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: Remember us Chan? You snatched the Nepilla Opal, the Sword of Badang, and now the Silve Iguana of Yorumba from our greedy little hands! Jackie
: Yes. Nice to see you all again. How have you been? Bye bye.
: [Entering a comic book convention
] We must hurry, split up and look for teenager in a costume. Jackie
: [looking around
] That is everyone. Uncle
: Do not argue with Uncle.
: It is a sunken ship. And there are letter on the hull. Jade
: A-N-I-C. Whoa! The castanets went down with the Titanic.
: Fortunately, Section 13 has a new submersible vehicle. Specificially designed for...
] Capt. Black
: What's that odor? Jackie
] Uncle. Tohru
: I pleaded with Sensei to stay in bed. But he would not listen. Uncle
: Uncle is needed. Demon chi is very powerful. Capt. Black
: Oh! So is that garlic!
: I know. I know. Too dangerous. But you need me Uncle Jackie.
[Jackie glares at Jade
: Ok, fine. I'll leave. Jackie
: Very funny. We are 20,000 leagues under the sea and...
[Jack sniffs the air
: Why do you smell like garlic? Jade
: Not me.
[Sniffs the air
: It's coming from
[Jade opens a locker
: Hi Jackie.
[Jade and Jackie gasp
: Uncle! Jade
: Great minds think alike.
: So use Chi-o-matic. Jackie
: Underwater? Uncle
: [Holds up the Chi-o-matic in a bag
] Bag seals in freshness.
: [referring to the sub
] Hmm. It must have been damaged by the giant crab. We will have to jettison some weight. Tohru
: I'm sorry. I am not a very good swimmer.
: Luckily I avoided betting the gends.
: I mean . ooh... ground is wobbly like pudding. Ah. I like tapioca.
: Quiet. Chi-o-matic senses presence of dual demon chi. Drago must be near. Jade
: So let's throw him a little suprise party. Chan style! Jackie
: Jade, I told you to stay by the car! Jade
: [Leaning on a stack of junked cars
] Hello. You didn't say which car.
: Video games will distract you from your studies. Jade
: That's not true. Programming those mondo cool sayings, that's creative writing. Keeping score, that's math. Honestly, Robomercs is more educational that homework. Jackie
: We will see. Jade
: Translation forget about it.
: But why is Strikemaster Ice stealing those particular items? Capt. Black
: No se compadre. But I'll bet where there's Ice, there's a fire demon.
: [Jade jumps on Jackie shoulder's as he's chasing the Ice Crew
] Jade, what are you doing? Jade
: Is this a trick question?
: Bad Day! Bad Day! Bad Day!
: Jade, these are my friends. Jade
: Your friends knocked you out and took you to their secret underground base? Jackie
: Uhm... yes. Jade
: America is *so* cool!
: Snowboarding works much better with snow.
: One more thing, this is Jade, your niece. She will be living with you for a year, okay? Jackie
: Okay. I have a niece? Uncle
: Your cousin Shin's girl from Hong Kong. Jade is not behaving well there. Doing poorly in school. Your cousin thinks she will do better in America with you. Jackie
: Uh, nobody asked me! Uncle
: Did not want to bother you.
: Where have you been? I don't hear from you for 6 years. Boom! You're in San Francisco saving my butt. Whoa. Those thugs must've knocked me out. Captain Black
: Actually, I knocked you out.
: I'm sorry but this location must remain secret. Jackie
: Oh yes. I can see this is very special garbage. Captain Black
: Jackie... Jackie
: May I'll see you in another 6 years. Excuse me while I call a cab.
[Enters phone booth
] Captain Black
: Uh Jackie
: With this new development, Section 13 could use an archeologist expert such as yourself. Jackie
: Oh, I'm really just an amateur. Captain Black
: A wise and talented amateur, whom I know and trust. Jackie
: But my university work... Captain Black
: It wouldn't be full time, Jackie, research only. To help us stay one step ahead of Valmont. Jackie
: I will consider it.
: [Riding a motorbike in Section 13
] Jackie! Captain Black
: Who is that? Jackie
: No relation.
: [Jackie's dazed
] Jackie, how many fingers do you see? Jackie
: Look, fishies.
: [to his men
] Care to explain how our security was penetrated by a child? Jade
: I'm not a child. I'm Jackie's niece. Captain Black
: Didn't know you had a niece, Jackie. Jackie
: Join the club.
: Stay here or I'll put you on the first flight back to Hong Kong. Jade
: Scouts honor.
: Tch. Like I'm a scout.
: [Jade is scarfing down a bowl of noodles and broth
] Don't eat like a babboon. You should chew your food. Jade
: Hello! This is *soup*!
: Uncle, do you really belive in such a myth?
[Uncle slaps Jackie with chopsticks
: Does that answer your question.
: The wise seek power within themselves. The foolish seek it within others. Until you harness the power within yourself, I cannot teach you. Jade
: Huh? Jackie
: It means you must have the discipline to behave yourself. Now eat your food.
: [Reading her fortune cookie
] "Danger looms in your future." Uncle
: We must be very cautious. Jackie
: [Jackie scoffs
] You listen to a cookie? Fin
: [Dark Hand arrives
] Evening Chan. Uncle
: Never mock the cookie.
: [as the Shadowkhan are chasing him
] Aren't you going to whomp 'em? Jackie
: Ancient proverb, do not fight when you can run.
: How could you not notice you swallowed a golf ball? I told you to chew your food! Jade
: It was soup!
: And when you can't run? Jackie
: Don't watch!
[Goes off to fight Tohru
: Tch. Like I'm not going to watch.
: All my stuff? How'd it get here? Capt. Black
: Until we can take down the Dark Hand, it's safer for you inside Section 13. I hope it feels like home.
: I trust you'll keep your niece in check. Jade
] Jackie, does this mean I'm a secret agent? Capt. Black
: This is the *last* Oni mask. Where are Tarakudo and his goons? Where's the ulimate good vs evil battle royale? Jackie
: I, for one, am not complaining.
: The masks are destroyed. Jade
: That's a good thing, right?
: How is this happening? Uncle
: Uncle not sure. But it must be *your* fault!
: El Toro. Viper. Jackie
: What are you doing here? El Toro Fuerte
: When it looked as if the world was coming to an end... Viper
: We figured you four might know a thing or two about it.
: I call Dragon!
[Jackie tosses her two talismans
: Dog and Rat? Oh, you're gonna hog all the cool ones. Jackie
: Jade, you will remain here. Jade
: What? No way! Jackie
: Jade please. I could not live with myself if something happened to you.
: Jade, you were supposed to be... Jade
: I decided I couldn't live with *myself* if something happened to *you*. Supermoose
: Can you you feel the love?
[Attacks a Shadowkhan
: Well can you, punk?
: One more thing, Uncle never leaves shop without magic socks.
[Holds up a sock with a loose thread
: He cannot be serious. Jade
: Be thankful he's not talking underwear.
: [Tarkudo's regained his body
] No mental powers, Tarakudo? It is about time you fought fair!
[Jackie attacks Tarkudo
: There are no more masks? Uncle
: Does Tohru have the willies? No? Then there are no more masks. Jackie
: Thanks to the winning team!
: Next time you go on a mission, I'm bringing back proof! Jackie
: What next time? You're not supposed to go on assignments with me, Jade. Ms. Hartman
: And don't forget children - next week it's your turn to report on your parent's jobs after you accompany them to work.
: We'll start here. Remember Jade, archeology requires patience. Jade
[Jade quickly finds the Monkey Talisman and holds it up
: Oh Jackie. Jackie
: You gotta be kidding me.
: This must be the change-stuff-into-other-stuff talisman. Jackie
: I noticed.
: [Jackie's unconscious. Uncle speaks in his dream
] Jackie. Jackie. Jackie. You are shipwrecked. Jackie
: Yes, Uncle. Shipwrecked. Uncle
: One more thing, Jade has the Monkey Talisman. Jackie
: Jade's a good girl. Uncle
: One more thing, bad men are chasing her. She needs your help... Now!
[Uncle slaps Jackie in his dream. Jackie finally wakes up
: This is the last time I follow directions from a monkey!
: Jade turned Ratso into a rat and herself into a monkey? I'm a monkey's uncle?
[Jackie runs off
: Perhaps an animal we can eat. Chow
: Mmm. Chicken a la Chan. Jackie
: No! That would make you cannibals!
[Tohru turns into an elephant. The elephant charges Jackie. Jackie screams
: Jade! Bad move! Bad move! Bad move! Jade
: Got it covered. Once a rat.
[Changes Ratso into a rat
: [a monkey sniffs Jade, then jumps on her back
] Hi, mom. Jackie
: Mom? Jade
: Welcome to the family.
: [to a sleeping security guard
] The museum directors must feel very secure with you on the job.
: [Three men take yoga stances
] Oh. You are yoga masters. Nonviolent.
[the men attack Jackie
: But I thought yoga was to promote peace from within.
: Uh, I don't like needles. Dr. Weber
: [Picking up a drill
] Oh, well I could drill *without* numbing you. Jackie
: Okay. Numb me please.
: Goodbye Uncle. We'll be back on Thursday. Uncle
: Ai-Ya- Cannot understand a word you are saying. Jade
: His mouth's all numb from the dentist. He said if school sends over any homework. It's a *mistake*, just toss it!
: [as he's being attacked
] Jade return to the hotel room!
[Jackie runs off
: Didn't say "please."
[Chases after Jackie
: [Bursting into the room
] Nobody moves. Nobody gets hurt! Jackie
: Jade? I told you to go back to the hotel room! Jade
: Lost my key. Okay now let the Chan Man go!
: [His cellphone's ringing
] My cellphone. Mohajah
: It is your Uncle, reminding you to bring home curry powder. Jackie
: That is amazing. Mohajah
: There is one more thing that he desires. Though I am not quite sure I understand.
