of ouch. Junjie
] Good n-n-name. Oof Lu-shi
: Po, save shao! Po
: Gotcha Po
: Wow. Those muscles are very defined. Po
: Thanks. I don't even work out. Po
: Figures. Whoa!
: Ha! Wa-ta! Junjie
: I can do this. I can do this. Junjie
: No, not if I can help it. I won a medal in stilt fighting years ago.
: Oh, Po. Maybe now that this all over... Po
] I can't marry you, Lu-shi. So long as there are evildoers like junjie threatening the valley of peace, I have to remain the dragon warrior. Chen
: Marry me? You Dork. we barely know each other. I was thinking maybe we could just hang out sometime. Po
: Ow! Oh, yeah, that'd be cool. But I gotta warn you, somebody might be a little jealous, so, uh - ow! There she is now.
: I don't wanna spend my life wondering, what if? so I'm gonna marry Lu-shi and give up being the dragon warrior or not do that. Shifu
] Po. Po
: I know that, right? Okay, I've decided. I'm... married. unless you think... Shifu
: Congratulations, Panda. I'm proud of you, and i wish you all the happiness in the world.
: I'm sorry, Po. I never meant to hurt you. Po
: What's this? Lu-shi
: Junjie's holding him hostage. That's why I did all of this.
: I'm getting Married! Shifu
: what? Ow! Viper
: You're kidding, right Po
: Meet the future Mrs. dragon warrior. Lu-shi
: Hey, there, Furious Five. Worship you totally trying not spaz. Po
: I know it's kinda sudden. Shifu
: Except for the "it was arranged from when we were babies part. Po
: [nervous sigh
: What? give up the dragon warrior or give up Lu-shi. I can't do that. Shifu
: Which one? Po
: Either! Being the dragon warrior is the greatest. I'd never give that up. Unless, What if Lu-shi is my one at happiness. I don't wanna wind up old, sad, and alone like or Yo - Uh. It's just, uh, what's the point of having this awesome life. If I've got no one to share it with. Shifu
] It's your decision, Po. no one else can make it for you. Po
: are you sure? 'cause I'd really rather you just told me what to do, and I'd go along with it. Shifu
: The dragon warrior follows his heart. The dragon warrior does not let others make up his mind. Po
: Po, I... Po
: Don't make a scene, Tigress. I've made my decision, kind of and it's the right one. possibly Tigress
: I just wanted to say I'm sorry. you were right. Po
: You are jealous. Tigress
: Y-no! no, you - I - it is your life, Po, and I wish you nothing but the best, friend.
: uh, well... Lu-shi
: Po? Po
: Uh, it's not - It's not that I don't want to, But-but-but maybe we should wait to and... Lu-shi
: Wait? we can't wait. If we don't do this right now, he'll - he'll... Po
: He'll what? to who? who's "he"? Mu-shi
: Oh, this is an outrage. get on with it! Marry my daughter and step down as dragon warrior, you ninny! Po
: But I... Mu-shi
: Enough! Po
: But I... Mu-shi
: Go on! Po
: I'm just not.
: It was all a lie? Lu-shi
: Yes. But, Po, I had to, you see... Junjie
: you've said enough, girl and now to pay the price for your failure.
: Ha! Whoa! Po
: Ow! ooh! Junjie
: Ha. Po
: Wa-ta! Po
: Huh? Po
: Off! Po
: Po! Po
: Look, I know you're mad, but you gotta help me. Mantis
: You're still wearing the shoes. Po
: That's what I'm trying to tell you. Po
: I can't - Master Chao! Master Chao
: Ah, I've been waiting for you. Come in.
: Yeah, You know, Now's not really the best time. Master Chao
: Please! I've been waiting my whole life for this. I must see you perform the three needles.
: I'm sorry. It wasn't me, I swear. It was the shoes! They're alive! Ah, Ahh. Stay back. Po
: We'll get the shoes off you, Po. Po
: Don't. Sorry. Master Chao
: Panda, remain clam. If I approach slowly, the shoes may not see me... Po
: I think they heard you.
: You may be Shoes, But you ain't got no sole! I mean the shoes kind of sole, not - not the other... Monkey
: We get it.
: Oh, Heck, no! Uh-oh. Mantis
: Po, run! Po
: No, I gotta stop them. Now! Hah!
: There's gotta be something that'll - wait. Water! Wah!
