Geoffrey Butler
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Quotes for
Geoffrey Butler (Character)
from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" (1990)

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"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Sleepless in Bel-Air (#4.14)" (1994)
Philip Banks: This will take care of that cricket.
Geoffrey: Sir, that's air freshner.
Philip Banks: Well, it's all we have. It might work.
Geoffrey: Yes, perhaps the scent of sea breeze will recall some painful memories for him and then he'll commit suicide.

Philip Banks: Where'd you last put the insecticide?
Geoffrey: In your soup.

Philip Banks: I got it! I finally killed that sucker!
Geoffrey: Oh, what a horrible death!

Philip Banks: That bug isn't going to get the best of me. Now I know how Captain Ahab felt when he was chasing Moby Dick.
Geoffrey: Between the two of you, the cricket is the whale?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: How I Spent My Summer Vacation (#3.1)" (1992)
Geoffrey: I don't know whether to duck under the table or do the running man.

Vivian: Phillip, I'm worried about Will. What if something happened to him?
Philip Banks: Don't get my hopes up, Vivian.
Vivian: Phillip!
Philip Banks: Relax. I have Geoffrey scouring the city for him.
Geoffrey: [walks in the house] I'm terribly sorry, sir. I searched everywhere, but there were no ice cream sandwiches.

Ashley Banks: Daddy, why did you throw Will out on the street?
Philip Banks: I didn't not throw Will out on the street!
Geoffrey: Oh, quite right, sir. You simply threw him out on to the lawn. He rolled into the street.

Philip Banks: You went to private school, Geoffrey. Tell her.
Geoffrey: [turns to Vivian] Madam, I went to private school and then I went to therapy.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Goes a Courtin' (#4.6)" (1993)
William 'Will' Smith: [to Geoffrey] G, listen, how upset was Uncle Phil last night?
Geoffrey: Well, he did something I've never seen him do in all the years I've been here.
William 'Will' Smith: What? A sit-up?
Geoffrey: It's a bit more serious than that I'm afraid. You know the cherry cheesecake, candied yams, and the barbeque ribs left over from yesterday?
Carlton Banks: Yeah?
[Geoffrey opens the fridge]
William 'Will' Smith: [he and Carlton jump back shocked] Oh, my God! It's still there!

Philip Banks: I can't believe they disobeyed me!
Geoffrey: You call it disobedience. I call it OUTRIGHT DEFIANCE!
[Phil storms out]
Geoffrey: [moving his arms like a puppeteer] Dance, puppets! Dance!

[Geoffrey has given Will and Carleton a courtroom summons]
Geoffrey: It has been my pleasure to *serve* you.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Def Poet's Society (#1.7)" (1990)
Geoffrey: Master William... I applaud your new interest. Poetry is one of my great loves. I won first prize... at the old Devonshire poetry recital of 1963. Master William, you should have been there. The crowd rose to its feet shouting, 'Encore! Encore!'
William 'Will' Smith: That's very interesting but -
Geoffrey: 'Cannon to the right of them, cannon to the left of them, cannon in front of them, volleyed and thundered'!
Jazz: You need a last line for that?

Geoffrey: Unhand me, you ruffian.

Geoffrey: 'Come through the jaws of Death.' Silence you ungrateful children. When you're ready to be quiet and listen, I shall return.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Winner Takes Off (#3.14)" (1993)
Geoffrey: Ashley, how does a Mercedes sound?
Ashley Banks: Vroom, vroom.
Geoffrey: Great! I'll get you two.
Hilary Banks: Vroom, vroom, vroom!
Geoffrey: Nice try.

Geoffrey: [to Uncle Phil] Phillip, I've got a thousand dollars with your name on it. Do the family a favor: get Vivian some cooking lessons.

Carlton Banks: Hey, G, would you make me a sandwich?
Geoffrey: But, of course.
Geoffrey: [places a slice of bread on Carlton's head] Now you're a sandwich.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Hi-Ho Silver (#2.10)" (1991)
Geoffrey: [to Aunt Viv] Madam, I have some distressing news. Your heirloom silverware is missing and someone's stolen my new uniform.
Vivian Banks: What?
Philip Banks: It's probably just misplaced. Let's split up and search for it.
Geoffrey: Don't trouble yourselves. I'll just go back to wearing my old uniform.

Carlton Banks: The silverware wasn't in the basement, but I found Geoffrey's new uniform crammed behind the hot water heater.
Geoffrey: The scoundrels must have ditched it in the haste to escape!

William 'Will' Smith: [about Geoffrey's new work uniform] Is that G or Phillip Michael Thomas?
Geoffrey: I take it you're referring to this charming uniform your aunt insisted I wear. It is my only humble opinion, but that woman must be stopped.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Strip-Tease for Two (#2.24)" (1992)
Geoffrey: Ahh, my financial advisors have arrived. Moron! Fat head!
Carlton Banks: I didn't know the Dodgers were playing.
Geoffrey: They're not.