[Mohaja slaps Jackie
: It is alright Jade. They are the good guys. Jade
: You sure? He's got this whole Spock mind meld scanner thing happening.
: Why are you doing this? You seem like such a nice lady. Vanessa Barone
: Been called a lot of things: relic hunter, mercenary, thief. But Vanessa Barone "nice lady," that *is* a new one! The necklace!
: [Emerging from a manhole
] Guidebook was wrong. No subways in Venice.
: I believe this necklace has magical powers. Jade
: Cool! Can I check it out? Jackie
: No Jade. This necklace could be very dangerous. Jade
: Tch. Everything is very dangerous. Travelling to Venice, digging for artifacts, wearing jewelry.
: Uncle will look into it. Meanwhile, you fix niece. Jackie
: What do you mean?
[Uncle slaps Jackie in the head
: Open eyes. Jade turn into couch potato. Watches TV all day, all night. Young girl needs a hobby. Jackie
: [Jackie looks at Jade who's watching TV
] I see what you mean.
: [Jade's wearing her Butterscotch Uniform for the first time
] Oh, you look so cute.
[Tohru whispers in Jackie's ear
: Oh, I mean cool. Jade
: I look like an elf.
: [as he's fighting Vanessa
] Butterscotch Scout, too violent! Do not watch! Butterscotch Scout
: Tch. As if!
: [Vanessa and Jackie are in the Saraha dessert
] Brilliant, you must have been a real A+ student, Chan. Jackie
: A- in school. A+ in dojo!
: Jade! The first rule of scouting is: "Always be prepared." You never know when knot tying might come in handy. Jade
: I'll remember that. When I join the navy.
: Another train wreck, Jackie? Jackie
: [Regarding the mess in room
] I was going to ask the same thing. Do baboons live here?
: Hey, Jade. I can take care of myself. Remember within every weakness lies strength.
: [after being attacked by Gnomekop
] That toy should be taken off the market. Jade
: I tried to tell you, he's not just a toy anymore. He's alive! ALIVE!
: [Exiting the Section 13 Phone booth/entrance
] That phone booth is not wheelchair accessible!
: [Facing Gnomekop
] Stay back, Jade. Jade
: No, Jackie. You have a broken leg. And Gnomekop is *my* responsibility!
: [to the Dark Hand that surrounding him
] Want to sign my cast?
: So while Jackie distracted Giant Gnomekop, I climbed up top, crawled inside his mouth and got the Talisman. Uncle
: You did very well, Jade. Jade
: Yeah, except for the part where I slipped and fell and landed on Jackie.
[Cut to Jackie with two broken legs
: Just got word about the attempted hijacking, Jackie. Jackie
: Captain Black? But how? Capt. Black
: You know Section 13 monitors all police transmissions.
: The court ordered them to serve out the rest of their sentence doing community service. Jackie
: If they are back to their old ways, the community does not need that kind of service. Capt. Black
: Enforcers can't be reincarcerated without proof of criminal activity. You catch them red handed, I'll see to it they're put away for a long, long time.
: But the Dragon Scouts are all boys. Jade
: *Were*. Welcome to the new millennium, where girls are hot and boys are not! I am dragon hear me roar.
: Jade, we must not prejudge. Sometimes the apple falls far from the tree. Jade
: And hits the ground and turns rotten.
Dragon Scout Leader
: [to the Enforcers
] Volunteering to become Dragon Daddies, outstanding. No wonder your nephews are such fine young men. On the other hand, fall in behind me, Mr. Chan. We need to discuss Jade's behavior. Jackie
: Huh? Chow
: If you need parenting tips, Chan. I'm here for you.
: [Jade is using the Rooster Talisman
] Ai-ya! Magic is not to be trifled with! Jackie
: Hand over the talisman, Ja
[Uncle slaps Jackie
: Ow! Uncle
: As long as you are up there, clean cobwebs from ceiling.
: They think we're you know. Jackie
: Successful import-exporters? I will spare them the truth. Finn
: Thanks. Who knows, maybe someday we can redeem ourselves. Become the upstanding law-abiding citizens they think we are. - Nah! Chow
: No way! Ratso
: I don't think so. Finn
: Scary thought. Ratso
: Be laughing if I could breathe.
: Three days aga, Paul Connel notified the museum that he made a major discovery. Jade
: Yeah, well. I made a major discovery too. You can get frostbite on your butt.
: Save number two. I rule! Jackie
: Yes. And from now on I drive.
: Uh, are those elk skin boots? Inuit Man
: [Looks down at his boots
[Jackie kicks his feet out from under him
: Hmmm. Ancient Inuit hieroglyphics. Jackie
: What does it mean, Uncle? Uncle
: [Uncle slaps Jackie
] It means quiet! I must study.
: Frozen prehistoric creatures do not just walk away. I suspect someone broke in and...
: [Entering the dining area
] I... do not believe it. Tohru
: Me neither. Jade you found cereal. Jade
: Sorry all gone. Guess a couple thousand years in the deep freeze will give a guy an appetite.
: Come Uncle. Uncle
: [Uncle groans
] Uncle never gets to do what he wants.
: Can you believe dark wizard was released from jail for good behavior? Jackie
: Uh, I do not think the justice system is prepared to comprehend crimes of magic Uncle.
: Come on Jackie, I've helped save the day 72 times. The world half a dozen times. And your butt more times than I care to count. Jackie
: And you have made a mess of things more times than I care to count. Jade
: But I always clean up after myself. Just admit it Jackie, you need me.
: This one memory I have been trying to forget. I outran the train before I can do it again!
[Jackie tries to jump to the cliff and misses
: I must be out of shape!
: Gee, couldn't you send Jackie to a less life threatening roller coaster like the Pukinator at Mooseworld? Uncle
: Uncle has no control over portal direction. It is process of trial and error. Jackie
: Bad day! Bad day! Bad day! Uncle
: Mostly error.
: So I'm quite the rascal. But it's not like I'm evil or anything. Jackie
: [Jackie encounters Jade as Shadowkhan Queen
] Jade? Jade
: I couldn't help it. I was possessed! Uncle
: Did Uncle ask you to tattoo demon face onto your leg? No? You do not see Uncle walking around being evil do you? Jade
: [Jade notices Jackie is now face Uncle
] Uh, Unc. Uncle
: Uncle could not help it. Was victim of Chi Vampire.
: Uncle you must trust me. It will be better for Jade, for *us* if she does not stay. Jade
: [Watching Jackie
] No Jackie. Hang up the phone! You need me.
: Jackie, next time you make crank call, phone local! Jade
: Living with you guys is gonna rock! Jackie
: [Jackie sighs
] You have no idea yet just how much.
: Gee, perhaps you should start writing you essay. Jade
: Tch. You mean write how boring vacation's been. We haven't seen a single demon, or ninja or Dark Hand Thug. Jackie
: Hmm. My kind of summer.
: You want me to attend the tournament as a contestant. Captain Black
: And find the
[Black looks around then whispers
] Captain Black
: jade. Jade
: [Jade pops her head out from a ventilator
] Captain Black, no offense but this is way out of Jackie's league.
[Jade jumps down
: This is a job for *the J Team*! El Toro Fuerte, wrestler extraordinaire. Viper, mistress of Hapkido, pilates, and Krav Maga. Tohru the big strong, er, sumo. Jackie
: Uh, yes. Captain Black, I'm sorry that my niece has such an active imagination. Captain Black
: I like it! Good work kid.
[Black pats Jade on the head
: [to Tohru
] Ready to go for the gold Big Bopper? Jackie
: Oh! Jade? How did -? Jade
: Captain Black said that the boats were used to smuggle Jade onto the island. Duh! Jackie
: Not the niece. The stone!
: [During El Toro's match
] No! The bounce-off-the-ropes maneuver! Jackie
: What ropes?
: I have to get her out of there! Viper
: You'll jeopardize the mission! Jackie
: And Jade *won't*? Viper
: [as he's fighting
] Watch the hands! El Toro Fuerte
: Amigo. Tag Team.
[El Toro tags Jackie's hand. Jackie yells in pain
] El Toro Fuerte
: Team, I hope you'll consider joining us for future missions. Jackie
: Well... El Toro Fuerte
: We would be honored!
: [Jackie lands on the street using a flag to slow his fall
] The elevator was too slow.
: Uncle does not cruise. Uncle does inventory! Jackie
: Uncle, when was the last time you took a *real* vacation? Uncle
: [Using his abacus
] Let me see... 3... 4... carry the 1. Never! So why start now? Jade
: Because it would be wicked fun! Come on! Please!
[Looks at Uncle
: Heh. Ah... Ai Ya! Big brown eyes get Uncle every time! Fine. I'll go.
: Where you going, Uncle? Uncle
: To lifeboat. Row back to shore! Moma Tohru
: Good! I have better things to do than hang around with junk seller! I visit with my boy. Relax, play a little Mahjong... Uncle
: You play Mahjong? Moma Tohru
: No. I *win* at Mahjong. Five time all Kyoto finalist. Uncle
: Hong Kong Community Center Champion, 1955. Beat you with one arm tied behind back! Moma Tohru
: Big talker! How about you put your tiles where you mouth is?
: Come on, a walk will do you good. Tohru
: Where are we going? Jackie
: Breakfast. Ocean air always give me a big appetite: eggs, bacon, biscuits
[Notices Tohru is gone
[They see Tohru leaning over the side of the ship
: Laser cage. I suspect these are the same men as from the helicopter. They are after the dragon! Uncle
: [Pointing to Tohru's mom
] Good! They can have her! Moma Tohru
: Funny man won't be so funny when I whoop you a shuffleboard!
: [Looking at Uncle and Moma Tohru in the distance
] It's nice to see those two actually enjoying each other's company. Moma Tohru
: [Cut in close to see them arm wrestling
] Uh. Junk monger weak as scrawny chicken! Uncle
: Toothless old bat got nothing!