: Po! Po, are you all right. Po
: Yeah. just... worn out. Shifu
: I'm glad to hear it. Because it's time for training. Po
: Ah! Hunh! Yeah!
: Hello? Old Warty pig lady? Anybody? Po
: The Market! It's - It's Deserted. Oh. Po
: Well, I guess if I just... them and go, I - aah.
: It Can't be! Po
: Hunh. Hunh, rah! Unh.
: Ahh! Ow! Po, Please! Po
: No. I... won't... hurt... Shifu! Ah! I won't. Gah!
: All right, you watch the needles and tell me if I come close, okay? Po
] Okay. Po
: I don't see where - Yow-oh! Mantis
: Good first try, though.
: ah, my head! Ow-oh, Ow. ah-oh, oh, oh! uhh! eeh! ow. hoo. Oww. Ooh. Ow. Oh. Ow-ow-ow-ow. Po
: Maybe it really is impossible. Po
: Yeah, you'd need some magic for that. Po
: Magician, that's it! I'll go to the moshu market where they sell all magic stuff. Mantis
: Oh, yeah, That's a good - are you crazy! Po
: What? Po
: They sell black magic stuff, man! It's way too dangerous. Po
: Yes it is much too dangerous, and that is why I'm totally not going to go there, at all.
: Morning, everybody Shifu
: Well, Panda, I'm glad you were able to drag yourself out of bed to join us for today's training Po
: Actually, instead of training I thought I'd give that three needles thing a try now Shifu
: The test of the three needles is a metaphor. Perhaps you didn't quite - All right. But first - Here goes! Did you - Wanna see it again? Po
: Come on. Just for grins. Shifu
: All right. But first... Po
: Here goes! Shifu
: Did you... Shifu
: Wanna see it again? Po
: Well, there you go. So, I'm the celestial phoenix now, right? Which means I'm done with training? Shifu
: Did you just... Po
: All righty. The celestial phoenix has a date with some plum dumplings and a nap.
: Nope. I'm The celestial phoenix. Mr. Ping
: ah, that's... I don't know what it is. Po
: ahh. Oh, ohh! Waah! Hai, Hai, oh. uh. yuh. Wahaa! Mr. Ping
: Po, stop it! Po
: Chah! Mr. Ping
: Ah. Po
: Whoa! what was in that bowl? Po
: It's just water, Po. It's not even hot. Po
: Wow, these are some sensitive shoes. Mr. Ping
: Oh, wai - wai - wait, what about my shop? Po
: Uh, looks... nice. Lived in. Bye.
: What's going on Crane
: Hello! we're getting ready for master Chao Po
: Master Chao is coming? Shifu
: Po, you passed the test of the three needles. You've become the celestial phoenix. This may be the biggest event in the history of kung Fu. Monkey
: Yeah. Way go, buddy Tigress
: I've had my doubts about you in the past, Po, But you've proven yourself. Po
: Yeah, I, Uh - I guess I have. I guess I have. Shifu
: I'm proud of you panda. Very proud. Po
: I, uh - whoa! cool! Crane
: Let's hear it for Po.
: Man, today has been awesome. Mantis
: Uh-uh. Po
: Everybody's all telling me how great I am. Master Chao's coming to see me. Mantis
: You mean, he's coming to see your shoes. Po
: Huh? Mantis
: I mention the Moshu Market, then suddenly you've got these amazing kung Fu skills. Ohh! and, New shoes. Okay, it doesn't take an abacus to do the math on that one. Po
: Come on, that's ridiculous. I don't know how you could suggest such a - please don't tell Shifu! Mantis
: Why not? Po
: He's so proud of me and he'd be so disappointed, and he'd make me start training again. Mantis
: I can't believe you'd lie to Shifu just to get out of training. Po
: I'm not lying. I'm just not telling the truth. Mantis
: Uh-huh. Shifu has to know about these shoe, Po. Po
: Mm. Ah, What the - ah! Yah! Crazy feet. Aw, I'll take the shoes back, Mantis. Just, please, don't rat me out. We're buddies, right? Mantis
] fine. I won't tell Shifu. But until I see Those shoes off your feet and you come clean, I'm not sure we are buddies.