Philip Banks: This is a delicious meal, Geoffrey. You've outdone yourself.
Geoffrey: You're too kind, sir. Moron! Fat head!
Vivian Banks: Geoffrey, must you listen to the Dodgers game during dinner?
Geoffrey: I'm terribly sorry, madam, but it's the bottom of the 9th, bases are loaded. However, I shall maintain my professionalism. Bunt, you pasty-faced sod!
Vivian Banks: Geoffrey, start buffing the silverware.
Geoffrey: What the hell is your problem? You got bricks up your butt, you clown? Right away, madam.

Geoffrey: It's called inside information and it's quite illegal.
Carlton Banks: So is that French nanny you're dating.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Geoffrey Cleans Up (#2.16)" (1992)
[Geoffrey gazing at Karen getting the courage to ask her out]
Geoffrey: Would you... like to...
William 'Will' Smith: [walks into the backyard singing] Talk about sex baby!

Carlton: [Carlton puts on toupee on Philip's head] So, Dad, what do you think?
Phillip Banks: I look like Little Richard: Attorney at Law.
Geoffrey: Dinner is served.
[sees Philip with the toupee on]
Geoffrey: A-Wop-Bop-Aloobop-A-Wop-Bam-Boom.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: When You Hit Upon a Star (#4.17)" (1994)
Carlton Banks: Hey, I checked her coat.
Geoffrey: Really? I wonder who'll play you in the movie of her life.

Geoffrey: I'm proud to announce Miss Michelle Michaels!
William 'Will' Smith: [to Michelle] Are you stalking me?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Hilary Gets a Life (#2.14)" (1992)
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, when you were a child, you begged your parents for months to buy you a violin. Then five minutes into your first lesson, what happened?
Hilary Banks: I quit. I had to. It irritated my chin.
Geoffrey: What about ballet?
Hilary Banks: I quit. I had to. I was starting to get feet like Fred Flintstone.
Geoffrey: And cheerleading?
Hilary Banks: Okay, I quit that too! They wanted me to ride to away games on a bus!

Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, do you remember when you were nine, and you wanted to play the violin? And five minutes into your first lesson, what did you do?
Hilary: I quit. I had to, it was starting to irritate my chin!
Geoffrey: And what about ballet?
Hilary: I quit that too. I had to, I was starting to get feet like Fred Flintstone!
Geoffrey: And what about cheerleading?
Hilary: Okay, okay, I quit that too. But they wanted me to go to away games on a bus!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Fresh Prince Project (#1.1)" (1990)
Will: [when Will first arrives at the Banks' house] Hey, Uncle Phil!
[hugs Geoffrey]
Geoffrey: I am not your Uncle Philip.

Geoffrey: [referring on what to call Will] What would you prefer?
Will: Check this. His Royal Freshness. That's dope!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Did the Earth Move for You? (#2.1)" (1991)
Geoffrey: Isn't that romantic? He's quoting Elmer Fudd.

Geoffrey: [after Hilary, Carlton and Ashley fight over the car radio station, Geoffrey takes the the knob, twists it off and throws it out of the window] It was either the knob or one of *you*!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Papa's Got a Brand New Excuse (#4.24)" (1994)
Geoffrey: [to Phil] You know, sir, whenever I'm feeling blue, I think of the poem my dear mum used to recite to me as a lad: "The master lives a life of ease, while we live life upon our knees/Waste not your tears, and save your breath, for soon he'll die a violent death."