: [after Jackie escapes from the laser cage
] One of rabbits jumped the cage.
[Picking up some weapons
: Maori fighting sticks! Jackie
[Picking up a pair of drumsticks
: Drum... stick!
: Going somewhere? Jackie
: Canada. The Mountain Demon Chi is in Quebec. Jade
: Cool. I can practice my French. Croissant. Creme brulée. Baguette.
: Maybe that thing *is* broken.
[Jackie grabs the Chi-o-matic
: Maybe it's this new containment jar. Uncle
: Since when are you the big expert? New containment jar is not the problem. Uncle made so device can hold *more* than one demon chi at once. Does not affect the way detector works.
: Drago! Drago
: I'd say it's nice to see you, Chan. But why start the day with a big fat lie?
: Now hurry and dig through the chopsticks. We are behind schedule because *you* fell asleep. Jackie
: So did you. Uncle
: Uncle merely resting his brain.
: What kind of thief steals only food? Uncle
: Hungry thief.
[Uncle goes to the phone and picks up the reciever
: Calling police. Put out A.P.B. for Uncle's cream cheese.
: Whoa! Looks like Tohru's done with the appetizers. Jackie
: And moving on to the main course. Uncle
: Uncle is afraid today's special is San Francisco.
: Jade, stay here. Jade
: This time, I think I will.
: Whoa. Check it out. Stonehenge disappears. Come on! Sounds like a job for Jackie Chan. Jackie
: No, it does not. While I am very concerned about this theft as an archaeologist. I am an archaeologist. And this is a job for the proper authorities.
: Some people think Stonehenge is magic. But some people think it is a beacon for signalling alien ships. No one knows what it does, Jade, even if it does anything at all.
: Besides what wrong hands are you talking about? Evil organizations aren't hiding behind every corner.
: He has spied the secret library! Jackie
: Libary? What library?
: He has discovered the hidden armory! Jackie
: I'm just looking for an exit!
: Maybe research is a bad idea. If they are after us because of what we know, do we really want to know more? Jade
: They're hiding something Jackie. And we gotta find out what!
: Jade, run!
[Fights with Police magister
: Jade, I told you to -
[Jackie realizes he's still handcuffed to Jade
: We have to get help before they find us again. Jade
: From who? We're fresh out of proper authorities. Anybody here could be another magister. Captain Black has magic issues. The only one who *will* help us is Uncle and he can't even use a fax! Jackie
: You're right. We are on our own. We had better find out *exactly* what they don't want us to know.
: Jade! Why do you have to show up *every* time? Jade
: Cause you'd miss me if I didn't.
: Oh give us a break, Chan. We're not even working for any forces of darkness this week. Ratso
: Yeah, we're on vacation. Chow
: Can't you let us have just one little priceless statue? Jackie
: The Burmese Raccoon belongs in a museum.
: Okay who *are* you guys? Jade
: Just three clowns who are about to get smacked down by Jade's Angels!
: All part of their good guy training. They can sit around home being good, or they can go out *do* good. Jackie
: Or get smacked down real good. Jade
: Okay, so their technique needs work. But I give them a solid "A" for effort.
: Heh. Heh. I am sorry. I will have the museum send a check for the broken building. Thank you.
: Strikemaster Ice is a twerp. I can take him!
[Jade starts to move to Strikemaster. Jackie stops her
: Say, Chan never said you couldn't get the drop on the other two. Jade
: [after the Dark Hand falls of a cliff
] I think I may actually miss them. Jade
: I know what you mean. Weird huh? Jackie
: Poor guys.
: Hi, Jackie. Jackie
: Jade? You were supposed to be taking a tour of Paris. Jade
: Tch. Obviously, you've never been on a tour bus with Uncle. Uncle
: [Cut to Uncle on the bus
] You drive too fast. Uncle cannot see the sites! Slow down!
: Cool. A wretched hive of scum and villainy. Come on! Jackie
: Jade! If I let you inside, you must do *everything* I say. First touch nothing. Second see nothing. Third talk to no one then
[Jackie notices Jade is already entering the bar
: Yeah, but now we also know he only steals "the finest far east art." Viper
: Hey, the kid's a good listener. Jackie
: No. How come you never listen to the things I say? For example "Stay with Uncle." Jade
: Aw man.
: Jade should not be running around rooftops with thieves. Viper
: I am not a thief. Better she learns how to catch bad guys from a pro. Jackie
: Jade does not need to know how to catch bad guys! Viper
: But *you* do!
: Breaking into the Louvre, I've been planning this in my head for years. Jackie
: Remember we're here to stop Origami. Don't steal anything. Viper
: Don't you trust me? Jackie
: No. I do not.
: Viper, look after Jade. Call the police.
: Wait, did he just ask me to look after you? Jade
: Duh! Jackie likes you. Viper
: How about that?
: "Just a normal thief" huh? Then I guess you didn't really didn't need my help. Jackie
: This is right. No help. Viper
: I understand.
[Kisses Jackie on the cheek as she leaves
: Captain Black? Aren't you out of your jurisdiction? Capt. Black
: Let's just say we love the Red Sox.
: This friend of Jade's is *too* polite. Jackie
: Uncle, Jade finally has a friend her own age. This could keep her away from portals, and demons.
: We got a *dog*? Jackie
: Interesting camouflage Uncle.
: Jade, go back to Section 13. Jade
: But this is personal! Jackie
: All the more reason. Promise me. Jade
: [Jade growls
: That's your fifth soda. Jade
: One for every Fenway Frank. Had to wash 'em down with something. Tohru
: I do not know where she puts it all.
: [Jade opens the door as a battle is going on
] Jade, don't open the door!
[Jade quickly slams the door shut
: Uncle we have to get Jade out. You have to reopen the portal! Uncle
: Chi spell has sealed the portal. Like it has sealed all the others... forever.
: The eighth door. Jackie
: Uncle? Uncle
: We have permanently seal the 7 portals belonging to 7 demon sorcerers, but *not* the one belonging to Shendu. It is Jade's *only* hope of escape from the Demon Realm.
Shendu the Fire Demon
: Why the interest in the box, Chan? You have sealed the portals. Jackie
: I want a keepsake of our time together.
: [Working the Panku box
] Oh nothing. Jade is good at puzzles. She could figure it out... If she were here.
: [Referring to Shendu's portal
] Oh it is near... You have got to be kidding! Tohru
: It is as if Jade herself guided us here. Jackie
: Hong Kong Mooseworld.
: Jade. Jade
: Did you miss me? Jackie
: Not at all.
: The enchanted moth is drawn to enchanted wool. It's light leads us through the fog to the power of the sheep. Jackie
: But we are heading towards the lake. I do not think the Loch Ness Monster is one of the animals of the Chinese Zodiac.
: Jade? Jade
: Hey, Jackie. Uncle. Jackie
: You are supposed to be at the Bed and Breakfast. Where there is no Dalong Wong, no dark chi warriors... Jade
: No cable.
: If I were an astral sheep where would I go? Jade
: Looking for some astral turf.
: What do we do now, Uncle? Lead it back with an astral sheepdog?
: It worked? Jade
: [Jade's voice comes out of Jackie's body
] Uncle, you rock! Now let's find Dalong Wong and kick some shriveled
: Why are there two of me? Jackie
: [Jackie's voice comes out Jade's body
] Why is your voice coming out of my body?
: I told you spell complicated.
: [In Jade's body
] When in Jade, do like Jade!
: Captain Black, I cannot find Jade anywhere. Capt. Black
: Good. We have a major operation going down and I can't risk her being underfoot. Jackie
: Uhh, Jade is always underfoot. If she is not under my feet, and not under your feet, whose feet is she under? Capt. Black
: ...Oh no!
: Hurry Jade may be in terrible danger! Capt. Black
: I'm sure Tag has everything under control. Jackie
: You think so? Capt. Black
: Now who's going to defeat Dr. Necrosis and destroy his Doomsday device?... Uncle Jackie? Jackie
: Oh no. Destroying a Doomsday Device sounds too dangerous. Jade
: Well sure if you say it like that.
: [after Jackie uses Tag as a weapon
] Careful you don't hurt Agent Tag. Jackie
: Him? What about me?
: Stay here!
: Stay here? Tch. When will he learn?
: You are not what I expected Agent Tag. Although your disguise as a buffon was most convincing. Jackie
: But I am not Agent Tag. I am Jackie Chan, a researcher! Dr. Necrosis
: Of course if you were Agent Tag, you would deny it emphatically. Jackie
: No. I would claim to be Agent Tag, assuming you would not believe me. Dr. Necrosis
: Then I would anticipate your assumption and I would not believe you. Jackie
: I would foresee your anticipating my assumption of you're not believing me. Dr. Necrosis
: But how could you predict I would expect your forseeing my anticipation of your assuming by not believing! HAH! Answer me that. Jackie
: I do not even know what you just said! Dr. Necrosis
: Precisely what I expected you to say, Agent Tag!
Shendu the Fire Demon
: My talismans! Jackie
: I'm sorry. I'll give it back. Thank you!
: I see no one here I would choose as my apprentice. Jade
: [Jade spots Tohru and gasps
] Well look again. Jackie
: He's... big. Uncle
: But Po Kong... is bigger.
: I do not belong with these heroes. The Ox made me strong, without it I am... Jade
: Hello? Talismans didn't make Jackie Chan a hero. You didn't even like to use them. Courage, brains and heart are your secret weapons. And you've already got those. All you need is proper training. Jackie, I can teach you what you taught me. You game?
: Stop fooling. Jackie
: [Jackie grabs Uncle's arm and reveals the Dog Talsman that Uncle's holding
] Fooling? I'm not immortal. Uncle
: Hmph. Excuses.
: Bad day... for demons.
: We know you have been doing very well there, Jade. Shin
: No doubt due to cousin Jackie's excellent training. Jackie
: In all honesty, it is Jade who sometimes trains me.