: Stunning. Simply stunning. You truly are the celestial phoenix. Master Chao
: Ah, yeah, well. Master Chao
: I guess you should start saying your good-byes. Master Chao
: I - what? Shifu
: As the celestial phoenix,You have attained a greater understanding of Kung Fu than any who have gone before you. Master Chao
: And, of course, Now you must travel the land, teaching this higher form of kung Fu, spreading all that you have learned. Po
: Uh, I don't know if I've really learned... Master Chao
: You were my greatest pupil, panda. But now the pupil has become the master. Perhaps one day, I can learn from you. Po
: I-I-ah, It's the shoes. What? Master Chao
: What? Po
: These are magic shoes. I was sick of training, and I thought if I could just do the three needles that'd fix everything. So I got these shoes, But I was wrong, and I'm sorry, and - and...
: Well... good workout Shifu
: That was the warm-up. Po
: Warm... Po
: Whoo-yah! Ow, oh. Ow, oh. oh. Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow. Oh, oh, okay. ah. Oh, ah. Mantis. Ah, oh. Po
: Master Shifu, How much longer I... have to train? Shifu
: We're done for today. Po
: No, no. I mean, how much longer? like, six months, a year Shifu
: You don't train, you will never reach the next level Po
: There's a level higher than the dragon warrior? Shifu
: Yes. The celestial phoenix. Po
: Ohh! Shifu
: It said that the celestial phoenix would be attuned to the universe that they could defeat opponent merely by looking at them. Po
: Awesome! So, how do I get to be the celestial phoenix? How! Shifu
: By training. You must train until you can pass the test of the three needles. You toss three needles into air then kick them with such precision. Po
: Yes? Po
: That one needles passes through the eye of another Shifu
: No! Po
: And strikes the third needle so precisely on its point that splits down the middle. Po
: whoa! I'm gonna be able to do that someday? Shifu
: Of course not. It's impossible. There's never been a celestial phoenix, and there never will be. That's the point. no one can ever achieve this ultimate goal. which means your training ends. Po
: Never? Shifu
: Never. Po
: Uh, but just to be clear, If I passed that the three needles test, I wouldn't have train anymore, right? Po
: Yes. in theory. But trust me, It's impossible
: Incredible. Po
: Thanks. I really gotta talk to mantis about some - whoa! Ah!
: And... and why are you all... smiling? You knew all along. Did you all know? Po
: Yup. Po
: Pretty much. Po
: Shifu told us. Po
: Also your shoes kept glowing. Mantis
: Uh, sorry, Po. I had to keep pretending I was the only one who knew so you wouldn't suspect anything. Po
: Why? Po
: Why did you go through all of this? Po
: To get you to understand. Po
: Understand what? Oh. That fancy Kung Fu isn't worth anything if I don't work for it. If I don't really learn it, It isn't really part of me. Shifu
: And the one way to learn it... Po
: is to train. Shifu
: Exactly. Now, Why don't you take off those shoes. Po
: Because... I can't. Shifu
: Don't be ridiculous. You just...
: I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry. Shifu
: Hold still, Po. Po
: Huh? Shifu
: I'd like to do this without hurting you. Po
: Ha. I'd like that too. Ohh.
: Who are you? Li
: I'm Li Shang. I'm looking for my son.
: You lost your son? Po
: Yes. Many years ago. Po
: I lost my father. Li
: I'm very sorry. Po
: Thank you.
: Well, good luck to you. Po
: You too. I hope you find your son. Li
: And I hope you find your father.
[they both walk off, everyone facepalms
: Master Shifu? Good time, bad time? Shifu
: Time is an allusion, there is only the now. Po
: So now is a... good time? Shifu
: You must be the Dragon Warrior. Po
: And you must be Kai. Beast of vengeance, Maker of widows. Kai
: YES! Finally thank you. Almost makes me want to spare your life. Po
: Oh you want to spare me huh? How about you spare me the chit-chat alright let's do this. Kai
: I'm going to take your chi then the chi of every panda in the... Po
: Augh! chit-chat Kai
: In the... Po
: Chitty-chitty-chat-chat, chat-chat-chat! Kai
: In the... Po
: [leaps into a fight
] Enemies of justice, prepare for...
[sees he's leapt too far and is going over them
: Are you kidding me?
: You must take the next step on your journey, from warrior to teacher. Po
: But I'm no good at it! Shifu
: You're terrible at it!
: Justice is about to be served!
[at his dad's cafe
: We'll have two Justice platters, please.
