Sylvia Fine
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Quotes for
Sylvia Fine (Character)
from "The Nanny" (1993)

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"The Nanny: Schlepped Away (#1.15)" (1994)
[the entire Sheffield household has descended on Sylvia's apartment unexpectedly]
Sylvia Fine: [to Fran] You couldn't call to tell a person that you're coming. I would have Windexed the couch.

C.C. Babcock: Where's your bathroom?
Fran Fine: It's down the hall.
[C.C. runs off]
Sylvia Fine: The Glade is under the sink!
[to Fran]
Sylvia Fine: Your father was just in there.

Fran Fine: [dumps a sirloin in a bowl and pulls out a note] Oh look, mail's in!
Sylvia Fine: Fran, have you been going through my meat?

Sylvia Fine: I've got a tongue in the freezer.
Brighton Sheffield: [to Fran] What did she say?

"The Nanny: Dope Diamond (#3.3)" (1995)
Therapist: So ladies, what brings you to therapy?
Fran Fine: I came because my mother has an obsession with me getting married.
Sylvia Fine: I came because my daughter has a delusion that I have an obsession.
Yetta Rosenberg: I came because they brought me and I don't know how to get home.

Sylvia Fine: [in therapy] At one point, I believe that a daughter has to stop blaming her mother for everything.
Sylvia Fine: [to Yetta] This is your fault!
Yetta Rosenberg: Me?
Sylvia Fine: Yeah. You're the one who kept pushing me to have children. They're nothing but heartache.
Yetta Rosenberg: That's right, Cookie. It's payback time!

"The Nanny: The Dinner Party (#5.16)" (1998)
Sylvia Fine: Darling, do you remember when we went to the Doral Hotel in Miami Beach...
Fran Fine: Yeah.
Sylvia Fine: ...and I went to the pool bar wearing a string bikini. Do you know why people were laughing behind my back?
Fran Fine: Because that was the view that was funny?

Sylvia Fine: [Fran, Sylvia, and Val walk into an exclusive clothing store] Apparently, it's so exclusive they don't even let the clothes in.

"The Nanny: Sara's Parents (#6.4)" (1998)
Fran Sheffield: Ma, I'm having a crisis, why don't you have anything sweet in the house?
Sylvia Fine: I threw it all out. According to my weight chart, I should be 7 foot 1.
Val Toriello: Why don't you try to solve your problems the way normal people do? Without food.
Fran Sheffield: [looks at Sylvia] You wanna try it?

Sylvia Fine: His in-laws have money, when you have that much, you can find out anything about anybody.
Fran Sheffield: Oh my God, what could they find out about me, Val? I did a lot of stupid things, does that mean I remember them all?
Val Toriello: Well you did spend a night in jail, but they let you go once you proved it was just powdered sugar on your nostril.
Fran Sheffield: Oh yeah.
Val Toriello: And in high school you spent a lot of time in the principal's office, does that really mean you're responsible for his divorce?
Fran Sheffield: That's enough, Val.
Val Toriello: And remember the time you went to Alcapulco?
Sylvia Fine: When were you in Alcapulco?
Fran Sheffield: She means the restaurant, remember Ma, you sold the dip?
Sylvia Fine: Oh yeah.

"The Nanny: Rash to Judgment (#5.11)" (1998)
Grace Sheffield: Fran, I've been wearing a training bra for about three months now, and what exactly is that it trains them to do?
Fran Fine: You know, honey, you really can't train 'em. Eventually, they'll just get older and go their separate ways.
Sylvia Fine: Funny you should bring this up. Since I started my diet, I went down an entire cup size.
Fran Fine: What cup size did you go down to, Ma? Stanley?

[Sylvia notices a mark on Fran's neck, which Sylvia mistakenly thinks is a hickey]
Fran Fine: [looking the mark on her neck in the mirror in horror] What is that?
Sylvia Fine: Enough already. You don't have to hide. You can have a hickey at your age. You can have osteoporosis at your age.
Fran Fine: [looking down her own blouse in shock] Oh my God, it goes all the way down my body.
Sylvia Fine: [excitedly, still thinking it's a hickey] Mazel Tov, darling!

"The Nanny: The Nanny & the Hunk Producer (#4.20)" (1997)
[Sylvia is reading an article in the newspaper]
Sylvia Fine: [reading excitedly] "Miracle soap washes away fat. Shower and shed pounds at the same time."
Fran Fine: Wow, Ma, that's perfect for you. You can use a bar of Dove to get rid of your Dove Bar.

Maxwell Sheffield: Ladies, tell me - what could be better than my new play being nominated for a Tony Award?
Sylvia Fine: Your face on my grandchild.

"The Nanny: The Grandmas (#3.17)" (1996)
Fran Fine: [rushes to knock the bathroom door] Daddy! Come outta there! What are you doing in there?
Sylvia Fine: [the door opens, Sylvia exits, glowing] Me.