: Uh, you expected reality from "Brain Draining Freaks from Planet Medulla?"
: Uncle. I'm parched! Can't we just drink it? Jackie
: We are out of water. Uncle
: Do you want to find Tohru? Yes. Then we must not drink locator spell!
[the locator spell starts to glow
: Uh, how about now?
: [as Jackie is fighting Tohru
] Jackie, don't hurt Tohru! Jackie
: What about me?
: [as Jackie is running over a lake
] Jackie, water is very hot. Jackie
: I'm not soup yet!
: [as they're fighting stone sentinels
] The harder they are... Tohru
: The bigger they break.
: You need not worry, Tohru. Elephants may remember with their heads, but you remembered *us* with your heart. Jade
: Uh, Jackie, that's all he's going to remember us with if we don't figure out how to get Uncle's memory back. Jackie
: Then perhaps we should start doing some Jackie
: [Imitating Uncle
: Jade, I really want to spend time with you, but remember you cam into my life the same day as Section 13 and the Dark Hand. Things have been hectic. Now, you can't come with me tonight. But I promise, I'll take you to the parade tomorrow.
: [Referring to Viper
] Wow! When I grow up I want to be just like her. Jackie
: Huh? A criminal? Jade
: A female Jackie Chan!
: I am not a crook! I am an archaeologist!
[Knocks over a vase, setting off an alarm
: Way to go!
: You're all right, Jade. You've got a sharp criminal mind. Jade
] I do? Jackie
: NO! Jade has a lousy criminal mind!
: Viper pulled a viper... on me? Jackie
: Old proverb "There is no honor among thieves." Let's find her. Jade
: [Putting the jewel on the ground
] It's okay I have it. It's yours. Police Offlicer
: [Picking up the jewel
] Real good. Now tell us what you did with the Statue of Liberty!
: Jackie! We can't move back to Uncle's. It reeks in there like mungbeans and mothballs! And it's totally boring! Jackie
: Jade, you say "boring" like it's a bad thing.
: I'm an archaeologist, not an agent.
: I know you're eager to get on with your life, my friend. But you know more about these talismans than anybody. Jackie
: But... Capt. Black
: I need you Jackie - One last time. Jackie
: ...Uh, one last time.
: Just when you think you're out, they pull you back in. So can I... Capt. Black
[Jackie and Captain Black leave
] Didn't even let me ask.
: And if I didn't ask, how am I supposed to know what they said "no" to?
: [into his communicator
] All agents fall back! Repeat fall back! Jackie
: [watches the Dark Hand getting away
] One last time-
[Jackie chases after the Dark Hand
] Capt. Black
: Jackie! I said fall back! That means you too! Jackie
: I'm not an agent!
: [as they're approaching a mouth of a cave
] Look out!
: Yeah. Like I'm gonna fall for -
[Finn smashes into the cave
: Immortality hurts!
: I cannot believe I am stuck in the jungle with such a spoiled brat. Jade
: You invited me! Jackie
: I was talking about *him*.
[Cut to John Smith
: I'm sorry Jade, but you must learn that growing up sometimes means having to do things that are not fun. Jade
: Like guiding obnoxious jerks through the jungle just cause they give lots of money to the museum. Jackie
: Uh, yes.
: [after Jackie counter attacks
] Sorry, I did not want to do that. Jade
: Uh, better come up with more stuff you don't want to do... quick!
: [as he's fighting the Muntab guards
] This is a very bad way to work out disagreements. How about we sit down and -
[Jackie gets grabbed from behind
: [as dust comes out of the cave
] His heart was not pure. You will all pay for your lies.
[Jade gasps as Jackie emerges from the cave
: You really should re-enforce those walls. Cave is very flimsy.
: [after Jackie tosses the map into the fire
] Uh, Jackie, that was Smith's map. Jackie
: Yes. No one will ever find the Muntabs again. Jade
: Hello? How are we supposed to find our way back through the jungle? Jackie
: It's not polite to hack into a security system that doesn't belong to you. Jade
: I saw a seven.
: You bring me all the way out here to poison me? Valmont
: A rather appropriate lure since the venom now rushing through your veins will soon turn you to stone. Jackie
: Just because I believe in magic talismans doesn't mean I'm gullible. Valmont
: [Valmont catches a bug
] Visual aide.
[Valmont uses the potion on the bug and turns it to stone. Jackie gasps
: In 12 hours, Mr. Chan you shall be among the statuesque.
: The riddle of the horse talisman can wait. *I* will make an antidote. Jackie
: But Uncle we don't know the formula. Uncle
: Bah! Mine will be better.
: [after taking Uncle's first antidote
] What? What is it? Uncle
: Nothing. Don't - Don't look in the mirror. Jackie
: [Jackie looks at the mirror and realizes his turning into a lizard
] What? Uncle
: I told you not to look in the mirror!
: Jackie, you *have* to give the talismans to Valmont! Jackie
: I can't. According to legend, the power of each talisman is nothing compared to power of all 12 combined. Jade
: But if you're turned to stone, who's going to stop the Dark Hand from getting the talismans anyway? Jackie
: That's Captain Black's department. I'm just research, remember? Jade
: Jackie, *please*! I don't want a boulder for an uncle!
: [Getting a call from Captain Black
] She what? Capt. Black
: Caught it all on tape. Jade's made her point. She can be an agent when she grows up. Now tell her to return the goods. Jackie
: Yes, I will tell her.
: Hi Jade. Jade
: Jackie! Don't sneak up on me like that. Jackie
: Oh? I was sneaking up on you? You're supposed to be back at the hotel Jade
: Sure limit my exposure to other cultures. Stifle my educational progress.
: Jade stop following me! Jade
: I got here first. So technically you followed me.
: Jackie! They're *all* snakes! Jackie
: Bad snake! Bad snake! Bad snake!
: Jackie, are you okay? Jackie
: I will be, after a week in traction.
: After what we've been through, getting the talisman from the museum should be a snap. Jade
: We're off to the jungle. Jackie
: Jade? Jade
: New York. The concrete jungle. Duh.
: Who... what are you? Shendu
: I *am* the keeper of the Talismans. I *am* the Apocalypse of which legend speaks. And I *am*, for once and for all, your executioner.
: Did the demon have any specific markings? Capt. Black
: Red eyes, great big claws, and razor sharp teeth isn't specific enough for you? Uncle
: [Uncle growls
] Thousands of demon sorcerers have existed throughout history. I need more information: a symbol, a name, *any*thing! Tohru
: [Tohru enters
] Chan! Jackie
: Go away! We have no more talismans! Tohru
: The demon's name, Shendu.
: [Jackie's wrestling with Shendu
] The playing field is almost even Shendu! Shendu
: You may have the Ox, but relative to me, all that makes you is a very strong mouse!
: You destroyed the demon yin and yang! Now the world is out of balance!Nobody told you to destroy the demon! Jackie
: Jade did it!
: Now there is a void for a new *stronger* evil to fill!
: That reminds me, a letter from Jade's parents arrived yesterday. They are very please with how much she has learned in America. Jade
: [Jade enters
] One more thing, they're so pleased they want me to stay here for another year. Jackie
: Jade! Jade
[Runs and hugs Jackie
: Jade. Scruffy must attend obedience school until he learns to listen. No doubt he takes after his master. Jade
: Har har.
: What? Eww. Pee-eww. That is the largest poopie I have ever - I must be on the right track.
: Say hello to T-Girl and her Amazing T-Troop! Jackie
: The animals. Your moose. Your muscles? Jade
: [Nervous laugh
] Joined a gym.
: I must rescue Jade! SuperMoose
: Shh. You don't want to reveal T-Girl's secret identity do you? Jackie
: T-Girl? I wa- I am debating with a stuffed moose.
: [after Eggbert levitates the potion
] Good work, Eggbert. Now I am complementing a rooster.
: You've been reading? For pleasure? Jade
: Not like there's anything else to do around here.
: I really thought Tohru had left his past behind. Capt. Black
: So did I. But the sad truth is, some people never change.
: I told you to keep it down! Jackie
: Uncle! The gloves! They're alive! Uncle
: You are dreaming, Jackie. Go back to -
[the gloves drop on Jackie's head and attack Jackie
: Ai Ya!
: Stop! Jackie
: I don't think the gloves are listening. Jade
: Hmm. Maybe they'll listen to this.
[Jade opens the chest and grabs a jewel
: Oh gloves, I'm stealing your jewels.
: Keep the police busy, can't let them see Tohru. Uncle
: Forgive my earlier rudeness sergeant. I wish to apologize, by telling you my life story.
: [trying a door
] Locked! Whoa! Finn
: Try knocking. Maybe somebody'll
[Door opens sending the Dark Warriors over the building
: [to Jade
] Remember. Do not mention magic. No one ever believes.
: Please can't we just talk about... Jade
: Maybe they don't know how to talk. Buford MacDonald
: My brother E.B. here graduated Stanford Phi Beta Kappy. E.B. MacDonald
: And Buford is a renowned nuclear physicist.
: Willy John, I will marry you when pigs fly! Jackie
: Whaa -
[Jackie runs by being chased by the flying pig and rooster
: What in Sam Hill's nanny going on here? Jackie
: The animals have magic powers, and dark forces have come to claim them. Mr. MacDonald
: Magic? Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?
: One more thing. Stay awake. You break many antiques when you sleepwalk. Jackie
] I don't sleepwalk. Uncle
: So, you break my antiques for fun? Ratso
: What's a Babylonian urn? Finn
: Probably more than we do.
: Hello? Jade
: Jackie, help! Jackie
: Jade? What's wrong? Jade
: *Never* leave with Uncle again! We eat nothing but mungbeans and rice. And he reeks of garlic! And Uncle's no fun. I asked him when we could go to the new Melvin Moose Amusement Park, and he's all
[Jade imitates Uncle
: "Roller Coasters are not good for digestion!"