Philip Banks: If you'll excuse me, I think I'll skip dinner. I don't have much of an appetite.
Geoffrey: Should I call 911?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Banks Shot (#1.22)" (1991)
Philip Banks: We gotta get that car back.
William 'Will' Smith: Uncle Phil, you can't go down there alone. They got dudes down there that make you look like Webster.
Geoffrey: If there are hooligans there, perhaps I should accompany you, sir. In the early ages, I was sparring butler for Mr. Chuck Norris.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Granny Gets Busy (#2.5)" (1991)
William 'Will' Smith: Carlton, this is the saddest sight I've ever seen. Other than your girlfriend in biker shorts.
Carlton Banks: When did you see my girlfriend in biker shorts?
Geoffrey: Last Thursday at the tennis courts. Magnificent server.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Home Is Where the Heart Attack Is (#4.10)" (1993)
Philip Banks: [picks up some food on his plate, while on a diet after a heart attack] What the heck is this?
Geoffrey: [hesitates] Chicken, sir. Oh! You probably don't recognize it without a thick coating of batter and gravy!
[walks away]
Philip Banks: [drops the chicken piece] I can't do this. I can't give up my favorite foods cold turkey... Oh my God. Turkey. With... pillowy mounds of mashed potatoes.
[Will and Geoffrey the Butler exchange looks]
Philip Banks: Butter-drenched dressing. Tiny onions! Swimming in a sea of cream sauce. Oh!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Stop Will! in the Name of Love (#4.18)" (1994)
[Geoffrey is teaching Hilary how to make toast]
Hilary: OK, so let me get this straight, once the bread is in the slots, you just push down on the lever thing?
Geoffrey: Yes.
Ashley: Hilary, can...
Hilary: Not now, Ashley, I'm learning how to cook.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Gets Committed (#3.2)" (1992)
Geoffrey Butler: [to Phil] Problem, sir?
Philip Banks: It's Vivian. I don't know what's gotten into her. This morning, she told me that I've become too...
Geoffrey Butler: Predictable, sir?
Philip Banks: Yes, that's exactly what she said. She said that I wear the same...
Geoffrey Butler: Blue shirt every weekend, sir?
Philip Banks: Yes, I mean, just because a man has...
Geoffrey Butler: Froot Loops every morning.
Philip Banks: Just because I watch...
Geoffrey Butler: Legal Beagles.
Philip Banks: Every night. Does that mean that I've become predictable?
Geoffrey Butler: Absolutely not, sir. Why, you're a regular hotbed of spontaneity.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: I, Clownius (#6.13)" (1996)
Carlton: Now what do we do when we get caught?
Geoffrey: Laugh.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Gets a Job (#2.3)" (1991)
William 'Will' Smith: Hey, I know where I'm coming from. I'm from Philly and I'm proud of it.
[to Geoffrey]
William 'Will' Smith: Can I get a croissant?
Geoffrey: Certainly.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Take My Cousin... Please (#4.11)" (1993)
Philip Banks: Geoffrey, go fetch my tools.
Geoffrey: You mean your knife and fork?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Guess Who's Coming to Marry? (#2.6)" (1991)
Hilary Banks: Do I have to do everything myself?
Geoffrey: The day you do everything yourself is the day I square-dance naked in the White House front lawn.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Is from Mars... (#5.17)" (1995)
Philip Banks: Pinch me Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Non what you are paying me Sir. But, for thirty-five thousand, I'll slap you silly.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Where There's a Will, There's a Way: Part 1 (#4.1)" (1993)
Vivian Banks: I love the way your beard feels.
Philip Banks: I'm surprised you remember.
Vivian Banks: It hasn't been that long since we made love, hasn't it?
Geoffrey: Five months this Tuesday.
[Aunt Viv and Uncle Phil stare at him, and he shrugs]
Geoffrey: Thin walls.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Christmas Show (#2.13)" (1991)
Geoffrey: Madam, Sir. This family is a close to me as my own. My gift to you is a set of hand towels. I'm British, I'm no good at this mushy stuff.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Ethnic Tip (#1.17)" (1991)
Geoffrey Butler: I've worked my entire life
Hilary Banks: You have why?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: PSAT Pstory (#2.4)" (1991)
Geoffrey: [after Uncle Phil makes him an offer for a small raise] Thank you, sir, and with my newfound wealth, I shall be able to treat myself to a *Happy Meal*!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Boyz in the Woods (#3.8)" (1992)
Geoffrey: My Uncle Redging always insisted that the woods were safer than the city until the day he died.
William 'Will' Smith: How did he die?
Geoffrey: He was eaten by wolves.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: It's Better to Have Loved and Lost It... (#4.5)" (1993)
Geoffrey: I'm too ashamed to talk about it, it's better if I show you...
[puts in tape]
Will: [Will jumps up, excited] You did a porno movie?
Hilary: Eww...


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Bang the Drum, Ashley (#1.2)" (1990)
Geoffrey: [to Uncle Phil] Can I get you anything, sir? Another aspirin? Perhaps a gun?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Best Laid Plans (#3.17)" (1993)
Geoffrey: [hands flowers to Aunt Viv] Here you are, Madam. I am guessing they're not from me. I haven't put out in years.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Baby Comes Out (#3.20)" (1993)
William 'Will' Smith: I mean, getting woke up in the middle of the night by a naked man running around the house.
Geoffrey: I'm sorry, I thought you were all asleep.
William 'Will' Smith: Not you, G.
Geoffrey: Oh, never mind.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Young and the Restless (#1.18)" (1991)
Geoffrey: [comes in and tosses a blanket around Hattie's neck as she sits in the family room]
Hattie Banks: Excuse me? Does it look like I've just won the Kentucky Derby?
Geoffrey: I'm sorry, madame, but Master Banks has requested that you stay warm this evening.
Hattie Banks: [grumbling] Then why don't you just light me on fire?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Nice Lady (#1.20)" (1991)
[Will wants to take Lady Penelope out for the evening]
Geoffrey: Master William, I hope you realize the seriousness of the situation.
Will: G, why are you trippin? She's just a girl.
Geoffrey: Just a girl? Master William, if all 895 members of the Royal Family suddenly died, she would be the next Queen of England.
Will: Now, where would that put me?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Cold War (#3.12)" (1992)
Philip Banks: [he and Vivian walk in with a sonogram] Vivian, why are you making such a big deal about this? I say we do it right here, right now.
Geoffrey: Oh, good. A floor show.