Fran Fine: Ma, Mr. Sheffield and I aren't even married!
Sylvia Fine: Are you living together?
Fran Fine: Yes.
Sylvia Fine: Are you raising his kids?
Fran Fine: Yes.
Sylvia Fine: Are you having sex?
Fran Fine: No.
Sylvia Fine: Then you're married!

"The Nanny: Canasta Masta (#2.16)" (1995)
Fran Fine: Cousin Marty was an idiot.
Sylvia Fine: Although, he could look up in the sky and tell you which pigeon was gonna poop on him.
Fran Fine: Yeah, but did he move? No!

Fran Fine: Brighton got hurt at the batting cage.
Sylvia Fine: Those things could put out an eye.
Fran Fine: He wishes.
[Brighton limps in, indicating he was hit in the crotch]
Yetta Rosenberg: You want Grandma to kiss the booboo?
Fran Fine: [to Sylvia] Is it any wonder I already got one kid in therapy?

"The Nanny: The Whine Cellar (#2.10)" (1994)
Sylvia Fine: [loudly, outside] I wonder if Fran is home. I will go inside and see.
Everyone: Surprise!
Yetta Rosenberg: [at the kitchen door] Will you wait until she comes in?
Sylvia Fine: [feigning surprise] A birthday party, I had no idea! Look at me!
[shows off her red sparkling dress]
Sylvia Fine: We were on our way to see Shawshank Redemption!

Fran Fine: Ma, I hope you fake it better with Daddy?
Sylvia Fine: I was his first. What would he know?

"The Nanny: Mommy and Mai (#5.7)" (1997)
Fran Fine: [excitedly about a letter Fran just received] Ah, look Val. It's from Mai Ling.
Yetta Rosenberg: Who's Mai Ling?
Sylvia Fine: Oy, please.
Sylvia Fine: [about Fran and Val] These two meshugganas adopted an orphan in high school for seventeen cents a day.
Yetta Rosenberg: What a steal. Bell peppers are four ninety-nine a pound.

"The Nanny: Danny's Dead and Who's Got the Will? (#4.12)" (1997)
Fran Fine: Ma, I met this man at Danny's funeral.
Sylvia Fine: Fabulous! He's Jewish?
Fran Fine: Yeah, and a doctor.
Sylvia Fine: Oh!
Fran Fine: And he's gay.
Sylvia Fine: So you seeing him again?

"The Nanny: The Rosie Show (#4.4)" (1996)
Maxwell Sheffield: Does everyone in your family take this Bubby Sophie seriously?
Sylvia Fine: They do if they know what's good for them.

"The Nanny: The Finale: Part 2 (#6.22)" (1999)
Sylvia Fine: [upon seeing Fran's newborn baby boy - Sylvia's grandson - for the first time] Oh my God, how precious. I could eat him up.
Fran Sheffield: [to Maxwell as she is thinking Sylvia could be speaking literally] Get him away from my Mother!

"The Nanny: Here Comes the Brood (#1.4)" (1993)
[Fran and Sylvia were getting ready to go to a wedding. Fran is helping Sylvia with a tight new dress, the back of which has a series of criss-crossing spaghetti straps which are digging into Sylvia's skin]
Fran Fine: Oh, I don't know about these straps, Ma. You look like a ham.
Sylvia Fine: The salesgirl said I looked like a dream.
Fran Fine: Maybe Oscar Meyer's.
Sylvia Fine: She should choke on her commission.

"The Nanny: You Bette Your Life (#4.23)" (1997)
Maxwell Sheffield: [about the charity auction] Look Miss Fine, this event won't interest you. No single men, no shrimp, and no stars will be there.
Brighton Sheffield: Well, what about Bette Midler? I thought she was coming.
[Fran gasps, and Brighton realizes he spilled the beans]
Brighton Sheffield: But I also thought I had an inheritance, but I'm probably wrong about that too.
Sylvia Fine: Oh, did I love Bette in First Wives Club. I really enjoyed that movie. I found a theatre that had real butter, not just that BS canola oil!
Fran Fine: [confronting Grace] Was the Divine Miss M in THIS house?
[Grace cringes and hangs her head in shame]
Fran Fine: [confronting Maxwell] Was she here the day I miraculously found that ticket for Victor/Victoria on the front stoop?
[Maxwell cringes with guilt]
Maxwell Sheffield: The auction's at eight. Dress formal.
Maxwell Sheffield: But I wasn't lying about the shrimp!

"The Nanny: The Ex-Niles (#5.5)" (1997)
Aunt Freida: [about hiring Niles] Maybe I could use some help. I've got all that Lardo porcelain to dust.
Sylvia Fine: Freida, it's Lladró.
Aunt Freida: You can pronounce it. I can afford it.

"The Nanny: The Finale: Part 1 (#6.21)" (1999)
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: So Sylvia, what did you and Morty do on your first anniversary?
Sylvia Fine: We went to Puerto Rico.
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: What about you, Yetta?
Yetta Rosenberg: We fled Poland.

