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Quotes for
Grady Wilson (Character)
from "Sanford and Son" (1972)

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"Sanford and Son: Fred's Treasure Garden (#4.11)" (1974)
Grady Wilson: [Stopping Esther as she begins looking over the garden] Fred told me to keep you out of this garden.
Aunt Esther Anderson: Is that so?
Grady Wilson: Yeah. He said just because he had planted a Garden of Eden, there was no reason to let the serpent in.

Grady Wilson: [Perturbed at being pestered by Lamont while serving seconds of his salad] You wouldn't disturb the Wright Brothers when they were trying to fly?
Lamont Sanford: That's exactly what I want to talk to you about!

Lamont Sanford: [Lamont and Grady in the kitchen. Lamont explaining why the policemen can't stop eating so much of Grady's salad] Now just about everybody knows that one of the main side effects of using marijuana is the hungries or the munchies.
Grady Wilson: Weren't they in "The Wizard of Oz"?
Lamont Sanford: That was the Munchkins!
Grady Wilson: Oooh, yeah. Didn't you just love that picture?
Lamont Sanford: Grady, would you knock it off? This is no time for that.
Grady Wilson: There was Dorothy and Toto and the Wicked Witch of the Watts.
Lamont Sanford: Of the West, Grady!

"Sanford and Son: A Little Extra Security (#4.13)" (1974)
Grady Wilson: [With Esther scowling at him, Grady turns to Lamont] Is this your Aunt Esther, or King Kong after he fell off the Empire State Building?

Grady Wilson: [Describing he and Otis's overnight journey to Vegas] We caught the 4:30 flight over there, had dinner, did some gambling, and caught two great shows at The Flamingo.
Aunt Esther Anderson: [Looking up at the heavens] Sodom and Gomorrah.
Grady Wilson: No, Nipsy Russell and Harry Belafonte.

Lamont Sanford: Where have you been the last 24 hours?
Grady Wilson: Oh, me and Otis, we did the *town* man!
Lamont Sanford: You guys did the town?
Grady Wilson: That's right!
Lamont Sanford: What could you possibly do in this town that could keep you out for 24 hours?
Grady Wilson: Nothing.
Lamont Sanford: But you just said...
Grady Wilson: [Cutting him off] I said we did the town. I didn't say this was the town we did.
Lamont Sanford: What town did you do?
Grady Wilson: Las Vegas, Nee-vada!

"Sanford and Son: Once a Thief (#4.15)" (1974)
Grady Wilson: [Grady, Lamont and Herman stand in the living room. Grady asks Lamont] How come he went to prison?
Lamont Sanford: Because of circumstantial evidence! He just happened to be at the scene of a crime.
Grady Wilson: [Turning to Herman] Oh, you "just happened to be at the scene of a crime"? What were you doing there?
Herman: Committing it.

Lamont Sanford: [Defending Herman to Grady] He's not a "jailbird." He's got a name.
Grady Wilson: Oh, yeah? Spell it for me - number by number.

"Grady: The Driving Force (#1.2)" (1975)
[At the DMV]
Interviewer: One wrong.
Grady Wilson: No, no, wait, wait a minute. I'm sorry, I didn't get one wrong.
Interviewer: You missed the question here on the speed limit in a school zone.
Grady Wilson: I didn't miss that, I purposely changed it. Now I know the state of California says that 25 miles an hour in a school zone is okay, but I say five miles is plenty.
Interviewer: And I say, "One wrong".

George: What took you so long?
Grady Wilson: I had a flat tire. But I reacted immediately in the proper manner, and my instructor was really impressed... Until I told him I didn't know how to change a flat tire.
Inspector Brock: [Hands the hub cap to Grady] You think you can put this on yourself?

"Sanford and Son: The Older Woman (#4.23)" (1975)
Grady Wilson: [Upon seeing Fred in a neckbrace] Wha, what happened to your neck?
Fred G. Sanford: I had an accident in a truck.
Grady Wilson: Ohhh, whiplash. Did they hit ya from behind?
Fred G. Sanford: No. I was in a drive-in movie and I was tryin' to mess around with Fast Fanny and she hit me from the front. They call that "fistlash."

Grady Wilson: I've never seen Lamont act like that before. He's so calm, so serene and sweet.
Fred G. Sanford: I know it. Maybe there was a full moon and he got bit on the neck by the Flying Nun.

"Sanford and Son: Golden Boy (#4.19)" (1975)
Grady Wilson: [Upon entering Clancy Fitzgerald's 1930's-era office] Wow, Fred, this looks like something right out of one of those old movies. I could just close my eyes and see... I can see... Y'know, Fred, with my eyes closed I can't see a damn thing.