: Please Uncle I have been traveling for 18 hours. I jumped from a helicopter and ran off a falling train. Uncle
: That is why you must relax with a good book.
: Dream? Oh that's crazy, Jade. You're crazy. Jade
: If I'm the crazy one, how come you're the one not wearing pants?
: [answering his cellphone
] Black. Jackie
: Captain Black, trust me. You're in terrible danger. Jade is evil! Capt. Black
: She's a handful, Jackie. But evil?
: And if the monkey has the shape shifter power, how do we know it's even a monkey anymore? Uncle
: Why do you both question Uncle? To find the monkey in any shape or form, you must feel the power within the peel.
[Points to the banana Jackie's holding
: But I do not feel an pow-
[Jackie is suddenly pulled in one direction
: Wha - Brakes. Brakes!
: [Haiku has changed into a gorilla and is stretch Jackie
] Don't take it personally. Haiku doesn't know you're trying to help. Jackie
: No offense.
[Haiku stretches him some more
: Um, and you went to all the trouble to see us. Why? Monkey King
: Let's see, maybe, oh, a little something I like to call *revenge*! Uncle
: So, you want a piece of Uncle?
: Never I'd be rooting for Dalong Wong over anybody! Jackie
: Come on!
[They all run. Dalong Wong casts a spell trapping them
: On second thought, go Monkey King.
: You know, eh, this isn't a very humorous revenge for the King of Comedy. Monkey King
: Sweet simpering simian!... You have a point.
[Leaves then returns and puts leis on Uncle and Jackie
] Monkey King
: We're going to laugh it up at a luau.
: Look, Jade has to get out of here. Now! Jade
: What'd I... Hey! How do you know my name? Jackie
: Who are you? And what do you want with Jade? Adult Jade
: Not me. Him!
[Drago appears in the distance
: Look Jade has nothing to do with this. Jade
, Adult Jade
: Talk later! Drago
: Ah, Mr. Jackie Chan. My *dad* sends his best. Jackie
: Your father? Who is your father?
[Drago breaths fire at Jackie
: Never mind. I have a pretty good idea! Thank you.
: Oh, and I thought one Jade gave me a headache.
: Luckily I convinced you and Uncle to become Section 13's Official Magic Consultants. Jackie
: You mean, I never leave Section 13?
: And I just wanted to let you know. That I am proud of who you turn out to be. Adult Jade
: I owe who I turn out to be to one person, Uncle Jackie. Jackie
: Huh? Adult Jade
: You. Duh!
: [after being attacked
] Spring-Heeled Jack needs a time out.
: Tiger, Uncle and the uh, Pussycat need your help. Jackie Dark
: Sorry, I'm busy with my big debut. Jade
: Okay, but you're going to miss out on some butt kicking action all over an evil troll. Jackie Dark
: Hmm, evil troll... big debut... evil troll.
[Takes the cellphone from Jade
] Jackie Dark
: I'm on my way, brother!
] Jackie Dark
: Stay here!
: This is terrible. My dark side has gone over to the dark side!
: Tiger, we must reunite. Jackie Dark
: For once, I think you may be right. Jackie
: [after he's been reunited
] I am me again! I am back! And ohh... my aching back!
: Don't forget Jackie, you promised to come see me in the final performance of Jekyll and Hyde tomorrow. Jackie
: Oh, Jade, I'm sorry. But I will be busy writing up my research on the underground city. And I cannot be in two places
[Jade glares at him
: I will be there.
: Hey folks, hate to interrupt snack time but... Jade
[Tosses her energy bar over the heads of the Dark Warriors. The ox charges through them to get the snack
: I guess one should never come between a hungry ox and its vittles.
: You can finish introductions later, Jade. It's almost time for school. Jade
: [Jade gasps
] School? Jackie
: All good things must come to an end, even Spring Break.
: So, you have come for the animals. Jackie
: Uh, what animals? Jade
: Uh, yeah. Heh. I don't see any animals.
[the magical animals run past them
: Ai Ya!
: I bet you're wondering why all the animals... Jackie
: I *know* why!
: Remain here. Jade
: But Jackie, there are 9 animalsl, 4 evil dudes and only 3 of you. We need to even things... Jackie
: Jade, you have caused enough trouble.
: You're right, I have... Which is why I have to make things right!
: Jackie, guard the door! In case it returns. Jackie
: "It?" Uncle
: Hidden inside of an antique Mr. Lam tried to trick us in to taking it. Jackie
: What is "it?" Uncle
: A Kiang Chi. A vampire. Jade
: Told you.
: Do not breathe. The Kiang Chi is blind. It can only find you if it smells your breath.
[Tohru and Jade hold their breaths
: You are making this
[the Kiang Chi approaches Jackie. Jackie holds his breath
: [Speaking like Jade
] How we gonna save Uncle without Uncle? Jade
: [Speaking like Uncle
] We must do research. Jackie
: You gotta be kidding me.
: Uncle is turning into the vampire's minion. Use my chi for the transfusion.
[Jade slaps Jackie
: Ow! Jade
: I do not know such spells! Jade has Uncle's *chi* not his *brains*!
: So everybody's chi is back where it belongs? Tohru
: Thank you for the loan, Jade. It was... cool. Jade
: No problem Big T. But... I don't think Uncle got all his chi back. I have this monster craving for mung beans!
: Hmm, I suppose this is one time you *could* come along and not be in the way. Jade
: YES!... Hey, what's that supposed to mean?
: [answering his cell phone
] Hello? Jade
: Jackie, the Dark Hand guys are right outside the Wax Museum. Jackie
: What? Jade, how do you do that?... Never mind, do nothing until I get there. Jade
: Can't hear you
[Jade makes static sounds into her cell phone
: You're breaking
[Jade makes more static sounds
: Look, Lar, Jackie Chan here is going to be the next big action superstar! And you have the opportunity to get in on the ground floor. Jackie
: Jade... Jade
: Right. Did I mention that he does all his own stunts?
: Jade *never* does nothing. Jackie
: I know, but I feel I have to say it.
: We know of a Mexican restaurant where Uncle found the castinets. Jackie
: In Chinatown? Uncle
: Hollywood is a strange and mysterious place.
: Thanks for the reboot. Guess I just needed a little kick in the butt to start kicking butt again. Jade
: No prob! Hey, maybe I'll come back and visit some time. Adult Jade
: Jade! You weren't supposed to... Oh, why do I bother?
: Ai ya! Young Jade and older Jade. Uncle has deja vu all over again. Jackie
: Jade, explain. Jade
, Adult Jade
: Iso stole our half of the Arcanum of Chi in the past using a time portal spell. So I followed him through when he escaped back to the future. Jackie
: No. Please. One Jade at a time.
: I am very proud of you both. Tohru
: The time portal spell is ready. Jade
: So it's "save the day and don't let the door hit you on the way out." Harsh!
: Ai ya! Half the orb is missing! Jade
: [Entering through a time portal
] Two halves are better than one. I always say. Jackie
: Jade, explain.
: Not Viking Opera. Peking Opera with very special performers. Jackie
: [Reading the tickets
] 7 Little Fortunes?
: But Uncle that is... Uncle
: Troupe with which I received my Opera training.
: Jade, pay attention.
[Jade groans as Uncle takes away her game. Then Uncle notices Jackie working
: Hmph. Jackie
: Er, I am multi-tasking. Uncle
: [Uncle takes away his notepad
] Now you are *one*-tasking!
: Well, it's obvious mega-brow is the ringleader of the gang. Uncle
: No! Beetlebrow may be a stubborn, self-righteous, intolerant mule. But I know him to be honorable and incorruptable. He would never tolerate criminals in his company. Jackie
: But Uncle we saw them... Uncle
: Promise me, you will leave matters to the Police. Jackie
: [Jackie groans
] I promise. Jade
: [Quietly to herself
] That makes one of us.
: Jade, we just can't go out there. If Uncle sees us... Jade
: Uncle won't need to know it's us. Jackie
: [Realizing what Jade has in mind
] You have to be kidding.
: Clowning around has its moments. But I think I will stick with my calling archeology.
: Jackie, I can't take first prize at the talent show if I don't have a talent. Jackie
: Jad, you have a fine talent... for getting into trouble Jade
: Har har.
: But Kai Ching said it was one-of-a-kind.
[Uncle slaps Jackie twice
: And that is two-of-a-kind, to teach you that brining my competitors goods into my shop invites bad chi... And one more thing, do you see any Monkey Kings in here? No? That is because the Monkey King is known for his love of mischief.
[Uncle looks at the Monkey King puppet
: And he is creepy looking.
: Hmm. An inscription. "To free me of glitches, and put you in stitches. This merry ape begs, please pull my leg." Jade
: Go for it.
: Well it's a start. Jackie
: What? What is it? Uncle
: Uh, nothing. Do not look in mirror. Jackie
: [Jackie looks in a mirror and realizes his a puppet
] Bwaaa? Huh? Uncle
: I told you not to look in mirror! He never listens.
: Jackie's back! In the flesh. Jackie
: And I hope to stay this way. Knock on wood.
[Knocks on the Monkey King's wooden head
: [Jackie takes cover under a plane
] Hi Jackie. Jackie
: Bwhaa? Jade
: Before you get mad. Listen the capital of Kansas is Kansas City. Jackie
: The capital is Topeka! And that is not the point!
: [seeing Jade
] Ah the former Queen of the Shadowkhan. Returning to the forces of darkness? Jackie
: [Grabbing Jade and running away
] Thank you no, not today! Jade
: Er, what Jackie said. Tarakudo
: In time, you're young.
: [Catching up to Jackie in midair
] Hey Jackie. Jackie
: Bwhaa? Jade! Jade
: Never exit an aircraft without one of these.
[Pointing to her parachute
: When I was a child growing up in Japan, my mother told me of the Oni. Hideous horned demons, who would sneak into the rooms of disobedient children. Jackie
: [Looking at Jade
] And what did they want with these disobedient children?
