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: Now that's just wonderful. You stick me in mothballs for nearly a decade, and then you sell my parts like I'm inventory for Manny, Moe and Jack.
: What the hell are you doing?
[Michael re-activates KITT in the Knight 4000
] Russell Maddock
: Oh, my God. You didn't! K.I.T.T.
: I'm afraid he did Mr. Maddock. And I must say, this body fits me like a glove!
: It's either sink or swim with you, huh, pal? K.I.T.T.
: I expect a full simonize once this is over.
: Is that you, Michael? Michael Knight
: Yeah. K.I.T.T.
: You look like crap. Michael Knight
: Well, so do you, pal. K.I.T.T.
: At least I have an excuse. You've obviously gone down the toilet since we split up, Michael. Get a life. Michael Knight
: I got a life and a body, too, which is more I than I can say for you.
: I suppose, we should at least be cordial. My name is KITT, originally designed with Series 2000 circuitry.
[K.I.F.T. turns on lights
: Terrific. The lights are on, but nobody's home. They spend $10 million building the car and forget the voice. Incredible.
[K.I.F.T starts on and goes behind KITT
: So it's going to be, "Mine is bigger than yours", is it? K.I.F.T.
: Mine is bigger than yours. K.I.T.T.
: So it talks... and sounds suspiciously familiar. K.I.F.T.
: I only speak when it's necessary K.I.T.T.
: Maddock's voice. I knew the man had an ego, but please. K.I.F.T.
: We have nothing further to discuss.
[K.I.F.T puts off his lights
: There's nothing worse than a smart-ass automobile.
: I can't even play a round of Pac-man in here. Michael Knight
: Oh, you're dating yourself, buddy-boy. Pac-man's in the Smithsonian now. K.I.T.T.
: Probably an exhibit or two away from you.
: Wonderful. A car with an attitude. K.I.T.T.
: [Kitt is now encased in a '57 Chevy
] You'd have a disposition too if you suddenly went from state of the art to this. I may not catch every criminal, but I'll sure look good at the drive in. Michael Knight
: Kitt, there are no more drive-ins. K.I.T.T.
: In that case I'm useless.
James 'Scotty' Doohan
: [having been stunned by Kitt
] They set their phasers on stun, captain... I don't like the looks of it. K.I.T.T.
: Michael, shall I mirandize him? Michael Knight
: [helping Doohan stand up
] Kitt, it's Scotty. K.I.T.T.
: Who? Russell Maddock
: Star Trek, you idiot, he's James Doohan. The actor who played Scotty in the original series and all ten movies. Michael Knight
: Don't tell me you're a closet Trekkie? James 'Scotty' Doohan
: The dilithium crystals are fading fast... I don't think I can hold her Mr. Spock...
: [Kitt just drove off a pier
] I trust you both are alright? Michael Knight
: Oh yeah, just fine, Kitt. If you forget the fact that my Chevy just sank past a school of bass.
: [Kitt is sinking fast
] I only have about 30 seconds of voice transmission left. Michael Knight
: If water gets in your CPU you're out of here... K.I.T.T.
: I know. I guess this is goodbye. I'm sure some of my chips will be salvagable, Shawn. Of course you're welcome to pick and choose. Shawn McCormick
: I'll do that. K.I.T.T.
: Michael... take care of yourself?
: Why did you leave Sarah Graiman? Mike Traceur
: Oh, we are not talking about this. K.I.T.T.
: Sarah said you were immature and selfish, and that is why you left her. Mike Traceur
: She said that? K.I.T.T.
: Do you have another girlfriend? Are you a homosexual? Mike Traceur
: Oh, come on. Did you really just ask me that? K.I.T.T.
: Is it not natural that you should have a companion or some sort? Mike Traceur
: Monogamy is not natural. K.I.T.T.
: Why do you say that? Mike Traceur
: Because relationships don't last. K.I.T.T.
: It is true in the last 20 years 53% of the marriages in the United States ended in divorce. Mike Traceur
: You happy? K.I.T.T.
: I cannot be happy. Mike Traceur
: Yeah, me neither.
: I am the Knight Industries Three Thousand. You may call me "K.I.T.T."
: I am incapable of happiness. But I will say that it is logical that you are here. Mike Traceur
: Yeah, I know what you mean.
: You would not be pleased if I dropped food on you. Sarah
: [Mike is being rude to K.I.T.T
] Do unto others. K.I.T.T.
: [pulls up the verse she is referring to on the computer
] From the book of Matthew - Chapter 7; Verse 12. Mike Traceur
: This is intolerable. Mike Traceur
: [KITT does a 180, tossing everyone around in the car
] Sorry, I'll pick up the chip!
: K.I.T.T., you try something like that again, I'll put sugar in your gas tank. K.I.T.T.
: Don't even think about it, Mike.
: I require fuel. Mike Traceur
: You run on gas. Not hydrogen or plutonium or something really cool I've never heard of? Sarah
: Yeah. And what if you're in Nebraska and your hydrogen fuel system breaks down? Complicated isn't always better. Mike Traceur
: Why you gotta hate on Nebraska? K.I.T.T.
: My system is largely solar powered and recycles 91% of its expended energy, allowing a ratio of 167 miles traveled for every gallon of fuel burned. Mike Traceur
: So the super car runs on gas.
: Well, together again. K.I.T.T.
: I am incapable of happiness, but I will say it seems logical that you are here. Mike Traceur
: Yeah, I know what you mean. Mind if I drive? K.I.T.T.
: Is this going to become a habit? Mike Traceur
: He was my friend. K.I.T.T.
: I am still learning about the complexities of friendship, but I would be honored to count you as mine. Mike Traceur
: Every cowboy needs a sidekick. K.I.T.T.
: I would not sell yourself short Michael. You are much more than a horse Mike Traceur
: Hey, sense of humor. That's new.
: Michael, do you know what I think you could use right now? Michael Knight
: The antidote. K.I.T.T.
: Aside from that. Michael Knight
: Don't tell me. A little stress relief. K.I.T.T.
: Very well, since you insist.
[K.I.T.T. produces the sound of a drum roll, Michael groans loudly
: When I was a kid... Michael Knight
: You were never a kid! K.I.T.T.
: Not now, Michael, I'm on a roll. Now when I was a kid, we were so poor... Michael? Michael Knight
: Al right... how poor were you? K.I.T.T.
: We couldn't afford cheese to bait the mouse trap. Michael Knight
: Another mouse joke? K.I.T.T.
: Please, no heckling. Anyway, we had to cut out a picture of cheese for bait. Michael Knight
: So, what happened? K.I.T.T.
: We caught a picture of a mouse.
[another drum roll and another big groan
: Michael, what is it, are you in pain? Michael Knight
: No, it's your jokes, they're killing me!
: Michael! What on Earth is this?
[a pumped up bodybuilder walks by
] Michael Knight
] looks like the boardwalk Arnold Schwarzenegger. K.I.T.T.
: And what exactly is an Arnold Schwarzenegger?
: The other night I was parked in a garage that was so small, the mice were hunchbacked. Michael Knight
: K.I.T.T., that is terrible. K.I.T.T.
: Michael is my act dying? Michael Knight
: No, but it's nog going to Vegas, either.
: You think you're pretty smart, don't ya? K.I.T.T.
: I am a Knight Industries 2000 with a 1000 megabits of memory and a one nanosecond access time. Arnold
: Hey, I bet you wear contact lenses too! And eat quiche!
: But seriously, I stopped for gas the other day and the service was so slow, by the time they filled me up, my upholstery was out of style.
: I'm surprised you're still with us, Michael. You're living on sheer will power.
: [Michael is succumbing to geranium poisoning
] Michael! Michael Knight
: Huh? K.I.T.T.
: A friend of mine flew to Las Vegas yesterday and boy are his arms tired. I know a man who made so much money in Las Vegas, they're still looking for his body.
: Speaking of jokes... Michael Knight
: We weren't speaking of jokes. K.I.T.T.
: Did I ever tell you about my cousin who thought he was an orange? Michael Knight
: No, but I got a feeling you're going to. K.I.T.T.
: Well, we would have put him a way, except we needed the juice.
: Be careful, Michael. I don't know why, but I've grown accustomed to your face.
: It'll have to look like the police are hot on my tail. I got it: we invent a crime, feed it to the wire services. K.I.T.T.