Grady Wilson: [after Fred has ruined Junior's one shot at getting a fight by arguing with the promoter] Oh boy, you did it, Fred. You got him on the ropes now. Now finish the job. Borrow one of the ropes to hang yourself.

"Sanford: Private Lives (#2.11)" (1981)
Grady Wilson: I know the perfect lady for you. My girlfriend's sister. She's from outta town and she's got a terrific personality.
Fred G. Sanford: Terrific personality? I know what that means. She looks like Leon Spinks.

Fred G. Sanford: [after talking with the bubble-headed Bunny] Grady, I would like to talk to you.
Grady Wilson: Sure, Fred.
Fred G. Sanford: No, back here by my baseball bat.

"Sanford and Son: Lamont Goes Karate (#3.19)" (1974)
Gus Thomas: Mr. Wilson, karate is one of the oldest forms of self-defense known to man.
Grady Wilson: It ain't older than running.

"Sanford and Son: Carol (#6.9)" (1976)
Grady Wilson: [Discussing Carol] Fred, I think you should throw the bum out.
Fred G. Sanford: I can't do that; I can't do that. He's an old friend of mine. And he's from Buffalo, and he's in the chips.

"Sanford and Son: Aunt Esther and Uncle Woodrow Pfftt... (#3.22)" (1974)
Grady Wilson: [Calling from the kitchen] Hey Lamont, who's here?
Lamont Sanford: [Yelling back] Uncle Woodrow is here!
Grady Wilson: Who'd you say?
Lamont Sanford: [Yelling louder] Uncle Woodrow!
Grady Wilson: [Coming into the living room] That's what I thought you said.
[Turns over to the bar and starts putting the liquor bottles away]
Lamont Sanford: What are you doing?
Grady Wilson: Your father left me in charge, and he told me if your Uncle Woodrow was to come over, that I was to hide the booze from Woody the Wino.

"Sanford and Son: The Family Man (#4.25)" (1975)
Mr. DeVoord: [Looking at the painting, a black professor turns to his white wife] It's tasteless. It's the worst combination of colors I've ever seen.
Grady Wilson: You should be used to that.

"Sanford and Son: Mama's Baby, Papa's Maybe (#3.14)" (1974)
Grady Wilson: Let me have a drink, please?
Fred G. Sanford: Okay. Listen, you wanna try one I invented? It's a mixture of Ripple and cream. I call it "cripple." Y'see, after you drink a few of 'em, you walk with a limp.

"Sanford and Son: My Kingdom for a Horse (#4.8)" (1974)
Fred G. Sanford: [Explaining to Grady what a gelding is] He's fixed; he can't have no babies.
Grady Wilson: Why not?
Fred G. Sanford: Because he had a horseterectomy.

"Sanford and Son: This Little TV Went to Market (#3.5)" (1973)
Grady Wilson: You stubborn, bull-headed, old buzzard!
Fred G. Sanford: Who you callin' old?

"Sanford and Son: Steinberg and Son (#5.5)" (1975)
Bubba Bexley: The characters on that show are a lot like you. There's the mean grouchy old father.
Fred G. Sanford: Wait a minute...
Bubba Bexley: The Dumb son.
Lamont Sanford: Hey Bubba?
Bubba Bexley: The Ugly Sister-in-Law.
Aunt Esther Anderson: Watch it sucka!
Bubba Bexley: And the stupid bungling friend.
[Looks at Grady]
Grady Wilson: [Sarcasticly] Your too hard on yourself Bubba!

"Sanford and Son: Matchmaker, Matchmaker (#4.2)" (1974)
Fred G. Sanford: [Fred and Grady discussing a possible mate for Lamont] This magazine is about Cicely Tyson, and that's the kind of girl Lamont likes.
Grady Wilson: [Skeptically] You really think so, huh?
Fred G. Sanford: Absolutely.
Grady Wilson: Yeah, y'know, Fred, I saw her on TV and she was 105 years old.
Fred G. Sanford: Oh, you dumb - that was a role she was playing! She must be 30ish.
Grady Wilson: Thirtyish? Boy, she sure let herself go.

"Sanford and Son: The Defiant One (#6.15)" (1977)
Grady Wilson: [Serving supper to the Sanfords] We'll start the evening off with my famous Russian cocktail. Vodka and prune juice.
Lamont Sanford: [Spits out drink] Vodka and prune juice?
Grady Wilson: Yeah, yeah. I call that my Trotsky.

"Sanford and Son: Grady and His Lady (#4.4)" (1974)
Grady Wilson: She's gonna steal me away, Fred!
Fred G. Sanford: That's called petty larceny.

"Sanford and Son: The Olympics (#5.11)" (1975)
Grady Wilson: Well, Fred, don't you want to win Donna back? I mean, after all, faint heart never won fair lady.
Fred G. Sanford: And stopped heart never did too good either.