"The Nanny: The Wedding (#5.22)" (1998)
Val Toriello: [Their car has broken down and they are on foot. To Sylvia:] You know, we've been walking for three hours, how cannot you be hungry?
Fran Fine: [Turns to Sylvia, suspicious. Calmly:] Ma, did you eat my edible underwears?
Sylvia Fine: [long pause] Maybe.
Fran Fine: Ma!
[slaps Sylvia on the arm]
Fran Fine: We were gonna ration my undies.
Sylvia Fine: [Voice goes up] I was nervous! You know I always eat when I'm nervous!
Fran Fine: [Agitated:] Nervous, happy, sad, swimming!

"The Nanny: The Morning After (#5.1)" (1997)
Sylvia Fine: [upon entering the Sheffield kitchen] Surprise! I got a pecan coffee cake.
Fran Fine: What's the surprise, Ma: you brought it all the way here and it arrived whole?

"The Nanny: The Dummy Twins (#6.17)" (1999)
[one of the dolls Fran and Max are looking after to prepare them for the twins begins to cry]
Sylvia Fine: Oh, look at this. Brings back memories of motherhood.
Fran Sheffield: [trying to stop the crying] Oh, Ma, what did you do when me and Nadine started to cry?
Sylvia Fine: I left the room. The sound was so annoying.

"The Nanny: A Plot for Nanny (#1.10)" (1994)
Steve Mintz: [to Fran] Did your husband make other arrangements?
Sylvia Fine: [rushing to answer] She doesn't have a husband.
Steve Mintz: I'm sorry. Did he pass on?
Fran Fine: First, he should only pass by.

"The Nanny: Once a Secretary, Always a Secretary (#6.3)" (1998)
Sylvia Fine: I gotta go now. I got a very important thing to take care of before dinner.
Fran Sheffield: What?
Sylvia Fine: Lunch.

"The Nanny: Val's Apartment (#3.5)" (1995)
Sylvia Fine: Do I smell banana fritters with fresh fruit compote?
Niles: No.
Sylvia Fine: Could I?

"The Nanny: Making Whoopi (#6.8)" (1998)
Sylvia Fine: Darling, taking hormones is a natural thing. Your Aunt Addie and your Uncle Artie both took them.
Fran Sheffield: Ma, that's because Aunt Addie *was* Uncle Artie.
Sylvia Fine: Shhh, she's collecting two social security checks.

"The Nanny: The Bobbi Flekman Story (#5.3)" (1997)
Sylvia Fine: [hypothetically] Say you're in a buffet.
Fran Fine: Yeah.
Sylvia Fine: And there's one piece of cheesecake left, and some obnoxious woman tries to grab it. What do you do?
Fran Fine: Cut in front of you, Ma.

"The Nanny: I'm Pregnant (#6.6)" (1998)
Sylvia Fine: Men who marry the Fine women tend to die young.
Fran Sheffield: Why is that?
Yetta Rosenberg: 'cause they want to?

"The Nanny: The Best Man (#5.21)" (1998)
Sylvia Fine: If you leave, I'm going to throw myself in the Hudson River.
Fran Fine: Ma, flooding New Jersey is not going to solve anything.

"The Nanny: The Honeymoon's Overboard (#6.1)" (1998)
Niles: Sylvia, they're on their honeymoon. Your daughter is not here, why are you?
Sylvia Fine: I smell bacon!
Niles: Well, it must be coming from next door.
Sylvia Fine: Well, I don't know them.
Niles: I had so much to drink at the reception. I had the strangest nightmare that Santa Claus was trying to have his way with me.
C.C. Babcock: [Enter a hungover CC in a red housecoat with white trim] Oh my God. We didn't, did we?
Niles: Well, I'm not sure. Say ho ho ho.
C.C. Babcock: No one can ever know that this might possibly have happened.
Niles: Well, it ain't going on my resume.
Sylvia Fine: Well of course, I can't talk if my mouth is full.
Niles: I'll make the omelets.
C.C. Babcock: I'll make the pancakes.

"The Nanny: The Engagement (#5.15)" (1998)
[Fran telephones Sylvia]
Sylvia Fine: [picking up the telephone] Yes?
Fran Fine: [excitedly] I'm getting married!
Sylvia Fine: Sorry, Miss. You got the wrong number.

"The Nanny: The Boca Story (#4.25)" (1997)
Sylvia Fine: [talking to Fran about wall decor] Could you not vomit looking at this?
Yetta Rosenberg: [sarcastically] Oh and this is hip!
Sylvia Fine: At least it's more appetizing!
Yetta Rosenberg: [sarcastically] Yeah, you need more appetite!

"The Nanny: Fair Weather Fran (#5.8)" (1997)
Sylvia Fine: Ma, when you told us that you were engaged, you neglected to tell us that he was black!
Yetta Rosenberg: [to Sammy] You're black? No wonder.