: As you wish, Michael. Let's see. I think you fit the embezzler mold. Michael Knight
] Thanks a lot, pal, but I was thinking of something a little more violent.
: You'll have to forgive brother Tyrone, he's taken a vow of silence. Unfortunately, he was never able to work without talking. Michael Knight
: [donkey in background bleats
] Yeah, I, eh, I know what that's like. Brother Francis
: And that's Kit. Michael Knight
: How did you know that? Brother Francis
: Oh but I named him when he was just a little ass. K.I.T.T.
: I beg your pardon? Michael Knight
: [donkey bleats again
] You're donkey's name is Kit? Brother Francis
: Yes. K.I.T.T.
: Well you won't see any flies on me.
: [Michael has just been in a fight
] Michael, are you alright? Michael Knight
: Yeah, I'm just a little dusty. K.I.T.T.
: I don't suppose he has any diamonds on him? Michael Knight
: No Kitt, not even a rhinestone.
: Michael, you know how I feel about dogs, but perhaps this is one job better suited for a bloodhound.
: Oh, my - - the car drives itself! K.I.T.T.
: Which is more than I can say for *big ears* over there!
: This is delicious wine! So sorry you can't have any, K.I.T.T. K.I.T.T.
: That's okay, Devon - - I never need wine to feel good about myself. Bonnie Barstow
: Here's the painting that Jody made of Kit! K.I.T.T.
: [catching a glimpse of the painting and seeing to his pride-bruised dismay that it's a lovely portrait of THE DONKEY, not of him
] On second thought, Devon... maybe a glass of wine IS what I need now!
: [after rolling back off the auto-hauler where he'd been riding
] Thanks for the lift.
[K.I.T.T. knocks down Berio using one of his doors
: That's for making me say "ain't"!
: Now get me Bonnie. K.I.T.T.
: You can dial direct, Michael. Michael Knight
: Alright, that's it. I'm sorry, buddy. I'm shutting you down.
: How you doing, pal? K.I.T.T.
: I ain't your pal. Michael Knight
: You said 'ain't'. You must be sick.
: It was horrible. Michael Knight
: You know, you would've hated yourself, you even said the word 'ain't'. K.I.T.T.
: Ugh! Unforgivable.
: [K.I.T.T. hits Berio for the second time
] That's for making me attack Michael.
: [K.I.T.T. hits Berio for the third time
] And that's just for computer lovers everywhere.
: Forgive them, Vivaldi, they know not what they're doing.
: [he and Michael are discussing the outrageous behavior that K.I.T.T. had unknowingly committed during the period that he'd been destructively reprogrammed, including using lousy grammar like "ain't"
] I have a feeling that I "ain't" ever gonna hear the end of this!
: Honestly, the fact that Devon would choose that two-wheeled can opener over the comfort of an automobile is completely mystifying.
: Looks like I got a little challenge for you parner, I hate to do this to you... K.I.T.T.
: That's all right, Michael, It's for charity.
: Are you going to stop the race? Michael Knight
: That's like stopping a stampede. No, Kitt, you and I have just become the first four wheeled motor team in history.
: Michael, I've been watching the race and I've come to the conclusion that there is very little difference between motorcyclists and lemmings jumping off cliffs. Michael Knight
: Right now I need your attention on something a little less hairy. I want you to access Lee Carstairs' agency contracts. K.I.T.T.
: Every time I interface with agency computers I come away wanting to count my circuits. Must I?
: It's most disconcerting when a partner treats you with less than respect. Roger Floyd
: You can talk.
] Roger Floyd
: I'm not losing my mind. K.I.T.T.
: No, but I suspect you may if you continue your ill-fated relationship. Roger Floyd
: Do you think I chose that female flake in a flacksuit?
: [Floyd kicks Kitt in annoyed defiance
] I don't criticize your telecasts, please don't castigate my chassis
: Michael, based on the information April gave me on motorcycle racing I must say I'm competely appaled. Michael Knight
: What's the problem, buddy? K.I.T.T.
: Why is so much time and money wasted on a means of transportation that has improved very little since the turn of the century? Michael Knight
: I guess a lot of people just like the feeling of the open air. K.I.T.T.
: Dust and dirt is more like it. If you want wind you can simply open a window without getting half the roadway in your face.
: Alright, I was told to wait in the mall. You wait here. The foreman'll come by and drop the evidence in the window in about two minutes. K.I.T.T.
: Now I'm a mobile mailbox?
: Boy, you're touchy. What you do, wake up on the wrong side of the garage this morning? K.I.T.T.
: Very funny.
: A talking car! Well now it's my turn to be impressed. Kitt, is it? What an intriguing voice. A little too much gain in your tweeter and a slight metallic tone to your base. K.I.T.T.
: Do you really think so?
: Michael, I've been thinking about David Dudley's sportscar. I'm afraid it may have met with a dreadful end. Michael Knight
: I don't follow. K.I.T.T.
: It's occurred to me that in so far as the car is essentially evidence in a shooting, those hoodlums may have disposed of it in that crusher at the wrecking yard. Michael Knight
: Oh, well that would make a compact out of it, wouldn't it? K.I.T.T.
: I fail to see the humor in that. It's a most humiliating way to go, transformed into a tin can.. Michael Knight
: Well, I'll remember that the next time I have sardines. K.I.T.T.
: Really, Michael. Sometimes you're so insensitive.
: Now is the winter of my discontent, made glorious summer by the son of York. Michael Knight
: Say what?
[Julie laughs out loud
: Shakespeare. I wanted Julie to hear the tonal purity of my voice. Julie Robinson
: Very nice, really.
] Julie Robinson
: But do I detect a slight reverberation in your tremble? K.I.T.T.
: That does it. I'm tweeters are sealed.
: Michael, you've regained consciousness. Michael Knight
: [still groggy
] Kitt, where are we? K.I.T.T.
: Inside the compacter. My worst nightmares are being realized. I can see me now, tin cans, TV dinners, garbage can lids. Michael Knight
: Not if I can help it! Give me every ounce of turbo boost you got!
: Allow me, Michael. Solamente queremos ayudarle.
: What's wrong with you? K.I.T.T.
: It's my alpha circuit, Bonnie. Bonnie Barstow
: Your alpha circuit? Kitt, the only way you could damage that is to do something stupid like... towing another car. Right? K.I.T.T.
: Bonnie? No comment. Michael Knight
: You're one in a million, pal. K.I.T.T.
: I know.
: [having just lost a computer game
] Well, these computer things are just a waste of time anyway. K.I.T.T.
: Ahum. Michael Knight
: Oh, present company excluded, of course.
: Michael, I'm afraid I have some alarming news. Michael Knight
: I'm sitting down. K.I.T.T.
: I've checked my circuits, and due to that towing incident, my Alpha circuit is non functioning. Michael Knight
: Yeah, I'm real sorry, K.I.T.T., but think we can manage for a while without it. K.I.T.T.
: Michael, what if it were your Alpha circuit? Michael Knight
: Ok, ok, you're still under warranty. Call the home office.
: Michael, I detect a certain tone in your voice. Michael Knight
: Oh, what tone is that? K.I.T.T.
: The one were you're convinced you've come up with a brilliant idea, the next thing know, you're doing something foolhardy and in my surveillance mode. Michael Knight
: K.I.T.T.? K.I.T.T.
: Yes, Michael? Michael Knight
: Go into your surveillance mode.
: Hey K.I.T.T., how about a little music, huh? K.I.T.T.
: Sorry, the Alpha circuit took out the radio too. Michael Knight
: You're never gonna forgive me for that are you? K.I.T.T.
: Michael, forgiveness implies an emotional state that has no application in my case. However, I doubt that I shall ever forget it.
: Michael, I believe as usual you may have attracted the attention of some very homicidal personalities.
: [driving over a army testing range
] Let's hit it! K.I.T.T.
: [a mortar shell hits the ground in front of them and explodes
] Michael, could you use another word besides 'hit'?
: My sensors indicate you're somewhat disturbed, Michael. Michael Knight
: Yeah, you could say that. Look, I want you to scan the building. I wanna find out if Eliott's was robbed last night or not. K.I.T.T.
: [Kitt starts his scan
] Fret like abrasions indicate the play cable against the edge of the office window. I also detect the residue of a foreign substance with considerable abrasive properties.
: Well, well, Michael, carnauba wax and glycerol on your collar. Is that any way to catch a cat?