[Jade blows a raspberry
: The Oni would
: eat their souls. Eww!
: Now evil has been defeated. Tohru
: Um, one more thing... Jackie
: Oh no.
: It's like somebody hit Uncle's mute button. Tohru's Mom in Tohru's body
: Ahh. Wishes do come true. Jackie
: [Jackie gasps
] The mirror spirits! They're making our worst fears about ourselves come true!
: [Uncle is gesturing furiously at Jackie
] Something tells me I am fortunate I did not hear that.
: [Uncle is gesturing at Tohru. Tohru is yelling at Uncle
] Stop it! We have no time for bickering Tohru!... Uh, Tohru's mom... Uh, forget it!
: [after climbing to the top of the statue
] Jade! How did you get up here? Jade
: Duh! Took the tram. I'm stubborn, not stupid.
: [after catching one spirit in a CD
] The disc must be full. We need more reflective objects!
: Look, Jade. There really is a talisman on the tortoise. And if you saw it on TV, we can bet the Dark Hand did too. Jade
: Tch. Like bad guys watch.
[there's an explosion and the Dark Hand arrives
: Jade, we don't know what power this talisman possesses. If the Dark Hand gets it, people could be in danger. Jade
: Oh, so you're okay letting something that looks just like Uncle get eaten.
: [Jackie drops down in front of Ratso
] Uncle! Jackie
: [Jackie looks around
: Whoa. How'd you get from there to here so fast? Jackie
: [Jackie shows her the rabbit talisman
] And now we'll save the tortoise. See slow and steady wins the race. Jade
: But you have super rabbit speed. I'm getting mixed messages here. Jackie
: Oh - eh - uh. Don't be smart!
: [Giving Jade martial arts lessons
] Breathe deeply... The breath flows to the finger tips down to the toes. Jade
: And the toes go up the bad guy's nose! HY-YA!... What? He was asking for it.
: Jade! What are you doing here? Jade
: Like I'm going to come all the way down to Australia, and not ride a kangaroo. Tch.
: Drago! Uncle, hurry! Uncle
: Ai-ya! Nephew has ants in his pants. Magic cannot be rushed.
[Uncle starts chanting faster
: Hey, since we're still on Australian time, technically it's tomorrow and I've already been to school. Jackie
: Ha ha ha. "A" for effort, "F" for logic. Now go to bed. You have a big field trip tomorrow.
: Jade! I told you to stay on the bus. Jade
: What's your point?
: Uncle, this place. Explain. Uncle
: Double dose of Demon Chi has awakened angry spirits in house. Jackie
: We must find Jade.
: [a truck breaks into the museum
] Uh, deliveries in back, please. Strikemaster Ice
: No a delivery, yo. It's a pick up! And you're the merchandise.
: Once the demon chi is mine, the *real* fun begins. Jackie
: A trip to Mooseworld is fun. What you have in mind is... probably not fun... Whatever it is.
: It is almost 3. Do something Jackie. Jackie
: [Jackie hits a bar on the cage and grunts
] I am trying Uncle.
[Jackie hits the bar again
: Trying not helping. Doing would be helpful.
: I'm sure Jade wouldn't be so foolish as to actually deliver the containment unit to Drago. Jackie
: To protect us, I'm afraid Jade would do anything.
: Keep your eyes out for the gourd and try to blend in. Uncle
: Uncle doesn't blend.
: [Referring to their competition
] Relax they're not home. Jackie
: Jade! Go back to the treehouse. Jade
: Jackie three words: Flat screen television.
: Nice trick, Drago. But if you ask me, your act is still all wet. Drago
: Nobody likes a critic, Chan!
: Jade do not be upset. We captured the demon chi. Jade
: Uh, can I watch cartoons on it? I don't think so!
: [opens a door and finds a panther
] I have had enough work for one day! It is quitting time! Go! GO!
: Hello, Mr. Chupacabra. You look like you're having a very bad night. Do you have a splinter in your paw? Perhaps we can help.
: [to El Chupacabra
] You do not want to eat me! I am not a goat!
El Toro Fuerte
: My friend I fear you must translate more quickly.
: I feel like I am missing something obvious. Oh wait here it is.
[reading a tablet
: "Beware of the Chupacabra's claw. The evil can be transferred from beast to man and the man will become the beast." Bad news.
[notices El Toro has changed
: Have the movies taught you nothing? Whoever goes to get the firewood is always the creeping terror's first victim! Jackie
: So *that's* what happened to the other little girl I sent to get firewood...
: You knew about the Temple Guardian. Old Monk
: Of course. Ancient wisdom: the worm realizes he is bait after the fish bites him.
: Xu-Lin, STOP! That's my uncle. He's here to help! Jackie
: [Dodging the temple guardian's attack
] I don't think she wants my help!
: Uncle Jackie, the sun's coming up! Jackie
: Good. Jade
: You don't understand! The temple vanishes at dawn and anyone inside goes with it! Jackie
: How many crazy rules does this temple have?
: Hey Jackie, when Uncle gets the powers out these guys, we still get to keep 'em, right? Jackie
: Jade, the animal have owners, or natural habitats. Don't you think we should return them? Jade
: What? NO! They're my pets! Jackie
: Who has a pet ox? Jade
: Can we at least keep Scruffy? Please! He *belongs* in Section 13. He's a natural crime fighter, and he's already house broken. And... Jackie
: And he keeps the neighbors awake with his barking.
: Jade this is too dangerous. We could be facing a dragon. Jade
: Not just any dragon! Jackie
: [as he's be pursued by Shendu
] The power of levitation, right. Jade
: Tch. Just be glad he doesn't have superspeed. Jackie
: Jade! Are you crazy? If anything has ever been too dangerous. This is it! Jade
: Hey, where my pooch goes, I go!
: [Referring to Scruffy
] Can we keep him Jackie? Jackie
: [to Captain Black
] Uh, can we keep him? Capt. Black
: Who else will fetch my slippers? Jade
: Yes! Capt. Black
: But he *will* have to move out of the vault. Need to make some room for some new arrivals.
: Jade, the first rule of research is patience. Uncle
: Can you not read faster, Tohru? Cobwebs are forming on Uncle!
: You must feel power, Ratso. Call upon the darkness within. Tarakudo
: Oh, okay I got it. Jackie
: No! No feeling! No calling!
: I miss him already. Jackie
: Jade! I told you to go with Uncle, not stay with - Uncle. Jade
: No wonder I got confused. Too many uncles.
: [Running away with the cards
] Sorry, I will not return them. Thank you.
: [Answering his cellphone
] Uncle, is that you? Uncle
: No. It is a magazine salesman calling you at 5 O'Clock in morning.
: Hey! Maybe you hadn't heard. Possesion is nine tenths of the law! Ratso
: Yeah? And here's the other *two* tenths! Jackie
: You need to work on your math.
: But it's mine! I-I-I-I paid for it! Jackie
: No! It belongs to the museum! Valmont
: [to Cardiff Zendo
] And you belong to me, rat! Jade
: Think again Catman-don't!
: [as the Dark hand throws an urn at him
[Catches the urn and puts gently puts it down
: Babylonian urn. Ratso
: What's a Babylonian earn? Finn
: Probably more than we do.
: [Kark Hand has Jade
] Look what washed up on deck. Jackie
: Jade! What are you doing here? Jade
: Heh. Looks like I'm the catch of the day.
: [Seeing where Ikazuki ended up
] The demon from planet Ura... Jackie
: Jade! Jade
: Er- Neptune.
: [Uncle is slapping himself
] Uncle please. Uncle
: No Uncle has it coming. Uncle had opportunity to warn Tohru, but did he? No! All because of silly argument. Now my apprentice is in danger of becoming demon.
[Uncle slaps himself
: One more thing, Uncle says "One more thing" too often.
: Uncle, are we sure dabbling with Shadow Magic is the best idea? Uncle
: If we are to find where Shadowkhan are keeping Tohru, then like Shadowkhan we must travel through Shadow.
: [to himself
] Drago has Black pinned down. I need to create a diversion. Jade
: [Loudly to Drago
] Yo hothead! Jackie
: Huh? Jade
: Remember me? There's no "get out jail" free cards as long a J Girl's still got game!
: Jade, stay here.
[Jackie gets in the Captain Black's car and starts to buckle up
[Jackie turns, spots Jade already buckled up in the back seat. Jackie gives a startled yell
: Don't you get tired of saying that?
: But Uncle, we already defeated the other seven demons.
[Uncle slaps Jackie twice
: Clean wax out of ears. Uncle said "Demon Chi." Not demons themselves.
: Why did you let demon take immortal fan? Jackie
: Oh, bad day. Bad day. Bad day.
: Hurry Jackie! Jackie
: I know we mustn't allow Shendu to release the water demon. Uncle
: No. Hurry! Uncle's legs are getting a *big* cramp!
: Guess we won't be need that chi spell after all. Jackie
: Don't be so sure Jade... Eh. Jade! I thought I told you to stay with
[Jackie notices Tohru
: Tohru. Tohru
: She is very persuasive.
: Shh. You'll wake Shendu. Jackie
: He's napping? Valmont
: I rendered him unconscious. Now please you must help. I want him exorcised! Jade
: Tch. LIke we're going to help Shendu get in shape.
: Uncle, you did not remove Shendu from Valmont? Uncle
: With what spell? Too many interruptions. I had to concoct an anti-water summoning spell.
: The coast is clear. Jackie
: Move quickly Tohru. Jade must not find out Captain Black is assembling the J Team, or she will hatch another kooky -
[Jackie opens the door. Jade is standing outside
: I've hatched a mondo plan to take down the J Team's archnemesis Barthomew Chang. Tell you all about it on the way to Section 13.
: Uh... spell? Tohru
: What spell? Jade
: What's it matter? Didn't work.