: If you only do what you can do, you'll never be better than what you are. Po
: But I like who I am! Shifu
: You don't even know who you are!
: There's no way I can stop him! Li
: Unless you had an army of your own. Po
: You don't even know kung fu! Li
: Then you will teach us.
[sees Master Flying Rhino's armor
: I think I just peed a little!
: Never under-estimate the impact of dramatic entrance!
[Po made a dramatic move to kick open the door, door suddenly opens, oops it's Shifu!
: Who are you? Po
: I've been asking myself that question. Am I the son of a panda? The son of a goose? A student? A teacher? I'm all of those things.
[Po's chi forms the shape of a dragon around him
: I am the Dragon Warrior! Get it? You see the giant dragon?
: [Shifu has made a flower bloom with the power of chi
] Woah! What was that? Shifu
: That was chi. Po
: Wow! What's chi? Shifu
: The energy that flows through *all* living things. Po
: So you're saying if I-so you're saying if I teach, I'll be able to do cool stuff like that? Shifu
: No, I'm saying if you teach, *I'll* be able to do cool stuff like that. Po
: Oh. Shifu
: Mastering chi requires mastery of self. Oogway sat alone in a cave for *thirty* years, asking one question: who am I? Who am I? I'm lucky if I get five minutes before you interrupt... Po
: Aw, so now I have to sit alone in a cave for thirty years? Shifu
: Eventually. After you master teaching. Po
: Teaching? There's no way I'm ever gonna be like you! Shifu
: I'm not trying to turn you into me; I'm trying to turn you into you.
: You have to come home with me. Po
: What? To the secret village? Li
: Yes, son. You must rediscover what it is to be a panda. You have to learn how to live like a panda. Sleep like a panda. Eat like a panda. Those 103 dumplings? I was just warming up. Po
: I always knew I wasn't eating up to my full potential!
: [Mr. Ping has stowed away in Po's travel bag
] Dad? Li
: [thinks Po is talking to him
] Yes? Po
[opens the bag to find Mr. Ping inside
] Mr. Ping
: Yes? Po
: What are you doing here? Mr. Ping
: What am I doing? Getting a backache! Did you have to step on every rock? Po
: No, I mean why are you here ? Mr. Ping
: What was I supposed to do, huh? What if the pandas don't have food you like? You're never gonna be able to save the world on an empty stomach. I consider my presence mission critical. Li
: Oh yes, about that. We can't share the location of the village with others. So... Mr. Ping
: Oh, you think I can't keep a secret, huh? I raised Po for twenty years before I finally told him he was adopted. Li
: Seriously? Po
: Yeah. Li
: OK, I guess it would be cruel to make you fly back. Po
] You can fly? Mr. Ping
: I'm a bird, Po.
: [dueling Kai in the Spirit Realm
] You want my chi so bad? Then take it.
[Po redirects his chi to Kai
: Yes, the power is *mine*!
[as the chi fills his body, he begins to glow and his jade amulets float away
: Wait, no. It's too much. That's too much. No!
[Kai vanishes in a burst of light
: [Po is about to perform the Wuxi Finger hold on Kai
] Sorry, buddy. Gotta send you back to the Spirit Realm. Skadoosh.
[flexes his pinky
: OK, that didn't work. Let me try one more time. Skadoosh.
[flexes his pinky again, then over and over
: Skadoosh, skadoosh, skadoosh. What the ? Kai
: Hold on, wait! It's working. No! No!
[pretends to gag, then chortles
: No, it's not. Did Oogway teach you that little trick? Too bad it only works on mortals. And *I* am a Spirit Warrior.
[Li reveals a secret lift to the Panda Village
: We're pandas! We don't do stairs! Po
: I have waited all my life to hear those words.
: Kung Fu! I know. I know what I want to do! I know what I want to do!
: Po, did you hear ? Some idiot cook poisoned Shifu. Po
: What ?
[fell down the stairs
: Is he dead ? Mr. Ping
: Not yet, but he will be when they catch him. Po
: No, I meant Shifu. Mr. Ping
: Oh no, he's alive... Barely. Po
] Mr. Ping
: So? how did you do ? Po
: Oh, I've made a mess. Mr. Ping
: Oh, that you did. Ah, my son, the chef. I'm so pride. Po
: Yeah, about the whole chef thing, uh... Maybe there's something else I'd be good at. Mr. Ping
: Well, let's see how good you are at cleaning up this mess. Po
: Good thinking, Dad! I could clean things. I'd be a great cleaner. Mr. Ping
] You a cleaner ? I can't even get you to take a bath ! You're funny ! You should be a comedian. Po
: A comedian ! Uh-huh, uh-huh. Mr. Ping
: Or a dancer ? Po
: Got it dancer ! I can do graceful ? Mr. Ping
: You graceful ?