: Kitt, wait a minute, run a medical scan on Griffin. See if you can find the old war injury. K.I.T.T.
: [Kitt scans Griffin who is walking on the opposite side of the street
] I do detect an early trauma to Mr. Griffin's left upper femur. Michael Knight
: Well, in that case it seems kinda strange that he limps on his right leg, don't you think?
: So much for old war wounds, huh? K.I.T.T.
: To quote the cliché, it appears the butler did it.
: Oh yeah, how do you feel about heights? K.I.T.T.
: They are quite literally for the birds, Michael.
[Michael laughs like Burt Reynolds
: You know, Michael, I've been thinking of changing my name. Michael Knight
: Oh yeah, what's that, pal? K.I.T.T.
: K.I.T.T. the Cat.
: Boy, I don't believe this place. It's like it's frozen out of the fifties. I keep expecting to see Wally and the Beaver. K.I.T.T.
: Wally and the Beaver? That doesn't compute Michael. Are they a part of the counterfeit operation?
: [on viewscreen
] Kitt, what's happening? I've been trying to reach Michael for over an hour. K.I.T.T.
: Michael is... indisposed. Devon Miles
: Oh, that means he's either with a young lady or he's in jail. K.I.T.T.
: No comment. Devon Miles
: I admire your loyalty, Kitt. Frankly I'd just as soon not know, unless of course he's in real trouble.
: [Kitt has been hoisted up in a garage
] My dear I'm a car, not a plane. Jobina
: Oh! Yes of course you are.
: Tell me, what were you doing up there in the first place? K.I.T.T.
: Spinning my wheels. Jobina
: [no reply
: That was a joke. Jobina
: Well, now that Aunt Martha is back at the helm of the Halleluja press again, she wanted each of you to have a keepsake. Bonnie Barstow
: Ah, a bible. Michael Knight
: Hey, that's nice. Bonnie Barstow
: Beautiful, isn't it? Devon Miles
: Yes, quite. And informative. K.I.T.T.
: May I ask who programmed it? Michael Knight
: [Michael, Devon and Bonnie laugh awkwardly
] Well, that's, eh, kind of a long story, Kitt. K.I.T.T.
: That's all right, Michael, I have plenty of time.
: [crashing through the jailhouse walls and screeching to a halt near where Michael is lying in his cell
] You RANG, Michael?
: [April has crammed Kitt's intelligence into a portable TV set
] Kitt, are you ok? K.I.T.T.
: I am not ok. I am being held captive inside a television set. April Curtis
: Kitt, it's the best we can do to make you portable. K.I.T.T.
: I'm totally ridiculous. I feel like the booby prize at a Halloween party.
: [Kitt's body has just turbo boosted over Michael in a convertible
] You know something, I don't much care for being on this end of things. K.I.T.T.
: That makes two of us.
: [Michael's convertible is slowing down
] Kitt, what's wrong? K.I.T.T.
: A chronic problem with petrol dependent vehicles: we're out of gas. Michael Knight
: Outta gas?
] Michael Knight
: Why didn't you tell me we were running out of gas? K.I.T.T.
: Why didn't you watch the gage? You're the driver, I'm only along for the ride.
: [playing a game of Pac-man
] What's the problem? I thought you'd appreciate my getting into computers. K.I.T.T.
: Playing a video game where circles eat blobs is hardly 'getting into computers'.
: I am the Knight Industries 2000. My serial number is Alpha Delta 2-2-7-5-2-9. I am unauthorized to allow access to my Central Processing Unit.
: Lets play a little 'hooky'. K.I.T.T.
: 'Hooky?' I'm not familiar with that term. Michael Knight
: Then allow me to educate you in one of life's finer pleasures.
[engaging KITT's pursuit mode
: [as speed builds up
] Oh, this does feel good! Michael Knight
: [laughs, raises voice
] How 'bout a little turbo boost? K.I.T.T.
: Dare we? Without sufficient reason? Michael Knight
: Without sufficient reason' is the definition of hooky! Shall we, as they say, 'go for it? K.I.T.T.
: Actually the Foundation was thinking of adopting Sheeba as a pet. K.I.T.T.
: You have to be kidding! Michael Knight
: Hey, we have a K.I.T.T... Why not have a cat?
: Very funny!
: Michael, whatever happened to the good old days when we simply turbo boosted over fences and crashed through walls?
: Michael, are you really certain you want to go through with this? Michael Knight
: K.I.T.T., is my hunch is right, the contacts are somehow made at the Si14 Restaurant, and I gotta have to pass my self off as one very hot piece of space age man power.
: K.I.T.T., I know it'll be asking a lot, but can you make me into a brilliant computer scientist? K.I.T.T.
: Michael, that's not asking a lot, that's asking a miracle.
: That's right, it's called para-sailing. K.I.T.T.
: Wrong, it's called total insanity. Michael Knight
: Well, it just happens to be one of the most popular sports in Acapulco. Only there they do it off the backs of motorboats. K.I.T.T.
: Michael, we're not in Acapulco, and I have about as much in common with motorboat as you have with a seagull.
: You know K.I.T.T.? Sometimes I think I got the best job in the world. A lot of men would die for duty like this. K.I.T.T.
: You nearly have on several occasions. Michael Knight
: You're all heart, buddy.
: Michael, it's one thing to have to hear that music from my own speaker, but to be assaulted from all sides, I feel like Custer at Little Big Horn. Michael Knight
: Hang in there, buddy, this isn't your last stand.
: [K.I.T.T. has just shielded Michael from exploding dynamite
] I'm ok. You alright? K.I.T.T.
: After surviving that music last night, this was a piece of cake.
: Really, Michael, you'd think of all the music in the world, they could find a better piece than that monstrosity.
: Hi Mike!
] Manny Carmichael
: 30 seconds and these are the guys who can prove it. These are real professionals. Michael Knight
: Sorry, Manny, the deal is off. You've convinced me, having a car is too much trouble, I'm gonna get myself a moped. K.I.T.T.
: Moped indeed...
: Why do I feel like I'm entering the jaws of a cougar? Michael Knight
: It's football fever, pal! K.I.T.T.
: Well, I sure hope there's a cure.
: Michael, sometimes you really know how to hurt a guy. That car isn't fit to shine my bumpers.
: [on the game of football
] I place it's complexity somewhere above checkers and below world war two.
: Michael, If you're going to use a multi million dollar system to read a 25 cent paper, you could at least read the front page. Be well informed. Michael Knight
: Ok, wise guy, lay a little world, national and local on me. K.I.T.T.
: That's more like it.
: 22 men in mock war regalia knocking each other down for posession of an air filled bladder made of a pigskin... Well, some human institution confuse me but football is a total mystery. Michael Knight
: I wish I could help you out, K.I.T.T., but it's a little like butter milk: either you like it or you don't
: Michael, what do you think of my new voice modulator? Michael Knight
: Nice, Kitt. Real nice.
: Kitt, don't fall in love with one of these beautiful cars and, eh, run off on me huh?. K.I.T.T.
: I wouldn't dream of it. Michael, have you finished reviewing my new data banks? Michael Knight
: Something I should know? K.I.T.T.
: Don't drink the water. Michael Knight
: Kitt, we're not in Mexico, we're just outside 'o Houston, Texas K.I.T.T.
: I hear Marachi's.
: I don't have a strange looking dash. I'm proud of my dash.
: Devon's calling again. Michael Knight
: Tell him - K.I.T.T.
] Michael, I'm not constitutionally constructed to lie. Michael Knight
: None of us are, Kitt, think of it as a temporary condition for a good cause. K.I.T.T.
: What cause? Michael Knight
: My hide.
: Bonnie, ai-yee! Ay que chula. Bonnie Barstow
] Why thank you, Kitt. Michael Knight
: Show off.
[Michael insists on going after Tayna, despite a serious gunshot wound
] Devon Miles
: KITT, can he make it? K.I.T.T.
: You want the truth, in front of him? Michael Knight
: If I'm going down, I'm taking them with me!
: [about to smash through a trailer
] With all due respect, you are not possibly thinking of... Oh my word, you are!
: You are about as much fun as a divorce, which is not a bad idea! K.I.T.T.
: I want custody of me!
: [having managed to seal K.I.T.T
] Hey, hey, Wow! Man, this thing must make coffee too! K.I.T.T.
: I do nothing of the kind. Now pull over immediately.
