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[after harpooning Rasputia in the ass
] Mr. Wong
: Bingo! Right in the blowhole!
: Norbit! Why you run like little bitch?
[Rasputia is about to kill Norbit
] Mr. Wong
: WHALE HO! Rasputia
: Did somebody just call me a whale? Mr. Wong
: Yeah! And a ho!
: Remember, black people run very fast. But problem run faster. Norbit
: ...That's kinda racist. Mr. Wong
: Yes, Wong very racist. Don't like black. Don't like Jew either. But black and Jew love Chinese food. Go figure.
: What... the...? What just fell on my car? Mr. Wong
: Not what - who! Who just fell on your car? Ching chong ching chong!
: [resumes the ceremony
] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... Norbit
: I object!
[congregation gasps and murmurs
] Oh, for Christ sake! Mr. Wong
] Norbit. Pope Sweet Jesus
, Lord Have Mercy
] Norbit! Kate Thomas
] Norbit! Choir
] Norbit-t-t-t! Norbit
: This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it. Kate Thomas
: Norbit, what are you doing? Norbit
: I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you. Rasputia
: [Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church
] What the hell did you just say? Norbit
: You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right. I love you, Kate. And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your BITCH!
: When Norbit was little boy he say "One day i'll have the girl of my dream" and then you and marry a gorilla!
[Latimore brothers get up
] Mr. Wong
: I joke, I joke, why you not know joke when you hear joke, what you want to make fight at wedding.
] Mr. Wong
: better cool off before i have to bust somebody ass in here
: [Doing the wedding toast
] I want to say Norbit that I very... very confused, why you marry Latimore. I don't understand it, because when you was little boy, you say, Mr. Wong
: [Quoting Norbit
] "One day I find girl of my dreams" Mr. Wong
: [Now self again
] and then you marry a Gorilla. Mr. Wong
: [as the Latimore brothers stand
] I joke, I joke, I joke. Why you not know joke when you hear joke? Why you wanna make fight at wedding? Mr. Wong
] cool off, before I have to bust somebody ass in here okay. Mr. Wong
: [the Latimore brothers sit and Wong continues the story
] When Norbit just little boy, he like to always run allover the place naked. Always naked. And Norbit, when he was just little boy, had a pee pee, the size of an egg roll. You know, Norbit. Norbit
: That's true. Mr. Wong
: And one day, down by the creek, Norbit run around naked and poisonous snake jump up and bite Norbit, right on ass. Very close to whole. Norbit pass out. I think Norbit is dead. I go to check the boy pulse. He is still alive. He is still alive! Mr. Wong
: [Quoting himself
] "Okay" I say "I must do something to save child." So, I start to think. "Do I suck poison out of Norbit's ass, or do I let him die?" Mr. Wong
: [after a pause
] I do most responsible thing. I say "hell to the no. Norbit is out of here, because it is long time in hell, before Wong suck poison out of another man's ass." Mr. Wong
: [after laughter from crowd
] But strange mystical thing happen, Norbit. Even though poison is in Norbit, he not die. Norbit get stronger and stronger. That's why I know Norbit, deep down inside, you very, very strong. Strong like warrior. That's why I say to you, Norbit, you can survive anything. Even... Mr. Wong
: [Covertly points at Rasputia, as crowd laughs again
] So I say to everyone here, and to Norbit, I wish you much happiness, and peace, and love, and lots of bananas for you and your new gorilla. I only kidding. To Norbit, and Rasputia.