[the J Team starts to glow
[the J Team all change
: Or maybe it took time to kick in because I forgot the *garlic.* Duh!
: Jade is right. We must act our real ages. We must find the stolen Jade and return to safety. We must stop Mr. Poopyhead. Jade
: Nuh-uh Jackie. You're too young to stop Chang. And I'm too young to be an adult! Uncle you have to do something!
: [Referring to Chang's Jade hand
] You will need a note from your parents to get this back.
[Young Chang growls
: Yeah, you are *so* grounded. Jackie
: Chang is not the only one who is grounded, Jade. Jade
: I know you are, but what am I?
: Too... weak... can't... go on. Jackie
: Have an enery bar, Jade. Jade
: Can't chew... No... energy.
: We must protect the ox. Uncle
: Ox not important. Power within ox *is*.
: Why has you incessant mouth suddenly grown silent?
[Turns and gasps as he spots Jackie where Uncle should be
: [Jackie imitates Uncle
] Uh, one more thing.
[In regular voice
: Who am I kidding?
: Quickly Tohru, you must find a spell to release me. Tohru
: Uh -m -me? Isn't it Jackie's turn to cast a spell? Uncle
: Jackie must retrieve the rest of Uncle from Hak Foo. Jackie
: Yes. I must.
: Stop! Do not take that which does not belong to you, uh, mortal! Hak Foo
: Shiva speaks?
] Hak Foo
: With a familiar voice.
[Hak Foo destroys the statue's body. Leaving only Shiva's head on Jackie
: Shiva runs too!
: Geography later. The bands now! Jackie
: [Jackie sees Tohru's shoe moving closer
] Shoe! Hak Foo
: No one shoo's me!
: [Inside Tohru's ear
] But please if we do not leave here fast, Tohru will be in grave danger. Hak Foo
: So I heard. I shall defeat my two greatest enemies today!
: [while fighting in Tohru's ear
] Tohru, you must stop Uncle. I am inside your head! Tohru
: Sensei, Jackie says he is inside my head. Uncle
: [Uncle gasps
] There is no room to grow inside there. Jade
: Tohru's head is going to go Scanner?
: [after Jackie crash lands at a family dinner table
] Uh, pass the bok choy please.
: Uncle, why won't you sleep? Uncle
: Because I have demons on the brain. I lay down all I hear is: chi spell. Chi spell! Chi spell! Jackie
: Have you tried counting sheep? Uncle
: [Uncle gasps
] Demons always eat sheep.
: Jackie, we've spotted the Dark Hand. Jackie
: I'm on my way! Capt. Black
: Care to know where you're going? Jackie
: I don't care. Anywhere but here! Capt. Black
: You are either a very large grub, or this Jackie Chan of whom all demons speak. Jackie
: Grub. Grub. Dai Gui
: Consider yourself buried Jackie Chan!
: Jackie! You must not let Dalong Wong have the talismans! Jackie
: Ok. No one will have them!
: Jackie, you blew them up. Jackie
: It is finally over.
[Uncle slaps Jackie
: Ow! Uncle
: Not over! It is just beginning. Jackie
: It is? Uncle
: Talismans can be destroyed. But the powers they contain cannot. Magic has been set free. Scattered to the winds. Which means Dalong Wong will try to find them. Jade
: You mean Jackie just started the Talisman hunt all over again? Cool!
: Jackie! What's going on? Jackie
: More than you can possibly imagine.
: [Speaking of Scruffy
] The little fella really should stay where it's safe, Jackie. Jackie
: But Section 13 *isn't* safe. Dalong Wong already penetrated security once. Uncle
: Magic defeats magic. A good chi spell will keep Dalong Wong and his warriors out. One more thing, get cracking! You have 11 more animals to locate.
: Yeah, yeah. I know.
: "You are supposed to be on the tour." Jackie
: No, Jade. Those are not rabbit holes! Jade
: [Reading the signs
] "Danger. Geisers"
[Grunts as she tries to get out
: Jackie, help!
] Look, we both know that jackalopes are rabbits who wear fake antlers for the tourists. Mayor
: No siree. I assure you that Douglas jackalopes are the real deal.
[Jackie removes the fake antlers
: Now that was an ugly thing to do.
: But Jackie, I'm an essential member of Clan Chan! Jackie
: Which is why I am giving you an essential mission. Go to the last library down the block and do your homework. Jade
: Ooo. Highly classified.
: [after taking the rabbit from Dalong Wong
] I will *not* bring it back later! Thank you! Chip
: How many schools are trying to nab it?
: [after an explosion
] Jade? Jade
: Maybe a working volcano exhibit *is* too advanced for me.
: [Answering his cell phone
] Black. Jackie
: Tell Uncle I have a strong hunch that the portal belongs to the Moon Demon!
[Another booster rocket separates
: Talk later!
: Where on Earth do I find a Moon Demon on the moon? Tso Lan
: Behind you! Jackie
: Uh, hello. Tso Lan
: You dare interrupt me in my moment of triumph? Jackie
: It's what I do.
: An incantation. The lotus pod. In order for it to hex me, you must remove your helmet. Which you cannot do. Jackie
: Then let me air this out.
[Holds his breath and removes his air hose
: [Attacking Hak Foo
] Let him go! Jackie
: Jade, who is steering?
: Jackie, you are trying to find card with mask removal ingredient? Jackie
: No Uncle! I am trying not to become alligator bait! Uncle
: Well, you must learn to multi-task! Now come. We must research mask removal ingredient.
: Jackie! He's too big! Jackie
: Jade. Run! Jade
: [Jade spots a small Shadowkhan
] Run after tiny, right!
: You are here for the mask, huh? Jackie
: How do you know this? Miss Kimber
: [to Jade
] Boy's not too quick on the uptake, huh?
] Miss Kimber
: I'm psychic, hon.
: You didn't follow them? They could've led us to Valmont himself. Jackie
: Ach... I was a little preoccupied.
[Jackie shows him the soles of his shoes which were burned off by the lava
: Uh, Jackie. You're not a secret. You're an archaeologist, right? Jackie
: I know that Jade. I'm just going to retrieve a talisman.
: His anger clouds his judgment. Jade
: I noticed.
: Uncle. What are you doing here? Uncle
: Making sure you do not lose your temper, and do something foolish. Jade
: Good job, Uncle.
: Within each of us lies conflicting forces: yin and yang, light and dark, good and evil. Jade
: Like Jackie has a dark side. Jackie
: I do. Her name is Jade.
: I am the dark side! I murdered a bug. Jade
: [to Jackie Dark
] You're the side who ate my candy? You're evil. Evil! Uncle
: Not evil. Just lacking sound judgement, without his good side to guide him.
: Perhaps there is another way. Bring me the talismans from Section 13 and I will make you a rich man. Jackie Dark
: Works for me.
: Are you *sure* Uncle isn't running a fever? Jackie
: Jade, Uncle loves Christmas.
[Quietly to Jade
: It is when sales are best.
[Uncle slaps Jackie
: Commercialism not important. Christmas spirit is!
: But what would Dalong Wong want with Santa? Jackie
: Uh, revenge for years of coal. Jade
: Duh! Wong's part grinch. He wants to ruin Christmas! Not that Santa's for real.
: There's no margin for error guys. If we're gonna save Santa, we need more muscle. Jackie
: Oh, she's having one of her moments. Jade
: We need the J Team!
: You need to come home, and the talismans must be returned to Section 13. Out of reach of the Dark Hand. Lo Pei
: I know nothing of Dark Hands, only that the talismans must remain hidden, lest they fall into the hands of the ultimate evil! Jackie
: "The ultimate evil." What is it? Lo Pei
: You dare ask a sacred warrior to speak its name?
: Shadowkhan! Lo Pei
: You must go. As the bamboo stands firm against the furious hail, so shall I stave them off, so long as I am able. I entrust you to guard the talismans. And keep your world safe from the Ultimate Evil. Jackie
: I understand. Thank you.
] Lo Pei
: Goodbye pal. ENERGY SCROLL!
: The statue is good as new, uh, I mean old! Better even. You need to see this Jade. Jade
[Uncle gasps. Jade turns around and looks at the statue and notice Lo Pei is giving a thumbs up
: HO AHH!
: Been looking for you everywhere, Jackie. I have a high priority assignment, especially suite to your talents. Jackie
: Baby sitting? Capt. Black
: Not baby sitting. Body guarding! And this isn't just *any*body. You'll be guarding Lili the King of Tangra.
: [after finding out the Snake Talisman is missing
] The power of invisibility. Jade! Capt. Black
: I'm losing you, Jackie. Jackie
: Good news, Captain Black. I don't think the King has been kidnapped. Capt. Black
: Kidnapped? Jackie
: Uh. I have to go! I call you later! Bye-bye!
[ends the call
: It's gonna be close. The runner slides.
[Lili slides into home plate
: He's safe! Jackie
: Yes. But you are in trouble! Jade
, King Lili
: I can explain!
: I have heard that my great-great-grandfather came out west and lived in a cowboy town. I'm curious to see what one looks like.
[Uncle and Jade groan
: Driver's privilege.
: This is so cool! She's my long lost great-great something or other. I betcha she looked exactly like me. Jackie
: Actually it says here that the Sheriff's niece was very tall and 15 years old. Jade
: Must be a typo.
: [to Uncle
] Bah! That is the fate of my great-great-grandfather that you are using to clean your glasses!
: Jackie, I'm open! Jackie
: Jade? What are you doing - Why do I bother to ask?
: [Referring to her clones
] Can't I come, Jackie? They're getting on my nerves! Jackie
: [Jackie chuckles slightly
] But you have so much in common. You will have to stay here. *ALL* of you!
: Okay, whoever cast the spell in the first place is grounded with no TV for a year! Jade Clones
: [the clones all gasp. And point to the original
] SHE DID IT! Jade
: ...Tch. Tattletales.