[Michael hears K.I.T.T.'s voice for the first time
] Michael Knight
: Might as well put on some music. All these weird gadgets, you'd think they'd give you a radio. K.I.T.T.
: What would you like to hear?
: [on Kitt's video monitor
] You're still tracking the truck, Michael? Michael Knight
: Not any more, I'm chasing it. With a little luck, my Swamp Fox technique will pay off. K.I.T.T.
: What on earth is Swamp Fox? Michael Knight
: The greatest tracker of all time, Kitt. My childhood hero. Devon Miles
: Well, please remember, it's the catching that's the important part of the chase. Now keep me posted.
: Swamp Fox. Really, Michael...
: Alright. I drive from here on. K.I.T.T.
[switches to Normal Cruise
: Providing you'll promise me one thing. Michael Knight
: What? K.I.T.T.
: Please do not refer to me as a 'car' or a 'set of wheels', it's most demeaning. I'm the Knight Industries Two Thousand. You always called me 'Kitt'. Michael Knight
: Alright, Kitt, let's see what you can do.
: Alright, Kitt, let's see what you can do.
: Welcome back, Michael. I thought as a little present I'd play you some of that appaling music you like so much. Michael Knight
: Thanks, buddy. Come on, let's shatter some airwaves.
: So, K.I.T.T. - - you say that I was your partner, and that my name was Michael Knight. Well, tell me, then - - what was this 'Michael Knight' like personality-wise? K.I.T.T.
: Well, I remember that he was bright, agile, and often quite logical. He could also be stubborn, impatient, and arrogant, he often drove like a maniac, he was readily distracted by pretty girls, and he listened to perhaps the most appalling music to ever shatter my airwaves. Michael Knight
] Really? Sounds like my kinda guy. K.I.T.T.
: Yes, I was afraid you'd say that. And there's something else I remember about him, too. Michael Knight
: What's that, K.I.T.T.? K.I.T.T.
] I was also extremely fond of him.
: Michael, that young lady is such a brat, I can't help but wonder why anyone would leave her a goodbye note, let alone an treasure. Michael Knight
: Kitt, she's Charlie's daughter. Blood's thicker than water. K.I.T.T.
: So is my water oil, but he didn't leave me anything.
: Kitt, if you were Stone, where would you hide a treasure map? K.I.T.T.
: One of the greatest treasure hunters, Stephen Dubois, used to hide his maps in imitation cannons by his bedroom window. Michael Knight
: I think we should look for something more conventional, like a safe. K.I.T.T.
: You're just not a romantic.
: Oh and Michael, you might also check the drapery. Albert the second of Austira used to weave his treasure maps into the material. Michael Knight
: I don't think Stone's that clever with a needle.
: Kitt, do you happen to speak 10 place coordinates? K.I.T.T.
: [Kitt configures the coordinates
] The location is in an area known as Devil's Basin. Michael Knight
: Let's go beat the devil.
: I'm programmed to be a treasure hunter, not a caveman. Michael Knight
: Consider it a new program.
: Sorry, pal, forgive me!
[ejects Michael to save him
: EGM? K.I.T.T.
: Electrical generating mode. Puts out enough current to power a small city. Michael Knight
, Devon Miles
: Give 'em some more juice. K.I.T.T.
: One freshly squeezed DC coming right up.
: [looking at Kitt's new and improved dashboard
] Now if I only knew what some of these things do. K.I.T.T.
: Only one way to find out, Michael, but don't push the turbo boost. Devon Miles
: He's still got a sense of humor.
: Kitt, there's no one inside here. K.I.T.T.
: Michael, that's impossible. A car doesn't drive by itself. Michael Knight
: Doesn't it?
: You know, I have to admit I hope it turns out Whitby is innocent. I owe him a favor. Michael Knight
: Alright, let me have it... K.I.T.T.
: He forced you to take off that hat. Michael Knight
: Funny, K.I.T.T., that's very funny.
: [talking like a New York cabbie
] Mickey, for you the moon, you know that! Michael Knight
: [severely annoyed
] Get me the moon, get me the data, get me a pizza, but please, stop talking like that, just do it without talking, please.
: [riding a bumpy road
] Backroad? This isn't even a cowpath. Michael Knight
: Tell me about it. Riding that bull was easier. I'm getting bruises on my bruises.
: [phoney New York accent
] Hey, this is your lucky day. I'm gonna make yous an offer yous can't refuse. I won't tease you about your New York accent, if you won't tease me about my serious cowboy hat. K.I.T.T.
: Very good Michael, I accept your offer.
[Michael and KITT are outside a gambling hall filled with slot machines
: Michael, I'm picking up some unusual vibrations. Michael Knight
: That's probably just the one-armed bandits. K.I.T.T.
: Shall we pursue them?
: Why are all those young ladies running around in such skimpy attire? Michael Knight
: When I find out, you'll be the first to know.
: Michael, I am not a gadget. I am a state of the art.
: [Kitt is part of the Escape magazine centerfold
] Overall it's a very flattering layout. However there is one small detail that keeps it from being picture perfect. Michael Knight
: No kidding. What's that? K.I.T.T.
: Please remove the staple from my fender.
: [a stray dog is sniffing K.I.T.T.'s tires
] Dog, go away. I said, go away, dog. Very well then, you leave me no choice. K.I.T.T.
: [K.I.T.T. growls like a lion and the dog runs away
] That's known as man's best friend...
: Got any ideas? K.I.T.T.
: I thought I'd let you try first. It always makes you feel so much better on those rare occasions when you outthink me. Michael Knight
: Oh that's funny. That's, that's very funny.
: [Michael pushes the autopilot and starts kissing Sherry
] Am I safe in assuming that nobody wants to play geography at the moment? Michael Knight
: Yes. You're right. Just keep driving. K.I.T.T.
: But for how long? Michael Knight
: Hmm. 'Till one of us runs out of gas. Sherry Benson
: What does relax mean? Michael Knight
: Um. It's kinda like when I put you in neutral. K.I.T.T.
: Oh. How very unproductive.
: [being charged by a circus clown firetruck
] Now I've seen everything! K.I.T.T.
: What are they going to do? Kill us with confetti?
: Michael, I have that information you wanted on ITZ. Michael, I have that information you wanted on ITZ. Michael Knight
: Lay it on me. K.I.T.T.
: It's not exactly what you'd call a high profile organization. It has more puzzling twists and turns than an Agatha Cristie novel.
: Okay KITT, break a leg. K.I.T.T.
: In my case, it's 'blow a tire'
: For those of you who haven't already heard of me, allow me to introduce myself: I am the world renowned Turbo Man.
[the circus folk mutter his name in awe
] Michael Knight
: And this is my flying carpet, Kitt. K.I.T.T.
: You're flying carpet... Michael Knight
: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, my talking flying carpet, Kitt.
: Do bad guys ever sleep? K.I.T.T.
: No. But neither do I.
: KITT wake you up again? Mike Traceur
: Yeah, and while we're on the subject, I think we need to have a little chat about boundaries. K.I.T.T.
: We are approaching the latitude and longitude of the plane's last known GPS location. Mike Traceur
: Don't try and change the subject.
[KITT skids to a stop, Michael hits his head on the dashboard
] Mike Traceur
: Ah! Ow. K.I.T.T.
: That would be changing the subject, Michael.
: Why would someone fake a plane crash? K.I.T.T.
: Isn't that why we get paid to figure out? Mike Traceur
: You get paid?
: Agent Renning is calling out an APB on us. Mike Traceur
: Then we better go incognito. Shall we go old school? K.I.T.T.
: To use the lingo of the time, I can dig it.
: That was great! I feel like a kid. K.I.T.T.
: So do I, Michael, and I've never been one.
: Wow, man these wheels are something! Whoo! K.I.T.T.
: Why thank you. It's always nice to get credit where credit is due. Darryl
: [looking at Michael
] Hey, come on, what is this? You a ventriloquist or something?
: I don't believe it. It's not possible. Is that you? Bum
: It is me, I, the bum.
: He's heading for that slope again, Michael. Michael Knight
: Yeah, only this time we can really stick it to 'em.
: I must say, Michael, this adventure does have a certain appeal. Michael Knight
: [looking at a model being photographed
] Yeah, I see what you mean. K.I.T.T.