] Mr. Ping
: I feel sick ! Po
: Then you need a doctor ! I could be a doctor... Cleaner, comedian, dancer, doctor. Great what else ? Po
: An emperor ! Po
] Can I ? Mr. Ping
: No, i was just kidding. Po. Your destiny is to become a chef, like me.
: [picks up a radish
] Nice radish. Mr. Ping
: Po, help! Help me! Po
: Sorry, excuse me, coming through. Dad! I'll protect you from that... pen? Mr. Ping
: I need you to autograph your stuff. Po
: Stuff? Mr. Ping
: Business has doubled since I turned your bedroom into a gift shop. Po
: Gift shop? Mr. Ping
: Dragon Warrior souvenirs with every purchase! Po
: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you're selling my stuff? Mr. Ping
: Oh no, no, no, no. Young Pig
: Oh boy, thank you! Mr. Ping
: I'm giving it away. Po
: What? What about my Furious Five figures? Where are they? Mr. Ping
: I put them in the box over there. Po
: This... box? Mr. Ping
: Uh, whoops. Po
: Noooo! No... Mr. Ping
: I'm sorry, Po. Po
: Dad, they're handmade scale replicas with kung fu action! I made them the day I fell in love with kung fu! I have to find them! Mr. Ping
: Po, it was an accident! Po
: [Po starts searching the village frantically
] Where are they? Oogway
: Accident... or destiny? Little does Po know that it was just such an *accident* that brought the Furious Five together all those years ago. This is the story of how the Five came to be.
: [while chopping vegetables
] Chop, chop, chop, ow! I know I put it around here somewhere! Oh, the spices, right. Po
: [pours the noodle mixture into a wok
] So, uh... what do you guys do all day up at the -
[Po sneezes into the food
: Jade Palace? Palace Goose
: Kung fu. Po
: [with a sniffle in his voice
] Thank you, bless you, too. Palace Goose
: No, no, kung fu. Po
: Oh yeah, kung fu. That's really... neat how you do the... fu thing... with the... kung... Palace Goose
: You have no idea what that is, do you? Po
: No, no, I don't. Palace Goose
: [carrying the meal in a bag
] Well, I should get this back. Po
: Right, yeah, of course. They're gonna love it, love it!
: So, how did you do? Po
: Oh, I've made a mess. Mr. Ping
: Oh, that you did. Ah, my son, the chef; I'm so proud. Po
: Yeah, about the whole chef thing, uh... maybe there's something else I'd be good at. Mr. Ping
: Well, let's see how good you are at cleaning up this mess. Po
: Good thinking, Dad! I could clean things, I'd be a great cleaner. Mr. Ping
] You a cleaner? I can't even get you to take a bath! You're funny, you should be a comedian. Po
: A comedian! Uh-huh, uh-huh. Mr. Ping
: Or a dancer. Po
: Got it, dancer; I can do graceful. Mr. Ping
: You, graceful?
] Mr. Ping
: I feel sick. Po
: Then you need a doctor!
[Po writes on a scroll
: I could be a doctor, cleaner, comedian, dancer, doctor... Great, what else? Mr. Ping
: An emperor. Po
] Can I? Mr. Ping
: No, I was just kidding! Po, your destiny is to become a chef, like me. Po
: I can't be a chef, I'm the one who poi... nted out that I... can't be a chef. Dad, I'm never gonna be like you.
[Mr. Ping nervously gulps
: I just... I don't know what I want to do. Mr. Ping
: Hm, I know what you can do: take out the trash.