: Have you come to Section 13 to yourself in? Drago
: In your dreams, Chan!... I'm here to throw a little barbecue.
: Don't you know what today is? Uncle
: Ha cha! Very important day! Day for Uncle's haircut. Jade
: Oh come on! You know it's my birthday. Now for breakfast I want chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream and strawberries and... Jackie
: I'm sorry, Jade. Things are a little busy around Section 13 this morning. We'll have to celebrate your birthday later.
: Drago! Jackie
: And... Strikemaster Ice? Jade
: Hey. Pizza face got a Drago makeover. Strikemaster Ice
: Yo dog. You didn't say *nothing* about putting the hurt on Chan! First day on the job, we already get a bonus!
: [as he's escaping
] I'm sorry I'll be back to destroy you later. Thank you!
: [the J Team clones appear
] Where's mine? Jade Clone
] Okay team, let's rock! Viper Clone
: What's the kid doing here? Jackie Clone
] She never listens.
, Jade Clone
: Let's rock team! Jackie
, Jackie Clone
: [Holding them back
] Jade, leave this to the grown ups.
: You know Tohru, you really should consider coming over to the good side. Section 13 has a marvelous dental plan. And every Thursday is donut day.
: Jackie, has Uncle always been like all, you know, Uncly? Jackie
: No Jade. When Uncle was young, he was just like me. Jade
: Does that mean you're going to be grouchy, constipated, and smell like garlic when you're Uncle's age?
: [Stepping on Jackie
] Black Tiger crushes Chan. Uncle
: You. Tiger Man, remove your foot from Jackie. Jackie
: [Jackie's dazed
] What's a Jackie? Hak Foo
: Take your leave, or feel the burn. Uncle
: You talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?
: Oh Uncle, somebody made a sale.
: But wait, I also made an acquisition.
[Holds up an emerald
: Ai ya!
: I can handle a little bad luck Jade. Uncle
: Not without Uncle's lucky charms.
[Puts a garlic necklace on Jackie
: Garlic. Good for digestion, and for luck. One more thing,
[Uncle hands Jackie a rabbit
: rabbit's feet. They work better when they're still on the rabbit.
[Uncle hands Jackie some radishes
: And keep these with you at all times, or else... Jackie
: Or else what? Uncle
: The rabbit will get hungry!
: One more thing, watch out for pickpockets. The curse is transferred when the emerald is exchanged *willingly*. But if the gem is stolen... Jackie
: Stolen? Uncle
: The curse will stay with you forever! Jackie
: Lucky me.
: Whoa, so that's how I do heat beam eyes. Maybe dragon blast is my belly button. Jackie
: No Jade! No dragon blast!
: [Jade cuts a tree with her heat blast. Then catches it before it can fall on Jackie
] Jade! Jade
: Heh. Had heat beams in my eyes.
: [Referring to Supermoose
] The little fella did dig us out of a real mess, Jackie. Seems the least we could do Jackie
: [Jackie sighs
] This is the last time.
[Captain Black hands Jade the Horse Talisman
[Uses the talisman, and destroys the moose doll. Jackie gasps
] Captain Black
: Oh boy. Jade
: Uh, what was dragon blast doing in the Horse Talisman?
: [Holding up a regular mask
] Heh. Oni Chow
: Nice try.
[Jackie gets thrown out the costume store
: It's in here somewhere. Jackie
: [Jackie pulls out the Oni mask
] Trick for you. Treat for me.
: [Seeing Paco
] Copycat! Jackie
: Jade, I do not think Paco is wearing make-up. Jade
[Realizing what Jackie's saying
: Oh. Uh-oh.
: Smash him El Toro! Jackie
: Jade! It is still Paco! Jade
: Sorry. Heh heh. I was in the moment.
: Jade, if what you say is true, why don't I remember any of it? Jade
: I don't know. Maybe
[Jade gasps and pulls out a torn piece of paper
: "And Jade Chan became a wily accomplice versus evil." This is from the Book of Ages. And it's about me. It didn't get rewritten, so neither did I. That's why I remember. That's why I'm still wearing these clothes.
: Shendu used the Book of Ages to rewrite reality. Uncle
: That is crazy.
: You do not believe her, do you? Jackie
: [Jackie sighs
] There is one thing I believe, demons ruling the world is a bad thing.
: The Martial Arts are outlawed. I do not know how to fight! Jade
: Serious? Jackie
: But I do know how to run!
: Who dares trespass in my lair? El Toro Fuerte
: The Talisman's power? Jackie
: Motion to the motionless.
: What is more important than talking to Uncle? Jackie
: I am in a speeding mining cart fleeing a reanimated Mayan statue trying to seize Jade so he can fly her into the sun. Uncle
: Why did you not say so? It seems you have found the rat.
: [Dalong Wong puts Quetzalcoatl in a dark chi bubble
] Dark magic. So you are truly Xolotl.
: But then you... Jade
: Uh, talk later!
: Princess! Jackie
: She never listens.
: Apparently Drago looking to play a little ball. Jackie
: Well, he's going to have to beat the home team!
: I'll take the demon on the left. Jade
] Time for the 7th inning butt whup! The Amazing T Troop is in the house!
: That was some good strategic thinking back there, young lady. We could use someone like you in Section 13. Jade
: You want me to be a *real* secret agent? Can I Jackie, *please*? Jackie
: Well, we'll talk later. Jade
: Hey that means "No." Come on, Jackie, the country *needs* me!
: Hey Jackie. How was your trip? Have you lost weight? Can I get a tattoo? Jackie
: Ha! My trip was - a TATTOO?
: Why are you wearing snow boats? Jade
: Heard it might snow. Jackie
: It's 72 degrees out.
[Jackie starts to remove Jade's snow boots
[Jackie turns around. Jade puts her foot in a bag
: Heh. False alarm.
: See Jackie? Total control. They do what I tell them to do. And I only tell them to do good. So can I keep 'em? Jackie
: No Jade. Jade
: Aw. Why not? Jackie
: Because you're turning blue. Jade
: Blue's my favorite color.
: But there's no time to lose. The mainframe indicates that Valmont has just left the country. Jackie
: But how will you... Capt. Black
: My hands may be tied, Jackie. But yours aren't!
: Jackie! You can't face Shendu alone! You need back up Jackie
: That's why I'm going to get Uncle. Jade
: Uncle's just the brain, you need muscle on your team.
[Jackie walks away
: Hmm, and I know just where to find you some.
: We must stop for the night. Jackie
: But what about Shendu? We need to hurry!
[Uncle slaps Jackie in the head
: You want Uncle to help defeat the Ultimate evil, yes? Then Uncle needs his rest!
: Uncle, have you ever considered travelling lightly? Uncle
: Uncle is travelling lightly. Only packed one cauldron.
: Now see here. Just because I look like a child, doesn't mean you can treat me like one! Jackie
: I am treating you like a criminal. Tohru will treat you like a child. Tohru
: [Cracking his knuckles
] Now, are you going to be a good little boy?
: Why did I let you talk me into this? Jade
: You said it yourself Jackie, you're too fat. Jackie
] I said I am too heavy to climb the totem pole without risk of damaging it, Jade.
: Look out!
[Captain Black exits car and looks up. The Oni mask lands on his face
: Captain Black! Jade
: I said look out, not look up.
: [Jackie's holding a basket with a King Cobra
] Not our snake. Put basket down. Jackie
: How? Uncle
: Quickly of course. We must find *real* snake before forces of darkness arrive.
[Uncle notices someone approaching and gasps
: Uh Jackie, are you all right? Jackie? How many fingers do you see? Jackie
: What's a Jackie?
: Why are you here? You are supposed to be back at the hotel doing your homework. Jade
: Lucky for you, I breezed through. Tohru was going to bust you open like a pinata. Jackie
: Thank you. But don't finish your homework early again. It's too dangerous.
: [Seeing the pilot
] If that is the pilot... Jackie
: Who's flying the plane?
[Jackie, El Toro and Tohru all run to the control room. Jade grunts as she tries to fly the plane. Everyone else screams
: Tsh. A little help here.
: Don't fuck with me! Jackie Chan
: Don't fuck with me! Whoopi Goldberg
: Don't fuck with me! Sylvester Stallone
, Jackie Chan
, Whoopi Goldberg
: Don't fuck with us!
: I don't die. Even if I die, I come back with Reincarnation, so I don't die!
: Besides, now that it's attached, Valmont can't take it. Jackie
: [Jackie groans
] But who is going to save us from *you*? The mask is evil, Jade! It is a matter of time before it turns you evil too. Jade
: Tch. I can handle it. 1: It's only half the evil of a regular mask. And 2:
[Jade starts talking in a demonic voice
: The next time you call me crazy, I shall devour your brain.
[voice returns to normal
: Heh heh heh. I see your point.
: [Jade picks up half the Oni mask
] Got it Jackie! Uh, part of it. Jackie
: Where is the other half? Valmont
: [Picking up the other half
] Right where it belongs.
: [Jackie's dressed as a security guard
] Jade, how did you get in here? Jade
: Security's lousy.
: [Jackie arrives
] How come no one invited me to the Pool Party? Ratso
: [the Dark Hand gasps
] How about we just go home with the talisman?
: But he can't be your leader. He is *our* Tohru.
: The great idol of the Three Wise Monkeys. Legend tells that it is filled with Dark Chi. Jackie
: The idol is evil? Uncle
: No. Three Wise Monkeys are guardians. Good wizard sealed the dark chi within them long ago so that humanity may neither see, hear nor speak of such evil.
: Are you sure the spell is accurate, Uncle? Nevada is not exactly known as tiger country. Uncle
: Never mock the sock! It is our only chance of finding the tiger before the forces of darkness do.
: What do you think Uncle?
[Uncle slaps Jackie
: Ow! Uncle
: Do you see any demons? No. That is because this is a bank vault. Not a demon portal.