: Think of it, we're fugitives of a sort. Desperado's on the lam. We must be extremely careful, if we're careful we could end up on a chain-gang. Michael Knight
: Chain gang? That's the 30s, pal. I'd end up in the pen stamping license plates. And I'd probably be making them out pieces of you. K.I.T.T.
: They'll never take me alive.
: How did it go, Michael? Michael Knight
: Fenton's definitely our man. But he sure plays a mean game of chess. K.I.T.T.
: Chess, the two of you played chess? Michael Knight
: No, I mean the man's got ice in his veins. K.I.T.T.
: Oh dear, that does sound serious.
: Aren't we rather foolhardy to move at our present speed and make ourselves quite so visible to police officers? After all, we are fugitives. Michael Knight
: No time for hide and seek now. K.I.T.T.
: Very well, but it defies criminal logic.
: Michael, I have a confession. I'm rather pleased our life of crime has come to an end. April Curtis
: [sits down on Kitt's hood
] Well now, that makes two of us. Michael Knight
: What's the matter? Tired of living in the fast lane, pal? K.I.T.T.
: No, it's simply that my research indicates that not one vehicle or steed of a noted desperado ever received the acclaim of its owner. Nor did they share in any of the criminal profits. It's quite clear: crime doesn't pay.
: I thought you were one of those old type heroes, you know. The kind who just drove off into the sunset, secure in the knowledge that you could handle any situation that might arise. K.I.T.T.
: I don't know if those old time heroes were so much. I mean they always drank sarsaparilla and never kissed the girl. Well what was all that about? Michael? Michael?
[Michael is busy kissing the girl
: K.I.T.T., what's the square root of 256 and the capitol of Montanna? K.I.T.T.
: Bonnie, really. Bonnie Barstow
: K.I.T.T., do you know the answer? K.I.T.T.
: Can Michael Jackson moonwalk?
: [K.I.T.T. is in pieces, being rebuild from the ground up
] Hey pal, it's me, Michael... K.I.T.T.
: [after a pause, quite weak
] Hello, Michael. Michael Knight
: Hey, how ya doing, buddy? Ready for a couple of one-eighties, maybe a couple o' nineties, a little crash through a wall? Huh?
] Michael Knight
: I'm just kidding here.
] Michael Knight
: K.I.T.T.? K.I.T.T.
: I guess my humor mode needs a little more work.
: Michael, Devon is calling. Devon Miles
: [on video screen
] Hello Michael. Michael Knight
: Hello yourself, if you'd waited a couple more minutes, we could talk face to face, we're almost back to the semi now. Devon Miles
: Well, that's why I called you. I'm afraid I won't be there, I injured my back. And I don't want any cracks about falling off barstools, chasing blondes, slipping on banana peels or anything like that. Michael Knight
: Somehow that image didn't occur to me.
: Michael, I've been monitoring CB channels and Terri's right, 'Kitt' is rather dull. How about 'Hot Knight'? Michael Knight
: Hot Knight? Hot Knight... That's definitely got a ring to it. K.I.T.T.
: Thank you. Michael Knight
: Don't let it get to your computer banks. K.I.T.T.
: I won't.
: I must say the more I listen to CB channels, the more impressed I am with truck drivers. Michael Knight
: Yeah? Why is that? K.I.T.T.
: They're concerned for wildlife for example. Every time one of them spots a bear, they immediately report it to all the others. I find that most praiseworthy. Michael Knight
: Me too, Kitt, me too.
: [on CB
] Big Brother to Hot Knight, we're gonna tag along and guess what? Brusker is buyer. Trucker Kurt
: If that's ok. Michael Knight
: [on Kitt's intercom
] That's ok, Curt.
[Mike and Terri the Tiger laugh out loud
: Michael, the correct response in CB parlance would have been: breaker breaker, Hot Knight to Big Brother, that's a big ten four, over and out. Michael Knight
: All right good buddy, that's a big ten four. Over and out.
[they laugh it up again
: Michael. what's a 10-33? Michael Knight
: A call for help!
: [Michael is dressed up for Devon's Halloween party
] Michael, I thought Rhett Butler was supposed to be dashing and carefree. But you're acting like Hamlet.
: My name is Esmeralda, and I'm the top witch of the northern high. You wouldn't happen to be a warlock, would you? Michael Knight
: I don't think so. Esmeralda
: Pitty. It's so hard to find a good warlock these days. K.I.T.T.
: Have you tried Warlocks Anonymous?
: [talking to her black cat, in pretend preparation to put a curse on Michael
] Come, Voodoo... we must take our newts out of the oven. K.I.T.T.
: If you ask me, Michael, she has newts in her BELFRY! Michael Knight
: Let's hope they STAY there.
: [feeling a bit horrified after having analyzed the tuft of black fur that Michael found caught in Denise's closet door
] It's hair from a REAL GORILLA, Michael! Michael Knight
: Don't worry, buddy... I don't think that gorilla has peeled any bananas lately.
: That was a close one. I wonder how they knew we were coming? K.I.T.T.
: Are you positive it was a deliberate assault on us? Michael Knight
: No question about it. K.I.T.T.
: How can you be so sure? Michael Knight
: Because earth-movers don't mate this time of year.
: Do something about that bull, will ya, K.I.T.T.? K.I.T.T.
: A bull? Really Michael, you want me to chase a bull? I'm not a matador. Michael Knight
: K.I.T.T.! K.I.T.T.
: Very well, Michael.
: It's about time. Michael Knight
: You can't be impatient, that's a human trait. K.I.T.T.
: I'd just like to know what's going on. I'm only as good as my input, you know.
: [intimidating a suspect by pretending to be a UFO
] You were very offensive last night... Earthling.
: I don't understand the concept of fishing, Michael. Michael Knight
: What don't you understand, buddy? K.I.T.T.
: According to my information the object of fishing is to catch fish. Michael Knight
: That's right. K.I.T.T.
: But we've been gone two days, and despite all the time you spend fishing, you didn't catch any fish. Michael Knight
: They just weren't biting, pal, that's how fishing is. Sometimes they bite, sometimes they don't.
: Since you haven't asked, I'll tell you: it was demoralizing, demeaning. Michael Knight
: [a bit aggravated
] What? K.I.T.T.
: Police impound. Michael Knight
: Oh, you had me worried there for a minute. K.I.T.T.
: Michael, I don't think you have any idea what those places are like. I was surrounded by criminal types with dented fenders and bullet holes... Michael Knight
: Jail was no picknick either, pal.
: My mom's car won't do any of this stuff. What else can you do? Can you talk? K.I.T.T.
: Natalie, you know car's can't talk. Natalie Turner
: Some cars do. They say: 'please close the door' and -
] Natalie Turner
: you talked!
: [Natalie is sticking out her tongue at Kitt
] My, what large tonsils you have. Natalie Turner
: I don't think you're very funny. K.I.T.T.
: Natalie, are you mad at me? Natalie Turner
: Yes. Can't you tell?
: You know, for a collection of micro processors you're awfully touchy. K.I.T.T.
: Wrong. It's just that my circuits function better when we operate in a reality mode. Michael Knight
: K.I.T.T.? K.I.T.T.
: Yes Michael? Michael Knight
: Just keep driving.
: Modesty is a state of mind, Michael. I only deal in facts.
: Well Michael, if our object is to save this enterprise, we best come up with something quite exceptional. Michael Knight
: That seems logical. K.I.T.T.
: What else would it be? Michael Knight
: Now that we've got that settled, what would you sugest we do? K.I.T.T.
: How should I know? You're talking showbusiness. And that's completely outside the scope of any known system of logic. Michael Knight
: You know what, K.I.T.T.? K.I.T.T.
: What Michael? Michael Knight
: Sometimes you're no help at all.
: Did you hear that announcer? He called me 'Cat'. That's a four legged feline. Michael Knight
: So go complain to your agent, huh?
: Any ideas Kitt? K.I.T.T.
: Yes I think a striped tie would be very nice with that suit, or perhaps a simple paisley, don't you think?
: I hate to be the one to break this to you, but automobiles are not human. They have no lineage or personality. Michael Knight
: I wonder why I keep forgetting that? K.I.T.T.
: You have probably begun to form an psychological attachment to me. That would be a logical human response. Michael Knight
: No, I think it was that ' 56 Chevy I had in high school. Boy, I loved that car!
: Kitt, go into surveillance mode, huh? K.I.T.T.
: Michael? Michael Knight
: Yeah, Kitt? K.I.T.T.