: This is terrible. Mr. Ping
: Yes, they're leaving before breakfast. Young Po
: No, Dad, if I hadn't poisoned Shifu with my food, then none of this would have ha... ppened. Mr. Ping
: Po? You cooked that meal for Shifu? So Shifu ate noodles from Ping's Noodle Hut? Young Po
: Dad, I'm sorry, I was gonna tell you, but... Mr. Ping
: No, this is fantastic! Young Po
: But... Mr. Ping
: Now serving the Jade Palace: Ping and Son. You can't buy this kind of publicity. Mr. Ping
: But, Dad... Mr. Ping
: If we hurry, we'll be the only ones selling food to all those starving folk. Young Po
: Wait... Mr. Ping
: I'll get the pots. Young Po
: But... Mr. Ping
: Gather some roots and mushrooms from the hilltop and I'll see you up there later. Young Po
] Okay, I'm on it.
: [starts to pick mushrooms, then pauses when he sees Tigress fighting Boar, he gasps in awe
] Ohh. Mantis
: [Tigress continues to punch and kick Boar
] Buddy, hold your breath, it's gonna hurt! Young Tigress
: [Tigress kicks Boar, who skids in the dirt
] All right, all together! Ha! Twist your hips, recoil, and extend! Boar
: [the Furious Five deliver flying kicks to Boar, knocking his tusks out
] I've... been... stopped. Young Po
: [Boar hits the ground and passes out; Po's eyes turn into hearts as he witnesses kung fu for the first time in his life
] Kung fu. I know, I know what I want to do! I know what I want to do! Whoa! Ohh...
[Po trips on the ground, then gets back up
] Young Tigress
: I guess we're done here. Monkey
: Hey, we could be a team! Young Tigress
: Yes. Crane
: Great! Mantis
: What should we call ourselves?
[Boar groans from pain
: [Opening line
] Steel yourself against my steel, villain.
[Uses sword to chop an onion in half
: Your reign of tears is over.
: This may be our greatest challenge yet. Monkey
: Bandits? Viper
: Raiders? Po
: No. Place settings.
: This is a disaster. I'm going to disappoint everyone. My dad, the Furious Five, Shifu... Wo Hop
: And me. I'm not dead yet.
: Think of all those lonely people who don't have anyone to spend the holiday with. There's always room for one more at Mister Ping's Po
: Look, dad, I understand how you care for the lonely people... Mr. Ping
: And lonely people pay extra.
: Bunny! Finally, a real chef! Look, sorry I banished you and shamed your village for all eternity, but if you could help me chop carrots, it would really... Wo Hop
: I'm not here to chop carrots. I'm here to fight. Po
: What? Wo Hop
: The only way to restore honor to me and my village is to fight the Dragon Warrior. Surely I will perish, but that is the fate I must accept.
: I got that, dad. Mr. Ping
: Po? Oh, you came! Oh, Po, I'm... I'm sorry I made you feel so guilty. Po
: Ah, don't be. That's what the holiday's all about. Now, don't we have some cooking to do?
: Master Shifu, let's not rush into anything here. I mean, if you get bitten by a jiang shi you gradually become one of them! It's like my biggest fear. Shifu
: I'm sure you'll deal with it. After all, you are the fearless Dragon Warrior.
: The thing is, if a ghost gets me I kinda need my brain. Shifu
: No, too easy.
: Coffins aren't much for comfort, but I rarely get any complaints. See what I did there? Po
: Ha, ha. Yeah, good one. Shifu
: Excellent. Well, goodnight Po. Sleep tight. Po
] Oh, I'll sleep tight alright. Heh. That's how I does my sleeping. Tight. With relatively little fear.
: You... you must be Fenghuang! Fenghuang
: Yes. And you must be 300 pounds. Po
: No. 290, tops.
: You're good, Panda. But you can't win. Po
: Why not? Fenghuang
: Because I cheat.
: Panda! At last. It is *I* who will humiliate you! The helmet shall be mine! Po
: Wow! You're so dramatic. You don't have to shout everything. Temutai
: I shall defeat you! Po
: Seriously, can you not talk like a normal person?
: Shifu! Stand back! Shifu
: Wait! Po
: What are you doing? Shifu
: Putting my robe back on, it's hot in here. Po
[Kicks away the Qidan bell trap
: Thank you, Po. You've saved the valley.
[Sees the indentations on the floor Po made with his feet
: You couldn't have carried the helmet in and then put it on?
: [dark screen
] Hurry, we're running out of time! Mantis
: Keep it down! Tigress
: Who's hand is that? Mantis
: I don't even have hands! Po
: Quiet! You'll compromise the mission! Mantis
] Does it look like I have hands?
: I guess it's easier to laugh at someone than to have someone laugh at you, right?