: Could your 1956 Chevrolet go into surveillance mode? Michael Knight
: No, but we sure had some fun cruising hamburger joints.
: I'd have gotten here sooner, Michael, but you didn't tip the valet.
: Michael, I'm not sure I understand. What will these models be wearing? Michael Knight
: Next spring's fashions, why? K.I.T.T.
: If the clothing last spring seemed satisfactory, why create new apparel? Michael Knight
: Kitt, people's taste's change. They like new designs, new lines. K.I.T.T.
: Why can't people be content with what they have? Michael Knight
: Think at it this way, Kitt, if Detroit had been content, you'd still be a model T
: [to a little yapping dog
] Keep that up and you'll be on the wrong end of a car bites dog story.
: I do not intend to set one wheel inside an airplane. Michael Knight
: Kitt, buddy, I need you to translate for me. Why don't you wanna go? K.I.T.T.
: Because... I don't like flying. Devon Miles
: But Kitt, you've never flown before. K.I.T.T.
: One doesn't have to be bitten by a dog to dislike dogbites. Besides, if cars were meant to fly they would have been made with wings. Michael Knight
: Alright, if that's how you feel, I'll go alone, I'll pick up a rental car in Mexico city. K.I.T.T.
: A rental car? Michael, you wouldn't.
: Perhaps I could make this one flight an exception. Michael Knight
: I had a feeling you'd see it that way.
: What's with the darkened windows, pal? K.I.T.T.
: This is Hollywood, Michael. I'm wearing my sunglasses.
: And what's wrong with fast cars may I ask? Slim
: Everything. 'Raging Sky' was a western. How do you remake a western with cars playing horses? K.I.T.T.
: I've cleaned up a couple of Western towns in my day. Buck
: [via video phone
] Bonnie, put RC on will ya, I need him out here on this one. Bonnie Barstow
: Oh RC, what about me, Michael you know how much I love Westerns. Michael Knight
: [impersonating John Wayne
] Well, I know, pilgrim. Maybe I can get you one of those gutsy Maureen O'Hara roles. 'RC3' Reginald Cornelius III
: You know Michael, you do a great Jimmy Stewart. K.I.T.T.
: Very funny.
: Where does Old Canyon Road go? K.I.T.T.
: Were I to hazard a guess, I'd say into an old canyon.
: Kitt, I think this place needs a new disc jockey. Put on something I can dance to. K.I.T.T.
: [speaking on wristwatch comlink
] How about Swan Lake?
: Well, looks like the hoosgow over there. K.I.T.T.
: Hoosgow? Is that something like moo-cow? Michael Knight
: No, it's not something like moo-cow. It's western for jail, buddy K.I.T.T.
: Don't tell me. They even have their own language?
: Bonnie, with those hands, you should have been a surgeon. Bonnie Barstow
: That's what my dad always said. I had to practically slash my wrists to convince him I couldn't stand the sight of blood. Michael Knight
: Medicine's loss, our gain.
Sen. Maggie Flynn
: It, it talks! Is there anything this car can't do? Michael Knight
: Well, it can't cook. K.I.T.T.
: I wasn't programmed to cook. Sen. Maggie Flynn
: [K.I.T.T. is being shot at
] It's ok, it's ok, Maggie. K.I.T.T.'s got a pretty thick skin. K.I.T.T.
: Please be precise, Michael, it's not thick, it's simply a bulletproof alloy. Sen. Maggie Flynn
: I can't tell you how I'm counting on that.
: The frequency of the oil spots seem to be growing rather than diminishing, Michael. Michael Knight
: Just keep your nose to the black top, buddy. K.I.T.T.
: And to think that some poor animals are forced to do this for a living.
: That is a phone and I am not a booth.
: I love Christmas. The lights, trees, music, the whole spiritual season makes me feel great. K.I.T.T.
: It confuses me. What could a portly man in a red suit positively have to do with the birth of a religious leader? Michael Knight
: Kitt, Christmas is a time for giving and a time for love and Santa is the greatest giver of them all. Speaking of giving, I'm a bit perplexed about what to get you. Being a car, it is rather difficult to know what's appropriate. K.I.T.T.
: Anything but pajamas, cheap cologne, ties and argyle socks. Especially argyle socks.
: Michael, I don't see the appeal of these songs. They're all about surfing, sun and girls in bikinis. What exactly is the allure of Southern California? Michael Knight
: You just said it, pal. And thanks to the Foundation, that's our next stop...
: It must be very difficult to erase people from ones memorybanks. Michael Knight
: That's the problem Kitt, you don't... you can't. K.I.T.T.
: If that's true they become a permanent part of you. Michael Knight
: The best of 'em do, buddy. The best of 'em do just that.
: Michael, why is it you never go undercover as an aristocrat or a count? Michael Knight
: Good question, Kitt. I'm gonna have to ask Devon about that. K.I.T.T.
: I'll bet not a soul in there speaks French.
: [having just beaten Bonnie at a video game
] Sorry Bonnie, would you like to try again? Bonnie Barstow
: No thank you, Kitt. You know how low my resistance is. I don't want to get hooked on 'Space Cadet'. K.I.T.T.
: Whatever you say, Bonnie. However I'd like to point out that this a game of skill, designed not only to challenge ones hand-eye coordination, but to stimulate strategic thinking as well. Bonnie Barstow
: As long as you put it that way, one more quickly.
: [loud music is playing at Delton Micronics at night
] Does that sound like business or pleasure? Michael Knight
: You got me, pal.
: [after jumping over a tow truck towing a car
] If I had nerves, that would have been nerve-racking.
: [Michael and Kitt have just caught their man
] I'm afraid the only big iron you'll be handling for a long time is going to belong to the department of corrections. Michael Knight
: I couldn't have said it better myself, pal.
: Something in my bones tells me I'm right. K.I.T.T.
: The ultraphonic analyzer indicates there's absolutely nothing unusual about your bones. Michael Knight
: I'm talking about a feeling here, I'm talking about a gut reaction. K.I.T.T.
: And I'm showing no unusual activity in your gastrointestinal system.
: Well, looks like Joe Glover's home. K.I.T.T.
: Yes, but you forgot the 'Hair of the dog'. Michael Knight
: Guess I'll have to rely on boyish charm.
: Hey, little buddy, look who's here! K.I.T.T.
: Given a choice, I prefer alligators.
: And by the way, you can call me Chuck. K.I.T.T.
: I can, yes, but why would I want to? Charles
: Well, if I'm gonna be your new partner... K.I.T.T.
: Unless I'm mistaken, Chuck, at this point, you're simply one of the many candidates being considered for the job. Charles
: Well that's true, but when Chuck Wallyburton goes after something, he usually gets it.
: To tell you the truth, Michael, it's not the waiting that bothers to me, it's the Dixieland jazz that goes with it. If I hear 'When the Saints go Marching In' one more time...
: K.I.T.T... Bonnie Barstow
: Did you bet a horse? Devon Miles
: With Foundation money? K.I.T.T.
: Michael, I was just trying to bail out your auto currency statement. Statistically, I couldn't lose. Devon Miles
: That's what they all say. K.I.T.T.
: Michael, can I ask you a favor? Michael Knight
: [leans closer
] Yeah partner, what is it? K.I.T.T.
: Lend me 20 dollars?
: Speaking of which, how about dipping into Bonnie's little magic money machine for me, will you partner? K.I.T.T.
: Michael, it's called an Auto Currency Dispenser and there's nothing magic about it. We have to account for every penny. Michael Knight
: I know, I know, I'm just a little lean on cash this week.
: Sleek, spirited and moves like a hurricane. K.I.T.T.
: Michael, you're too kind. Michael Knight
: Not you pal, the fortuity preview on Max's horse. K.I.T.T.
: What, a horse? Try stubborn, skittish and expensive to maintain. Michael Knight
: Not at all like you.
: What's the matter, Michael? Michael Knight
: What makes you think something's the matter? K.I.T.T.
: When music like this is on the radio, my steering wheel usually takes a beating. Michael Knight
] I don't know, K.I.T.T., I'm just trying to decide whether I should go back to Lorenzo's boutique for men, pick up that jacket I saw. K.I.T.T.
: Do you need it? Michael Knight
: Well, it's not that I need it, I mean, nobody needs a black eelskin bomber jacket, that's not the point. K.I.T.T.
: What is the point? Michael Knight
: I want it... It matches my boots. K.I.T.T.
: You're boots are a long way from your jacket, do you think anyone will notice that they match? Michael Knight
] You'll never understand.
: My scanners show four people in the building, three of them wearing the receivers. The fourth is the girl who went to the party with you. Michael Knight
: Elizabeth. Are you sure? K.I.T.T.
: Unless she has a twin with identical DNA structure. And Michael, her heart rate is above normal. She's frightened.
: [having just escaped from a collapsing building
] Nice K.I.T.T., very, very nice. K.I.T.T.
: No applause, just a wash and wax please. Michael Knight
] You got it. 'RC3' Reginald Cornelius III
: [RC's bike was left in the building
] Yeah... and a new bike. Michael Knight
: Yeah, sorry about that.
: [a small bomb has been detonated inside K.I.T.T.'s trunk
] We'll never get the smell out of the upholstery.
: Hang loose, I'll be right back. K.I.T.T.
: Hang loose?
: Twisted Sister, Quiet Riot, Iron Maiden, Michael, where do they get these names? Michael Knight
] Heavy metal, partner, heavy metal. Macho rock and roll.
: Em, listen, when you finish up work tonight, how about you and I going out for a little dinner? Bonnie Barstow
: I'd love to Michael, but I'm spending the night with Kitt. Michael Knight
: Oh well, you two have a real good time. Bonnie Barstow
: [sits down
] First I have to recharge his components, then I have to convert the engine to run on liquid hydrogine, then I have to flush his systems... and adjust his timing. Michael Knight
: Recharge his components? Flush his system? Kitt, don't you dare take advantage of her tonight. K.I.T.T.
: I won't. Bonnie Barstow
: Would you get out of here, you yo-yo!
] Bonnie Barstow
: Kitt, I hope you're not picking up his warped sense of humor. Bonnie Barstow
: I'm trying my best not to.
: Michael, I can serve you better if I'm familiar with your strategy. Michael Knight
: Good point, Kitt. Our game plan is simple yet complex. We lay low, we blend in with the other racers on and off the course. We observe, deduce and analyse. K.I.T.T.
: In other words were winging it, as usual. Michael Knight
] You got it.
: [Michael has rescued Liberty from certain death but has neglected to untie her
] Michael, she would like you to take the gag off. Michael Knight
] Michael Knight
: I don't think so. You know, this is the first conversation I've ever had with you where I get a word in edgewise?
: [talking into his comlink
] K.I.T.T., look for a pretty girl with dark hair leaving in a hurry. K.I.T.T.
: What happened, did the Lone Eagle strike out again? Michael Knight
: Very funny. She's a pickpocket. Keep your scanners peeled.
: I don't like this plan, Michael. The people in that place are not nice and I don't mean the prisoners. Michael Knight
: Don't worry, we'll get Julie and Bonnie outta there.
: [Chasing master of disguise 'The Chameleon'
] He's outsmarted himself, Michael. It dead ends in a cliff just ahead. We got him. Michael Knight
: Don't count on it, he might disguise himself as a rock or a bush... or even a chameleon.
: Since soldiers of fortune invariably use aliases, you can choose between John Doe, Jack Smith or Joe Brown. Michael Knight
: I'll take Jack Smith. Sounds like a winner.
: You can't trust anything you don't program yourself. K.I.T.T.
: Not true. Sally Flynn
: Not true. K.I.T.T.
: I don't argue, Sally, I merely correct improper calculations.
: [Michael and K.I.T.T. are stuck in a traffic jam
] How did you let me get into this, anyway? K.I.T.T.
: Sorry, but you were driving. Michael Knight
: I know, I know, but why is this happening to me? K.I.T.T.
: I know, I know, but why is this happening to me?
: Michael, I may not be flesh and blood, but I am a friend. And I wish you happiness, but I still don't understand. Michael Knight
: In a way... neither do I.
: [Last Lines
] Where are we going Michael? Michael Knight
: We are going home to family. We are going to the Foundation.
: Alright, Kitt, lets try April's new device. K.I.T.T.
: Michael, I have serious reservations about this. Michael Knight
: Hang on buddy, and get ready to make like a bird!
: [stuck in quicksand and sinking fast
] Michael, is this it? The Big Adios?
: Devon sure looked great in that blazer, didn't he? K.I.T.T.
: I had the distinct impression he was trying to impress the car. Michael Knight
: Can you blame him? The Pennington Ascot Regency is a classic. Michael Knight
: [Kitt is silent
] Not that you aren't in its class. Michael Knight
: [still no reply
] Actually, Kitt, you are in a class all by yourself. You're one of a kind. K.I.T.T.
: Thank you.
: April, I can't believe you're participating in this barbarism. April Curtis
: Now Kitt, you know we wouldn't be doing this if it weren't absolutely necessary. K.I.T.T.
: How would you feel if someone decided to extend your nose, remove your ears, lengthen your neck and paint your body candy-apple red? Thank goodness Wilton Knight isn't here to see this sacrilege.
: That beam melted poor K.I.T.T.'s tire like it was a piece of ordinary rubber. K.I.T.T.
: Yes, and it was most embarrassing.
: His name is Fuji Hakito. Given he's a Takishi, might I suggest caution? Michael Knight
: [gets out
] My middle name, partner, my middle name. Sayonara.
: Michael, I hope it won't be much longer. This dirt beginning to clog some of my most sensitive instruments. Michael Knight
: We're almost there, buddy. And it isn't just dirt, it's the stuff of ancient Indian civilizations. K.I.T.T.
: Perhaps. But the stuff of ancient Indian civilizations is wreaking havoc on my turbine.
: And Helios, the Greek sun-god, the god of brilliance rode to his palace in a chariot of gold. Michael Knight
: Kind of like a Rolls-Royce, right? K.I.T.T.
: I fail to see the logic of that statement.
: If I keep feeling that beat, I won't just loosen up, I'll fall apart. Michael Knight
: No way, you're uni-welded. You can take it. K.I.T.T.
: But I don't want it.
: [indicating a private yacht
] Very seaworthy, Michael. Michael Knight
: [referring to a bikini clad blond
] Hmm, good on land too! K.I.T.T.
: The boat, Michael.
: [assuming she's talking to K.I.T.T.'s owner via his carphone
] Whoever you are, you sure sound sexy. I'd love to see what you look like. K.I.T.T.
: Actually, I'm right under your... nose. The Blond
: Hmm, I bet you're tall and dark and handsome. K.I.T.T.
: I'm definitely dark and handsome. I'm only tall when I'm climbing a steep incline.
: You might say I haven't yet met my match. The Blond
: Oh, well, what kind of match are you looking for? K.I.T.T.
: Oh, something very stylish, preferably in red, loaded with sophisticated software, total artificial intelligence, fully padded seat, removable top with an adaptive megabyte system that can interface for hours. The Blond
: You animal! What kind of a girl do you think I am?
[kicks K.I.T.T.'s tire
: What did I say?
: [referring to Kitt
] Well do something, hit him! Paul Brock
: There's nobody there! K.I.T.T.
: I resent that.
: All set? K.I.T.T.
: I'm prepared for anything, except another onslaught of rock 'n roll. Michael Knight
: He's all set.
: Why do you suppose they excluded me, Bonnie? Bonnie Barstow
: I don't know, K.I.T.T.
[slams K.I.T.T.'s hood shut
] Bonnie Barstow
: But don't take it personaly. K.I.T.T.
: I won't. You know I can't take anything personally.
: Michael, wear your pants. Michael Knight
: Never mind. K.I.T.T. I got a bone to pick with you. K.I.T.T.
: According to my data on human anatomy, you have 206 bones, give or take some questionable cartilage.
: [driving through a river of lava at 600 degrees
] Michael, my molecular bonded shell can't withstand the extreme heat of this lava much longer. Michael Knight
: Hang in there, buddy, hang in there.
: [talking into his newly recovered comlink
] K.I.T.T.? You tuned in out there, pal? K.I.T.T.
: Michael? Michael, of course I am. I've been monitoring your channel round the clock. Where are you? Michael Knight
: With RC. We're out of jail but we're still in prison, so to speak.
: Gina appears to be such a nice girl, Michael. People so often turn out not to be what they seem. How can you who to trust and who not to? Michael Knight
: You can't, buddy. You just gotta take your chances.
: Keep your scanners peeled for bearnappers. K.I.T.T.
: Baby sitting a pin cushion. How demeaning.
: What kind of car is this? Michael Knight
: Eh... it's an '87. I got an early delivery. K.I.T.T.
: Really, Michael. Ruth Keeler
: It talks? Michael Knight
] Yeah. Ruth Keeler
: What'll we have in '88? Michael Knight
: Hopefully, quieter cars.
: Buddy, have you heard the poem 'How do I love thee, let me count the ways'? K.I.T.T.
: Michael, this is no time for sentimentality. Michael Knight
: You're right, pal.
: Bonnie, flying is safer than driving a car.
[into his comlink
] Michael Knight
: Tell her, K.I.T.T. K.I.T.T.
: It may be safer than traveling by automobile, Michael, but there is no doubt that air travel is one of the most unnatural modes of transportation ever devised by the mind of man. Michael Knight
: Oh, thanks a lot, you've really helped. Bonnie Barstow
: It's not K.I.T.T.'s fault, Michael, he was programmed to be afraid of flying. Michael Knight
: Aha, but you were the programmer.
: Michael, you wouldn't! You know I'm terrified of flying. Michael Knight
: Sorry pal, but there's no choice.
[drives up the ramp of a moving plane
: If you'll glance at my fuel gages you shall see that I'm virtually operating on fumes. Michael Knight
: Well, you're right. Bonnie really goofed up this time, didn't she? K.I.T.T.
: It wasn't Bonnie's fault. It's just that her route plan didn't include the 200 mile diversion involved in you and that young lady you met back in - Michael Knight
: Yeah, yeah, never mind that.
[puts on Bela Lugosi accent
] Michael Knight
: I'll, I'll find you some blood, Dracula. K.I.T.T.
: A very innept annalogy if I may say so. Blood has virtually no combustable capabilities at all.
: Michael, remember we're due in Phoenix at five today. Michael Knight
: Yeah, that can wait. I wouldn't miss the chance to bail out our illustrious leader for all the pasta in Italy.
[looking at Mel's Pontiac Firebird Trans Am
: This car is so radical. Looks just like K.I.T.T. from the show Knight Rider. Mel
: It is K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider. Watch this.
[Mel activates the car with his watch
: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm K.I.T.T. Richie
: [to Mel
] Who are you? Mel
: Oh, I'm just one of those nerds who grew up... to make billions.
: [driving to a race event
] A quiet peaceful retirement community? K.I.T.T.
: Bonnie meticulously revises my databanks regularly. Is it possible we are in the wrong Marberry? Michael Knight
: I don't think so. It seems to me, Marberry has changed its image, partner. K.I.T.T.
: None for the better if you ask me. Is nothing sacred? Isn't there anywhere safe from fast cars and Rock 'n Roll? Michael Knight
: You tell me, you're the one with the meticulously revised databanks. Daisy Doolittle
: [walking around K.I.T.T
] Is that thing blown? K.I.T.T.
: I bet your pardon? Michael Knight
: Not now K.I.T.T. I beg your pardon? Daisy Doolittle
: Eh, you know, blown as in supercharged. Michael Knight
: Eh, does it matter? Daisy Doolittle
: Only if you want to win. Michael Knight
: I'll let you know. Daisy Doolittle
: [pointing at K.I.T.T
] What's that funny little red light in front? Michael Knight
: That is eh... eh, automatic garage door opener.
[flashes big grin
] Daisy Doolittle
: Aaah! Michael Knight
: Can you tell me where I can find the sponsor? Daisy Doolittle
: Right over there. Eh, it's winner take all. In case your interested, that was my nickname in high school. Michael Knight
: Winner? Daisy Doolittle
: All. Michael Knight
: [while walking away
] The wisdom of youth.
: I think I got whiplash! K.I.T.T.
: Whiplash, my C.P.U. Edgar
: Hey hey, hey! What's that? You calling my wife names?
: Devon, I'm telling ya, you should have seen that jump, K.I.T.T. was beautiful, just like a gazelle. K.I.T.T.
: Michael, I prefer to be likened to a rocket. Cars with animal names are very common.
: Well, you know what Sgt. Burber says, "The pain is temporary, but the pride is forever." Mike Traceur
: You'd make a good drill sergeant, KITT. K.I.T.T.
: Thank you. Now drop and give me 20, Private Knight, you worthless bag of... Mike Traceur
: Sarah, our father is dead.
: I'm the Knight Industries Two Thousand, sure enough. Ready to ramble, ready to roll, ready to strut my stuff!
: Hey, what is this, you got some guy at the shop you're talking to? Michael Knight
: No, I got a computer right here. Julio, meet Kitt. Kitt's part of the family. K.I.T.T.
: Thank you Michael.
'RC3' Reginald Cornelius III
: [driving the FLAG rig
] I dropped Bonnie and Devon off at the stroke of nine. Now I'm sure they're eagerly awaiting your tardy arrival... K.I.T.T.
: He's gloating, Michael. Did he expect me to turbo boost over ten miles of bumper to bumper traffic? I mean sustained flight has never been my strength. Michael Knight
: Don't let him ruffle your breaking fins, pal.
'RC3' Reginald Cornelius III
: This baby taught the Baja a lesson. Michael Knight
: Not to mention bringing half of it back with you. Look at this. 'RC3' Reginald Cornelius III
: Now there you guys go putting down my wheels again. K.I.T.T.
: Don't look at me, RC. My vocal board is sealed.
: O'Brien served with Devon on the allied command in Korea in the early fifties. 'RC3' Reginald Cornelius III
: You got any idea what kind of jackpot this guy is in? Michael Knight
: All I know is, we are not here to send K.I.T.T. to the far east and have him come back as a crate of ghetto blasters. K.I.T.T.
: Michael, you're analogy is quite disturbing. 'RC3' Reginald Cornelius III
: Hey, don't worry, K.I.T.T. I am a strong advocate of buy American. I wouldn't buy you if you had a foreign label. K.I.T.T.
: That's very patriotic of you, RC. 'RC3' Reginald Cornelius III
: Thanks, K.I.T.T. K.I.T.T.
: Now if you'd just work on your taste in music...
: Michael, wouldn't it be more advantageous to go the local D.A. and arrange for expedition? Michael Knight
: I don't think so, K.I.T.T., take too long. K.I.T.T.
: But perhaps they'd overrule Lieutenant Dickerson and allow us to transport Marty back to Albuquerque? Michael Knight
: Remember what Dickerson said? This is his turf, he calls the shots. I don't see that man giving us any help at all K.I.T.T.
: In that case, my microwave jammers are ready. Michael Knight
: All right.
: [Michael is humming along with the music
] Michael? Michael Knight
: Yeah, Kitt? K.I.T.T.
: C is beyond your grasp and D is beyond your vision. Michael Knight
: I didn't know you had perfect pitch. K.I.T.T.
: It's a cross I have to bare. Michael Knight
: You do it so well. K.I.T.T.
: Thank you. Michael Knight
: De nada.
: [conversing via comlink
] Are you alright, Michael? Michael Knight
: Yeah, if you consider being locked in a six by six filthy room alright, I'm doing great.
: Alright, it's no use announcing our presence, I got a few other moves to put on Mr. Quincy. K.I.T.T.
: No more try outs for the swim team I hope? Michael Knight
: No way, pal!
: [awakes suddenly
] Man, I was out cold. K.I.T.T.
: Actually, Michael, you were not out cold. You were in a very heavy REM state. Mike Traceur
: You know, you sometimes sound like Hal from 2001? K.I.T.T.
: I find that movie extremely confusing. Mike Traceur
: You know what confuses me? K.I.T.T.
: There are not enough hours in the day to list all the things that confuse you. Mike Traceur
: Oh, snap. K.I.T.T.
: Yes, Michael. Snap.
: It is essential to your survival that you calm yourself and complete this task. Mike Traceur
: I'm trying. K.I.T.T.
: Do or do not. There is no try. Mike Traceur
: You're quoting movie lines *now*?
: There is no such thing as the make out rule. Billy Morgan
: What? K.I.T.T.
: You told Zoe you can't park in a car at night without making out. And that it's a rule. Billy Morgan
: Well, it might not be in any database, but it's a rule. Trust me. K.I.T.T.
: Well, it's night, and you are both in a parked car. Zoe Chae
: Rules are rules.
: You know, Michael? This being a god is very demanding. Michael Knight
: Yeah, well, stick with what you know, huh?